Are you REALLY happy...?

[Chinook]

I was driving along through a local city today and looking at all the roadworks for new roads, better designs, billboards advertising bigger, better and newer things. I was thinking about life in general... and my current situation. I'm single but I'm not that happy. So I was wondering what exactly it is that would make me happy...? I can't figure it out. It could be to share my life with someone. It could be to have more money. It could be to have more free time. Blablabla.

 

It then occurred to me that we're never happy. Human beings are never happy really. When we have exactly all that we wish for... something else comes along which is the focus of what drives us. So, it occurred to me that all this building, advertising, reaching the inner human self-gratification psyche.. that's all it is. If we're happy with what we have... then why do we need to look further for other things..?

 

Or it could just be me having a weird thinking-too-much day

[P1xie]

My aunt always told me that there was no such thing as complete happiness and that the only thing you could hope for is that there was more happy times than bad times.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Happiness isn't a continued state of being. It's not really possible to have a "happy life" per se, because life isn't static.

 

To me, happiness translates as a state of being at a particular moment. I could be "truly happy" this minute, and by tonight I could be feeling totally crappy. To put it rhetorically, I'll be happy when I'm feeling happiness, and vice-versa.

 

Your answer depends on when you're asking yourself the question.

[Chinook]

Happiness isn't a continued state of being. It's not really possible to have a "happy life" per se, because life isn't static.

I think that's what I meant. There is always some focus which shifts us away from it... always some 'thing' which we idealise as a goal for happiness. I'm not disputing what you say... I completely agree with it. What made me think about it is the fact that right now, I have a lack of any serious issues in my life and yet, I wouldn't say I was happy and wondered why that might be. May be just me though.

 

 

My aunt always told me that there was no such thing as complete happiness and that the only thing you could hope for is that there was more happy times than bad times.

I think I agree with that Pix!

[destination_unknown]

That is the truth Chin, there isn't such thing as a state of complete happiness but thankfully, I don't think we can ever say there is nothing we can be greatful for either.

 

The most amazing book I ever read was "If this is a man" by Primo Levi, who was imprisoned in Auswitch for about a year and a half I think. He talks about this in his book.

 

All winter, in that truly horrific place they were waiting for the spring, thinking "if only it weren't for the cold, we could be happier" then of course, when spring came and the snow melted they thought "if only we weren't so hungry". But there was always hope and always something to be happy about - like there was something extra in the soup that day or the work detail they were on wasn't too back-breaking or they might catch a glimpse of their women. Big events in their circumstances.

 

Sure if we were truly happy I suppose we wouldn't have any motivation to find better ways of doing things, to strive to be better people and learn from our mistakes. Necessity really is the mother of invention. So, now how do we invent the "Perfect Man Generating Machine"?

 

I feel like you do right now too, I'm fairly happy but I think I could be happier if I found someone to share with.

[superconductor]

Happiness is not something that happens to you. It's what you bring to your circumstances.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I think that's what I meant. There is always some focus which shifts us away from it... always some 'thing' which we idealise as a goal for happiness. I'm not disputing what you say... I completely agree with it. What made me think about it is the fact that right now, I have a lack of any serious issues in my life and yet, I wouldn't say I was happy and wondered why that might be. May be just me though.

 

That delves more into the psychological need for gratification. Happiness comes from gratification at various different levels.

 

For example, if you were to start a business right now (for various gratification reasons) and it becomes a success, you'll be happy (gratification achieved) for a specific time. We (as humans) are constantly looking for that which satisfies our physical / psychological needs, => happiness.

 

I don't know if this analogy answers your specific question, but it's a general explanation. If I was in your place and I needed to feel "happy" for today, I'd do something that I know would make me feel good at the end of it.

[Chinook]

Happiness is not something that happens to you. It's what you bring to your circumstances.

I don't think I said it was something which happens to us. I think I was getting at the whole idea that it is in fact a mindset... there is a focus which causes us as human beings to look for further focus. I think simply saying 'you're not happy just because you're not' is simplistic. But a lot of people seem to have the mindset to move on through life and experiences looking for something, always searching for something which can be in a large part elusive. For me right now, what I am questioning is that the status quo with me should indicate that I would be happy... so I want to know what I do need to bring to this situation I have in order for it to be a happy situation for me. It may be simply becoming accustomed to being alone. It may be having more time to work out who I am. Either way... you're right though, it isn't about 'things' which is what my whole point is... it's about accepting what you have and who you are. I think.

 

That is the truth Chin, there isn't such thing as a state of complete happiness but thankfully, I don't think we can ever say there is nothing we can be greatful for either.

 

The most amazing book I ever read was "If this is a man" by Primo Levi, who was imprisoned in Auswitch for about a year and a half I think. He talks about this in his book.

 

All winter, in that truly horrific place they were waiting for the spring, thinking "if only it weren't for the cold, we could be happier" then of course, when spring came and the snow melted they thought "if only we weren't so hungry". But there was always hope and always something to be happy about - like there was something extra in the soup that day or the work detail they were on wasn't too back-breaking or they might catch a glimpse of their women. Big events in their circumstances.

Man, I so identify with this. When I was sick, each day I would be thinking "I just want to get through this one cycle of treatment" or I would then think "I just want to feel normal again" and then when I was finished treatment it was "I just so want to get back to work again". All along there were pitfalls and highpoints which paved the way and made it both a vastly devastating but exhilharating journey. I wouldn't change it. I think Lance Armstrong said the same thing. Something like this allows you to find who you are. I think part of my issue at the moment is wondering whether I'm being too analytical and too self-absorbed. I was thinking this morning I wouldn't want to date anyone at the moment... because I don't know I would have the emotional head space anyways!

[Chinook]

That delves more into the psychological need for gratification. Happiness comes from gratification at various different levels.

 

For example, if you were to start a business right now (for various gratification reasons) and it becomes a success, you'll be happy (gratification achieved) for a specific time. We (as humans) are constantly looking for that which satisfies our physical / psychological needs, => happiness.

 

I don't know if this analogy answers your specific question, but it's a general explanation. If I was in your place and I needed to feel "happy" for today, I'd do something that I know would make me feel good at the end of it.

 

Yeah, I can see this is the whole Maslow Heirarchy and self-actualisation thing. This is what has me thinking... really I should be happy. There is no real good reason why I am not happy. Okay, I'm dealing with post-breakup and all the things that entails. But I think I reached the point of knowing and accepting that it's over and the reality is where it is... so it's time to move on. Harsh but true. I guess it takes time though.

[RecordProducer]

Dissatisfaction is a significant part of any progress. Striving to be better implies that you don't find you're good enough. We make the biggest changes in life when we're not content with our lives.

 

I, for example, felt pretty unhappy and lonely, isolated from the world, when i went online to seek friends. I started having fun with people, talking to guys, and finally met my husband on a dating site. My life changed 180 degrees, I got married and moved to the US. A little change that I made just for fun caused a big change.

 

My whole life I've been living for the next thing. I am never 100% happy and relaxed with what I have. I always have new goals to achieve and they give me the adrenaline rush.

 

I think it's important to set your life in a way where you can experience constant challenges and changes. And that's not so easy. I believe that rich people are truly happy, not because of their wealth or women or fancy yachts and vacations, but because they burn at work every day. They have new goals each day and strive to achieve them. They don't stop and fall asleep ever.

 

I see the meaning of life in constant movement. Boredom kills us. They say "A stone that rolls doesn't catch weeds."

 

Some people want to persuade everyone that you should be happy without love, but I think it's impossible. We are loving and lovable and need to love and be loved in order to be happy. Just like I can't be truly happy if I don't have a roof above my head and enough food to feed my kids, or if we're sick, we can't be happy if our need for love is not satisfied.

 

Happiness comprises a few categories:

 

1. Love;

2. Family - children, parents, siblings with whom we maintain close relationships;

3. Career - work that fulfills us and provides financial reward;

4. Health - without it life is worthless, but when we have it we don't appreciate it. However, our mental health is also important for happiness. if you don't have peace of mind, you can't be happy.

5. Hobbies, friends, fun - add sweet taste to life.

 

You will not feel happiness until something new happens and nothing will happen until you decide to change something. Change anything. Don't think of the goals. Move to another city, change your job, meet new people, just do something new and it will change your life in many aspects!

[superconductor]

Think about this for a second: Who would want to be happy all the time?

 

I mean, it would be like a never-ending cycle of sunny days. Sure, it's nice for a while, but there's nothing wrong with a wee bit of rain or snow in season.

 

I think maybe you're mixing up the definitions between happiness and joy. Happiness is usually a result of circumstances that happen mostly outside of our control. Joy, on the other hand, is something that is completely separate from circumstances.

 

For instance, you won't find too many people in hospital that are happy. But there are lots of hospital patients - even terminally ill ones - who radiate with joy.

[norajane]

People who are able to focus on the things they have rather than the things they don't have tend to be more optimisic about life, and as a result, feel happier more often.

 

Also, I think people who have things to look forward to, are also happier. I know how great I feel when I'm looking forward to a special vacation, or visit from a great friend, or time with my family or SO. It makes all the other things that aren't so happy fade into the background, or at least seem manageable.

[RecordProducer]

P.S. Decide to make changes all the time until you feel happy with the results. Imagine if a psychic told you that in the next few years you'll change several job and places to live (let's assume you believed them). Would that scenario excite you?

 

You need to find strength inside you to have the enthusiasm and courage necessary to make changes. Then you need to have hope and faith and take actions.

 

There's a Latin saying Audaces fortuna iuvat, meaning "Good luck follows the brave ones".

[Chinook]

Who would want to be happy all the time?

wow! That kinda threw me a little there. That's so true. I have seen it said on various message board forums that we cannot appreciate the light without darkness. Wow! I had completely not even looked at it the other way around. Looking back over the last four years, I realised I see all that time as "bad" and the things which have happened... when in fact alot of what has happened has really shaped who I am today. Alot of what happened has allowed me to grow, to become more fulfilled with my job and my home, to trust people more, to believe in people more and that's something new which I hadn't even realised..! As for the difference with happiness and joy. I understand that. Only too well. I was thinking about what it really *is* that I need... and the fact that there is an absence of worry and pain related to the major areas of my life implies contentment... not necessarily happiness per se. Turn that around and ask me about what joy life gives me... well... I'm alive and that's the one simple truthful answer I have for that discrepancy. I might not be overwhelmed with happiness but I have a joyousness at being alive which often my friends and family find unparalelled.

 

People who are able to focus on the things they have rather than the things they don't have tend to be more optimisic about life, and as a result, feel happier more often.

I think that's what I'm trying to focus upon.

[Chinook]

Dissatisfaction is a significant part of any progress. Striving to be better implies that you don't find you're good enough. We make the biggest changes in life when we're not content with our lives.

 

<snip>

 

You will not feel happiness until something new happens and nothing will happen until you decide to change something. Change anything. Don't think of the goals. Move to another city, change your job, meet new people, just do something new and it will change your life in many aspects!

 

I kind of agree and disagree with this. I think part of my reluctance to change anything at the moment is that so much has happened and been happening in the last four years that it's only really been the last 6 months or so that I had time to process everything. So much pain and hurt has arisen from circumstances often beyond my control that it has been way too much to even think about instigating change which might influence the status quo... whether that results in good changes or bad. I think what I'm saying is... I need a rest from drama!

[Chinook]

So you guys, what about you..? Are you guys happy with life where it is right now, what would you change and why..? Would it be something about yourself or something materialistic..? Lets throw out the realities here and deal with ideals

[Outcast]

I am almost always happy. Apparently some posters equate 'happy' with 'over-the-top-cheerleader-giggliness'. That's not what I mean.

 

Look into Buddhism or read Albert Ellis if you aren't into spiritual things. If you insist that you CANNOT be happy unless you have X job or Y possession or whatever, of course you won't be happy. But even in not having those things, you have, right now, things you could be happy about. Being alive for starters. Not living in a place where your children are starving to death and renegades are raping all the women in your village is another.

 

Every day there is something beautiful to enjoy - even if it's just the taste of your cup of coffee in the morning. The world is filled with beauty but you have to quit looking at what you don't have and appreciate what you do have.

 

There are a lot of things I don't have that I'd like to have. But the absence of them doesn't make me unhappy. I figure they'll come along one day, and in the meantime, I have my beautiful view or some flowers I see as I walk to work or someone's smile in greeting me to enjoy right away. And given that I could have an aneurysm tonight and be dead tomorrow, you better bet I have a vested interest in enjoying what I have while I'm here to do so If I get the things I'd like to have, bonus. If not, I've not spent my life wishing it away and missing out on what there is to enjoy.

 

I think unhappiness in many of these cases comes from greed of a sort. It's taking the gifts you possess for granted and wanting more besides. But, as some people have already realized, when you get the thing you want, you still aren't happy. That's because you haven't cultivated the gift of gratitude.

And it's a waste of a perfectly good life.

[RecordProducer]

I kind of agree and disagree with this. I think part of my reluctance to change anything at the moment is that so much has happened and been happening in the last four years that it's only really been the last 6 months or so that I had time to process everything. So much pain and hurt has arisen from circumstances often beyond my control that it has been way too much to even think about instigating change which might influence the status quo... whether that results in good changes or bad. I think what I'm saying is... I need a rest from drama!

Not having bad moments is not enough to be happy.

 

Having good moments is what we need to feel happines. Sometimes the combination of both works too.

 

That delves more into the psychological need for gratification. Happiness comes from gratification at various different levels.

 

For example, if you were to start a business right now (for various gratification reasons) and it becomes a success, you'll be happy (gratification achieved) for a specific time. We (as humans) are constantly looking for that which satisfies our physical / psychological needs, => happiness.

 

I don't know if this analogy answers your specific question, but it's a general explanation. If I was in your place and I needed to feel "happy" for today, I'd do something that I know would make me feel good at the end of it.

Oh, this is soooo true!

[Outcast]

Some people want to persuade everyone that you should be happy without love, but I think it's impossible.

 

Really not the case. It's eminently possible.

[Brittjean06]

Happiness to me isn't just a moment its how content you are with your own life and even if you have a bad day doesn't meen your life is not full of happiness. The good does overpower the bad emmenssly. We are just always trying to have more thinking we need more to be happy when we should be thankful for what we do have. I believe people have true happiness and don't let other things get in the way of that.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I am almost always happy. Apparently some posters equate 'happy' with 'over-the-top-cheerleader-giggliness'. That's not what I mean......

 

....Look into Buddhism or read Albert Ellis if you aren't into spiritual things. If you insist that you CANNOT be happy unless you have X job or Y possession or whatever, of course you won't be happy.

I think unhappiness in many of these cases comes from greed of a sort. It's taking the gifts you possess for granted and wanting more besides. But, as some people have already realized, when you get the thing you want, you still aren't happy. That's because you haven't cultivated the gift of gratitude.

And it's a waste of a perfectly good life.

 

Outcast, I agree and disagree. The happiness you're talking about is of course the best kind, and so far in my life, I have seen only one person who was truly able to reach that "level".

 

For the less-greedy amongst us, it is fair advice to stop thinking about what we don't have, and focus on smaller things that do give us happiness. I also agree that the "want-it list" is inexhaustible.

 

However, I still maintain that being happy - not the effervescent cheerleader type, but still the type that makes you feel more smiley and chipper than usual - either requires something good to happen to you, or some action on your part.

 

Again, I measure happiness by moments rather than days or lifetimes.

 

For a situation like the OP's, where "not being unhappy" doesn't equate to "being happy", I'd suggest this -

Instead of trying to lead a "happy life" in its entirety, engage in an activity that gratifies you for a specific time. It could be surfing on the ocean, having a cup of your favorite coffee, or going on a ginormous shopping spree. As long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, it's OK to do that which gives you happiness.

 

Moral of my story is, although we would all like to reach a level where we're happy just because, with most people it's neither possible nor necessary.

[Outcast]

either requires something good to happen to you

 

So being alive and well and having good meals and looking at the beauty around isn't 'something good'?

 

or some action on your part

 

I submit the only action necessary is to be actively grateful for things you do have.

[Blackfrost]

Every day there is something beautiful to enjoy - even if it's just the taste of your cup of coffee in the morning.

 

What do you mean EVEN IF IT'S JUST!?!? This is the happiest moment of every morning when i wake up :laugh:

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

So being alive and well and having good meals and looking at the beauty around isn't 'something good'?

 

I submit the only action necessary is to be actively grateful for things you do have.

 

Of course those are good things! In fact, I'm feeling quite happy myself right now, after a nice dinner...

[mejohn1]

Ahhh..the whole "Why am I here" [sIZE=2]conundrum. Man's eternal question. The cause of so much anguish and inner torment. Each and everyone of us has thought it, what's our purpose, am I meant for something great? This is the very thought that roots itself in our minds and drives some crazy and others thrive on it. After all, aren't we all entitled to be happy, not just a few here and a some over there? But we as humans always tend to over think things and tell ourselves that happiness is some aloof thing that can only be achieved when we become successful. Until that time we make ourselves misserable with the things we don't have, how we want to be seen by others, who knows us, blah, blah, blah. Somehow wev'e allowed oursleves to buy into the theory that we must HAVE to be happy. Those who don't...won't. [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]Well what is it that we must have? The media and advertising crackpots have been working hard as hell for the last century telling us that if we don't have M&M's, Coke or a Lexus we will be just like everybody else who doesn't: miserable and loser. If you have these things life will be wonderful; you'll be happy! So, all of you Lexus owners, are you happy now? Or is the big lie showing true. [/sIZE]

 

Happiness is not possetions, it's not the color of your hair or eyes. It's not how many people you slept with last week or what dressing you had on your salad. Happiness has got to be more than that. It's inner peace with yourself. It's Faith. All of you heathen's can laugh but it's true. Any person who has a deep down faith in God, and it's honest, has a different outlook on life because when life is over..it's just begun. That's thrilling to know. Now, I'm not the practicing person I was raised to be. I, like so many others, rebeled and when with what society was telling me. Be my own person, tell the grown up to bite me, do what I want to do. Yet I sit here with a wife in the largest state of depression anyone of you could imagine, and all I hear from her is how she wants to change her apperance, how she wishes we had cellphones again, what will life be like when we get that extra $600 p/month in disability for her depression (good luckwith that sister). Not one utterance from her about healing her guts, it's allabout the possetions we don't have but will make us happy. Sheesh.

 

We could learn everything about happiness from watching young children play. As ong as there's a place for them to run, jump and climb, they're happy. As long as mom and dad are around and involved, they're happy. They don't come running and say "hey, I need this item or my life will suck". They ask for little and give much in return. They are nice to every kid who is at the playground regardless of color or shape. They just like to be kids. Why don't we like to be adults? We have lost what we believe in. Kids look toknow one else but their parents for guidance and direction. We have to respond to these requests or they go looking for their own answers. And they find them on TV, the radio, the internet. Their opinions are formed not from mom and dad, but by which ever ad is the loudest and the shiniest. This is why depression has run rampant in our society, kids who were left to find their way whiel mommy and daddy were still trying to find theirs. They grow up not knowing anything about life, and they freak.

 

God gives that inner peace, all of our grandparents believed, so did the generations before that. But being good and propper doesn't fit with the "go your own way" approach and we are dying because we won't let ourselves believe. I pray it turns around. Love your kids and teach them true.[sIZE=2]

[/sIZE]