kbah Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 I could really use the advice. I am 22 and have a year left of college. My parents currently help me out a lot financially, seeing that I only have a part time job and cannot afford tuition. We have taken some loans (I would guess close to 40 thousand dollars worth), but they are not even in my name. Anyways- my mom is addicted to gambling. I found out that she has been since she had cancer five years ago. She thought she was going to die and kinda went into a breakdown and got addicted. (Not hard for her bc she has an addictive behavior-she was an alcoholic when/before I was born.) My dad is the enabler and takes her and allows her to gamble but tries to control it by monitoring the amount of money she spends. To put this addiction in perspective it has made our live turn around completely. My parents are now $100,000 (+) in debt. and this debt has A LOT to do with gambling and credit cards. I have any issues with this: -My mom is sick and needs help (I have taken her to Gam-Anon but she hasnt gone since I stopped going with her) -I am still financially dependent on these bumbling fools -My dad lies to me and says he doesnt let her gamble anymore but I know for a fact they have three times in the last week (**** them) -I am in fear of my own future that is affected by their financial burden (my credit, loans.etc.)---it's so bad that the IRS has even taken MY money out of my checking account. I am so sick of being lied to and being cheated. The way I look at it is...they are taking loans to pay for my school,etc but they are merely gambling those loans away. If they didnt gamble they would NEED loans. (I know this part sounds a bit selfish- but its true and it still hurts) I need to become more financially independent, but I just don't even know where to begin. How do I do this when I have $40,000 of loans, car payment, rent payment, insurance ON A TEACHER'S SALARY. Give me a ****ing break. I keep telling them to stop, they need help, but no matter how far I get them to recovery- one of them ****'s it up again. I AM NOW THE PARENT. Link to post Share on other sites
wizedup Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 My heart goes out to you! Shame on your parents. I know you want to help and you love your parents, but the first thing you must realize is that you are powerless over your parent's actions and reactions. You cannot control them..you can only control what you do and what you say and what you react to (or choose not to react to). Please seek out a counselor so your resentment doesn't grow to the point of no return. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Why, if you're working, are you still financially dependent on them? You have a salary so pay your own debts. Are you bad with money in other ways??? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 You are now the parent because you choose to be. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you all adults? If the loans are in your parents name then they, legally & to an extent morally, can do what they like with the money. Also they have the contractual obligation to repay those loans. How is it that the IRS has taken money from YOUR chequing account? Are they co-signatories or something? I must confess that I'm a bit confused here. Is your concern for your mother's gambling addiction or how it affects your schooling & future prospects? Because it certainly sounds like the latter. The best thing to do may be to 'divorce' yourself from your financial dependence on them & forge your own way through life & school, etc. It won't be easy, but it can be done. You do have other choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kbah Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 To respond...my concern lies with my mother and her addiction, of course.....and my patience is running thin. I have been working with her on and off for over a year...but more intensely this summer, while I am at home. She has seemed to have given up- so why do i need to keep her in the forefront of my issues. If she doesn't want to help herself- then I'm gonna watch my own back. **** it. If you've never been in this situation with an addict, I may sound as harsh as can be for a "loving" daughter, but we aren't talking "love" here. Would a "loving" mother borrow tons of loans for her daughter and gamble them away as to prevent her from finishng her college degree? Addiction isn't about love-at the core. You aren't dealing with the addict..you deal with the addiction itself. I am not battling my mother (I love HER to death) I am dealing with the addictive monster inside her that battles with he, my father, myself, and everyone else. My account was tied to my father when it was created at age 18. Like I said, I am only 22. I have a part-time job and am in school. I am doing the best I can to save but my funds are still low. I still depend on my parents so much. This blows. I wish I were one of those kids in high school that just lashed out at independence and had a job since I were 15. I am not. I was not raised this way- my parents have helped out my older brother and sister until they were about 23 or 24. They had the funds to do so then. This is not the part that bothers me- it's the lies and the fact they ARE screwing me over in the process. They shouldn't OFFER finances if they are going to lie behind my back and then not be able to pay for my tuition (for ex:) bc Mom had a run-in at the boat last night til 7 am. Do I sound spoiled? Probably. I do understand I am a VERY VERY FORTUNATE person and I love my family and everything they have done for me. But I feel kinda like "Oh, she's the last kid...**** on her" They have seemed to neglect their duties as a parent- in other ways than financially. I am just very hurt and confused Link to post Share on other sites
Author kbah Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 Not to forget to mention: I have been dealing with my mother since I was born (ha. duh.) Twenty-two years of "Don't upset your mother" "shhh- be quiet don't say that in front of your mother"....it's no wonder I developed a co-dependent behavior. Thanks, Mom. Most children develop mom's great cooking style, or her love for crafts (which I have) but I get co-dependency. It's ALWAYS about her. Mom's an alcoholic, mom's drunk, mom's mad, mom's depressed, mom's manic (IMO- i think she's bipolar), mom's unhappy bc she's overweight, mom gambled last night....GET A ****ING GRIP LADY! It's old. I'm tired. and I am losing sympathy to the never-ending sob story of my mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kbah Posted August 9, 2006 Author Share Posted August 9, 2006 Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation like this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts