Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for the last year and 1/2. Last week I found out I am pregnant with his child. He took the news very well and we are both looking forward to the birth. Now my dilema... neither of us plan on leaving our spouses. However, I cannot stand the thought of lying to my husband and child about his/her parentage. I know, I know... I've been lying this whole time to him. I don't need the speech. It's my problem (and his). The funny thing is I was going to speak with a lawyer about divorce and I get pg! I cannot get a divorce while pregnant and it muddles things. So... now I plan on staying with my husband and continuing to carry on with my lover and he feels the same way. We both want our child to know her/his father and plan on them spending time together. He will support us financially. Anyway, I don't want to hear how awful my situation is because I am actually thrilled we conceived this child (even though it is quite the shock!) and this baby was made out of the love we share with each other. I love my lover and he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for the last year and 1/2. Last week I found out I am pregnant with his child. He took the news very well and we are both looking forward to the birth. Now my dilema... neither of us plan on leaving our spouses. However, I cannot stand the thought of lying to my husband and child about his/her parentage. I know, I know... I've been lying this whole time to him. I don't need the speech. It's my problem (and his). The funny thing is I was going to speak with a lawyer about divorce and I get pg! I cannot get a divorce while pregnant and it muddles things. So... now I plan on staying with my husband and continuing to carry on with my lover and he feels the same way. We both want our child to know her/his father and plan on them spending time together. He will support us financially. Anyway, I don't want to hear how awful my situation is because I am actually thrilled we conceived this child (even though it is quite the shock!) and this baby was made out of the love we share with each other. I love my lover and he loves me. Serious question here, are you telling us that you are going to have your hubby pay for YOUR mistake, pay for all the medical bills? Come on, at least come clean and let your hubby make his own choice about his life and what he wants to do, rather than force him to stay with you, and wind up paying child support because the court system is soooo bias and screwed up against men, there is NOOOO reason for that. Tell your husband and Divorce him, and DON't make him pay you anything, or child support, you didn't say why you went out on hubby, but, NOTHING excuses that. I know I sound harsh, but how harsh is this going to be to him, what if HE did this to you, how would you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 So if you think everything is just peachy and you've got it all figured out, why are you posting? What is your question? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 Why cant you get a divorce while pregnant? Are you going to tell your husband you are pregnant with another man's child? Are you going to tell your husband you are going to continue to be with your lover, yet still remained married to your husband? If you love your lover so much, why are you staying with your husband? If you want to continue being with your lover, that's your choice. But atleast have the decency to let your husband free to find someone else he can love and will love him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Milf629 Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 Anyway, I don't want to hear how awful my situation is because I am actually thrilled we conceived this child (even though it is quite the shock!) and this baby was made out of the love we share with each other. I second the "then why are you here comment" You could NOT have expected to come on here to a bunch of hurting "other spouses" and expect to be well received. come on. If you were my husband's "thing" on the side, (and rest assured that is what you are a "thing") I would be balistic right now. Conception of a child or not. How deceitful of you. I love my lover and he loves me. :sick: :sick: :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 In all practical reality, how do you see this situation panning out? Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 So if you think everything is just peachy and you've got it all figured out, why are you posting? What is your question? Exactly as NoraJane stated above...what is the issue then, if it is all figured out? Were you just looking for an anonymous place to unload your secrets? Or were you hoping that someone on here could help you hatch a devious plan that would work well in your favour? You dont want to divorce your H. You want to keep the child. You are in love with the OM. However, I cannot stand the thought of lying to my husband and child about his/her parentage. Looks like that is what is going to happen anyway, because the both of you are too cowardly to do anything about it. You must of known that at some point you would have to make a decision. Think of this as fates way of making it for you. Make a concious effort to do something honorable for once and divorce your H. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 A judge has refused to grant a divorce to a pregnant woman trying to leave her husband two years after he was jailed for beating her, ruling instead that she must wait until the child is born. Shawnna Hughes' husband was convicted of abuse in 2002. She separated from him after the attack and filed for divorce last April. She later became pregnant by another man and is due in March. Her husband, Carlos, never contested the divorce, and the court commissioner approved it in October. But the divorce papers failed to note that Hughes was pregnant, and when the judge found out, he rescinded the divorce. "There's a lot of case law that says it is important in this state that children not be illegitimized," Superior Court Judge Paul Bastine told The Spokesman-Review newspaper on Thursday. Hughes' attorney, Terri Sloyer, said nothing in state law says a pregnant woman cannot get a divorce. "We don't live in 15th-century England," said Sloyer, who has appealed. Under Washington state law, a husband is presumed to be the father of any child born within 300 days of a divorce. The judge argued that the paternity of the child needs to be determined before a divorce can be finalized. Hughes has stated in court records that her boyfriend is the child's father, and that the judge's decision prevented her from marrying him. "She has the right to divorce and be free to marry whoever she wants," Sloyer said. "It's about the choice, the fundamental right to choose." Here's the link to this article: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/01/01/national/main664211.shtml Do you have children with your husband? What about your lover and his wife? Are you employed and able to support your child and yourself? Will your husband get vindictive if he finds out about your affair and who's the father of the baby? Whom will you state as a father when the baby is born? Will your lover admit the child in the birth records? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 On the assumption that you're not a troll, and in the hope that you still have a little shred of something resembling simple human decency left in you, please be honest with your husband. He does not deserve what you're about to do to him, just like he didn't deserve what you've already done. He deserves the right to make decisions about HIS life armed with all the facts. Sure, it sucks that you'll have to go through the inconvenience of getting divorced while pregnant. But if you can't muster up a shred of decency for your husband, at least try to dig one up for the child you're carrying, whose life you're cheerfully screwing around with. I could go on and on but something tells me I've already wasted my breath. Knock yourself out, you selfish waste of space. Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 My best mate is a child of the OP's situation. Let me tell you, you will cause so much damage to your child if you go through with this. Tell your husband what the situation is NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Why cant you get a divorce while pregnant? Are you going to tell your husband you are pregnant with another man's child? Are you going to tell your husband you are going to continue to be with your lover, yet still remained married to your husband? If you love your lover so much, why are you staying with your husband? If you want to continue being with your lover, that's your choice. But atleast have the decency to let your husband free to find someone else he can love and will love him back. Great post dgiirl couldn't have said it better!! Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 For a moment I thought you were John 1776. You didn't swallow clorox, right? I've swallowed pride, guilt, regret and sadness but never clorox. To the OP, its time for you to swallow pride and tell you husband. Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 IF this is serious and I can't believe it is. Do the decent thing, tell him what you've done and move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for the last year and 1/2. Last week I found out I am pregnant with his child. He took the news very well and we are both looking forward to the birth. Now my dilema... neither of us plan on leaving our spouses. However, I cannot stand the thought of lying to my husband and child about his/her parentage. I know, I know... I've been lying this whole time to him. I don't need the speech. It's my problem (and his). The funny thing is I was going to speak with a lawyer about divorce and I get pg! I cannot get a divorce while pregnant and it muddles things. So... now I plan on staying with my husband and continuing to carry on with my lover and he feels the same way. We both want our child to know her/his father and plan on them spending time together. He will support us financially. Anyway, I don't want to hear how awful my situation is because I am actually thrilled we conceived this child (even though it is quite the shock!) and this baby was made out of the love we share with each other. I love my lover and he loves me. Absolutely tell you H about the child (and the affair). He has the right to know, and you cannot just pretend that the child is his. He'd probably come to realize it anyway soon even if you don't tell him. Since your lover does *not* plan to be leaving his W, *please* consider the NOT so unrealistic possibility that you might have to raise the child on your own. If there are any legal documents that your lover should sign to make sure that he will support you and your child financially, make him sign them as soon as possible. Right now you are both in love, but for all you know he might be ditching you and pretending he does not ever know you once his W finds out. It happens a lot, check some posts in the OW/OM forum. It's not exactly a fairy tale the one you are living, aven if it might look like one to you since you are in love. I'm worried because you sound like someone who does not really know what she is doing and is messing up her life BIG time. Why would you not leave your H? Do you care about him? Could you work on your marriage? Anyway, again, he has to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts