LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 So... I've just come across this website whilst searching for something else - but found some of the pointers and advice regarding 'how to find out if a person actually likes you or not' very interesting... I've currently got a situation of my own and here's how it goes... it would be good to get peoples take on it... I started a new job around 4 weeks ago. Its a small company and there's only 6 full time staff - 7 including me. All guys... but for one girl... The 1st week was pretty quiet, just finding my feet and getting to know the various people. During the first week I'd realised that the girl was cute, but hadnt really formed any sort of an opinion of her because we hadnt really had a chance to talk. It was during the 2nd week that she really came into her own. We started working on the same project and had to spend a lot of time around each other. We immediately hit it off - during the 1st time we were together without the rest of the team we spent a huge amount of time actually talking about quite personal things. We were both surprised just how comfortable and open we were with each other. Over the next few days we became very close, swapping emails from the moment we'd get in in the morning to the moment we left - and even being in touch outside of work hours. We also started catching fleeting moments with each other at work - whenever one of us would have to go to another office etc - the other would come along because we knew it was a time we'd have without everyone else there. The flirting at this stage was pretty outrageous to, it was only the second week of knowing her and we were comfortable touching each other (arms touching, my hand on her hand moving the mouse around etc...), sitting very close (even sharing a chair now and again...), we'd pay each other compliments about the way we looked etc. The whole situation was very cute, warm and exciting. By the 3rd week we'd both admitted to each other that we felt lucky to have met each other and that it felt like we'd known each other for years. We shared a lot of common interests and realised that for all our differences it was nice that we were so alike. During the 3rd week the perceived flirting went on... Now we were actually purposefully trying to take moments together at work... 'arranging' particular times during the day when we both might happen to be in the same empty office so we could talk. We would sit for a good few hours together just talking... (when no-one was looking and when we wouldn't get caught!)... Along with e-mails we'd now be swapping written notes!... we were spending our lunch times together - and even going out of our way to make sure that no-one else would join us... 2's company and all that... So my 4th week has just finished - it feels like I've known this girl for years, and I'm utterly smitten. In that short time we've shared a lot of information about our lives - and asked each other some pretty probing questions. We realise we've still got a long way to go before really understanding each other - but at the moment we are totally on the same level. But here's the thing... its only been a few of weeks - it all feels like too much too soon. We've both said it would be great to actually get together outside of work and get to know each other on the level of 'real' friends rather than the within the limits set on us at work, but so far we havent been able to settle on a date and time. It's also very clear that I'm being treated very differently. She's been at the office for the best part of 2 years - as have most of the staff - so they have fairly good relations. But she's just a lot more playful / touchy feely / honest with me, and at the opposite end of the spectrum, more sincere. She's told me she expects more from me than she does from everyone else. Also, (and a little oddly) she does that cliched thing of being 'mean' to me, but in a totally fun way - just poking fun, calling me names, pretending to misinterpret what im saying etc etc - no-one else gets that sort of treatment from her. (It reminds me of a thing a friend told me - that the little boy pulling the pigtails of the girl in the playground probably likes her!). I've actually asked her why she treats me so differently from everyone else and her response is '...I know I do... I don't know why...' I've told her I think she is beautiful and rare, she's told me she thinks I'm the most charming person she's ever met. Also, unless a girl actually makes something crystal clear to me I will wonder and wonder what's actually going on! I've never been so bold to presume a girl actually likes me. I've talked to a couple of friends about the situation - and I've been totally straight, not sugar coated anything - and they seem to think all the signs are there. But there's a big part of me that just doesn't see it - I don't know whether its the fear of rejection, the fear of simply having got it totally wrong (have I read too much into minor things?)... or the fear that I might ruin what could be a great friendship. So, what do you all think?... Am I reading to much into what is simply a growing friendship?... Have I built the illusion of something going on when in fact there is nothing? Or should I carry on as I am, bide my time until we actually get together outside of work and then talk to her about it then?... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 I don't know whether she does or she doesn't but my bet is she would be more likely to do so if you wrote in a posted in a more short, concise fashion. More people would answer as well. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Yes, she does. However, I'd be cautious if I were you because you work in a small office. It's hard as hell to work with someone if the realtionship turns bad, if you break up, and especially if everyone else in the office knows you're a couple and that affects your work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 6, 2006 Author Share Posted August 6, 2006 Sorry Tony - I know it's pretty long!! (I probably should have forewarned of that!) - I was just trying to relay as much info and scenarios that have occured over the last few weeks so everyone would have as many facts as possible to form an opinion. Norajane - I see your point - I've thought the same thing - and as an example we've actually talked about the fact that we are in contact outside of work, and how we don't necessarily want people at work to know (we are both very private people). So when we're at work we dont actually talk about our 'other' contact unless we are alone. Even though this is a new job for me its more of an 'interim' job - so I'm still looking around. Care to elaborate on why you think she does like me?... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 Just quickly to add... Today she has been telling me how she has taken on a lot of me 'isms', and how odd she feels that she has done... that is - she's started using a lot of the phrases i use, and acting in the same way as me etc etc... is that a good sign?... Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 Don't, don't, don't get involved with people at the office. Just don't. Trust me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 hehe! well superconductor... I've actually been involved with someone i used to work with in the past. It was a good few years ago. we were together for nearly a year and managed to keep the relationship from everyone - they knew we were close, but just not how close!. That relationship ended because she had to move away. It was tough, we tried to keep it going 'long-distance' but to no avail. It just fizzled out. We remain friends though. Also - I'm not looking to stay in this new job long-term - its more of an interim job... What I'm trying to work out is whether she likes me or not! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 What would convince you that she likes you? You seem pretty damned hard to convince. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 Norajane - unfortunately you're right - like i said previously, I just dont presume that someone would like me in that way - maybe It's a lack of self-confidence when it comes to that sort of thing. OK - I can see that, yes - all the signs/signals are there, I suppose I just need to get her on her own, outside of work hours and really see how she feels...? Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Man I dunno about the rest of the girls, but dude you sound like one of those creepy mofos that hit on my female acquaintances at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 haha! hitman10000 - far from it! what gives you that idea?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 anyone else care to contribute?... the last few days have been really great between us - we've got a lot closer to each other and seem to have gone beyond 'just workmates' - and into something a little more... but its nothing like actually 'being together...' we're both very keen to try and get together outside of work hours - but whenever i am free she is busy - and whenever she is free im busy... so we try and make the most of our time at work and lunches etc... so im still none the wiser as to her feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
Rikka Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Personally, I say don't date people you work with... nothing good can come of it. I would suggest maintaining a friendship until you started working elsewhere. You sound pretty determined to give it a go, so here is what I suggest. It is pretty clear that she is into you, the signs indeed are there. What I would suggest is arranging a meeting outside of work. Take this chance to ask her what her opinion on inter-office relationships is. If she is dead set against it, there is your answer. If she is for it, that is probably your sign to let her know that you would like to get to know her on a more personal level. Yeah. That's all I've got. I still say don't get involved with someone you work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 Hi Rikka Thanks for the reply - like I;ve said above, in the past I was in a relationship with a person I used to work with - and it was never an issue because we set pretty straight ground rules about it from the outset.. so in my mind having a relationship with a person at work is more about cummunicating with each other that there have to be bounderies... But you are right, I need to be sure that regardless of how she feels that she would personally be OK with starting a relationship with someone she works is... But putting the work issue to one side... You''ve said its pretty clear that she is into me... So a month after first getting to know her - why is it that I'm so unsure?! Maybe she is giving it time... for us to really get to know each other first?... taking it slowly to see how things pan out. I think maybe I am looking for a clearer than clear signal that might just never come from her. Link to post Share on other sites
LostinLxxx Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 LetLoveBeYourEnergy, I don't know that the clearer-than-clear signal you are looking for will come. She may feel that she's already given plenty of signs and is waiting for you to make the next move. I guess it depends on the person, but some women do not necessarily feel comfortable going beyond a certain point when it comes to showing their interest in someone. Some women expect that the guy will ultimately be the initiator. Or it could be that she feels the same way you do; maybe she's scared to put her neck out there and risk rejection. I definitely understand where you're coming from; I feel the same way, though I am the girl in the situation. I have a coworker who I think has been giving off pretty clear signals that he is interested in me (and I am most definitely interested in him), but I still doubt myself and am scared to return those signals out of fear of rejection. It's sort of a game -- you feel the person out, send out signals, and hope that they will pick up on them and give you a sure sign. Until you get that sign, though, you hold back and keep your true feelings to yourself to avoid potential embarrassment. No one wants to show their hand first. When you play it safe that way, though, nothing happens. If both of you are waiting for the other to give that one unmistakable signal that tells you that you won't be rejected, you'll probably stay where I'm at now... wondering, hoping, doubting. You can wait it out, but I think eventually the decision will be between taking a risk or playing it safe and hoping she makes the first move or that things somehow progress without you having to push them along a bit. Now if only I could take my own advice. Anyway, it is possible that she is like me -- very interested but not willing to come out and say it out of fear (and the fact that you are coworkers may complicate things for her as well). Link to post Share on other sites
lone she-wolf Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 LostinLxxx...............What she said. Meet outside of work and have a few drinks. Just perhaps don't sleep together until your done with your internship. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 LostinLxxx - Thanks for your post. I feel for you going through the same sort of situation as I am right now. As much as sometimes it can be the greatest feeling in the world - don't you find that it can also feel like a burden?! once the self-doubt and feelings of unsurity creep in... Now, after a few more days I'm starting to think that there will be no clear-cut signal from her. Things between us have grown quiet strange though. I make it very very clear that I like her (without actually saying 'I've fallen for you in a really big way!) and she will respond by saying.. 'you have something to tell me don't you? and i want you to just tell me'. It's been made worse by the fact that as we were on lunch together I bumped into a friend who decided to tell her that we had met a few nights before and all I did was talk about her!. So she is now very keen for me to 'tell' her what it is I need to tell her. I've told her it must be incredibly obvious what I would tell her - and she's said it's not. I've asked her to second guess me - and tell me what she thinks I might want to tell her and how I might be feeling... She's responded by saying that she wouldn't second guess me as she would only embarrass herself. Even with all of this we are still growing closer and closer. We are totally comfortable around each other physically - we're still only co-workers but we're totally happy hugging each other or sitting very close to each other... and we will single each other out at the start of the day to say 'hi' and at the end of the day to say 'goodbye'... A few days ago I left work in a bit of a hurry and kinda said an overall 'goodbye' to everyone - and it really upset her that I didn't go over to her in person. So we've reached a point where I will be talking to her next week - and I'm thinking it can now only go one of two ways... 1) She's keen for me to tell her so that she knows for sure that I have feelings for her and then she can definitely tell me that those feelings aren't reciprocated. (The only flaw in this theory is that if she does know how I feel and wants to set me straight then she's still making a huge amount of effort to spend time with me etc, when you would think she would be backing off more). 2) She's keen for me to tell her so that she knows for sure that I have feelings for her and then she can definitely tell me the she feels the same way (almost feels to good to be true!). I'm going to bite the bullet and tell her though - In the past if I've had feelings for a person I've let it go on too long without telling the person, and I either lose out or the relationship moves into a different mode by the time I've plucked up the courage. What stops me is the fear of rejection - and I suppose there is always a thought in the back of my mind where I don't have the confidence or sel-belief that someone might actually like me back. Haha! isn't it funny how people can sometimes give out great advice but can't utilize it for themselves?! I'm the same - always telling people to 'go for it' - 'you've got nothing to lose'! but yet here I am, in the same position as you right now... "...wondering, hoping, doubting..." I think in your situation - if you feel that the signals coming from him are obvious - you might want to subtly send him a couple of signals back... to see how he reacts and responds?... It might not clear things up 100% - but it might give you a better idea of what's happening? Lone-she-wolf - thanks for your response... We've been trying for a good few weeks now to try and arrange drinks / dinner outside of work. Either I am busy or she is and we just cant seem to connect on a date and time. At first I thought she was simply putting it off - that maybe she didnt actually want to get together and had simply said it would be nice to meet out of politeness. But as time has gone on she's actually starting talking about how she is looking forward to getting together - and she hopes it will be soon. Thats the thing that still worries me though. My calendar over the next couple of weeks is pretty free now, and I've let her know. So if she felt that same way I do, surely she would now be making an effort to arrange a date to meet?... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 She likes you * if * the following happens. She smiles alot at you and keeps the gaze longer than she does with the train conductor. She makes excuses to be around you like walking 1.5 miles to sharpen her pencil when she could have easily went down the ajoining hall. She doodles your name on her paperwork and when you ask her what she is doing she replies " oh just writing out my future.. " She pushes and pulls a direct response out of you when she shows your her new dress and twirls around in it and asks you : " How does this dress look on me ? " She looks into your eyes and there is a bright flicker of light as she bats her eye lashes because she is indeed interested and is waiting a response from you. Regarding the co worker situation. I don't advise it but who's to say one of you could change departments so you can culminate a new relationship ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetLoveBeYourEnergy Posted August 27, 2006 Author Share Posted August 27, 2006 Haha! That's pretty great list Mary3... Well she will take every opportunity to spend time around me or my desk - like I said, that's now at the point where we will 'arrange' to accidently-on-purpose bump into each other at the coffee machine... and then spend 20 minutes pretending to make a drink whilst we talk. If we do have one of those moments where we hold each others gaze for a little longer than is usual she tends to get quite coy... but in a cute way. Thats started to manifest itself in more physical contact recently - so if it happens she'll tend to wrap her arms around my arm and rest her head on my shoulder (if we're sat together)... Well she doesnt doodle my name... but she has started using my name as her password to log onto her computer at work... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Haha! That's pretty great list Mary3... Well she will take every opportunity to spend time around me or my desk - like I said, that's now at the point where we will 'arrange' to accidently-on-purpose bump into each other at the coffee machine... and then spend 20 minutes pretending to make a drink whilst we talk. If we do have one of those moments where we hold each others gaze for a little longer than is usual she tends to get quite coy... but in a cute way. Thats started to manifest itself in more physical contact recently - so if it happens she'll tend to wrap her arms around my arm and rest her head on my shoulder (if we're sat together)... Well she doesnt doodle my name... but she has started using my name as her password to log onto her computer at work... This girl Loves You ! Link to post Share on other sites
LostinLxxx Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Well she doesnt doodle my name... but she has started using my name as her password to log onto her computer at work... Yes, from all you've described, I'd definitely say that she shares your feelings. I feel for you going through the same sort of situation as I am right now. As much as sometimes it can be the greatest feeling in the world - don't you find that it can also feel like a burden?! once the self-doubt and feelings of unsurity creep in... Exactly! A perfect description. The rush you get when you're around the person can be great. But I go from being 100% sure that my feelings for him are mutual to being almost just as sure that he feels nothing for me, and not necessarily because of anything in particular that he's done. It's a bit of a rollercoaster that way. To be honest, I also tend to overanalyze things and find myself trying to interpret every look and every word, which doesn't help. She's keen for me to tell her so that she knows for sure that I have feelings for her and then she can definitely tell me the she feels the same way (almost feels to good to be true!). I think this second scenario is correct. As for "too good to be true", I can relate to that feeling. That is where some of the doubt comes from. Although it happens all the time to other people, I feel like, "What are the odds that someone I feel strongly for would happen to feel the same for me? Why would things happen to work out for me like that?" But again, it really sounds like she is interested in you. If you could step back and read what you've posted objectively, as if it were written by someone other than you, I think you would see what many people have already told you -- the girl likes you! I think in your situation - if you feel that the signals coming from him are obvious - you might want to subtly send him a couple of signals back... to see how he reacts and responds?... It might not clear things up 100% - but it might give you a better idea of what's happening? I will try to push through my shyness and hesitation and make an effort to send some signals, even if it's a simple matter of consistently making eye contact and smiling. At some point I think that both you and I will have to find a way to express our interest in our respective coworkers or else they will get the impression that we perhaps aren't interested after all -- when nothing could be further from the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
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