just need to talk...i'm lost

[ddw5195]

I am a rambler so be prepared to read a lng story. I will start by sying I am married and I have a young child she is 5. my husband and I are married but are just like roomates. I love him and would never cheat and I am lost. he does not hit me nor beat me he does that emotional(cant spell that good so bare with me) I am a beliver in the bible and I struggle with the thought of divorce every day. my husband and I are both from broken homes his mother however showed him love and marrage to her was just a word because she had been married at least 14 times. this is no joke. he had never knew what a stable home life was and I was raised dirt poor but we were well inriched in love and had a strong passion of love in our family.my mother struggled raiseing 4 kids on her own no child support nothing. we made it cause we stuck together. I was talking to my husbands instructor in karate and she said that she saw that he had a low self estem the moment she met him. I know of things he has said to his guy friends.... he used to be married to a girl and I will give credit where credit is do she had a very pretty figure but you had to bag that face. when we met I was 15 and I dated him for three years before I married him he was 19 and already been in a failed marrage because his 1st wife cheated on him. well I was to young to know I was a rebound. I am now 32 and still in love with someone who will never love me back and I still cant leave. I dont want my daughter to go through living without both parents. WE DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT HER and so she sees nothing. her daddy hung the moon, but it is a false love he is giving her. I am sure it is the only way he knows how but still it is false he buys her love. as he was done through his life. I weigh approx 155 pounds and 10 pounds of that is top heavy. throughout the course of our marrage I have only gained 30 pounds from the time I was 15 till no. he is the kinda of person never satisfied. he will get something and when the new wears off he is throwing it out. he has said to his friend he had a supermodel wife and that he is just settling. that makes me feel this big.. I am supposed to be his supermodle wife. I guess I am old school and no matter what he looks like I will always love him cause I love the inside not the out and I am not ugly and if we were to seprate and divorce I would have no problem in getting started in the dateing sceen. please dont get me wrong I am not braging by no means but he has just brought my self estem down so low. its all about what he wants what he wants to do and him him him. I am the one to have to give up things I love because of jelous. exzample my passion is horses and animals are my heart this is how I was when he first meet me and to hurt me he says either get rid of them or I will divorce you. so I do then it is I am fat and he is disgusted by me so I loose so much weight so fast I had to have gaw blatter surgery. that did not work then it was my horses again and anything I am close to he tries to make me give up and take it away. I miss the touch of a man I miss hugging and wanting to sit by a man I miss the rolling over and just touching and just being in his presence. I can never do anything right in his eyes and he is so cold hearted. he has no softness at all. I am only 32 and he is 36 and he has not touched me in almost a year. I was asked was he cheating. no. he says I am fat and nasty. I have had other offers and I must not be that ugly but gosh what do I do. I want and long for the day for him to come home and just hold my face and tell me he loves me and to just hug me and treat me like there is no other woman in the world and to just call and see how my day was. I sit alone and cry all the time cause I miss that and I want us to make it and not give in to divorce but I have relized I can not change him and he will have to see thatthe one and only person that has loved him and was there when his mom choose other men over him her own child is about to give up. I have wrote him and tried I cant tell you begging and pleading what I want in the marrage and he just throws it away. he is very gready and demands alot. he could have a blissful marrage if he wanted to. we have tried marrage councel and because he said he was not right and need to wrok through some things my husband said he was crazy. we tried christian counsel and that was worse cause he said the preacher was no good.I dont know and I am lost and I love my husband very much and I know in my heart its over but how do you walk away from someone no matter how they treat you no matter what that you love with every breath how do you walk away? my mom says one day I will get my fill and I will just go but I pray for that day to come and it never has. sorry for rambling and just babing and thanks so much for listening:(

[Guest]

Your situation sounds like the flip side of mine. My wife, like you, loves me with all of her heart and would do anything if she thought it made me happy. But over the course of our 8+ years together I fell out of love with her and ended up distancing myself from her physically and emotionally. No matter how much I tried I just didn't love her any more. I know it's a terrible thing to hear, but if both people aren't committed to the marriage, there's just no way to make it last. There's just no way to make someone love you back if they aren't feeling the same for you as you are for them. I finally came to the decision that it would be better to divorce and hopefully we'd each find that one person that would love us as much as we loved them. You definately have the harder road to travel because you do love him, but if he doesn't show you any love back can you really be satisfied in this relationship?

Putting it off will only make it harder later, believe me I know. If I'd had the foresight and guts I would have made my decision at least two years sooner than I have. I wish you the best in making your decisions.

[Lor]

what he is doing to you is called emotional abuse and it is almost as bad as physical abuse. you don't think your daughter hears you but I bet she does. little kids have radar ears.

 

big question for you--do you want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how men are supposed to act towards women?

 

a split family is not a good thing but neither is letting her grow up in a house where a woman is belittled. one day he's gonna start in on her and do you want to watch that?

 

keep your self-esteem up, keep working on yourself and make yourself feel more attractive--not for him but for you.

[shaeckh]

I feel so badly for you. You should get out now. Do not let him do that to you. Why do you let go of all the things he wants you to? Pets, etc? What does he let go of? What makes you think he is not cheating if you two have not been sexually active for so long?

 

When my parents stayed together and fought all the time, I always thought I'd have been better off if they'd gotten a divorce. You deserve to be happy and if you continue to provide for your daughter and keep her safe, she'll be happy too. If you're not happy, she'll sense it and it will keep her for being completely happy.

[Gunny376]

To life the way your living ~ your not living your life ~ your exsisting one day blurring into the next.

 

Life is meant to be lived to the top, to its fullest, with passion, and passionately.

 

He's not meeting your emotional and physical needs, and you know what he's not interested in living them.

 

You're thirty three years old ~ your still young. These are some of the best years of your life ~ and your wasting them on this guy? He's no husband, trouble is you married so young ~ you don't know what a real man, real husband is, beause you've nothing to compare it to except from a distance.

 

Read Wolf's thread, and in it you'll find what a real man and a real husband is like and what a give-give, win-win relationship and marriage is suppose to be about, how a man is suppose to threat his wife.

 

Once you've get past 40, the years begin to fly by, Ten years go by like five does now.

 

If you stay with this guy, don't be surprise that your daughter ends up marrying someone just exactally like him the first time or two around.

 

Thirty six and hasn't touched you in a year? I'd been looking in the woodpile for a snake as Lady Jane would say.

 

My last GF was 160 pounds and 5'9. She had the issues about weight, but I never considered nor so her in the way that she saw herself. We were together for six and half years. I broke it off, because it was all about her, her wants, her needs, her friends, her child, her family, etc. Her attitude was that if she never turned me down for sex, that that was enough. Sorry! Men need a loving touch as well. Men want and need to be desired just as much as women. Women need to be loved by men, and men need to be appreciated. I didn't feel appreciated ~ so I left.

 

I can't speak for other men, but its going to take more than a pretty face and "trophy-supermodel" women to hook this old boy. You're most definately going to have to have a great attitude, perspective, and personality to get with this old boy.

 

I speak with other men all the time about this very subject, (taking notes ladies), and we all agree to the very man, better to have an 8,7,6 or even five with a great attitude, perspective, and killer personality than to be with a 9 or 10.

 

9's or 10's are high maintenace, almost impossible to satisfy, keep happy, and will make sure that if they're having a bad day, that your going to have a bad day. If you've ever dated a 9 or 10, you won't want to date more than about one or two in your lifetime ~ and they'll send you running for the hills. They most definately won't appreciate you, nor what you've got to offer.

 

I was speaking with my Boss's son. He's 22 and already a multi-millionaire. He said he took this other millionaire's daughter out ~ once! He told me, "You could drop a thousand dollars in one night on here ~ and she wouldn't even bat an eye!"

 

The girl he's engaged to is just a simple country girl ~ sweet as can be. He told me the reason he likes her, is because she'll check him and call him on his behavior quick. She won't put up with being dis-respected, and isn't impressed by his money, nor what his money can do. She's shy and bashful and isn't a jet-setter. A lot of times she washes clothes, she hangs them on the line. She doesn't have a maid, ~ she cleans her own house. She'll get on to him, if he starts spending too much money on his "boy-toys" and she's left him once, because he was spending to much time with his golfing, fishing, hunting buddies. And, he had to pay the Devil to get her back!

 

I'm not going to say dump this guy ~ but life's too short to live it the way your living it!

[bossy]

everybody is right you need to leave right away, there is no pleasing your husband because it not you its him, you will never get it right , because he has the problem, but he refused to lookl at himself so he blames you, run as fast as you can. get help pray ask god to seen you whatever you need to leave. think about your daughter, i am that daughter grown up know trying to figuar out what real love is , evertime i think i have it right i am wrong again. all i saw was disfuctional love . that is a bad. a child cant figuar out whats happens they just know they love both parents . so they think thats the way all peoples are. let your daghter know that not real love. and she will only know if you move away from it and to somthing better. kids see what you do , not what you say. please leave for your daughter sake. i beg you.

[Flutterby74]

I feel so bad for you. I was in a very similar situation. I tried hard to please my husband and it did no good. Nothing I did was good enough. We lived like roomates, too. Then one day I realized if I stayed married to him, I would have to go through my entire life without having a man love me. That was a sad thought to me and helped me to finally get out. It also helped when I realized my girls had to hear him be overly critical of me and think that is normal to be treated that way.You deserve to be happy. I was worried about our kids, too. Luckily he has stayed very involved and sees them 5 days a week. I think that has helped reassure them that daddy is still there. ALso anytime they ask to call him, I let them. Good Luck in what you do.