Cynth Posted October 10, 1999 Share Posted October 10, 1999 If anyone can offer me any advice, please do so. I need help, desperately. I am in a situation that I don't know how to deal with. I am completely, hopeless and madly in love with my boyfriend but we have had some serious problems with trust. He is a womanizer for starters and he never really made me feel that I was his one and only. I have always felt very insecure in our relationship and that is partly because of the games that he has played in order to purposely keep me guessing. He had reason to do that though because at the time I still had hot completely resolved my prior relationship but that has been taken care of now. He has purposely done things to make me jealous and I have done the same. The other night a male friend took me out to Dinner and we did kiss but nothing eles happened. I was feeling down and blue about my relationship and so was my friend. We comforted each other but that is all. At first I lied to my boyfriend and told him that I did nothing but then later I admitted that we had kissed, however he has completely cheated on me(all the way)before and admitted it so I don't feel what I did was that bad. Anyway, now my boyfriend refuses to beleive that I didn't sleep with this other man and he won't beleive me because I lied before. He says he wasnts me to get physical proof that I had not slept with this man. How can I do that? He also says that if I want to be with him, I have to work double time to prove to him that I want to be with him. How do I do that? He refuses to make love with me. He even refuses to kiss me. He says until I can prove to him that I am no longer lying to him and that I really want to be with him and him only that there will be no affection between us at all. So how do I go about proving that to him so we can be together and get our relationship back on track. Please give me some ideas! Thank you, Link to post Share on other sites
Mike Posted October 11, 1999 Share Posted October 11, 1999 Why are you even considering staying with a womanizer? Don't say love, there comes a time to use your head and not your heart. If he can't keep his hands off of other women, it isn't because you don't love him enough. It is because he knows you haven't go enough self respect to dump his ass. There are guys in this world that have everything he has that would never cheat on you, but they are the guys that won't be interested in you if you are involved (even with a loser); so give him his walking papers and get over it. Why should you have to prove anything to him? He's an idiot and you are a fool for staying with him. You aren't ever going to be happy as long as you are with him. You won't trust him- He won't trust you and he will hold that over your head forever. You'd be happier alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Totally Confused Posted October 11, 1999 Share Posted October 11, 1999 Go back and read what you wrote, but pretend it's happening to someone else. This is the most cruelest, sickest, sadisitc, manipulative relationship. There is no love or trust involved here. There is no respect or regard for the other persons feelings. It's infatuation, abuse and the inability to control the other. The only way this relationship can be fixed is to dissolve it. How cruel is it to take love away from somebody, because you want to punish them. You have been no more faithful to him, than he has to you. You are both acting immature and neither of you are ready for a strong serious relationship. I'm sorry if I sound Harsh, but look at what's really going on here. He's hurt and cheated on you, but it's different if you do it, and you kiss a man and he wants proof - it's all so silly. Grow-up, he cheated on you. He's going to do it again. He's a womanizer, you said so yourself. He knows that you can't get physical proof, it's impossible. He knows it. He just gets a kick out of seeing you twist yourself into pretzles and how far you would go to try to get physical proof. If he's withholding sex from you, then he's getting it somewhere else. No man I have ever dated has not wanted to have sex with me or punish me for something. This is a mentally screwed up relationship, which you better start admitting to yourself. This relationship will never change, no matter how much you try. This will be nothing but a roller coaster ride for you. You can sit there and tell yourself, that I don't know what I’m saying, that you two have so much love, and I don't understand, but I know more than you think. Obviously a lot more than you, and I guarantee, you will one day see that I am totally 100% correct. You may think I'm being a biatch and that I'm not understanding your feelings, but it's about time someone told you the truth instead of the people around you who are probably supporting this big mess you have going on. Listen to the friends that are against your relationship. They are the ones that are your true friends, and listen to them. They are only concerned for you. You're the one that has to deal with the ups and downs, and all the pain and anguish, not anyone else. Good luck with whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara Posted October 12, 1999 Share Posted October 12, 1999 Oh my God! Listen to what you are saying! I have just gotten out of a similar situation with one of the cruellest men I have ever met. He manipulated me, treated me very badly, and when I finally told him to take a hike, that's when he would cry and carry on, just so I would give in. This past weekend, I drove 8 hours up north to see him and you know what he did? He blew me off- HARD. I drove 8 hours to have the man who claims to love me and who claims he is my boyfriend not return any of my phone calls and blow me off for his drinking buddies. This guy is manipulating you, and he's playing with your emotions, and you must understand that he has a serious problem. Don't delay- get away now. I know- been there, done that. I did everything in my power to get him to trust me, to get him to "open up". You know what? It's a complete waste of your time. You can't change him, and never will be able to. What is this? He can sleep with someone else, and you kissed someone and now he tells you you have to prove that you didn't sleep with him? What an a**h***. I know where you're coming from when you kissed the other guy, too, because the same exact thing happened with me. My guy made me feel so bad about myself with the way he treated me that any kind of positive attention at all felt great. But you know what? This guy will continue to hurt and manipulate you if you don't get out now. I wasted too much of my time dealing with this jerk, and now I am damaged emotionally. Don't let this happen to you. Take it from someone who knows. And if you ever want to talk about it, just e-mail me. Do it before it's too late. If anyone can offer me any advice, please do so. I need help, desperately. I am in a situation that I don't know how to deal with. I am completely, hopeless and madly in love with my boyfriend but we have had some serious problems with trust. He is a womanizer for starters and he never really made me feel that I was his one and only. I have always felt very insecure in our relationship and that is partly because of the games that he has played in order to purposely keep me guessing. He had reason to do that though because at the time I still had hot completely resolved my prior relationship but that has been taken care of now. He has purposely done things to make me jealous and I have done the same. The other night a male friend took me out to Dinner and we did kiss but nothing eles happened. I was feeling down and blue about my relationship and so was my friend. We comforted each other but that is all. At first I lied to my boyfriend and told him that I did nothing but then later I admitted that we had kissed, however he has completely cheated on me(all the way)before and admitted it so I don't feel what I did was that bad. Anyway, now my boyfriend refuses to beleive that I didn't sleep with this other man and he won't beleive me because I lied before. He says he wasnts me to get physical proof that I had not slept with this man. How can I do that? He also says that if I want to be with him, I have to work double time to prove to him that I want to be with him. How do I do that? He refuses to make love with me. He even refuses to kiss me. He says until I can prove to him that I am no longer lying to him and that I really want to be with him and him only that there will be no affection between us at all. So how do I go about proving that to him so we can be together and get our relationship back on track. Please give me some ideas! Thank you, Link to post Share on other sites
Richie Posted October 12, 1999 Share Posted October 12, 1999 Get away from this Manupulative Psycho. Have some self-esteem. This cheat is not the only one in this world. I feel sorry for your innocence for trying to prove him. Don't you know that you can't prove that by any means? Don't you know that he is a sadist to ask you to prove that? Let him be the cutest guy in this world. If he doesn't respect your feelings, he is the ugliest one in the world. Love doesn't hurt; doesn't manupulate; doesn't cheat; In fact, i should not blame him. It is you who has given the feelings that you won't leave him whatever he does. Show confidence and have some respect for yourself. Why should you go behind a cheat? Why do you think, you can't find a good guy who truely loves you? Get away from him ASAP. Don't give in even if he begs you. (which he would eventually do) Richi Link to post Share on other sites
Karen Posted October 12, 1999 Share Posted October 12, 1999 Everyone has said it, but I want you to know that I agree with them too! In your first sentence you said you were "madly" in love with this guy. Have you bummped your head or something? This is not a relationship. Relationships should include love and trust and romance and honesty, not cheating and tests to prove yourself! Move on with you life and remember... you doing something along the lines of cheating does not make it okay because he went a little further! You are both cheaters and need to move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica Posted October 12, 1999 Share Posted October 12, 1999 Relationships are built on trust. If your man won't believe what you tell him, then he doesn't trust you, and your relationship isn't worth #####. I've been there before and once he realizes that he can play around w/ your heart, he'll keep saying he doesn't believe you and make you look more and more pathetic. Grow some balls and get out now ... realize that you are better than that and you don't deserve someone who treats you like #####. Link to post Share on other sites
Cynth Posted October 13, 1999 Share Posted October 13, 1999 Relationships are built on trust. If your man won't believe what you tell him, then he doesn't trust you, and your relationship isn't worth #####. I've been there before and once he realizes that he can play around w/ your heart, he'll keep saying he doesn't believe you and make you look more and more pathetic. Grow some balls and get out now ... realize that you are better than that and you don't deserve someone who treats you like #####. I want to thank each and every one of you who responded to my request. I also want to let you all know that I have taken your advice and I dumped him tonight. I tried to do it the other night and he physically abused me and even though I know I didn't desreve that it was probably a good thing that it happened because it made me strong enough to say GOODBYE forever! Thank you again! Cynth Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica Posted October 15, 1999 Share Posted October 15, 1999 I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! Stay strong. =) Link to post Share on other sites
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