EndoftheRope Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 It was suggested here that some of my husband's behavior is typical of being an adult child of an alcoholic. When I found a list of common characteristics, all sorts of things about not only him, but the way his whole family behaves, clicked into place. The lies are a big one. Pretending everything is normal when it isn't, and pressuring others into playing along seems to be 'normal' for people with this upbringing, too. I personally see lying as a choice, a behavior, not something that a disease forces you to do. However, thinking of it as an illness makes it easier for me to grasp how an otherwise decent, loving, caring man can try so hard to save his marriage, be showering me with gifts, be thoughtful, caring, and loving, and give me almost anything but the truth. I think thinking of it this way will be the only way I can tolerate staying in this marriage for the kids' sake. I feel much better after my first meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Keep going. Those meetings can keep you going through rough times. It kind of sounds like it's your hubby who ought to be attending. Is there a reason he won't go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EndoftheRope Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 He went to one meeting, two or three months ago, when I finally backed him into enough of a corner that he was forced to admit he'd lied about a specific incident. He was angry that anything negative had been said about his father, who only died in January. He didn't want to talk about it, and never went back. He won't even admit that he lies, so I'm sure he's very much in the 'I don't have a problem' stage. NOTHING bad can be said about his family and I think going to al-anon would be saying something bad about them, at least in his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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