Am I being too unwilling or close minded? Or is she being bossy?

[justagirl1121]

I have a best friend, and we usually get along great. We've never gotten in fights or anything but sometimes my friend goes through stages...sometimes we're real close and sometimes she goes through her stage and I just kinda back off and let her start initiating things again.

 

We graduated from college like 2 years ago. She's dating some one 4.5 hours away. She met him while visiting a college roommate that moved to this city. It's been a year. He asked her to move down there and now she is and she got a job and will be done there for good before the end of this month.

 

Yeah, okay, I'm a little sad, maybe a little jealous because I'm still stuck living at home with my annoying mother who doesn't let me do anything. Me and my friend WERE going to move into a place together but then she changed her mind, gave other excuses but I think she was just waiting for the "move in with me" question to be asked...

 

So, anyway, I have a job I like for the most part, I'm trying to save up to move out and figure out what I really want to go (go to gradschool for something, but keep working so they'll pay for part of it and I still make money and get progress, etc).

 

I don't have ANY luck with guys EVER. Living at home just doesnt help but then they don't come along anyway so i haven't bothered too much since hte last time i got screwed over by a guy (not that way either).

 

Well, apparently her bf has a friend and he's nice, nerdy but cute, yada yada yada. I have to go down there and meet him and her "Master Plan" as she calls it involves me meeting him, start talking to him, start visiting him, date him, and move down there too so we can all be together.

 

I've been kinda opposed to it. I dont think i have the patience to drive 4.5 hours every other week or something. I want to save my money (I mean, I spend it when I need to, but I also don't spend friviously) and don't really want to get involved with this. It's one thing if i were already in a relationship and it went LD, but this is from the get go and she keeps telling me i shouldn't be so negative and I should give it a chance, etc.

 

And it kind of annoyed me a bit but i know this is how she is; when i talked to her the other day for a min she asked abt me visiting at the end of the month for our friends house warming get together, and i was like yeah, im still just trying someone to swap my days with so i dont have to take a vac day because i kinda want to trans a couple days into next year. She was like "i wouldn't worry, who knows how long you'll still be there anyway" and "you may find a job you like better, down in ...." etc and i'm like don't start.

 

i'm like he's not goign to like me and she's like yes he will, you dont know that! i'm like uh...EXPERIENCE! he's not going to be interested! which is partly why i'm going down there, because i'm not going to let her trying to set me up interfer with me going to visit a city i would like to visit and see my other friends...but im kinda worried she's going to do something like leave me and this kid together so we have no choice or something....but since i know he wouldnt be interested, im not really worrying about anything happening....

 

she's tried doing this before in college and it went no where but with me kinda looking like a fool because she teased me so much and kept telling me he liked me that i ended up telling him i liked him only for him to tell me he liked someone else.

 

but i am just not sure what ato think at the same time.....SHOULD i be more open minded? Or is she just being a bit immature and bossy? i know she's bossy, believe me and i've told her she is. that's why she's monica and im rachel and not the other way around.....

 

please, some help would be appreciated!!!!

[Brittjean06]

You didn't really write about her as coming off as bossy. But who knows she could be more domineering in person.She has tried to master this with another guy and it didn't work out right? I think you just don't want it to happen again so really shes not being bossy and your not really being too close minded. Just give it a chance it COULD possibly work out and if it doesn't than for next time this comes up again you won't let her convince you in too going:)

[justagirl1121]

I don't think you'd see her as bossy from that thread, but she's the type of person that just is always like not wanting to go to the restaurant I pick or do any of the driving or anything, giving some reason why she can't drive, and that's not really bossy but I always seem to get the short end of the stick.

 

I just find it a bit irratating what when I tell her, 'you know what, i'm just not interested in being pushed into a long distance relationship. i have my job now i want to keep for a little bit and get my things in order. im not interested in even potentially starting something LD; it's just not for me. I just dont have the lifestyle that gives me the freedom to drive out there like that with my job and stuff" and her response is that because she does it, i can do it and i have no excuse and its really infuriating that she just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and telling me im going to meet him then talk to him then start dating him then move down here. and constantly telling me not to worry about trying to invest my stuff that the company gives because i wont be ther elong enough. but hmm maybe i kinda like where i am right now. and she just wont leave it alone!!!

 

part of me is like...well why cant a friend try to hook someone up, that's normal. but what if the person doesnt WANT them to and they keep on insisting. dont i have a right to just not want to? i mean i dont have luck w/ guys. why get myself hurt anyway? i dont mind MEETING him, i just dont feel like being part of a big set up that she'll force me into without my wanting to even do it. like we'll go out and she'll leave w/ her bf and hop in a cab and leave the 2 of us or something and tell me "oh you love it you love me" and just will repeat that no matter how upset or angry i might get.

 

so i just dont know what to say to her to explain it to her.