I have to choose between two guys... suggestions ?

[Guest]

I've never posted on here before but thought that someone here may have some much needed advice; anything would be very appreciated. I am in a classic-must-choose-between-two-guys-situation that is probably familiar to many. I dated A in August of last year and found that because of mostly situational difficulties with an angry ex and some differences in communication style, we broke up. Neither one of us had the time or the will/ability to work through our problems at the time.

 

Over the past year I went through the typical heartbreak and I longed for closure from A, who is shy and uncomfortable expressing his feelings or making himself vulnerable. We eventually became very close, platonic friends. I still had feelings for him but felt that nothing was ever going to happen between us. I did not wish to waste my time.

 

Meanwhile, I began to see E, a friend of a friend who I had been casual friends with for a year as well. E is passionate and emotional and is jealous at times. We understand one another and he is the most selfless person I have ever met, very giving and kind and loving.

 

PROBLEM: after two months with E, I realized I was still attracted to A, but I felt that E was helping me get over A. Much to my surprise, yesterday A told me he has loved me since we broke up and was willing to do anything to make a relationship with me work. I know he has issues with expressing himself so I'm not thinking he merely wants me because of E.

 

I am so very confused because my feelings for A have hindered any other relationship I have tried to have, yet I am afraid to give up E, who makes me happy, to see if A and I will work.

Stupidly, I am also afraid to remain with E, as he knows of my feelings for A and I couldn't stand to be with him only to hurt him by ending up with Adam.

 

I know I have a better relationship with E than I had with A but I can't stop wondering about A....

 

I'm sorry this entry is so long, I tried to condense it as much as possible. Any advice would be WONDERFUL and thanks,

-Hazelle

[binevrywear]

Quickest way to make this decision:

 

Imagine receiving news that both of them have died in a car accident.

 

For which one are grieving the most?

 

That's the one.

 

No second-guessing!

 

Sorry, harsh but it works.

[nicki]

What great advice! Quick and practical.

 

If you stay with E and try to figure out what to do, you'll just keep them both in your life. Been there, done that. Better to make a decision than to prolong the agony of limbo.

 

There is NO perfect decision here. You may date A again, just to find out that he's not for you. But that's what you might need to do.

 

Or you might stay with E and never really commit to him because you have feelings for A. Feelings that might not even be based in reality, but based on fantasy.

 

Either way, pick one (or none) and put the other one out of your mind. No contact, either.

 

The right decision is whatever decision you make until you have futher feedback to make another decision.

[Heavenseventeen]

Or dump both of them. If you really cared about either one, you wouldn't even consider the other.

[drownindreams]

A missed the boat. Sorry. He had the opportunity to be with you, and it didn't work out.

 

Stay with E. The past is past... if you try to back-track and go with A you have drawn E in with you. Keep moving forward; maybe when you get in a more emotionally secure place you can reapproach A as a friend. Or, if E doesn't work out, revisit that opportunity.

[darnee]

I agree it's better to stay with E. It's only been 2 months -- I dont' think that's long to get over someone else, and there are still a lot of unknowns in your relationship with E (because it's a new romantic relationship), so maybe you don't know if E's the one just yet, so A is still a questionmark to some extent? If it feels right it might be good to discuss this with E simply because it might help even more difficult situations in the future easier to talk openly about. Maybe talking with him will be helpful. I still feel love/affection/warmth for people I'm no longer dating... I don't think it dissapears, but after time (for me anyway) it moves into a different category than the love I feel for the person I'm with. The heart has endless room, maybe your feelings for A dont' mean any more than that.