I Said Goodbye and Need Some Support

[Brokenheart17]

My MM finally called me after a week of pure hell of NC and wondering if it's all over forever. We've made the agreement that 1. I will not push him on the divorce thing; 2. He will not lie to me about what he is suppose to have done in that arena and 3. he will not include the spouse in any outings and he will warn me if she's planning on coming last minute.

 

So, we're kinda back to square one, with a few changes. He did contact me. . . . So, why won't my stress headache go away? I'm not as happy as I thought I would be.

 

During the middle of our NC, all I wanted was to hear his voice and I was willing to accept things the way they were just to have him back. Now, I'm not so sure.

 

Anyone else ever feel that way or am I just a spoiled freak?

[PoshPrincess]

Anyone else ever feel that way or am I just a spoiled freak?

 

BH17 I have been there over and over again. Since 5 months ago, especially we were always breaking it off (mostly me) and then getting back on track again, I never felt as good as I thought I would. If we could go back to the very beginning b4 W found out and we saw each other a few times a week then, yeh, I would be so happy, but it'd got to the stage where, although we spoke everyday, we only saw each other once a month and there is no way I could go there again.

 

What we all want is a happy ending. We want them to be with us and also, after a time of NC, I suppose we're expecting to hear that they have taken steps towards this happening. After my two weeks of NC I got a call saying, "I left for three days......" and of course there was a 'but' coming. I can't handle that anymore. Being 'friends' sure is tough as I want nothing more than to tell him I still love him and to hear it back but I know that if I did hear that then I would expect even more.

 

You don't want to get into that breaking up/getting back together cycle that I was in. I suppose this whole MM thing is an emotional rollercoaster whatever way we deal with it. Do what's best for you. I regret getting into that cycle in the first place. MM got so sick of me keep finishing it and then contacting him that he called it in the end. He had enough grief at home without putting up with me being an emtional wreck. I was supposed the good thing in his life. I didn't want him to think I was like her.

 

As I said, do what's best for you and what's going to make you happy (yeah, I know what would really make you happy) for now but think about it very carefully and don't make any rash decisions you may end up regretting.

[Baileykeg]

I'm in the same situation as most of you. I started dating my MM after he had been separated from his wife for 7 months. He and I have been together for 8 months now and he still hasn't filed for divorce. They are still separated and have been living separately for 15 months.

 

He kept telling me that he would file for divorce "when this or that happened". Well, as all of you know "this or that happened" and he still hasn't filed. It's been one excuse after another. I don't understand what the holdup is and I have had several conversations with him about it.

 

He told me the other night that he knew his marriage was over and that they would never be able to make it work because they were just too different. He says though that even given his knowing that he still struggles with actually filing for the divorce because he can't get past the thought that she was the woman he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with, would have his children,bla, bla, bla. I just don't understand it....he tells me how much he loves me, how happy I make him, how I am his "safe place", his best friend and how he can see that we could have a happy life together. So why won't he file?

 

I have struggled with this for so long and decided yesterday to give NC a try. It is truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I feel like I am in such a deep, dark, painful place and that there is no hope left. I, like most of you, carry the phone around hoping that he will call. So far, he hasn't. I've never felt so much pain. Just getting up to brush my teeth is an effort.

 

I was just about to break NC when I decided to read the messages here. The post where someone talked about how breaking NC just undermines all the effort that we are trying to do with NC really helped. I want him to be in as much pain as I am and I know the only way to do that is to maintain NC and make him wonder why I'm not calling or begging to see him. I thank all of you for your posts and the support it gives people like me.