I like being the mistress

[quankanne]

I feel so sorry for your mm's wife... She married such a looser.

 

and it's amazing how otherwise sane women manage to hook up with these guys ...

[theantibarbie23]

Oh, he's married. When I met him I wished he wasn't for awhile, but then decided that since I wanted him, maybe I could get him to want me too. I had to do some unusual things to get him to notice me, and had to lead into it slowly, but eventually he came round.

 

Why am I posting? I guess I just wanted to. Sometimes I read what people post here and everybody always seems so danged sad. This thread seemed like it was made for me. I'm not happy all the time, though. I say I love being his mistress, and I do, but someday it probably won't be enough for me. I know that. And I know it will be difficult with wifey all upset about the divorce, but like I said, she should have paid more attention and taken better care of him. Alls fair.

Yup. I am definately going with NPD. I would bet money on it at this point.

[whichwayisup]

And I know it will be difficult with wifey all upset about the divorce, but like I said, she should have paid more attention and taken better care of him. Alls fair.

 

Remember that! All's fair when he does NOT divorce his wife. You're completely fooling yourself if you think this man will. It will be difficult for YOU when he doesn't divorce her.

[theantibarbie23]

Remember that! All's fair when he does NOT divorce his wife. You're completely fooling yourself if you think this man will. It will be difficult for YOU when he doesn't divorce her.

 

You forget she always gets what she wants...... That sentiment alone, when applied to a married man sounds bunny boilerish to me. It gives me a very creepy vibe indeed.

[MindFreak]

It's not just when he wants to see me - it's when I want to see him. I'm far more in control than his wife. I call the shots.

 

When I saw him, I wanted him. He's beautiful. I set out to get him and did. He had never had an affair - can you imagine?? and he had been with his wife for AGES.

 

 

I am a little surprised current OW and FOW aren't taking offense to this. The OW's here didn't chase their MM as actively as you are claiming you did. Frankly it only adds to an already bad stereotype of the 'other woman'.

 

But whatever I suppose. Good luck with 'stealing' him away, since you had to work at him to get him, taking him from his marriage may not be as simple as you seem to imply.

 

Remember that! All's fair when he does NOT divorce his wife. You're completely fooling yourself if you think this man will. It will be difficult for YOU when he doesn't divorce her.

 

This is probably the biggest truth, So I guess enjoy it while you have it. If you had to work to get him in your bed, chances are he was happy, is still happy, and will stay happy in his marriage.

[norajane]

but someday it probably won't be enough for me.

 

No, of course it won't. This forum is filled with people for whom it wasn't enough. That's why people who post here always seems so danged sad. As you will also be, sooner or later.

[Guest Sage]

It's not just when he wants to see me - it's when I want to see him. I'm far more in control than his wife. I call the shots.

 

When I saw him, I wanted him. He's beautiful. I set out to get him and did. He had never had an affair - can you imagine?? and he had been with his wife for AGES.

 

 

C'mon, do you expect us to believe your actions actually make you a happy person, just because you may think you call the shots.

 

I'm afraid you are a person who is commitment phobic and deeply hurting inside. I feel for you, because I've met people like you, I think I was you about 15 years ago.

 

I thought I could convince myself and others that I was in control and at anytime I could turn off my feelings for my MM. Oh yeah! I was very confident in my actions, much like yourself. Perhaps I made myself think he loved me and only me. He claimed his marriage was dead and only I made him feel alive again. WRONG!

 

15 years later he is still with his wife and I got caught holding the bag. As a matter of fact he was the one in control and calling the shots. I just didn't see it. How sad for me. I had to learn the hard way. Pain! Pain! Pain!

I do not wish this on anyone.

 

Do yourself a favor, and save yourself years of pain and anguish. Let us help you. Deep down inside there is a scared person whose had some major disapointments in life. Let us guide you towards the right direction. Don't base your relationships on lies and deceit!

[SadandConfusedWA]

If you had to work to get him in your bed, chances are he was happy, is still happy, and will stay happy in his marriage.

 

Sorry but a man who is truly happy in his marriage doesn't go to bed with other women (it doesn't really matter what OW does to seduce him, he should be saying NO loud and clear).

 

Also it saddens me that this section of the forum is more like a battleground for BW vs OW. In reality you are both getting a pretty crappy deal. MM is the one having his cake and eating it too.

[burning 4 revenge]

Sorry but a man who is truly happy in his marriage doesn't go to bed with other women

:lmao::lmao:WRONG!!!

[SadandConfusedWA]

:lmao::lmao:WRONG!!!

 

I am a firm beleiver that there must be something missing in the marriage for a guy to cheat (not saying that he is going to leave the wife, that almost never happens). Of course I'm operating under the assumtion that we are talking about a decent guy here, not one of those sleazy men that will sleep with everything that moves - although I realize there is quite a few of them around

[Adunaphel]

I am a little surprised current OW and FOW aren't taking offense to this. The OW's here didn't chase their MM as actively as you are claiming you did. Frankly it only adds to an already bad stereotype of the 'other woman'.

 

Who should us OW or FOW take offence?

People who already have a stereotype of the OW wouldn't dislike OW any less if this thread had never been posted.

 

I don't know what the background is for the OP, but there could be many reasons, some more understandable than others, why some men and women would take whatever happiness they can, even at the expense of others.

 

For all we know the OP could be just a very spoiled and mean person, or just a very unhappy person who lacks in self confidence.

We don't know whether she is used to get whatever man she wants or she has felt unloved hel whole life until the affair.

 

She might be heading for some serious heartache. Or she might not, really.

I don't know which of these would be best for her.

[Chinook]

I agree with AntiBarbie.

 

I spot an NPD Bunny Boiler.

 

Lets hope LS is still live when the sh*te hits the fan.

[owcanbhppy]

hi saf!

 

1st ill say, feel welcome to post here. this IS an ow/om forum. those whove had bad experiences as op, i can understand them offering their experiences. why bs's post bashing comments, i dont know why they bother. i wouldnt go to to a bs forum & post, 'there must be something wrong w/ you that your spouse stepped out!'

 

this is supposed to be an om/ow forum. sometimes it is helpful to hear from others in a situation like your own - it doesnt necessarily mean one posts here because one thinks a mp is making him/her miserable. (i say 'thinks' because if some one is 'making you miserable', you are letting them. our happiness is 100% our own responsibility.

 

of course, burning has no obligation to answer, but im curious as to how old he is. also wonder how long he was with this gf. is the rest of his life going to be about 'look what she did to me!'?

 

this repeated reference to post 8 baffles me. it was a pretty poor post the 1st time. terrorists arent after the us because of people happily involved in ema's! the men of the cultures that are the primary terroristic threats feel completely entitled to have women outside of their marraiges, & tourture & kill a wife that does the same. anyway...

 

welcome saf!

[BUTAFLY]

Sorry but a man who is truly happy in his marriage doesn't go to bed with other women (it doesn't really matter what OW does to seduce him, he should be saying NO loud and clear).

 

Also it saddens me that this section of the forum is more like a battleground for BW vs OW. In reality you are both getting a pretty crappy deal. MM is the one having his cake and eating it too.

 

As I'm reading this thread I was thinking the same thing. If your in love your spouse you wouldn't want to hurt them by effing the girl/guy next door- plan and simple. (but I understand why bs would want to convince yourself otherwise)

[BUTAFLY]

Another thing. I don't know way everyone is flaming the orginal poster or Saf. They both clearly stated they understand the situation there in and is happy where it stands so far.

 

Who are we to tell her she is not happy and to convince her otherwise. I think by reading all the stories in this room we have been the ow one way or another... either unknowing, fell into it, or sought the mm we are still the dreaded OW.

 

Just because most our A ended tragically there are a small few who don't. If she is happy then God speed & good luck. Plus I think there is only one person that could end this- the MM.

[owcanbhppy]

here, here butafly!

 

each time a person posts what EVERY mm will do, is REALLY thinking ect, ect - zero credibility. to tell some one they dont really think, feel... what they just expressed they think or feel - no one is going to be influenced by some one saying something so off the mark. they are coming from an individual experience or a 'wishing' perspective (they wish it was always that bad for ws & ops).

 

no matter what similarities, every situation is different. when ever any one posts to me things they KNOW to be true based on a few of my sentences, as apposed to my yrs of experience & observation of the situation, i tune everything else they have to say out. theyre obviously coming from a tunnel view to begin w/, have gotten everything wrong they started the post w/, i have no reason to think they are going to lead into a wise observation from there.

[Ladyjane14]

I am a firm beleiver that there must be something missing in the marriage for a guy to cheat ....

 

It's not that there's something "missing in the marriage". It's that there's something missing in "the guy".

 

There's nobody holding a gun to the MM's head. If he wanted out of his marriage, he'd get out. The problem usually is that he doesn't want to wreck his homedeal. We're back to the 'cakeman' scenario where MM doesn't want to give up what he already has... he just wants something else in addition to it.

 

This is an interesting thread, btw. It shows how heady the sense of power can be for the OP. This one, Saf, believes she's in charge. She's beating another woman's time (the wife). She's bagged the MM, who led her a merry chase....

Oh, he's married. When I met him I wished he wasn't for awhile, but then decided that since I wanted him, maybe I could get him to want me too. I had to do some unusual things to get him to notice me, and had to lead into it slowly, but eventually he came round.

.....and she's got the D-Day bomb hoisted up over his head in readiness. That's powerful salve for a bruised ego.

 

The problem with the basic foundation of the the thread though is this:

 

If you're determined to be a mistress, then at least....be a GOOD mistress.

 

A good mistress doesn't change the rules midway through the game, and she doesn't threaten to. She's not an extortionist. She ALWAYS maintains the confidentiality of her patron. She doesn't f*ck with his mind. She only f*cks with his body.

 

A good mistress knows her place. And she's smart enough not to allow her patron to overstep himself and influence her emotionally. She stays out of his business, and she keeps him from sticking his nose into hers.

[EnigmaXOXO]

If she is happy then God speed & good luck. Plus I think there is only one person that could end this- the MM.

 

God or "goodness" has nothing to do with this, Butafly … It's plain 'ol human greed and selfishness. And that comes from a darker place that some people just get stuck in. You know … "screw everyone else so long as I'm getting my jollies at the moment."

 

In regards to "happiness", you'll notice upon reading enough of these threads that there's one common denominator with all these folks … and that's that they think happiness is external … something you either have to "get" (or steal) from other people. And if someone isn't making them happy, the fault somehow lies within that other person. That's why they're constantly chasing their own tails, bellyaching, wondering why superficial happiness is so short-lived for them while the majority of their time here on earth is spent feeling sorry for themselves and disappointed with the world for not accommodating their internal voids.

 

Case in point:

 

… it just brings him some more satisfaction - and me satisfaction too.

 

If he'd been happy with her, he wouldn't have been interested in me (well, maybe interested).

 

he is very unlikely to get bored with me

 

Remember, according to our poster, this is her third affair with someone who was married. Obviously, Saf herself isn't doing a better job than the wives when it comes to keeping these men from becoming bored and uninterested. But, hey … like minds attract like minds and so it's not surprising to see that most of these folks share mutual dysfunctions.

 

Saf (if we are to take this post as serious) is obviously on an emotional high right now. Hence, her need to pound her chest to a bunch of anonymous strangers on an internet forum … (aka: the highway of the great unwashed) It also seems as if she is someone who is emotionally depraved and requires enormous amounts of attention in order to feel validated as a person … even if it's negative attention from posting threads intended to get attention by inciting descention … OR from having her ego stroked temporarily by married men who are simply using her as a free booty call.

 

It's kinda sad, but certainly not rare that there are a lot of folks out there who are in dire need of some psychiatric care and guidance … but for whatever reason have slipped under the wire. And the most heartbreaking aspect of all is that this poor girl has actually deluded herself into thinking she's in complete control of herself, her life and the actions of others. Hopefully one day she'll wake up and become conscious, and recognize that she's the one who's been wearing the puppet strings all along.

[norajane]

Remember, according to our poster, this is her third affair with someone who was married.

 

Add fear of intimacy and fear of commitment to the list of unaddressed issues within herself...as well as a need to validate her attractiveness and worth by 'competing' for and 'winning' MM.

[HokeyReligions]

How sad. Obviously it's not all sunshine and roses or you wouldn't be posting on an advice forum with such a thinly veiled boast. My guess is that you are starting to have some thoughts about your own future and don't want to give up these relationships so you are using this forum to convince yourself this is what you truly want and that you really are in control. Maybe you don't recognize that in yourself yet, but I wonder what your POV will be on your 50th or 60th birthday when you find yourself alone?

[MindFreak]

Sorry but a man who is truly happy in his marriage doesn't go to bed with other women (it doesn't really matter what OW does to seduce him, he should be saying NO loud and clear).

 

Also it saddens me that this section of the forum is more like a battleground for BW vs OW. In reality you are both getting a pretty crappy deal. MM is the one having his cake and eating it too.

 

True. A man who is truly happy in marriage doesn't typically go around bedding other women. But I really have to wonder how unhappy he is. Saf has stated she worked to get him. Does this sound like an UNhappy man in marriage exactly?

 

I made sure that he didn't have any kids at home before I made my move. His kids are grown and gone.

 

If his wife does get hurt it will because I've decided that I want him full time, and I may do that. Sometimes I do get upset when he has to leave to be with her. If she wanted to keep him from straying, though, she should have taken better care of him. If he'd been happy with her, he wouldn't have been interested in me (well, maybe interested).

 

Let me tell you, though, it took a LOT of work to get him, and I'm not kidding!

Oh, he's married. When I met him I wished he wasn't for awhile, but then decided that since I wanted him, maybe I could get him to want me too. I had to do some unusual things to get him to notice me, and had to lead into it slowly, but eventually he came round

 

I was not generalizing all MM. I was working from the statements (that I bolded) made by saf that seem to imply he was pretty happy in his marriage. I cannot say why he has 'given' in to her but it was probably a great ego boost. She mentions his children are out of the house, so he is probably older. And having someone come along making google eyes and doing 'unusual things' to make you notice them would be quite flattering IMO. He should have said NO, and continued saying NO, but really that would have only made saf work harder to catch him.

 

And I would just like to state for the record that I am not a BS. So no I am not trying to take anything personal out on saf or any other OW. I just see a woman that has too much confidence in her own ablity to "control" this MM and in a way his W. Sure she is "happy" right now with this situation, as I am sure MM must be too. But again with the statements I bolded above taken into consideration, he wasn't unhappy exactly with his marriage. He didn't seek her out, by her own admission. Saf did everything in her power to get him. Right or wrong? Not for me to judge. But if you read the stories here of all the MM that are unhappy with their marriages and they aren't leaving. Why would a MM who is content enough in his marriage to resist initially then turn around and leave?

 

IMHO Ladyjane14 had the best advice for saf.

[tinktronik]

Alright I read this thread and then thought how is this really any different that any other OW thread .Then I thought some more and surfed around , read some other threads , came back and saw other ow , who have situations that do not reflect this one in attitude or circumstance in the same way , and yet they were defending her as if , just because she has the same "title" of ow she was one of them and could not be judged or spoken harshly of just because of said shared title. And still I was not clear on what I wanted to decide on .

 

 

Then I thought , okay affairs can really be thought of as pets , Say some woman has a dog . This dog may be happy , fed good food, taken care of ,loved by his family but he does not like when he gets in trouble for digging in the yard.

Or the dog may be treated porly , left out tied to a tree , his family may not be nice to him .

 

Or the dog is just one of those wandering strays who can't seem to stay out of the pound .

 

So we have these three types of situations :

Dog 1: good life but wants to have everything perfect,.

Dog 2: Treated poorly , but culd always run away.

Dog 3 : The pound dog .

 

Many ,many of the women here posting as OW end up with dog 1 .He comes and eats your food , sometimes he thinks he likes your food and the time you spend with him more than with his family ,also you don't really discipline him because hes not around enough just yet . He does not move completely into your home , because things at home are pretty good plus he gets to eat up twice as much dog food between both homes. That perspective from ow I can understand completely, you have an attachment , but realize he is not completely happy , so he says , with his current life .

 

What I see the OP doing is this.

 

Her dog is happy , his family takes good care of him , feeds him the good food. Then a new lady moves into the neighborhood and sees the dog . "Cute dog , Id like to have a dog like that" .So she puts out food , but the dog does not come , so she puts out better food and he still dosent come , so she decides to put out the best steaks she can find .And finnally the dog comes to her .Thats enough for the moment , the dog stops by every now and then and eats steak ., but he goes back home to his family over and over .She comforts herself by believing that if she insists the dog will stay just for steak . She also harbors hurting his original family by stealing their dog away with steak.

 

I know my anology may sound strange , but it was the only way I could think of to get it out . This woman is trying actively to steal the dog and gets her kicks off by having the "power " she believes to do so . She claims not to want the dog but she continues to put out steak for him . How would you feel if some lady moved into your neighborhood and decided to steal your dog, just because it gave her a kick to do so?

 

Ow , you may want to think on your own situations and attitude before you decide to defend any ow just because she puts herself in your group.

Some people get into affairs because of attachment , or enjoyment .Others out of nievety or just ignorance to the true situation . We don't see a lot here who get into affairs out of complete selfishness or power hold .This is one of them , and I was pretty sure it did not represent the attitudes of most , so why defend it ?

[whichwayisup]

I think we're all wasting time posting here. The OP isn't interested in changing her life for the better, has no intention of ending her affair with the MM. I'm sure if it ends with this MM, she'll find another to be with.

 

It's cliche, but hey - Karma is a real b!tch...

[Chinook]

For the record my "flame" if that is what it is interpreted as, was not because the OP or Saf were saying they were happy. Afterall, quite a number of us have seen BS, WS, OW, MM posts on LS to know that it is a fact that happiness with the situation can occur. That's a fact of life.

 

Aside from all the issues involved with EMA's in general, which I'm not prepared to get into, not prepared to condemn or validate either way... is the one thing which irritated me was Saf's attitude that she went out and got her man deliberately. Like he has no mind and wouldn't have considered it...? He had no impact on the decision-making process..!! If she truly believes that crap then fine... but as others have said, far more eloquently than I have, her confidence is likely to take a knock sooner or later. Karma has it's own way of sorting out life's bumps and dips and I stand by what I implied earlier. That viewpoint is selfish and reminds me of NPD and several obsessive bunny boiler friends I've actually sat and had to reason with regarding similar issues. The fact is, the guy is still married to his wife. The further fact is that he will remain so until HE wants to, not when someone else dictates it to him.

[Chinook]

Tink: Good post. It doesn't reflect alot of other situations you're right.