I messed up. Is it too late?

[MagikBOZO]

Hello. My wife and I were married last year in July 2005. The wedding & honeymoon were great of course, & moved into an apartment together near where she had lived with her parents. Now up until we got married I had always been dating several girls at the same time & some of them remained only friends with whom I kept in touch from time to time. Anyway my cel phone number has never changed in 5 years, so most people from my past would call me up to say hi or something. I dont know why, but I would accept calls and text messages, not looking for romance elsewhere, because I love my wife dearly, but my wife took it as not respecting the marriage - the fact that I would call and message other women. I feel that she is right and I should have stepped in and told them I was married & to stop with the flirtacious messages. Now after a family trip she took with her parents to Houston, she has come back after pondering it over & decided she wants to call it quits. I thought she would get over it like many fights we had before, but that night when I came back her clothes were gone this time, & so were her toiletries. I freaked out. I called her parents house immediately & she went on to tell me that this time she was serious, & that she had already made up her mind. She says she loves me, but did not want to get hurt again & could not trust her anymore. I told her that what I did was stupid, but that I never cheated on her, never met up with any of these girls & never made any sort of physical contact with them. She says how does she know she can trust me when I did the messages & calls so many times. I am going through hell as I came to this city with her as my only contact & now feel terribly alone & depressed. I was thinking that instead of moving back to the city Im from if I should stick around for a month while she stays at her parents & try to talk her into marriage counseling. I start a new well paying job next week, but am emotionally tempted to leave however it is not practical to. I appreciate any input you would be able to provide - as again I am going through tremendous pain.

[DieselPWR]

Hey man,

First off, welcome to LS. Lots of good advice around here; get a cup of coffee and settle in.

I know exactly how you feel. Little different story, but same idea. I suggest that you find and read the 33 steps of separation by Ladyjane; If anyone has it handy, could ya post it?

You have to let her work through her issues. I can tell you from expierence that if you start calling, going by her parents, etc, you will make matters worse. Leave her alone for a bit, let her cool off and get her head together. At this point right now, there is nothing that you can do to change her mind. I know you are in pain, my wife dissapeared on me 2 months ago, and I haven't heard from her. I am not going into my story here, this is your thread, but I know where you are coming from. I am not an expert, just another guy that is going through this kind of thing.

I can tell you that the realtioniships with other ex's definitley had something to do with it; right or wrong. I understand that you are still friends with them, but women tend to want to be the only one in your life. Having some female friends sometimes works, but ex-gf's would raise an eyebrow. However, there seems to be more than that, on her end or yours. If you say you've never cheated, I believe you. Sometimes, a woman will be angry and hold it in for a very long time, and then BAM! we have liftoff. Certainly seems what happened for a while.

The best thing to do at this point is to work on yourself. I am not sure if you are spiritual or religious, but that has been a big help for me. I hadn't been to church regularly in 10 years or so, and after this I am there every week. I have found a peace that I can't describe. You had mentioned being alone, and that is normal. You may not want to hear this, but time will help you a lot if you let it. Do what you have to do to work on you, and let her work on her. You can only make matters worse by begging, pleading, crying, you get the picture.

Take this advice for what it is. There are some very brilliant people on here that have helped me alot through the last month or so. But, be advised that they are very honest and to the point. I promise you that they will try to help you. You may not here what you want to hear, but you will hear what you need to hear.

God bless you through this turmoil.

Me

[MagikBOZO]

THank you very much for that. I wanted to ask her to consider marriage counseling. Do you think this is a good idea?

[Guest]

The end or what ever took part of all what remains is why people must be told and look forward and beyond.

 

Take heed and remain solitary to those confined of needs or wants.

 

My desire or whatever yours surly must have taken a step up or upwards to respond at all.

 

Mida

[ilmw]

Hi there,

 

You could try..but it may just piss her off.. in my case my W went once with me.. then said she could not see the point.. as she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore.. so there you have it..

 

Your W is not my W.. she may or may not go.. you know her best.

 

If she is commited to leaving.. she most likely will refuse.

 

Listen to DP.. he is right.. listen to what you are told and work on yourself.. figure you out now. Get a life for you. Check out Divorce Busting Web page.. lots of good info on there too. read others posts.. gives you perspective.. you won't feel so alone in your unhappiness.. It helped /helps me..

 

take care of you...

 

ilmw

[Gunny376]

Lost, dazed, and confused. Been There and Done That (BTDT), charter member of the club. Along with hurting like you've never hurt in your life. I mean we've all suffered hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally ~ but this stuff HURTS! Along with being anxious, maybe having anxiety attacks (you'll know if you're having one), neverous about the future, what to do, what not to do ~ etc. Like I said BTDT ~ excpet I went through is sixteen years ago.

 

First off ~ lets talks about the job situation, that you mention ~ and weather you should move back to your hometown. Short answer is not no, but Hell no. What is all the more is that you you shouldn't be making any serious life changes more than you have to until the ink is dried on the divorce papers (if it comes down to that). None, zilch, nadda, nothing!

 

The job situation ~ the new job etc. We'll to be honest with you ~ there are pro's and con's to that. On the one hand you don't want to start a new job, unless you've got it all together in one bag. And, you certtainly don't want to go in and start a new job ~ if you're an emotinal basket case ~ beause they're going to be watching you the proverbial first ninety days ~ perhaps even longer. And, if at your other job ~ if you've developed a good solid reputation, rapport, perhaps it would be better if you stayed at it ~ go in and have a one to one with the boss ~ they'll understand, and carry you for a little while. Better that at less pay ~ than to go in and then get called in and be told its not working out? The last thing you want to be worrying about is your marriage and a job, is this not ture. You're going to have to make the call. If its a high pressure, high stress position, I'd pass on the "killer opportunity" you need to concentrate on yourself, your life, your marriage, etc. Your personal life is what you need to be concentrating on right now ~ not your personal life. You sound young, so there will be other opportunties.

 

Now for the wife. How could I ~ should I put this? Leave her the Hell alone. No contact. Here, let me help you N O C O N T A C T! That includes her friends, family, co-workers, associates ~ in short anyone she's associated with. And for the Love of God ~ don't discuss any of this with anyone that she may come in contact. If and when you do ~ you've just cranked up the Rumor ~ He said/she said Mill Big Time, working over-time, 24/7! If anyone persists in pursueing the subject, say the following words: "It was all my fault!" and then shut up! Just shut up! No she said this, or she said that, or she did this, or she didn't do that! Just get you a big old cup of STFU!

 

You want to vent ~ come here! You want to whine ~ come here! You want to b*t*h, moan and complain ~! come here! You feel sorry for yourself ~ come here! You feel weak minded ~ come here! You want to have a pity party? Come here!

 

I would really recomend you not even discuss it with your friends, family and associates. Come here. We're not emotionally vested in all of this ~ but we're all experienced is this BS! Any given one of us as individiuals may or don't have the answers, but collectively we're geniuses! Your friends, family and associates like you and love you. They've an emotional investment in you ~ we don't. We're here to tell you from experience what works and what doesn't.

 

Let me explain something to you about you wife ~ she PO with you. And, everytime she see's your mug right now ~ it just PO her off more! Everytime she hears your voice ~ it just PO her off more!

 

You sound as though you're an "Alpha Male" a leader, a lady killer. But, your fast sliding into becoming a whimpy, wussy, needy, desparate little boy, whose lost the love of his life! You want to lose her for good? Keep going down that road! Women are not attracted to wimpy, needy, desperate, little boys! You're fast, quick and in a hurry like heading toward being a "Beta Male" Keep on being a "Beta Male" and you'll lose her for sure. You need to "man-up" step up to the plate, put the "big boy britches on, and put one across the plate!"

 

Right now, what you've got is a wife who has gone home to Mama, that "loves you" and is PO with you! Give her time and space, and just chill!

 

Go back to Alpha mode! Give her time to "miss you" The jerk that you are! Let her sit around and wonder why isn't he sending me flowers, why isn't he begging, what is he doing? And, who is he doing it with? Who is he spending his time with? Why isn't he calling? Why isn't he missing me?

 

Keep posting!

 

And for the Love of God~ Man up!

[Cheaters_OUT]

Speaking from own personal experience as a married woman, I had the same problem with husbands with his female friends. Yes, we are women have doubt when our husbands do that. We start to question ourselves to whether or not our husbands love us as much as they claim. At this point, I would suggest YOU to call her and let her know (ensure her) that you LOVE HER AND HER ONLY. Then you need to tell those girls to leave you alone, they could honestly caused your marriage.

 

If possible, show her the messages that you told those girls to leave you alone, to your wife to prove that in fact you have nothing to do with them. I agree with her that it is very disrespectful in the marriage of what you are doing.

 

However, I wouldn't say it is disrespectful if you're interact with them publicly and with your wife there. She has no ISSUE, but she has the right to be UPSET. I also suggest get together, you and your wife, seeking marriage counselling helps.

[Gunny376]

Common sense, you need to do that, txt them, and save it to your cell phone. Clean up this mess.

 

But, I would contact the wife ~ right now. Doing what Cheater's Out is talking about is something you stick in your hoster for later, now is not the time to contact the wife nor have anymore contact with her than necessary ~ like I said she's seriously hurt and PO'ed at you ~ and right now she's the last person she wants to talk with. Right now you're back to square one - minus!!! You've got to start all over again with this woman, re-building your attaction, trust, rapport, etc. Once you've lost a woman's trust ~ its almost impossible to get it back, because you're now in the same group of all the jerks she's ever dealt and hurt her she's meet in her life. You were in a exclusive club of one ~ her husband. Now, you're grouped with all the other jerks.

 

Copied From One of Lady Jane's Previous Post

"I'll post the list of 180's for you. Personally, I think they ought to be used with honesty, but that's just me. IMO, the relationship isn't a game...and there's nothing less attractive than game-playing. So, consider the information carefully and use the ones that feel right to you.

 

Quote:

Michele Weiner-Davis, re: DivorceBusting

 

 

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore!

 

2. No frequent phone calls

 

3. Do not point out good points in marriage

 

4. Do not follow him around the house

 

5. Do not encourage talk about the future

 

6. Do not ask for help from family members

 

7. Do not ask for reassurances

 

8. Do not buy gifts

 

9. Do not schedule dates together

 

10. Do not spy on spouse

 

11. Do not say "I Love You"

 

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life

 

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive

 

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get

busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,

etc.

 

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start

the conversation) be scarce or short on words

 

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his

whereabouts, ASK NOTHING

 

17. You need to make your partner think that you have

had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you

are going to move on with your life, with or without

your spouse

 

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull

back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more

important, realize what he will be missing

 

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show

your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him

someone he would want to be around.

 

20. All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which

may be a while)

 

21. Never lose your cool

 

22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic

 

23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes

their feelings stronger)

 

24. Be patient

 

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really

saying to you

 

26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you

want to speak out

 

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &

focus on all the other parts of your life that are not

in turmoil)

 

28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly

 

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any

words you can say or write

 

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you

are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy

 

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with

your spouse

 

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than

50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in

absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared

 

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad

you feel

 

34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes

 

 

You might also read a copy of The Five Love Languages by Chapman. I think it'll help you to identify what some of the problems might've been within the relationship.

[destination_unknown]

Erm, I have to disagree with being cold towards your wife in order to increase her attraction to you. Be yourself.

 

If you think the nature of these messages and phone calls was not good for your marriage and you do believe you shouldn't have let it happen, then apologise sincerely to your wife and take steps to let her feel secure in the fact that it won't happen again.

 

It doesn't have to be dramatic begging or grand gestures, it just has to be from the heart and do it calmly. I think if you go NC you will only cause your wife more pain. If she is not receptive to your apology and effort to make things right - then think about NC.

 

Yes, your wife is PO right now & has been hurt by this too, it probably took alot of little things piling up for her to actually leave. I think most women think very carefully about ending their marriage and usually don't do it unless they are really at the end of their tether. (not saying their arent man eaters out there either but I dont think this is the case with your wife). Maybe she will be mad if you talk to her, but I think ALOT more resentment will build up if you don't try to make some kind of effort. You not doing anything to save the marriage will only confirm in her mind that she made the right decision and give more evidence to her belief that you don't honour the sanctity of that marriage.

 

Most importantly, try to stay calm and really think things through as they come up. I think the councelling is a good idea. I hope you can work it out with her.

[Gunny376]

the New Age, modern feminist approach as learned on "The View" and TLC. You’ll have all of this worked out with a half hour ~ and hour tops!

 

Got a problem at work ~ pop some pills and get counseling

Got a problem with the in-laws ~ pop some pills and get counseling

Got a problem with the IRS ~ pop some pills and get counseling

Got issues with your dog ~ pop some pills and get counseling

[destination_unknown]

Who said anything about pills? Nobody said there was a quick fix for this kind of problem. Whats wrong with councelling?

[Cheater_OUT]

I agreed with Destination_Unknown

 

If you don't act now, you need to expect the why didn't you do it earlier from her. Was it because you don't give a damn about my feelings? She would say. Right now, she is questioning whether or not you still care. Like Destination_Unknown say, the more you wait, the more you confirm her decision to leave you. I think the sooner you act, the better chance to get back to your wife. Frankly speaking, women will not tolerate the time because she would think that you dont give a damn while in fact you are sitting here missing her terribly.

 

It happened to me with ex. I wish he could have come sooner to look for me. Our relationship ended in a good term so there were lots of possibilities. But boy oh boy, he shown up 3 years later to found that I'm already married. It hurt him like hell.

 

He was in fact a very good guy, very sweet and caring BUT only if he came SOONER. Now, answer me this question, what do guys expect out of women?

 

Husbands' basic needs from wives: provide SEX whenever needed, good wives that won't stray, and good cook, etc.

 

Wives' basic needs from husbands: loving husbands, the followers this means we expect you to walk extra miles in the relationship. Simply, shut up, listen, and hold us while we cry.

 

Please feel free to fill extras in the boxes.

 

There are lots of people got divorced because they use the modern society to deal with real feelings. They have too much pride. There shouldn't be any between two married people.

[dgiirl]

lol Gunny, you crack me up... Unfortunately, I have to disagree with your advice in this particular situation. This isnt a typical situation where the wife just decides to up and leave to see what's on the other side of the fence. MagicB admits that he's been in contact with past girlfriends. This would upset ANYONE (male or female) and would make them think twice about the marriage. In this case, MB has made a very bad judgement call and really needs to appologize to his wife, and sincerly mean it AND commit to never repeating the same thing ever again. I dont think NC will work in this situation because SOMEONE has to break the silence, and it's definitely not going to be the wife. She's way too pissed off.

 

MB, i think you really need to ask yourself WHY you remained in contact with past girlfriends and why you hid this from your wife? Your wife will never trust you until you know the answer and realize how much pain you caused your wife. Until she can believe that you truely do get it, and that you'll never repeat it again, and that if you DO repeat it, you do so knowing full well how much hurt you will cause her, she wont trust you. I think you need to appologize and to get some counselling. First, individual counselling, and perhaps your wife will see that you really ARE committed to this marriage, and she'll come along for marriage counselling. But right now, you have to stand up, take action, and start the process, even if it will ALL be in vain. None of this, i'll go to counselling if she'll go. No, you need to go to counselling, even if SHE wont go, because you are committed, even if there's no gaurantee you'll get what you want. If your wife see's that, then MAYBE she'll give you a second chance.

 

By the way, you've mentioned past fights with her? Maybe if you give us some information about that, we'll have a better picture.

[dawn duval]

If I were her I would leave too. If it took her leaving to get you to realize that flirting with old girlfriends (on an ongoing basis) is a bad idea, well, it just seems like you have bad judgment. Women don't want to have to babysit a bad misbehaving spouse. If she stays with you, she'll likely be facing a lifetime of that.

[Gunny376]

Look ~ we've all been in a situation whether it was job, a relationship, whatever ~ that just sucked, and we hated it, every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day. And, we couldn't wait to get out of it! The sooner the better. But once you've detached from it ~ your memory of the bad starts dissipatting ~ and all you start remembering is the good. And, as time goes by, all you remember is the good and you have a hard time remembering the bad. This is because the human mind is designed that way ~ to block out the bad. To forget the mad.

 

So! What I am advocating is to give her a couple of weeks to:

 

Cool off a little

 

Give her some time and space to reconcile her rational mind with her emothional mind

 

For him to give her the gift of missing him!

 

And, then he can begin the task of re-building rapport, trust, attraction.

 

Counseling? Hey if that's your "ticket" if that's what flips your trigger and floats your boat ~ go for it. Personally, I think its a lot of hog wash! Especially in this partcular case. Why? Because simply put ~ he screwed up! And he knows he screwed up! Big Time. He doens't have to pay some joker $200 a half hour to figure that one out! And, if he does, he needs to give me a phone call, and for $50, I'll tell him what his problem is: "Hey Pal! You screwed up! Now give me my money!"

 

He knew it wasn't right when he was doing it! He knew he was wrong when he got busted! Just that plain and that simple. Why was he doing it? Because he use to be a Player, and its hard to give up someting that you're good at, and enjoy.

 

But, seriously this cousneling thing has gotten way overboard! I mean we've even got pet pyschologist, (a field I'm thinking of going into by the way!) I mean what a scam that is!

 

I've been to these "counselors"~! They told me that I have a tendencey to hold things in, until they building up to a point of critical mass, and then explode!" Well Hell! I knew that already! Most Marines I've ever known were that way. Not to mention people from the South!

 

Its like the "road-rage" thing being a mental illness now? Give me a break! You combine idoit drivers and azzhats ~ of course you're going to have road rage.

[Gunny376]

I went extremn to get you "ladies" to "Yea, but,................Me!

[MagikBOZO]

Thank you so much for the advice. I read everyone's posts. I have spoken to my wife again since she still has stuff to pick up from the apt & she seems to be 100% sure of her decision to leave - absolutely refusing to getting back together & inisisting theres no chance in hell of her coming back. She says something like: "Down the road if we cross paths again & we really love each other in a few years ok" but other than that she says there is no more future and no more "us".

 

That my friends, is a very hard pill to swallow especially when told in your face by the woman you love. Like GUNNNY pointed out I put on the poker face, & tried to be calm & collected all the while I tell her that I still love her and if she ever changes her mind I'd be there. Is this a good or bad thing?

 

My plan is just to work long enough to pay off some bills & debts. All in all that will be about 2 months - if she doesn't come back by then I'm definately leaving town because she was the reason I came here in the first place. I still love her guys, so I would be receptive to her coming back even though she swears up and down it will not happen. However my days are becoming a little more bearable especially when I keep busy be it at work, school, etc. My plan is to become a workaholic to keep my mind off this & help ease it all away. Thanks again to all the words. And please let me know if you think Im doing the right thing!

[ilmw]

You are giving it 2 months...Wow... It can take longer than that for her to come around...

 

If you want to have some idea how much work this can be.. check out Divorce Busting (google) go through the forums there... then you will get a clue how much effort this can take...(I'm not coming down on you...but..shhheeesssh)

 

Read more posts on here... if you want to save your marriage.. listen to what these folks on here have to say...read read read...

 

All our situations are different.. but.... core feelings are the same... hurt...anger...sadness... joy..

 

Follow what works... don't that does not!

 

It could take way more than '2 months' for her to get over this...then what... Ask yourself that... Is she worth the work... effort...to stick this out....?

 

Only you know you... Think about it:)

 

Best of luck....ilmw

[MagikBOZO]

Im so scared that she will end up with someone else though. Even though if that is the case I will at least have a definitive answer & more incentive to leave.

[ilmw]

Re read the list Gunny sent you...

 

 

Quote:

Michele Weiner-Davis, re: DivorceBusting

 

#32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than

50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in

absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared

 

 

This is so true... and it will save your sanity... it did mine:confused:

 

The fear of her being with someone else.. I think is natural... but you can't do anything about it...

 

ilmw

[MagikBOZO]

I will do my best to man up & take care of all the other aspects in my life. But it is so so so hard. I think of her every minute. My stomach is in knots. I have a hard time eating now & have lost 10 lbs in a week. The only time I can keep myself from feeling totally miserable is when Im at work or keeping busy at something - only then when Im focused on something else can I find some sort of refuge but even then she is on my mind every other minute. I know this might seem pathetic to some of you, but I cant help it. Its different when you actually go through it yourself. I am normally not a moody, overly emotional person & it really takes something huge to do this to me. This is like an atomic bomb on me. Venting on here helps, your posts help, your advice helps. Thank you

[ilmw]

Hi again,

 

Its Ok to feel like you do... and it will get better in time... Trust me... (Hell.. I'm still going through it..) I am where you are back in April.

 

I still go through it but.. it does get easier... keep on thinking of something good.. other than your W. Get a goal or plan for something you have always wanted to do... Hell I planning on going on a road trip to California from Ontario Canada...Solo. Its what is making me happy and excited at this moment in time.. When I get back... I will find some other thing to get my mind off things...

 

Find something for you and you alone.... it does help

 

ilmw

[Gunny376]

If taking the high road was easy ~ everyone would do it! But, its the hard road, and so few do. You come across to me as be a "core" Alpha Male ~ don't slide into being a "Beta". Suck it up!

 

Two months? Look here Slick, either you're in this, or you're not. Yea! It sucks, it hurts ~ to the bone! She's telling you azz, she's in love with you, now all you've got to do is to prove that your worthy off it!

 

She's testing you Dude! She's putting you through a serious "bi*ch test! Go ahead! Wuss out on me! And, lose her, forever! Or "man-up" and settle in for the long haul! Forget what she's telling you! Follow the list, and tell her your in it for the long haul, and that you're not going to be harrassing her, but your not bailing on her! That your not giving up on her.

 

She's wanting you, needing you to get Sir Lancelot on her. Not with gifts, candy, and flowers. She's needing you to prove to her you dedicated, committed, to her. She's needing you to prove your not whimmpy, a wuss. That you can take this ~ and more!

 

And, yea! I tell you this with the qualification that the amount of time, effort, energy, and money you'll put into this one you could expend 1/10th to get 10 other women ~ especially if you know how.

 

Its your choice. Either the red pilll or the blue pill?

 

A man must do what he can ~ until his destiny is revealed to him.

 

Getting back to the couseling argument ~ yes there are reason you did what you did, just as there are reasons why you're going thorugh what you're going through ~ to learn.

[DieselPWR]

I will do my best to man up & take care of all the other aspects in my life. But it is so so so hard. I think of her every minute. My stomach is in knots. I have a hard time eating now & have lost 10 lbs in a week. The only time I can keep myself from feeling totally miserable is when Im at work or keeping busy at something - only then when Im focused on something else can I find some sort of refuge but even then she is on my mind every other minute. I know this might seem pathetic to some of you, but I cant help it. Its different when you actually go through it yourself. I am normally not a moody, overly emotional person & it really takes something huge to do this to me. This is like an atomic bomb on me. Venting on here helps, your posts help, your advice helps. Thank you

Dude,

trust me, there ain't nothin pathetic about feeling like S**t! I didn't eat for almost two weeks at first, lost 42 lbs since she left, and generally didn sleep much at all. But I promise, if you keep yourself busy with whatever it is you like to do, you will start to feel better. I am a video game addict as of late and that's what I can do to keep busy. Or I go and work on whatever car it is I feel like working on. Or cleaning. Get the picture. The busier you keep yourself, the better. But make sure its stuff you enjoy. Working alot of overtime may mean more $$, but may burn you out on the job. Only you can decide what it is that keeps your mind at bay.

About her being on your mind, again time will help with that. It is not bad to think of her; it shows that you care; but I will tell you that there is a fine line between thinking of her and obessing over her. When you let the thoughts of her control everything that you do, putting yourself in danger or whatever. Going to where she is to see how she is, calling her incessantly..... that's obsession. I mentioned these thoughts to my pastor, and he almost referred me to a psycologist. The only difference is I have no idea where my wife is and you do. So, be careful. If you think you are crossing that line, get help.

And above all, God bless you. You are where I was a month ago. And I never thought I'd feel better. I was crying all the time, about nothing. A song would come on the radio, and I would have to pull over and break down. But in a month, those days are going away. Do I still think of her; yeah, alot, but not all the time like I did. Do I want her back, sure, but nothing I can do will change anything. Vent all you want, that's what these guys are here for

Me

[Lor]

She needs time to cool off and think. But, Dgiirl is right, you need to apologize and you better do it quick. When you apologize, let her know she is the best thing that ever happened to you, that you were wrong, that what you've done was stupid but it took her leaving to open your eyes. And that you know she doesn't trust you but that, given time, you can prove to her that she can if she will give you the chance.

 

Flowers, delivered, not handed to her from you, with a note asking for forgiveness. Then, be creative with having something delivered to her once a week, never on the same day and never in the same place. A stuffed animal, candy, whatever--you know what she likes. Signed, From Your Stupid But Ever Loving Husband. She does need to know you are the only woman on your mind. Come on, Gunny, women LOVE flowers!!

 

Keep the text telling the other girls adios, any emails, be very honest and say the contact is hurting your marriage. They will back off. Do not go out with friends--she will see you haven't changed your ways if you do. Go to the gym, go for walks, go to the movies.....do stuff but not the "fun" lifestyle without her.

 

Then, after apologizing, do not call her, do not stop by to see her. Give her some time to come back to you.