Getting back together?

[Maxster]

My ex and I were together for about 4.5 years. She broke up with me for reasons which were really vague! Anyway, we spoke to each other a few times after the break up but then the contact subsided. The last time we spoke I told her that my feelings for her haven't changed and that I still love her very much. Well 5 months passed by without any contact until just recently. We spoke for quite sometime to get both of us up to date with our lives. Somehow during the converstation, she mentioned about getting back together. It wasn't said in those exact words, but close enough. I didn't say anything after she said that but we contiued to talk After I hung up, I felt so weird! I was wondering why all of a sudden she wants to get back together? My thougts of this is that if she had any feelings of love inside of her for me, why would it take her so long

 

to come back? I'm still trying to heal myself after the break up but now this happens!I'm in a bender because I still have feelings for her but somehow I'm afraid to fall back into a relationship knowing that she had doubts in our relationship before the break up. Any response will be welcomed!

[Tony T]

She was confused when she broke up with you and she's still confused. Most probably she's gone for one or two other guys and those attempts failed. You are known territory.

 

I don't think you will be able to trust her at this point. What she did to you, what she put you through, had to be very painful. It could happen again and this will run through your mind constantly if you get back with her.

 

Continue on your journey of healing and move forward, not backward. Your relationship ended because your time in each other's lives had ended.

 

She does not control your life. She cannot step back into it and simply say...I want things to be back as they were. I don't think so.

 

You can take the risk but I think it will backfire in your face. When you teach someone that they can leave you anytime and you will later on welcome them back into your life without question they will surely take advantage of that freedom.

[midori]

I'm a firm believer in second chances and that people can change. But they've got to believe it themselves, and be so convinced of the changes they've made that their actions are clear and leave no room for doubt about their intentions. As Tony has observed, your ex was and probably still is confused. Sending out little tests to see what the water is like where you are (by alluding to getting back together to see if you take the bait) is evasive and indicative of her continuing doubts. Handle with extreme caution since your own feelings are so strong. She ended it, if she wants you back let her do ALL the work. She needs to own her decisions, not passively fall into them. If she wants to talk about getting back together, let her bring it up explicitly, and let her do the talking. If her words seem inconsistent and if her actions don't back them up, she's not ready. My guess is that she isn't. If were sure of her feelings for you she'd be more direct.

[Alex]

Maxster,

 

6 years ago I broke up my engagement with my GF of 5 years because she wanted to do things on her own. At that time I was hurt and it was very painful, but all she wanted was time for herself but I took that very deep. So I started dating other girls which had hurt her very much and how much she had lost, she tried to get back to me but I refused. I made a mistake I still love her so for 4 years I carried it with me now she is a single mother and I'm dating her again and everything seems to be so good since we have matured. If you really love this girl you have to be ready not to think about the past, you have to be strong and just look forward if you can do this which is very very hard , I suggest give her a chance. Now I'm facing new challenges of being a step father you dont want that to happen right? ..be strong man..Alex

My ex and I were together for about 4.5 years. She broke up with me for reasons which were really vague! Anyway, we spoke to each other a few times after the break up but then the contact subsided. The last time we spoke I told her that my feelings for her haven't changed and that I still love her very much. Well 5 months passed by without any contact until just recently. We spoke for quite sometime to get both of us up to date with our lives. Somehow during the converstation, she mentioned about getting back together. It wasn't said in those exact words, but close enough. I didn't say anything after she said that but we contiued to talk After I hung up, I felt so weird! I was wondering why all of a sudden she wants to get back together? My thougts of this is that if she had any feelings of love inside of her for me, why would it take her so long to come back? I'm still trying to heal myself after the break up but now this happens!I'm in a bender because I still have feelings for her but somehow I'm afraid to fall back into a relationship knowing that she had doubts in our relationship before the break up. Any response will be welcomed!