Love Triangle (I feel shame)

[AnneF]

I have had a roommate for almost 2 years. Although she and I were friendly, I did not consider her a good friend.

 

When I first moved in, she brought a cute guy over to our house. I kinda liked him but he seemed interested in her so I did nothing. They slept together quickly even though she was sleeping with another guy, and had just had a boyfriend who had just moved out. In short, we are not talking a moral woman.

 

On the other hand, over time, I developed stronger and stronger feelings for her "boyfriend". I felt sorry for him and felt she treated him like #####.

 

It got so bad that I couldn't stand beiong in the house while they were there together having candlelight dinners, taking showers together, etc. I guess I idolized the guy (I'll call him Ricky).

 

I thought Ricky was the cutest, smartest, sweetest person I had ever met. He ended up practically living at our house.

 

Finally, I realized I was in love with Ricky. I couldn't take it any more, and on some advice, decided to make my feelings known. I flat out told my roommate, who of course reacted in a bad way. In addition, for my sins, I am now couch hopping because I do not ever want to be in that house again, nor ever see those two together again.

 

Before I moved out, I did a bad thing..I was playing around with Ricky's clothes (for comfort) and I took 2 pictures of him. I figured that even if he didn't like me he would just be flattered. After all, there was no pressure there.

 

My roommate was extremely offended, of course.

 

The dilemma is I now feel I could die of shame. Of course, Ricky did nothing, and now probably thinks I'm psycho. My worst fear is to see him again somewhere. We have some acquantances in common. All this happened about 6 days ago, but I am so mortified by his rejection of me I can hardly stand it. What should I do? I'm not stupid enough to try to contact Ricky again. But, I really really feel like the stupidest girl in the world. My roommate actually accused me of having mental problems because I said I loved her boyfriend. Isn't it a sad day on earth when to love means mental illness?

 

If anyone has any thought, it would be appreciated. Thanks.

[odyne]

First of all, don't be ashamed because of your feelings. We all feel things that we aren't "supposed" to sometimes. You didn't go behind your roommate's back and try to get together with her boyfriend and that's one reason why you shouldn't be too upset about the situation. I know it hurts to be rejected but now that you know he doesn't return your feelings, you can move on cleanly. Try not to let this get to you so much, I know right now it probably seems like a huge deal and you feel like you'll never get over it but you will. You didn't steal this girl's boyfriend and you didn't do anything to try and harm their relationship, she should have been glad you were honest with her rather than freaking out. But we are human and that was probably the only way she could react at the time, so try to realize it will be less of a big deal if you go back and deal with it all in a mature way. Show that you are confident enough to show your face around them. If you don't feel comfortable being around them when they are together, move out. But for now, go back and face it. I was a big confused by the pictures you took. What kind of pictures were they? That didn't seem to make sense to me. It sounds like this roommate is not a friend you need to have. If she is in love with him, why is it so hard to believe that you fell too? If you feel you need to distance yourself from them go ahead, but first deal with it. Otherwise it will be one of things that will end up bothering you for a long time. Remember, we all do things we may regret later and everyone makes mistakes. The shame you feel now will pass. Take care.

 

-Odyne

[AnneF]

Thanks for the support. I am feeling a little bit better about it, but it hurts that I caused a splinter in my relationship with my roommate. But, I think its true that she's probably not the friend I should have. Also, her reponse that I must be mentally ill to have cared about her boyfriend was not apprecaited by me.

 

I guess I was bothered by the what I perceived as dysfunctional relationship between them, and felt he deserved better.

 

In any case, it's over, I am moving out (currently couch hopping), and hope to end things with them in the best way possible.

 

I wanted to write an apology email to her boyfriend, but all my friends said not to contact him. I probably should write an apology to her though, because in a sense, I did overstep boundaries (by looking at their things, and removing a picture of him).

 

But, I do feel glad that I was able to take a risk and express my feelings to someone. It took alot of courage because I am very shy. Even though I did not get the result I wanted, and maybe I hadn't done it in the right way, I am glad I had the courage to accept my feelings and deal with them.