lost trust

[laurie]

My boyfriend of one year stood me up for our date for the first time. He never called me of course. When I called him the next day, he insisted nothing was wrong and said he was in a funk. We didn't talk to each other for 5 days, and when he called me he said he needed his independance, but did not want to make the break permanent. A week later, I decided to end things. I felt like he was hiding alot from me, and in our conversations,I could tell I would not find out any time soon what was going on. We had a great time whenever we were together. I was devastated. I ended things by sending him a nice, short, letter. I couldn't take the uncomfortable phone calls anymore. Any advice on how to move on? This is hard! We are both in our mid thirties and divorced 3 years (both).

[Totally Confused]

I think we both know why he blew you off. Men can really be heartless, not that women are any better. I'm going to come right out and tell you the truth. He's met somebody else. Don't worry, it won't last. Because he's been with you for so long, feelings for you will sort of jump up a little here and there causing some friction with his new girl (Only if you DO NOT call him or contact him in any way). Then you'll get the phone call all we women get eventually. The late night, I miss you, I really would like to see you call, maybe I was too hasty in my decision. Once the euphoria of this new girl wears off, the scumbag will be seen once more. Then it's up to you to decide if you want him back or not, though I would highly suggest not taking him back. Once he sees he can walk all over you, he'll never stop. I can totally relate to what you are going through. "Sex and the City" is my favorite show and my bible. It is so hard to find normal, single, available men, especially at our age, but they're out there. I don't know where , but they are there, i've been told. Anyway, if this guy at his age is that unbalanced and classless (blowing off a date - how highschool) then I feel sorry for anyone who ends up with him. You should talk to his ex, she probably could give you an earful. that's why she's not still with him. She found him out. Anyway, you've dated this guy a year, so you have 6 mo. to get over it. 1 month for major crying spells, swollen eyes, raw dried up nose, talking to your friends about it over and over again, getting sick of talking, then 5 minutes later wanting to talk again, not know what to do with yourself or your time. Then at the 2 month point, you'll be able to function, though you'll still be obsessing over the situation, wondering what you did wrong (when it was not you), then you'll start hating him. Then you'll go back and forth between hating him and then wanting him back, and then back to wanting him and whoever he's dating to be dead and miserable. Then at the 3 month point, you'll be able to at least drag yourself out of your messy room and maybe even make it to the fridge where you'll finally eat something (Remeber starving yourself during a depression, throws your chemicles off and makes it even harder for you to deal with things) after not eating for weeks. Of course you'll still be obsessing, but you'll at least make an effort to come back from the dead. By 4 mo. you'll probably hear from him. Four months will have passed for you, but for him will only seem like 4 days.- don't we hate them. Anyway, at 4 months. you'll be able to function practically like a normal human being. You might even be able to get yourself to go on a date, though you'll still be obsessing over the ex slightly. By the 5th month. You'll actually be proud of yourself. You'll be able to say, "Wow I've come a long way." I'm actually o:k with this now, even though it still hurts when I think about it. but good news, you won't be obsessing as much, because you'll be so sick of thinking about him that you are actually sick of him. Finally the 6th month. Spring is here. You're doing great. You still think about him, but you would never actually take him back, if he asked, you don't think. Probably not, you didn't go through all this pain for nothing - the jerk. finally your friends will come back around, you'll be fun again, care free and all set for the next jerk to come along. Just kidding, hopefully he's a nice guy. Anyway, those are the steps, You might as well start now, so you can get them over with in time for summer. We've all been there, and we've all had to go through the steps. Well enjoy the book I've just written you and If you need to talk any further, you can e-mail me. Good Luck with everything.