Guest Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? sure there's the saying "you just know", but there has to be more to it. what makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? What makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? Ever see that movie "City Slickers". With Billy Crystal.. I forgot the old guy's name, but he says... "The secret of life is just one thing...." And Crystal says "Whats that?" and the old guy says "That's what you have to find out." For each person its different. What would be my "soul mate" won't be yours. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 (Jack Palance played the gruff talking, leatherfaced Curly Washburn in the movie.) But to answer the OP's question, there is no such thing as "the one." That's pure fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
SoCalCatman72 Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? sure there's the saying "you just know", but there has to be more to it. what makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? Well, IMO and experience, first you have to narrow the pool down to those that you can spend the rest of your life with. No joke really, I have met many many women that I thought were attractive, but not someone I could live with day in and day out for the rest of my life. Then you have to ask yourself how much would you have to change for this person to want to live with you for the rest of their life, and are you willing to make those lifelong changes. Oh and it helps if you are attracted to and in love with the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Asafan Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 You have to date a lot and find out what you don't like. That said, a lot of it is luck I think. As much as my wife sometimes drives me crazy, I can't imagine my life without her. Had I not "fallen in love" with her I certainly would never have married her. No one in their right mind would enter into marriage in their right mind. But, had I not "fallen in love" I would not have those days where I realize that there is no one on earth that I COULD have married and be spending my life with that is as perfect for me as she is. So in one sense I just got lucky. She could have just as easily turned out to be someone I couldn't stand on a continual basis. It really is amazing to me sometimes. There are days where I think to myself: "Hmm, how can I kill her and get away with it?" and days when I think: "My God, where has she been all my life":love: And I know she feels exactly the same way sometimes. Or, maybe I'm just a nut, but I do think a lot of married couples go through this. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 for me, it was a sure thing. This was the person I saw being during certain rough periods in life. This was the person who "got" me, who didn't ask me to change for the sake of our marriage, who was comfortable enough in himself that he wasn't threatened by my relationships with close friends and family, or the fact that I liked doing things on my own. And the sex was good, not because he was skilled, but because we were almost immediately comfortable with each other's bodies – hard one to explain, but easily recognizable once you find it ... Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Well, I know I've met the right person because he is someone I consider my best friend, and he takes the time and effort to truly get to know me, we talk and talk about things, good and bad,and when ther are s**tty times, when I feel like walking away, I take a deep breath and talk some more, or get my space so I can think, and then I'm pretty much over it. If you find the person worth trudging through the bad times with, it makes the good times all that more glorious, and that's what I believe tu love is, and how I know I've found the one. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? sure there's the saying "you just know", but there has to be more to it. what makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? I never believed in 'the one' or at any rate, thought it would never happen to me. I've got one friend who has been married for over 20 years and always used to ask her when I would know I'd met him. She used to say, "You just know" and she was right although I didn't meet him till I was 34. Unfortunately, he is also someone elses 'the one' and will probably never be mine. So, the search continues.....can there be another? Who knows? I think they're 'the one' when you want to be there for them through the bad times as much as the good, when you would lay down your life for them, when you put their needs before your own, when you can feel their pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I think they're 'the one' when you want to be there for them through the bad times as much as the good, when you would lay down your life for them, when you put their needs before your own, when you can feel their pain. I think this kind of "Prince Charming" thinking is dangerous because feelings (and people) do change over the course of 10, 15, 20 years. Maybe they are "The One" if you are willing to work on the relationship after they no longer seem like "The One"? LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 To each his own beliefs, wants and needs. For me. I am still searching 'for -the-one' but I have discovered through massive dating the characteristics that are what I know I need and want. Those that stand out the strongest for me are: (no order) *has to be a friend *has to help me be a better person *has to be supportive *has to be forgiving *has to be able to admit his wrongs and apoligize when needed *has to share similiar morals and values *has to be helpful and resourceful *he should balance me so to speak (has characteristic's that I lack--together we are stronger and better- we are able to help one another) *has to be loyal, faithful and dedicated to one woman (me) *has to be affectionate *has to have a sense of humor and be able to have fun *has to be responsible *has to be able to communicate *has to be able to listen * also for me--he has to be Catholic and believe in God.. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I don't really believe in "the one" either but I do think there are a couple of important prerequisites 1) you absolutely positively have to be strongly physically attracted to them. I have done the "nice guy" relationship and it is doomed from the start 2) you have to be truly mature enough to stick it out. I think back on past relationships and realize that it could have worked had we both been mature enough at the time...I don't mean age, btw, just having the right attitude and being able to get through the rough times. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? sure there's the saying "you just know", but there has to be more to it. what makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? ask your self these questions and dig very deep and you know it must be a emotional thing you really have to look at it as this is really real. 1. can you see yourself 60 years from now married to him and watching your grandchildren play in the floor. 2. what if something terrible happens (I pray that it does not) but what if in three years from now and a major accdent or something is wrong and he/she is wheel chaired bound or bed written or cannot do for themself are you that in love with this person to take care of them and not run at the first chance you get. honest can you say you would be there for them not leave their side no matter the cause?!! can you stand by them in case of a drug addiction or a drinking problem? not run at first chance.... can you see yourself raiseing children with this person and stick it out no matter the cost. can you see yourself telling and shareing your deepest darkest secerts and know that you are safe and are safly keep with them? marrage is not taken serious enough these days and if you dont look to the future with this person and see yourself there then why marry? I know we are never promised tommorrow never the good book tells us that but in esance to your question you really need to look as if you will have tommorrow and not just live for today. when you marry it should be a commitment between you both that is kept truthful and loveing. dont marry with your eyes marry with your heart. would you love this person if they gained weight....lots of that gowing around that because you are married for 10 years you still look the same as you did when you first married(not!!!) things will change!!! but can you see yourself loving and having the same sex partner for the rest of your life? all these things that you just cant say check not so check check not so check. you really need to be prepared to make this work and last for your lifetime and consider all things and most of all can you see sharing sunsets,romantic dinners, vegin out on the couch watching a scary movie or a football game... things like that. well I hope I helped... Link to post Share on other sites
cld24 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I always hoped I'd find the one, but had given up after years of getting into relationships and dating men that I could just deal with while hoping they would change. Then everything changed when I met my husband. From the start we could tell everything was different in our relationship than in past ones we both had been in. Everything just was right. Neither of us had to overlook things we didn't like about the other or make any exceptions. The only word we can use to describe it is "perfect." We are truly meant for one another so we decided to get married and it is working out beautifully. Too bad we still have a couple months of living long distance but we easily make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
babysteps Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 From our first date, I knew I was going to marry my husband. He felt like home to me. We've been happily married six years now. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 There is no such thing as a "soul mate", or "the one" in the sense that there is someone out there that is marked for you. True love comes from two people who establish a good relationship in the beginning, and are able to sustain that relationship by using the right tools, and maturity. After around four years together, that's where the test really comes in. Most people today will not make it (read your statistics), while very few will carry on. It's much easier to give up during the hard times, than to stick it out. P.S. Cohabitators are at the greatest risk of failure compared to any other relationships. Never believe the misguided myth regarding soul mates. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 P.S. Cohabitators are at the greatest risk of failure compared to any other relationships. That's because people who refuse to cohabit before marriage are generally religious types who also refuse to divorce. The lack of divorce does not constitute 'success'. Living happily together constitutes success and those studies did not look for that as a criterion. Never believe the misguided myth regarding cohabitors. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 good point! Link to post Share on other sites
kulyok Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 That's because people who refuse to cohabit before marriage are generally religious types who also refuse to divorce. The lack of divorce does not constitute 'success'. Living happily together constitutes success and those studies did not look for that as a criterion. Never believe the misguided myth regarding cohabitors. I wouldn't dismiss it as a myth right away. I used to be a strong agnostic type, and I used to believe that marriage was just a piece of paper. And I used to believe cohabitating wasn't any different. But from my own experience of happy, enjoyable and lengthy cohabitating, cohabitating does not feel secure. I mean, not insecure in the way "he'll leave me! he'll leave me! what shall i do!". No. I am childfree, financially stable and good-looking, I know how to treat my kind of guy right... I guess. So, it is not exactly that. It is more like - working on my relationship. To make it _true love forever_, I have to commit to it fully. Every day of my life, I want to wake up and know: "I am in this for life. I want to make me and my man happy forever. I will do anything, and I know he will, too." With cohabitating, it is _almost_ like that - for the simple reason that, if the relationship becomes less than amiable, sex - less than regular and so on, break-up follows immediately. So, I do have to work on my relationship if its just cohabitating, too - to make it enjoyable, if nothing else. But with cohabitating, I still have this thought at the back of my mind, and will have it always while unmarried: "I am still free. I am still able to choose. I do not have to work too hard, I do not have to commit myself forever - we still do not belong to each other." Other choices are avaliable, and at the back of my mind, I will always consider them - or my subconscious self will. I might be very, very alone in this, of course. But somehow, I do not think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Clearly being married doesn't stop people thinking that way. Else there would be no divorces. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Once again, this is another good point. However; if your cohabitating and you initially commited exclusively to each other, this is the same thing as getting married. Depending on your religious background, marriage is only a piece of paper. If you were brought up that divorce is a bad thing, then yes marriage would probably hold you together longer (even if your unhappy in some cases). If you have abandoned religion (as I have), then then only thing you have left is your promise to commit. This same type of thing holds true in the legal world, where verbal agreements are just as powerful as paper. Remember, marriage was a ceremonial union created by man! Regards Link to post Share on other sites
purple_nurple Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 simply put...there will me no question in your mind if she/he's the one. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I don't believe the cohabiting commitment is the same as the marriage commitment. Perhaps it is for some people, but I don't see it that way at all. Something is holding them back, or the couple would get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Perhaps what's holding them back, is marriage rarely works anymore. I remember my EX recently told me before it was over, that she doesn't want to get married just to wind up divorcing. I guess that may have been one of her fears. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 always go for the one that gives you the fluffy pillow at night. looks will fade, but a man that gives you the fluffy pillow is a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 how do you know when you've met the right person? sure there's the saying "you just know", but there has to be more to it. what makes this person the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? what are the qualities that "the one" would have? Actually, I'd agree with the statement that "you just know". I'm not sure there is anything more to it. I recently ended a relationship with a woman who fulfilled pretty much all of the things I needed in a partner, and that included strong physical attraction and compatible sex drives. But I couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't the person I was meant to be with forever. To put it simply, I cared about her but wasn't in love with her. As for what was missing... I'm not totally sure. But I've felt that "special something" before, so I guess THAT's what's missing. Link to post Share on other sites
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