EndoftheRope Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 We've already been the route of ask for recommendations. H got a recommendation from our parish priest. I was extremely disappointed, as his best advice seemed to be for me to dismiss all inconsistent stories/ actions as 'inexplicable' and never think of them as lies; and to pretend everything is okay. Great advice for my husband, who was happily and secretly still communicating with his female friend while swearing to me that he was an open book. (He says as of last week he e-mailed her and broke all contact.) H says for me to find a counselor this time. Is there any better way than wasting our time on five or six sessions getting a feel for someone? I've heard 'interview them.' What questions do you ask? Do you do this over the phone or in person? Is that interview the first, paid session, or do they do this as a professional courtesy? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 They should do an interview as a professional courtesy. If they don't, I wouldn't want them anyways. That means they're more about money than helping. Questions to ask: What was your education? What are your credentials, how long have you been practicing? What is your personal philosophy about therapy? Why do you think therapy works? What methodologies or philosophies do you ascribe to? What is a successful therapeutic process, in your opinion? What are some problems you come across commonly? Are there personality types that you tend to not get along with? What types of work do you require your patients to do? Worksheets? Behavioral modification? Journaling? ------------------------------------------------- Also, think about where you are right now, and where you would like to be. The therapist's objective should be to facilitate your own process of discover, to help you refute illogical thinking and learn better communication, conflict resolution, and self reflection skills. It's easier for the practitioner if you have a vague idea of what your goals are regarding the therapeutic process. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EndoftheRope Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 Blind Otter, Thanks so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough answer. I have to ask, though... what kind of answers am I looking for? The last counselor assured me vehemently that his goal is not just salvaging marriages, but a HAPPY marriage for BOTH spouses. He could not answer, however, in the end, how pretending on my part was supposed to get that for me. (I'd be happy to keep doing it IF I knew it was leading to better things, but he couldn't tell me that, and simply said there's no more he could do for us.) So I guess I'm a little gunshy of believing anyone's answers anyway, and will have to figure out how to deal with that problem. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 What was your education? What are your credentials, how long have you been practicing? You want to hear that they are educated in the field and what they concentrated on as their area of intersest. You want to hear that they have been practicing a relatively long time and that they have extensive experience dealing with the type of marital issues that you are most concerned with. For example, if there is no physical abuse or anger issues, you don't really need a therapist who is more experienced dealing with abusive relationships, see what I'm saying? What is your personal philosophy about therapy? Why do you think therapy works? Again this is personal. Research different therapeutic styles online. Figure out what you tend to respond to best. Do you just need a referee and can talk it out on your own? Do you need help learning how to interact? Do you respond better to acting out scenarios, or worksheets? Would you be able to journal? What are you willing to do and what kind of interaction gives the best results? This is where introspection and awareness of your own communication style as well as your learning style can help. What methodologies or philosophies do you ascribe to? You just look for what they believe in, and see if it jives with your personal philosophy. If you're totally not into new agey energy fields and stuff like that, you'll think a therapist that talks about auras is full of crap. They won't be helpful. What is a successful therapeutic process, in your opinion? What are some problems you come across commonly? This is pretty self evident, IMO. Are there personality types that you tend to not get along with? Answers again, self evident. The relevence is dependent on what your particular personality type is. What types of work do you require your patients to do? Worksheets? Behavioral modification? Journaling? See above. It's just important to be educated about what's out there, the personality type you get along with better, and what methods you respond to best when learning new information. It's like having a doctor. You need to know what you're dealing with yourself in order to be a good patient. Link to post Share on other sites
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