stoopid_guy Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Yesterday was our 16th anniversary. - I remembered a few days ago when someone asked me how long we'd been married. - My wife remembered because she got a card from her parents. - She slept in, was still in bed when I left for work. - Boss asked me to work late, I said "no problem." - We ate left-overs in front of seperate TVs for dinner. - I drank enough to get "comfortably numb" and went to bed. - We did say "happy aniversary" and "I love you" a couple of times, but no hugs, no cuddles. Side note on canine empathy; One of our dogs (she's my favorite of the three, I'm her favorite of the people) was unusually affectionate, stayed close to me all evening, put her head on my lap... Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Call me dim if you want, but I don't see the problem... Much better than the usual "It's our anniversary and you didn't buy me a car!" scenario, complete with flying crockery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stoopid_guy Posted August 5, 2006 Author Share Posted August 5, 2006 Call me dim if you want, but I don't see the problem... Much better than the usual "It's our anniversary and you didn't buy me a car!" scenario, complete with flying crockery. You're not dim. My wife doesn't see the problem either, and she's an intelligent lady. And you're right, could be worse. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 I suppose what's happening here is based on unrealized expectations. But if she didn't know that you wanted to do something special for the day - or the evening - she may be just as choked as you that the day slid by without some sort of event. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 I do see a problem. People who take such events and their partners for granted in marriage usually don't have a very long or fulfilling one. Oddly, it's usually the female who is much more sensitive about anniversaries. Your wife ought to feel incredibly lucky about your sentimentality. On the other hand, we're only hearing this. Are you an A-hole to her the rest of the year? I just don't know about this whole marriage thing anymore. It's just so tragic that it most always starts out with such a high...and fizzles into silence over the years, as a general rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stoopid_guy Posted August 5, 2006 Author Share Posted August 5, 2006 I suppose what's happening here is based on unrealized expectations. But if she didn't know that you wanted to do something special for the day - or the evening - she may be just as choked as you that the day slid by without some sort of event. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Nah, I knew what to expect. That's why I just consider it venting. Several year ago I gave her a watch for our anniversary, to which she said "What's this for?" That pretty much defned my expectations. I just don't know about this whole marriage thing anymore. It's just so tragic that it most always starts out with such a high...and fizzles into silence over the years, as a general rule. All marriges change, some for the better and some for the worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 And what did you do to foster the kind of atmosphere you were expecting??? How different would it have been if you would have woken your wife up with breakfast in bed with a card- and then sent her some flowers during the day??? You can only begin to change with you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 That is a bummer. I wouldn't excuse her behavior or your own. Something is wrong and when you stop talking about things and dealing with them openly and compassionately, that signals a death knell for the relationship. I'm just saying. The dude should not always have to do all the work, neither should the chick. Ideally they each have their own thing planned. even if it's a little thing like making a nice dinner at home and renting a movie together. I mean come on, how much effort does that take? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stoopid_guy Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 And what did you do to foster the kind of atmosphere you were expecting??? Nothing at all, and really didn't expect anything. I miss what we had, but the romance in our relationship died several years ago. Again, just "venting" a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 Nothing at all, and really didn't expect anything. I miss what we had, but the romance in our relationship died several years ago. Again, just "venting" a bit. Well what are you doing to try and get that back? Don't you think she might enjoy it?? You could make an effort and perhaps she would?? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 What you do is next time plan ahead and talk a few days before the event about what you want to do together to celebrate.... For now - you can still say to her - with flowers in hand - "honey, let's go out to dinner for our anniversary since we didn't celebrate it yet!" Let her choose where she wants to go... You will most likely be "rewarded" Link to post Share on other sites
Author stoopid_guy Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 About ten years ago, my wife quit wanting to be affectionate or intimate. About eight years ago, my own frustration got to the point where I gave up trying to convince her otherwise, and my feelings toward romance went numb. I'm finished making un-reciprocated effort. I think of her as a friend and parenting-partner, but our romance is dead and only needs a proper funeral now. (Realize now I put this thread in the wrong place, should have put it in the Seperation/Divorce section.) Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 (Realize now I put this thread in the wrong place, should have put it in the Seperation/Divorce section.) this says it all... i'm so sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 About ten years ago, my wife quit wanting to be affectionate or intimate. About eight years ago, my own frustration got to the point where I gave up trying to convince her otherwise, and my feelings toward romance went numb. I'm finished making un-reciprocated effort. I think of her as a friend and parenting-partner, but our romance is dead and only needs a proper funeral now. (Realize now I put this thread in the wrong place, should have put it in the Seperation/Divorce section.) So, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? You guys are locked in a battle of wills to see which one will give in sooner? And by give in I'm saying who is going to leave the other one first or who will have the first affair. Because humans cannot live like that forever and to be honest, life is too short to do so anyway. Every relationship needs a hero- are you saying you're not willing to be that hero?? That's really sad.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Marquis-de-Carabas Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 My H and I've been married 6 years, pretty close to our 7th. - I remembered a few days ago when someone asked me how long we'd been married. ** that's when you write a note to either buy a card or make one. Also when we decide whether or not the anniversary gift will be a 'together' one (like the year we got an air conditioner) or not. - My wife remembered because she got a card from her parents. ** That's when I would've made a note to buy a card to go with a present. - She slept in, was still in bed when I left for work. ** You didn't give her a kiss good-bye anyways? No "Happy Anniversary honey, hope your day is good." ? She'd go back to sleep with a smile on her face. - Boss asked me to work late, I said "no problem." **Dude, say, "Not tonight, it's my Anniversary." Even if you just have dinner at home, it's TOGETHER. - We ate left-overs in front of seperate TVs for dinner. **Um, TOGETHER means not in front of separate TV's eating left-overs. Being TOGETHER takes conscious effort sometimes, even honesty. Say, "I'd like to spend this evening with you. Let's turn these TV's off." Unless that is the way you want your marriage to be. It's your choice. - I drank enough to get "comfortably numb" and went to bed. ** Um, we don't drink that often. I sense a feeling of letdown because the day was not so special though. - We did say "happy aniversary" and "I love you" a couple of times, but no hugs, no cuddles. ** Hug each other! Kiss each other!! Pat each other on the butt if need be!! What's the deal with lack of physical connection? Side note on canine empathy; One of our dogs (she's my favorite of the three, I'm her favorite of the people) was unusually affectionate, stayed close to me all evening, put her head on my lap... ** animals can sense that kind of stuff, but the affection you gave the dog really should've been given to the wife, even if she gives you a dirty look. Just respond and say, "What? It's our anniversary!" Do what YOU want to do to celebrate the anniversary, even if she's doesn't do it back. Don't let her actions impede yours! Link to post Share on other sites
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