confusedincal Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 So here is my dilemma.... its a long story. When I was 17 I met and dated a guy (he was 17 too), being young and immature we got pregnant and had a son. We lived together for 2 years, we had a very on again off again relationship but we loved each other very much. We had an extremely passionate relationship, our sex life was unbelieveable, we fought often but always over silly things and they always got resolved right away and we were stronger for it. Things started getting stressful and I know I was treating him poorly. I found out that he was having very inappropriate conversations with one girl online, including unacceptable photos and such so I ended it. 3 years later.... I have been with my new boyfriend for almost 2 years, we have worked together for the past 2 1/2 years and we just recently had a little girl. We have lots in common and he is 10 years older than me so I feel I get alot of the maturity I desire in a relationship, among other things, like he is so considerate of my feelings and helps out alot around the house (the ex never did). HOWEVER, there is no passion in our relationship, our sex life seems very mechanical, it is impersonal and boring, he expects me to be the one who initiates everything. When I look into his eyes I don't feel any kind of emotion. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but I am not in love with him. The relationship seems very convenient to me. The issue is... My ex (father of my 5 year old son) comes over frequently to pick up his son to visit with him (he's a great father, they both are). When he opens the door and looks into my eyes it takes my breath away, we have such an intense chemistry. The feelings are mutual but we both know it is too complicated and I do love my current boyfriend. I think about my ex all the time. When he calls he always says goodbye with this longing in his voice as if he wishes he could say more. I feel the same. I see how much we both have changed and wonder if the 3 years apart and the fact that we've grown up would make us better together. When I think of him calling me up one day and telling me he is marrying someone else I cannot help but feel regret that I didn't do something. But at the same time, who says it will work this time around, and I love my current boyfriend, not to mention the fact that I don't want my kids to endure any kind of confusion. I could possibly see myself marrying my boyfriend but when I think of my ex I couldn't imagine not!! Confused and feeling horrible Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 It's obvious you and the ex are not a good mix. Sure, the sex is good, intense and makes ya feel alive...BUT, he didn't meet your needs OUTSIDE of the bedroom. You may love the ex forever, and you two WILL be in eachother's lives forever...Because of your child together. What you have to do is stop thinking of him in a sexual way. Look at him as your child's father ONLY. Don't be "friends" with him in the sense of letting him know personal things, about your marriage or otherwise. If it has to do with your child, then yes, that ofcourse is fine... Sounds like too, the man you're with is giving you a safe and stable environment, but you don't feel "it" for him in the same way. That aside, is the sex good though? Do you feel that closeness and intimacy with him? Each relationship and sex is not the same...Don't compare them...Look at it as the one you're in now is different and better! You have another child, a daughter, so think of her too. Are you thinking of getting back with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
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