Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Last time I spoke to MM the discussion somehow got into leaving spouses for one another. I asked him if he woiuld ever leave his wife for me. His repsonse was " I dont' think I could hurt your husband like that". Now I am not understanding this!!! He said before that his wife was his best friend Wouldn't he have said he could not hurt his wife and children?? Why was he concearned with my husband's feeling's???? To help you understand MM a little more here's a bit about him. He is a very emotional type of guy. He is always afriad of hurting others so he speak's. He seems to have a ton of female friend's that he claims he connects well with in my opition he's a bit of a flirt. Just looking for some feedback. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I honestly think you're wondering waaay too much what he thinks and why. It doesn't matter...Don't try to figure it out. The sooner you can close your mind off to him, the better off you'll be. By allowing yourself to obsess and think of him so much is making YOUR OWN healing take longer. Bottom line - He isn't going to leave his wife and kids for you. SO, what is the actual point of wondering "what if ..." as that "what if" isn't ever going to happen. AP, you're driving yourself nuts! You must try your best to keep busy and keep him out of your head! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I'm sorry, that's a load of crap. He just doesn't want to seem like the bad guy by telling you straight out that he wouldn't ever leave his wife. He wanted to seem all altruistic and stuff...probably to make you think, "awwww, he's such a caring guy!" If he said it straight out, you might start to wonder if you should leave the affair, which, of course, he doesn't want you to do because he likes his cake. Just read WWIU's post...if you have left him already, it really is best to just put him out of your mind. There's nothing to gain from dwelling on what he may or may not have meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 Yes ladies I am driving my self nut's and I need to stop, it's just so darn difficult!! The simple fact that he lives next door certainly DOES NOT help infact it's complete torture!! Back to my bag of skittles;) at least candy helps, LOL! Thank's. Ap Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 You two should consider moving. It may be the only way to get over him. Hope it won't come to that, but sooner or later your husband and his wife are going to pick up on the sexual energy between you two and that WILL cause alot of problems...Even more than you're experiencing now. Start off now by not being home so much. Go out more with your children, and when the kids aren't around, go visit friends and stuff. Over the weekend, have company over or some evenings, that way you're not tempted to sit and wonder about him so much. Keep busy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 You two should consider moving. It may be the only way to get over him. Hope it won't come to that, but sooner or later your husband and his wife are going to pick up on the sexual energy between you two and that WILL cause alot of problems...Even more than you're experiencing now. Start off now by not being home so much. Go out more with your children, and when the kids aren't around, go visit friends and stuff. Over the weekend, have company over or some evenings, that way you're not tempted to sit and wonder about him so much. Keep busy!!! I know what you mean about them picking up on the sexual energy I am so suprised that they haven't allready noticed it? I am trying to stay away from home especially when he comes home from work, that way I will not be tempted to call or visit him. I am also trying to stay away on weekend's as well. I just miss beign able to be in my home and relaxed without wondering if I am going to catch a glimpse of him, cause when that happens my heart goes a pounding like you wouldn't believe!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Focus on your own life, your husband and your kids. Put curtains up so you won't be able to 'see' into their house. Sooner or later the feelings will disappear...And you can help that along by not caring what goes on nextdoor. And now you need to train yourself NOT to wait to catch a glimpse of him. He's poison for you and your marriage, remember that. NO good can come of this. OK, to take it a step further, (as you know once in a while you need that push to see things even more clearly...Though, you're doing an excellent job so far - You just need to keep going and not let yourself slip) when you think of him and start feeling - Tell yourself "It's very selfish of me to think of him in that way. Everytime I think of him, I'm disrespecting my husband, my children, myself. And the MM's family...." Once you get into the groove of changing your thinking patterns, you will stop. It's like changing negative thinking to positive thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Last time I spoke to MM the discussion somehow got into leaving spouses for one another. I asked him if he woiuld ever leave his wife for me. His repsonse was " I dont' think I could hurt your husband like that". Now I am not understanding this!!! Oh please... don't ever try and figure out what a MM is thinking! They don't even know what the heck they are doing, never mind someone else trying to put sense into their actions. I have been with my MM for almost two years, have never tried to figure out why he does the things he does. I accept him for who he is, I love him for who he is, and that is all there is to it. Either you accept your relationship as it is - or you best be movin on. MM are who they are because they can and because they do - that is all you will ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
LilMa06 Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 YM, I feel the same way about my MM, you know, that I love him for who he is but at the same time i wonder , isn't there something wrong with that or is my love so deep for him that even though he does what he does, i am still in love with him...AP, i guess your situation is different from mine since the both of you are married, let me ask you something, if you knew for sure that he would never leave his wife, would you keep seeing him or would you bounce? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Last time I spoke to MM the discussion somehow got into leaving spouses for one another. I asked him if he woiuld ever leave his wife for me. His repsonse was " I dont' think I could hurt your husband like that". If I were you, I would concentrate on the first part of his comment, not the last. He is telling you something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 12, 2006 Author Share Posted August 12, 2006 YM, I feel the same way about my MM, you know, that I love him for who he is but at the same time i wonder , isn't there something wrong with that or is my love so deep for him that even though he does what he does, i am still in love with him...AP, i guess your situation is different from mine since the both of you are married, let me ask you something, if you knew for sure that he would never leave his wife, would you keep seeing him or would you bounce? LilMa, To answer your question as to if I would keep seeing him if I knew for sure he would never leave, The answer would be YES, but I think just as friend's. The relationship is headed back into the Just friend's zone at this point. I am not so sure we can Just be friend's ever again, but it's worth trying for because we do both really like each other and I believe we both realize that if we contiune along the path of more than friend's we will both lose everything which we don't want to happen. The hard part here for me is the DEEP connection I feel with him. I know he feel's it too cause he has said so, however I think we both know the connection is just not deep enough to end our marriage's. AP Link to post Share on other sites
lizad Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 answer please......... I just recently ended a 2 and a half year affair. we are both married and during the course of the affair we did get into the discussion of leaving to be with one another........for me, i was soooo caught up in my MM when we would see each other and it felt so good that I "THOUGHT" I wanted to be with him. Then as I went back to my "real" life, I knew that I wouldn't leave my husband and had many many episodes of NC trying to break it off. He also gave me the line " I don't think I could hurt your husband " etc etc.... you know what it's all BS*it. they can come up with any excuse if it really came down to it. I have no doubt how this man felt about me and "fantasized" about being with me but when there is history and children and money issues, they don't leave. I'm not saying there is a man or two where it does happen but the majority dont. having an affair actually gives them more of a reason to stay, especially if they are missing what you are giving them at home. Link to post Share on other sites
LilMa06 Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 THanks for being honest, and I feel you and I feel sad for you because I know what it feels like to have a deep connection to someone who you totally alive and yourself with but at the same time you have to fight within yourself to do what is right. Stay Strong AP. LM Link to post Share on other sites
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