can't get naked with bf of 1 1/2 years!

[Trimmer]

Maybe he has a thing for having sex with garments in the way.

If it's that simple, though, then a lack of communication in their relationship has caused that thing to grow into something that has taken a real toll on her self-esteem and body image...

[Pink Amulet]

P_A, do you mean that he actually expressed to you that he preferred smaller breasts than yours? Or that he felt yours are smaller than average and he liked that? Hmmm, probably neither one of those is something a partner would enjoy hearing.

 

 

I am quite petite, tall, and have a very athletic body. I also happen to have huge breasts for my size (which would make me an ideal porn candidate) that actually slow me down (climbing in particular).

 

When I would whinge about them hurting after a run, he would say things such as "Yes, I would prefer they were small too- It would make you look slimmer" :love: He was such a charmer!!! He also said they made me look "cheap".

 

My new guy loves them *awww* look how sexy he is saving that little girl!

[stoopid_guy]

Folks, why do we even use the word "flaw?" What does it mean?

 

For example, why are stretch marks a "flaw?" Isn't skin supposed to stretch? Especially if a lady's pregnant?

 

Is a flaw simply a different colored or textured spot of skin? Are nipples flaws? How about freckles? (I find nipples fascinating and freckles cute, by the way.)

[norajane]

A "flaw" is anything that photo and film editors would airbrush and edit out or enhance.

 

Women are especially vulnerable to thinking there's something flawed about themselves if they don't look as 'perfect' as the models and starlets they see in the media.

 

Had an interesting revelation with my SO the other night. A men's magazine had been mistakenly delivered to me and was lying on my coffee table. We picked it up and flipped through the first pages to get to the table of contents. Car ad, laptop ad, travel to Ireland ad, camera ad. I stopped and told him had that been a women's magazine, I'd already be sitting in a puddle of low self-esteem because I'd be comparing myself to the models in the make-up add (flawless skin), shoes ad (flawless legs), dress add (flawless figure), hair color (flawless hair)...

 

He looked at me and was like, "and you women pay for these magazines that just make you feel bad?"

 

A woman's looks are a constant source of anxiety, no matter how beautiful she is.

[Outcast]

A woman's looks are a constant source of anxiety, no matter how beautiful she is.

 

Boy, I SO don't relate! Once I realized that some people found me attractive, I quit worrying about whether I am or not. Clearly tastes are different - and everybody's attracted to somebody. Look at couples around you - people who will never get modelling contracts are perfectly happy with partners. So obviously it's possible to be loved without being model-quality.

 

Why isn't it good enough that a select few people in your life who you will care about will like your looks and care back? Why must people worry about not looking 'perfect' if people they love love them?

 

Most importantly, how horrible is it that you think that the person you care about is so shallow that he'll dump you if you're not perfection? How insulting to that person can you be? I'd be miserable if the guy I loved thought I'd not love him anymore if he gained ten pounds or was going bald or whatever!!!!!

 

Face it - any one of us could contract a disfiguring illness or be hit by a bus. So we better find people who'll love us for who we are because depending on looks is guaranteed to cause you grief.

 

While it's gratifying to be complimented on one's looks, I far prefer that people appreciate me for ME - the person inside the outer shell. Doesn't mean I don't wash or try to wear nice clothes, etc. but I certainly don't obsess over it!!

[P1xie]

I am quite petite, tall, and have a very athletic body. I also happen to have huge breasts for my size (which would make me an ideal porn candidate) that actually slow me down (climbing in particular).

 

When I would whinge about them hurting after a run, he would say things such as "Yes, I would prefer they were small too- It would make you look slimmer" :love: He was such a charmer!!! He also said they made me look "cheap".

 

My new guy loves them *awww* look how sexy he is saving that little girl!

Why the need to justify yourself as a ideal porn candidate? Petite tall very athletic.

 

It's obvious that we put standards on ourselves be it what the media finds attractive, our SO find attractive or just what ourselves wish us to be.

 

Back in the Monroe days the ideal woman was voluptuous. In today standards she would be considered plump.

 

I'm just as guilty and I'm not pointing fingers. I bleach my hair because my SO loves blondes.

[P1xie]

I have to add that this is why I love my dog. She loves me no matter what!!! If people were more like dogs/animals I think we would have a almost perfect world

[stoopid_guy]

Once I realized that some people found me attractive, I quit worrying about whether I am or not.

 

And then your confidence increased, and you realized you were even more attractive to most guys. Right?

[Outcast]

And then your confidence increased, and you realized you were even more attractive to most guys. Right?

 

Well I don't go around with a sour puss on because I'm so busy thinking of me and my looks and whether I look good enough, etc etc bla bla blah. And, more than anything, I'm sure it's my positive attitude that is what attracts people.

 

People here astonish me - they're in relationships with people who love them and they still feel bad about themselves. What's a more affirming thing than that someone cares about you?

 

I guess if people persuaded themselves that the reasons their partners stay is because of how they look then they'd fear losing their looks but what does that say about your opinion of your partner? Not a very strong endorsement, is it?

[Pink Amulet]

Why the need to justify yourself as a ideal porn candidate? Petite tall very athletic.

 

Lighten up, I was very much joking.

 

Why are you bleaching your hair because he likes blondes? If he said "I like blondes" and you wern't, tell him to go and find a blonde then!

 

Outcast- you are the kind of woman I aspire to be.

[P1xie]

Lighten up, I was very much joking.

 

Why are you bleaching your hair because he likes blondes? If he said "I like blondes" and you wern't, tell him to go and find a blonde then!

 

Outcast- you are the kind of woman I aspire to be.

 

I think I did say that I bleached my hair because he likes blondes. He also shaves his head because I like shaved heads. He likes more than my hair and I like more than his lack of hair so why should I tell him to find another blonde???

[Pink Amulet]

*shakes head* Okay, I won't bother.

 

Outcast- one problem I have with something you said (which I am sure you can clear up with me)... you implied you need to be in a caring relationship to feel a sense of self-value.

 

I personally feel better about myself, and what I have to offer the world, now that I am single! Also, many people live very fulfilling and happy lives without SO's! (my wealthy uncle for example!).

[BohemeRose]

Hey everyone

(I should mention he never compliments me or makes any attempt to get me naked... hmmm maybe thats why!!)

..... I had one child before I started dated him and I guess I'm a little insecure about my flaws ( I got some stretch marks on my hips and thighs)... I constantly find myself comparing myself to other 23 year olds who haven't had children... which is dumb I know.

The really stupid part is that in EVERY other previous relationship (after I had my son) I never had an issue getting naked... even on one night stands (which I'm not proud of!)....

 

Hmm....well, let me start from the top and work my way down, heh.

 

Men sometimes forget to compliment their significant others because they feel that by being with them (and I mean having sex/being intimate otherwise) they're showing you how much they are attracted to you. In a sense, they're correct. They're just not as verbal as we women tend to want them to be. That's not to say it would kill him to throw in a compliment here and there, he just probably doesn't realize he needs to do so, it's not a reflection of how he feels about your looks. If he didn't want to be there, he wouldn't be!

 

I can relate as far as the stretch marks go, although I'm only 21 and have no children...I battled an eating disorder in my teenage years which resulted in me dropping an extreme amount of weight, gaining it back double because of lowered metabolism, and dropping down to a more comfortable weight, although I'm still chubby. In addition to stretch marks on my thighs and stomach, I have scars all over my back and arms for various reasons that I always tried to hide, particularly from my current boyfriend, who I am madly in love with. He noticed how tense I was about my body and told me that when he said he loved me, he meant all of me. I have no doubt in my mind that your boyfriend feels the same way. It's not stupid that you compare yourself to other women who aren't in the same situation as you. Women do it with fashion mags and celebrities every day. Just remember, you are the one with your man, not those other 23-year-olds.

 

Lastly...you're more self-concious with him because what he thinks of you actually matters to you. You obviously really care about him, and want to have a healthy sexual relationship, but to do so you have to become comfortable with yourself and remember that he cares about you and loves you, stretch marks and all.