New Year is off to a bad start!

[Daria]

I am at a loss as to what to do. I was spending New Year's eve with my boyfriend of 3.5 months. Everything was going very well, but as time drew closer to midnight he told me that he really wasn't too much into staying up just to have a toast and watch the ball drop on Times Square. We were both tired that evening, and although in my family we always greeted the New Year with a champagne toast and stayed up well past 12 o'clock, I didn't insist. It was more important to me that we were together, and the rest really didn't matter.

 

The following evening (January 1), he and I were talking. And he asked whether there was anything that bothered me that I wished to discuss. I hesitated, but then said that I was a little bit disappointed we did not stay up until midnight on New Year's eve. I never said it was his fault we didn't, and I really don't see it that way. If I had insisted, I am sure we would have. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it at all, but it was out.

 

Immediately, he became very cold and distant and even moved away from me. Suddenly that bed became too cold and lonely for me to stay in. What really got me upset is the fact that I guess I shouldn't voice my concerns but rather keep them inside. Eventually, of course, I will get over them. But is this what being in a loving relationship all about?

 

I got up, got dressed and left. He asked me where I was going, and I said home. He looked at the clock to see how late it was, but never said or did anything to stop me or make me reconsider, or just talk about it.

 

I drove for 15 minutes from his house to mine, expecting him to at least call me at home. He did not. It was a sleepless, miserable night for me, and a very lonely one.

 

It's 9:30 AM now, the following morning (January 2). I still haven't heard from him.

 

Did I overreact? Did I act irrationally? Should I wait for him to call or call him myself? I don't want to play games. I don't need an apology, just a sign that he cares. Please help!!!

[Daisy]

If you don't want to play games, then call him up. If you sit around waiting for him to call when you're the one that really needs/wants to talk things out with him, you're already well on your way to participating in the game.

 

Honestly, it doesn't seem like the fight is anything to get all worked up about. So you and him didn't see eye to eye about the matter ... that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed.

 

Perhaps if you actually talk to him about the matter, you might get the situation resolved sooner than you imagined. Communication makes all the difference in the world.

 

Oh, and one other thing to remember ... he can't read your mind. So stop assuming that he should "KNOW" when to call you, or "KNOW" when you're upset, or "KNOW" anything else about you and how you're feeling. The only way men "KNOW" anything is if you tell them. (Disclaimer: Even then, you might have to tell them again a week later just to remind them)

[Daria]

Thank you so very much! You said exactly what I needed to hear.

[Tony T]

You should have said something New Year's night. It is not cool to bring things up after the fact. When people do that it pisses me off. If they were there at the time and kept their mouth shut, they have no right to complain later on.

 

On the other hand, you have a right to talk about your feelings. You need to learn just how to express them. I wasn't there...but the best way to have put this over would have been to tell your guy "last night was really nice. Next New Year's Eve, when we are together, let's go to bed early on December 30 so we can be rested and stay up to see 2003 come in", etc. That would have communicated your message extremely well.

 

I think your guy reacted like a child. You ought to carefully review his behavior. If he acts like a baby all the time, you obviously don't need him in your life. If he had been mature, he would have told you "I wish you would have brough this up last night...and I am sorry. We'll do better next year." And then he would have dropped it.

 

Don't marry this guy until he grows up...or don't marry him at all if you can find a guy who is already grown up.