Hah...I should have done a search for counseling sooner. (2 months sooner)

[Wolfp]

Another day down...this one not so good. Angry with the DW because she hasnt attempted to contact the kids in over a week. Know I cant control it, but now this is starting to eat at me. I can understand her not wanting to talk to me, but the kids...come on.

[Gunny376]

Ignoring you! Just giving it time to think! Soak in! Sleep on it! You're last PM was a "whosser"

[Gunny376]

You can't put yourself through all that "woulda, coulda, shoulda", Wolf. It's paralyzing, and it'll keep you from doing what you need to do. You already know in a cerebral sense that you can't affect the past. You can only work in the NOW. Let that message sink down into the subconscious by forgiving yourself. Your only crime here is in not being clairvoyant. Surely, you can muster up some self-forgiveness on that.

 

I'm still not convinced, btw... that you don't have another unidentified player in all this mess. Your WW's behavior could be due to her illness, but it also bears ALOT of the hallmarks of infidelity. I don't want to make you paranoid. But I do want you to keep your peepers open.

 

 

You know, I know! We know! Vets know vets!

 

I clocked Wolf as a Marine the first time he posted!

 

You know, I know! Vets knows Vets.

[Wolfp]

Well...finally a bit of positive news. Got the transfer, so I will be able to get the kids someplace not so alien, stable, and back into a normal school with friends, etc. as well as better manage this crisis. Going back to CLNC.

[Wolfp]

Direction and purpose my friends is all you need. I havent felt this alive in days...planning and execution that's where its at.

[Gunny376]

Backup enabler (MIL equiivalent) was two of her older sisters. They had a failing out ~ and have barely spoken to each other over the last 16 years.

 

DW is burning bridges BIG TIME! Gen. Sherman hasn't got ****ite on her. Everyone around her is getting fed up. All in all, DW forgot to think this whole thing through a little bit ~ don't you think? As in A-Z? She's in-country, without a supporting base, and the natives are growing hostile? The Cliff Notes version of the story is she's up on the bern, with zero wind. The comm just went out on the line and between the line and the pit, after being given the command "All Ready On The Right, All Ready On The Left!"

 

Its not going to be pretty and its not going to be fun!

 

The tide is turning my friend ~ the tide is turning.

 

Time to get out the Enigma decoder and sound the diving claxton. Daz Boot! Herr Kapitain! Daz Boot!

 

When you get back to CL, you should take the kids down to MB, SC and become Joe Kool! maybe do a little T&A Recon? Never hurts to look? Ya'll could use a little R&R after all of this. Or at least a day trip to Topsail B.

 

You ever eat at Arnold's up in Richlands? Pretty good chow for the price.

Sure do miss that Easten NC BBQ! Is Silver and Gold still open? That a Marine's Bar if every there was one. The Sgt Maj did it righteous. Top shelf. LOL! It was either open a bar ~ or a musem.

[Wolfp]

Backup enabler (MIL equiivalent) was two of her older sisters. They had a failing out ~ and have barely spoken to each other over the last 16 years.

 

DW is burning bridges BIG TIME! Gen. Sherman hasn't got ****ite on her. Everyone around her is getting fed up. All in all, DW forgot to think this whole thing through a little bit ~ don't you think? As in A-Z? She's in-country, without a supporting base, and the natives are growing hostile? The Cliff Notes version of the story is she's up on the bern, with zero wind. The comm just went out on the line and between the line and the pit, after being given the command "All Ready On The Right, All Ready On The Left!"

 

Its not going to be pretty and its not going to be fun!

 

The tide is turning my friend ~ the tide is turning.

 

Time to get out the Enigma decoder and sound the diving claxton. Daz Boot! Herr Kapitain! Daz Boot!

 

When you get back to CL, you should take the kids down to MB, SC and become Joe Kool! maybe do a little T&A Recon? Never hurts to look? Ya'll could use a little R&R after all of this. Or at least a day trip to Topsail B.

 

You ever eat at Arnold's up in Richlands? Pretty good chow for the price.

Sure do miss that Easten NC BBQ! Is Silver and Gold still open? That a Marine's Bar if every there was one. The Sgt Maj did it righteous. Top shelf. LOL! It was either open a bar ~ or a musem.

 

Yeah...I get the same impression. Kids and I are running silent and deep at this point, no talky, talky at least until we make landfall on the Northern Continent at which point we'll make the grand announcement, "Honey...we're home!" or "Heeeeeere's Johnny!" or somesuch. Needs to be something with style and pinache.

 

Anyway, talk about burning bridges. Her sister is miffed because she hasnt talked to her since this whole mess started. Her sister being a divorcee 3rd Award, would probably have been someone to go to for advice on this matter, but eh. So she calls me and says she wants me to come down over Memorial Day with the young'ins, which we may do. Her sister may be a flake, but she is a good person and loves my kids to death. They live in Orlando, so Sunny, Warm, lots to do, and eyeball liberty. Might not be a bad idea.

 

I think Silver and Gold in CLNC is a strip joint outside of the gates at Johnson. I wanna say the one you are talking about is outside of Q-town. Nice joint, good place to have lunch. Oh BBQ, Cant say that I have, but nothing can beat Rutland's BBQ in Hopkinsville, KY. Best friend's father owned it, I used to work the pits for some extra cash during days. Doubled as an illegal gambling joint and still at night. AAAAAHHHHHH! The good ol' days. Memoooorrriiiieees. Everybody now...

[Gunny376]

I was talking about is a regular club that use to be around the area of the Thai resturant. A retired Marine Sergeant Major started it, with the proceeds from the settlement from the Marine Corps when a Marine Lance Corporal drove over the top of his wives car with a heavy hauler, just outside of New River MCHS.

 

Last time I was up there, the Silver & Gold strip joint was out the back gate going toward Topsail. One of my Marines got a job there as a bouncer ~ thinking he have the inside hookup with the ladies. Strip clubs never appealed to me, past the age of 22 too much, its like a homeless man going in and looking at Cadillacs. If you can't test drive one, why bother? I can get the same just camping out on T&A partol at the beach.

 

He had a hugh collection of Marine Corps memorabilla, and it offered first class enterainment. Might be closed by now ~ you know how things are.

 

I'm going to have to make a trip up the East Coast one year, check out Savanah, Beaufort, PI, CLNC, Q-town. one last time.

 

Yea a T&A Recon patrol would do you some good. Just make sure you've got your Ray Ban's with you.

[Wolfp]

Grrrr...damn dogs...Who'd thunk trying to get the family pet back into the US would be such a pain in the derrier. Getting it down here no problem, getting it back, definitely a challenge. ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

[Wolfp]

Ya know...I never realized we had accrued so much crap, and I still have another crap load sitting in long term storage in Hagerstown, MD. This is no way to run a war.

[Wolfp]

Gang...I am bone azzed tired. I aint been this tired in ages. Popped out of the rack at 0600 and havent stopped since. This prepping and packing thing is for the birds and I still have more to go. Gonna be a loooooong night especially because DW is not here to lend a hand. My son is doing cheeta flips because he still hasnt finished his school work for this semester and we are due to rotate in a week. Christ on a crutch! I found out DW had not been managing the kids during their studies, instead she was up here on the computer ebaying and God knows what else not to mention she still hasnt contacted them. Kids say she stopped interracting with them around April, just would retreat topside until I got home, then hang with me the rest of the time. If I wasnt so damned tired, I'd be furious. I'm already furious with myself because I didnt have enough G2 to ask the question way back when...thought everything was going nice and smooth. Now I am trying to figure out how I am going to massage this with the new school if I can at all. The boy shouldnt have to suffer because mom didnt have her ***t all in one bag. Nope...I'm pissed, which means a little more energy.

[Gunny376]

Refined over 20 years in the Marine Corps

 

1. Hold a yard sale

2. Make donations to the Salvation Army ~ Goodwill

3. Pile the rest in the backyard and burn it

4. Buy all new stuff when you report in to your next duty station

 

I hate moving!

 

Bummer about the kids and the schooling. You'll square it with them when you get back to the J'ville. They might have to do extra work to play catch up.

 

The DW isn't in a fog ~ she's on another planet, maybe one of the new ones they announced today.

 

It'll all smooth out when you get back Stateside. You were bound to find some loose ends, given what was going on. At least you'll be back Stateside with friends and family ~ during the Holidays. You're going to need that circle of influence in the months to come.

[Ladyjane14]

Refined over 20 years in the Marine Corps

 

1. Hold a yard sale

2. Make donations to the Salvation Army ~ Goodwill

3. Pile the rest in the backyard and burn it

4. Buy all new stuff when you report in to your next duty station

 

Unique approach, Gunny.

 

I hate moving too. But I've noticed that if I'm willing to pop for the lunch tab... I get less breakage!

[Wolfp]

As I am starting to feel sorry for myself. Been running around with my hair on fire for the last two days. Movers were supposed to be here by noon and of course they are late coming from Buenos Aires (typical), anyway, had to get some admin crap done, go through mail, etc. First thing I notice, new credit, debit, and atm cards plus pins. Not addressed to myself and the wife, but just me. Second thing I had to do was call the IL's to make sure my wife had returned the rental I got her before leaving CONUS. Now, on this point I am proud, kept a cheery disposition throughougt, told MIL the kids and I were doing great, we'd be home sometime, and didnt even ask after DW (boy was that a stretch), called FIL to let him know if he footed the bill for the car, send it to me and I would reimburse him, had to leave a message on the machine because no one answered. Told him also the kids and I were doing great and he should really call his grandchildren because they would love to hear from him. Again, didnt mention DW (proud moment numero dos). After I hung up, got to feelin sorry for myself as I still dont know if she is there or somewhere else. Hard to let go of caring after 18 years together. CAN...FEEL...WEAKNESS...COMING...WANT...TO...REACH...FOR...PHONE..

STOP...ME...BEFORE...I...DIAL...AGAIN. "This was a public cry for help brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Wolfp"

[Wolfp]

Refined over 20 years in the Marine Corps

 

1. Hold a yard sale

2. Make donations to the Salvation Army ~ Goodwill

3. Pile the rest in the backyard and burn it

4. Buy all new stuff when you report in to your next duty station

 

 

At least you'll be back Stateside with friends and family ~ during the Holidays. You're going to need that circle of influence in the months to come.

 

You should see the mountain of crap I have created for the great pitch of '06.

 

Actually the ninos e yo are looking forward to getting back for the holidays, the Argies dont celebrate Halloween (one of my personal favorites). We had a Halloween party last year and the DW and I were the only ones to show up in costume (I came as a Playboy Bunny and she dressed as Hef). They dont celebrate Thanksgiving either (I know, I know, purely US holiday, but I missed sitting in front of the TV with AL, Katie, and Matt as the floats rolled by) .

[Gunny376]

As I am starting to feel sorry for myself. Been running around with my hair on fire for the last two days. Movers were supposed to be here by noon and of course they are late coming from Buenos Aires (typical), anyway, had to get some admin crap done, go through mail, etc. First thing I notice, new credit, debit, and atm cards plus pins. Not addressed to myself and the wife, but just me. Second thing I had to do was call the IL's to make sure my wife had returned the rental I got her before leaving CONUS. Now, on this point I am proud, kept a cheery disposition throughougt, told MIL the kids and I were doing great, we'd be home sometime, and didnt even ask after DW (boy was that a stretch), called FIL to let him know if he footed the bill for the car, send it to me and I would reimburse him, had to leave a message on the machine because no one answered. Told him also the kids and I were doing great and he should really call his grandchildren because they would love to hear from him. Again, didnt mention DW (proud moment numero dos). After I hung up, got to feelin sorry for myself as I still dont know if she is there or somewhere else. Hard to let go of caring after 18 years together. CAN...FEEL...WEAKNESS...COMING...WANT...TO...REACH...FOR...PHONE..

STOP...ME...BEFORE...I...DIAL...AGAIN. "This was a public cry for help brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Wolfp"

 

 

If she want to talk or is aggravated at your not calling, she'll or the IL's will let you know. Otherwise, your just rubbing salt into an open wound, ~ me thinks. Its like a scabbed over wound ~ you just want to pick at it and sometimes that makes it worse.

[Wolfp]

CONTACT!..NORTH!..RANGE!...WAY OVER YONDER!..DW IN THE OPEN!

 

Guess who called? Yep, the DW. Told me she had been travelling around the last few days. Turned in the rental today (that's 1200 down the crapper). Anyway, handled it smoothly for the most part I believe, listened, short answers to questions, no begging, no pleading, no crying, no I love you, etc.

 

DW-"How are you doing"...

me-"Great, and you"...

 

DW-"How are the kids?"...

me-"They are doing well"...

 

DW-"How's their school coming?"...

me-"Both of them are tracking"...

 

DW-"You know, I would have never cut you off (crying)...(BS!, almost rose to the occassion, but I rode it out)...

me-"I know, I was wrong to cut you off completely, it was a fear and defensive reaction, I shouldn't have done that"...

DW-"Oh, ok"...(took the bullets away from her before she could start wailing away with them, but maybe gave up too much?)...

 

DW-"Well, I have an application in at Moses Cone in Greensboro, but I still don't have a job and they havent called me back yet"...

me-"Good for you, glad to see your getting on your feet"...

 

DW-"I am going to the attorneys tomorrow"...

me-"OK"...

DW-"I cant remember what the list of things were that I originally asked for"...

me-"Well, I dont have them with me, but send it along and I will have my attorney look at it"...

 

DW-"I'm so tired, I've been staying up late at night trying to get ready to work nightshift again. Mom's started to get upset with me, so I moved back to Dad's. I'm not sure how much longer he is going to let me stay"...

me-"Uh, huh"...

DW-"You know, its tough getting started with a new life, I dont have any credit, no place to live"...

me-"I cant imagine, but it must be hard"...

 

DW-"I dont know what you want to do with my clothes, I'm down to a size 0 now"...

me-"Uh, huh"...

DW-"I've been eating mostly yogurt and some dried fruit"

me-"glad to hear you're eating healthy"

 

DW-"I've been spending Daddy's money, I dont know how much longer he can support me"...

me-"Do you need some money?"...

DW-"Yes"...

me-"How much?"...

DW-"5 or 6 hundred dollars"...

me-"Do you have a Western Union close by, I will wire you some"...

DW-"I dont know where it is, I'll email you an address"...

me-"OK"...

 

DW-"You all packing yet?"...

me-"Eh, kinda arranging things, getting ready for the movers"...

DW-"When are you going to be back, do you have a date?"...

me-"Should be soon, end of August, beginning of September"....

DW-"Well, that's good"...

me-"Yeah, we're looking forward to it"...

 

DW-"Do you all have an apartment yet?"...

me-"Yep"...

DW-"Can I get the address, I have a box I need to send"...

me-"uh...wait...nope, cant find it, I'll email it to you later"...

DW-"Ok, do you all need anything?"...

me-"No, I dont think so, I have pretty much everything under control"...

DW-"Oh, OK"...

 

me-"Well, I gotta run, I have some things that I need to do"...

DW-"Oh, OK, I'll call later"...

me-"Sure thing, see ya"...

DW-"OK"

{click-I hung up}

 

Gunz, ya remember that pendulum thingy you were talking about earlier? Hear that scraping? That's it swinging back in my direction? I actually felt in control of the situation for the first time in 3 months since this whole mess began. I would appreciate feedback on the handling of this situation from any and all.

[Ladyjane14]

AWESOME JOB, Wolf!!!

 

You hit the bullseye, rang the bell.... NAILED IT! Bet it felt pretty good too. You ought to get out with the kids tonight and treat yourself to a Hot Fudge Sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top. OMG... You sooooo earned it!

[Wolfp]

Muchisimas Gracias Chica...ya know, it did feel good, damned good and strangely enough...the kids and I did have ice cream.

[Wolfp]

Oh and Gunz...picked up on your little tip about telling the DW to "Hold on while I turn this down so I can hear you better" in another thread. Nice, worked like a charm.

[Gunny376]

a perfect 250 on both pre-qual, and qual day ~ I think we're talking a range record here. You handled it so well, it was damn near a freaking work of art.

 

OUSTANDING THERE MARINE ~ SIMPLY OUTSTANDING ~ SIMPLY OUT-FREAKING-STANDING, I'D GIVE YOU A NOTE-WORTHY IN THE IG REPORT.

 

I don't know that there's one single thing that I can see where you even came close to tripping up in the tangle-foot. If anything, perhaps a little to quic and free with the financial support ~ but that's a razor edge call there, with a split hair's difference, (You know the drill Marine~ inspectors have to find something critique and bitch about.)

 

But I'm getting a lot of smoke popped in my eyes, and seeing some red flags on her end. And the dots aren't connecting?

 

She's seeing the lawyers tomorrow? She's had to move out of Mom's, move in with Dad, Dad's supporting her. She's not got a job, but she's working third shift? Starting over, no credit. Where she gettig the peso's to pay the attorney? Or is she going to back door you and expect you to pay for your own hanging as well? I don't think so.

 

Looks like you prepped the playing field and "prepared (and are preparing your case ~ remember 90% ~ 10%) working out your stratgity and tactics ~ as well as rules of engagement. I see you've been rehearsing your control responses as well ~ outstanding! You're in control, and are being pro-active ~ not reactive. Outstanding! You're seven or eight moves ahead of her. Slow and steady ~ just like they do it down at the Recon Shop.

 

Keep you answers short. Loose lips sink ships. Be mysterious, get her to wondering about you, about the children. Your responses tonight were most excellent. Always leave her wanting more.

 

I wouldn't worry to much about attorney's and divorces right now. She's popping "smoke on your azz" IMHO. Her "game" is so off, she's not even got one. She doesn't realize what she's up against. You're Plan "A" is strong ~ all day strong!

 

If you've not read it ~ then you need to read this guy's Plan "A"! Man! That's what I'm talking about http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96533

You and he might want to PM. Just a suggestion. Like I said "Load up for bear! Hope for the best, be prepared for the worse!"

 

Saw a movie, kind of sort of, you might want to check out ~ seems it might be applicable to your situation, something about "Ya-Ya Sisterhood"

 

James Garner's characther tells his wife: "I knew when I married you and said for 'better or for worse' that it was a coin toss!"

 

You did good Wolf, you did really good. I'm proud of you, my man!

 

With that said,

 

Stay in "Alpha" mode, no whimppy, crying, begging, pleading, crap

 

Stay in control of those parts of your life that you can maintain and have control of.

 

Firm, fair, and friendly

 

Resoulte

 

Decisive

 

The freaking eptiome of confidence, resolute, determination (no matter what comes) the fourteen leadership traits, and the leadership principals.

 

Keep your "center" core values

 

No cards, no letters, no flowers.

 

You've got the supply ~ she's got the demand!

 

She's got to earn her way back to you and your family.

 

That means getting into counseling and staying on her medication. That means re-defining the bounderies, responsibilities, of the relationship and marriage. That means her carrying her weight in the relationship, marriage, and the family.

 

As LJ said, (as did John Wayne) "Life is hard, its harder if your stupid!" She's not stupid ~ she's lived a sheltered life most of her adult life through having been married to you and the MC. She's not truly going to appreciate what she had ~ until she's lost it. Men such as yourself are not hanging out in every bar. Statisically, you never should have made it as far as you have ~ most don't!

 

Her bubble is on the verge of popping, and still that may not be enough. She may have to hit rock bottom. Is that the kind of woman you want to be married to for the rest of your life? Don't answer me, ask yourself.

 

But, as a Marine you know they broke us down, and re-built us up!

 

You're at a crossroads in your life my friend. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions ~ but the way back is paved with humility!

 

I truly believe you've got a WWW and a MLC on your hands. In about four years you're going to come to one Hell of a crossroads in your life ~ if you leave the Corps. Out here in civilian la~la land is most definately a different world than the one you came from.

 

You're going to laugh at what I'm about to post ~ but you've been institionalized ~ same as if you had been in prison for the last 20 years. Learn that word well, you'll be seeing it again. I recommend watching "Shawshank Redemition" again, but this time very intently!

[Gunny376]

Oh and Gunz...picked up on your little tip about telling the DW to "Hold on while I turn this down so I can hear you better" in another thread. Nice, worked like a charm.

 

PyschoOps + a little flirting + a challenge + being a challenge + being interesting + keeping it interesting + keeping it fun + having fun + laughing + "Dancing the Dance" + laughing + making them laugh + living life + Keeping it positive + them making you laugh + making them smile + Staying just out of their reach + their staying just out of your reach + making you smile + being a mystery to them + they're being a mystery to you,....................etc.

 

You need to check out Carlos Xuma. Alpha Male, Dating Dynamics

 

http://www.alphaseduction.com/Forum/index.php

 

He's a dating Guru, but he'll also help you refine your "center" and "inner game" as a man.

[Wolfp]

On top of the world Ma!..On top of the world! Still feeling good about last nights exchange. Two armies poised across no mans land...got the fields covered with Emma G's, dead space covered with trench mortars and artillery, razor wire, tangle foot, and bayonets fixed. Gonna wait for her to blow the whistle and run fast as a 'Cheetah'.

 

Thanks for the feedback again. I feel confident that the upper hand is swinging my way and whatever will be, will be. Feeling tired though. Stupid hotels, we had to move to one last night and first night is always sleepless for whatever reason. Need a cuppa Joe to get me going. Not too worried about the attorney issue, I dont think she understands the difference between an initial consult fee (75) vice retainer (1000-1500), that is going to be a severe blow once the attorney pops that one and that's even if she goes. I can also tell you, she is still a mess. The size 0 comment and the one about yogurt means she hasnt been eating at all (This may actually be turning into some type of eating disorder; que va a hacer?). I'll wait and see what comes next. Got other things to occupy my mind, like the fact the freakin movers are late again due to truck problems.

[Wolfp]

Movers finally showed...Yeehaw!

[Wolfp]

Dont know what it was, but after 16 1/2 years of moving around together, everything reminded me of her. I kept catching glimpses of her out of the corner of my eye, standing there with that glow and expectation of a new adventure. Roughest day I have had in about the last 10.