Sex Toy

[michaelk]

But I do definitely think that having a fake vagina is cheating! whats up with those sick men! how would he feel if you had a big huge penis and told him that you use it because it makes you feel much better than his real one! he would feel humiliated!!!

 

I absolutely disagree. A sex toy is nothing he can have an emotional attachment to, so how can it be cheating? Are you saying that because he is married, he is only allowed to achieve orgasm through his wife? This doesn't sound healthy to me. And as for the question of how he would feel if she had a "big huge penis" she enjoyed using, you're referring to a "dildo", and many women have them, married or otherwise. If she had one, I would hope he would be accepting and perhaps even incorporate it into their sex play.

 

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To "guest", you need to first accept the fact that what your husband is doing is natural. Then you can deal with the real problem, which is that he doesn't seem comfortable being sexually open with you. You offer to watch a video with him, and he refuses. You have a sex toy, but he never uses it with you. He probably feels uncomfortable and ashamed because he doesn't think you'll accept his sexual interests.

 

I know about this from personal experience, and it can be difficult if a man was raised to feel he has to hide his sexual interests, even when he has a wife who is accepting of porn, toys, etc. And with a wife who's demonstrated some sexual intolerance, forget about it!

 

You need to become the route to his sexual satisfaction. I'm not saying you have to do anything and everything he asks. But be open minded, participate in his fantasies as much as you can. And for the things you don't feel comfortable doing, say 'no' in a gentle way that let's him know that you still love and accept him.

 

If you can manage this, I would bet the frequency of sex between you will increase, and he will use his porn/etc. less (don't expect it to go away, though).

 

Oh, one more thought. If as you say he is late for things as a result of masturbating to porn, I do think there's a problem there. Any compulsive behavior that disrupts your life is NOT a good thing.

[alphamale]

But I do definitely think that having a fake vagina is cheating!

Then GIG you'll have to get rid of all your dildoes....yes and the Black Mambo has to go too!

[whichwayisup]

how would he feel if you had a big huge penis and told him that you use it because it makes you feel much better than his real one! he would feel humiliated!!! Tell him turn the story around on him! You are way to young to put up with this disgusting attitude! what gonna happen when your 40?

One thing. The porn thing is NOT about you. Men have different sex drives and they can masterbate and STILL want pussy. It's just a fact. Don't take it so personally...

 

Also, a dildo - MOST men find it very sexy and it's a turn on to see a woman use one on herself.

[norajane]

Guest hasn't come back...but I still think their problems are bigger than his porn use. Focusing only on that simplifies things too much, and doesn't address the other issues.

[Guest]

Guest hasn't come back...but I still think their problems are bigger than his porn use. Focusing only on that simplifies things too much, and doesn't address the other issues.

 

hi. I know I have been away at first I did not see this post going anywhere, but I gave it another try and got some good feedback. Well, I did mention the pocket pussy to him, I told him I found and that I was okay with it an understood that men needed personal time. I meant that! It did not do any good, we have tried making love since but he can't get a full erection, he plays it off so I finally brought it in the open and he said he has not had a desire to have sex. I brought up the porn issue and he lied and said hye was not looking at porn, which he has been. I do not want to make him embaressed so I have been approaching it gental. He said he was stressed at work so I have been backing off. Well, he got his work problems solved on Friday so I approched him tonight about sex and he made an excuse then agreed lke 2 min later. I was again hopfull, but again he did not get a strong erections. Not sure what to do now. Like someone said, what happens when I am 40. I am only 24. I can not take this, it is so desctructful to my self esteem, which my husband says is an issue in the relationship. I never let him know when my self esteem is down, not now...I used to like 2 years ago.

 

I am totally lost and hurt. I want to talk to him about it, I am hiding the pocket pussy, he said he never uses it another more (prob. a lie) so we will see what happens. Right know I do not care if he is hurt by that.

 

I do want to find out what the "real" issue is.

 

Thanks for all your help. I will keep checking back.