I like being the mistress

[RecordProducer]

Call me weird, but I prefer to be married to a faithful man !

[silktricks]

But what will you do if one day you find that you aren't?

[tinktronik]

But what will you do if one day you find that you aren't?

Beat him to death with potatoes , I may need to borrow some from A4.

[RecordProducer]

But what will you do if one day you find that you aren't?

What's this got to do with the original topic? She said she enjoyed being the mistress. I said I prefer to NOT fool around with a married man and be somebody's mistress. I prefer to be number one and the ONLY one.

 

What I would do if my husband would cheat on me is out of my power of choice. I certainly wouldn't choose to be somebody's mistress, not because of the moral part (I actually have no problem with the morality of the OW), but because I am sure it hurts a lot.

[pricillia]

What's this got to do with the original topic? She said she enjoyed being the mistress. I said I prefer to NOT fool around with a married man and be somebody's mistress. I prefer to be number one and the ONLY one.

 

What I would do if my husband would cheat on me is out of my power of choice. I certainly wouldn't choose to be somebody's mistress, not because of the moral part (I actually have no problem with the morality of the OW), but because I am sure it hurts a lot.

 

It hurts alot! She might like it now but down the road she may not. Sometimes for the mistress she is afraid to get into a relationship herself so this her her safe way to be with a man without getting into a real relationship. I know I was one of those women but you have to choose and finally realize that no self respecting woman will be with a married man.

[newbby]

and finally realize that no self respecting woman will be with a married man.

 

i actually disagree with this. some women really are happy being the mistress. those women will not ever be thinking of the mm leaving his wife, will be content with things as they are, and so i fail to see where self respect comes into it. then there are others who are temporarily happy to be the mistress, but then their needs change. there are also those who convince themselves they are happy to be the mistress and so on....

more often than not the ow is lacking self love and self respect, but sometimes it isnt anything to do with it.

[MrsHellFire]

Originally Posted by pricillia

and finally realize that no self respecting woman will be with a married man.

People can also argue that no self-respecting wife would stay with her husband after he cheats on her, yet we see thousands on this board give their husband 1st and 2nd chances etc. I really don't know where I stand on the issue.

[whichwayisup]

People can also argue that no self-respecting wife would stay with her husband after he cheats on her, yet we see thousands on this board give their husband

 

Because alot of the time there are children involved. And some betrayed spouses take their marriage vows very seriously, and forgive more than they should.

[MrsHellFire]

Because alot of the time there are children involved. And some betrayed spouses take their marriage vows very seriously, and forgive more than they should.

 

And that character trait (maybe a character flaw imo) is what the MM is banking on and leads him to risk everything in the first place. He knows you will most likely give him another chance IF you were to find out since you are that serious with your marriage vows and probably reliant on him as well.

[silktricks]

Because alot of the time there are children involved. And some betrayed spouses take their marriage vows very seriously, and forgive more than they should.

 

How can anyone say how much another should forgive?

[BUTAFLY]

And that character trait (maybe a character flaw imo) is what the MM is banking on and leads him to risk everything in the first place. He knows you will most likely give him another chance IF you were to find out since you are that serious with your marriage vows and probably reliant on him as well.

 

So since I had my little run in with a mm. I was curious about how many undercover cheating mm there are. I found LOADS of them and I question them just out of courisity and Mshellfire is dead on. This is the answer I get mostly in the form of "because I can", but when I asked to explain it all boils down to, what mrshellfire said. By reading stories in the infidelity room, you see how these men can think that way.

[newbby]

So since I had my little run in with a mm. I was curious about how many undercover cheating mm there are. I found LOADS of them and I question them just out of courisity and Mshellfire is dead on. This is the answer I get mostly in the form of "because I can", but when I asked to explain it all boils down to, what mrshellfire said. By reading stories in the infidelity room, you see how these men can think that way.

 

 

yeah but i think the majority of mm cheat because they feel inadequate, insecure about their masculinity, and lots of them have ed, or are bald, or both. most men cheat to prove themselves. i doubt any man would admit to this.

[BUTAFLY]

yeah but i think the majority of mm cheat because they feel inadequate, insecure about their masculinity, and lots of them have ed, or are bald, or both. most men cheat to prove themselves. i doubt any man would admit to this.

 

So he's going bald. that sounds like a personal problem, gets so rogaine, don't EFF-UP two other peoples lives.

[BUTAFLY]

I was standing on a plateform and mm comes up behind me starts chit chating....I look down at him and have perfect view of his balding head and the gray is completing taking over. I look at him and say, "I'm glad I had you in your prime 'cause now a days you wouldn't of had a chance" :laugh: That gave him something to obsess over for a few days.

[newbby]

I was standing on a plateform and mm comes up behind me starts chit chating....I look down at him and have perfect view of his balding head and the gray is completing taking over. I look at him and say, "I'm glad I had you in your prime 'cause now a days you wouldn't of had a chance" :laugh: That gave him something to obsess over for a few days.

 

good one. i gave my exmm a few things to obsess about too. it's gotta be done.

[newbby]

So he's going bald. that sounds like a personal problem, gets so rogaine, don't EFF-UP two other peoples lives.

 

it's not an excuse, i was simply saying that the real reason most men cheat is probably because they feel deeply inadequate, but to make themselves feel more like MEN they come out with things like "cause i can". just a theory.

[RecordProducer]

How can anyone say how much another should forgive?

What WWIU said is that some women forgive more than they should and God do we know that some people are willing to put up with crap for so long for no reason. Leave infidelity on aside, they take physical, emotional, verbal, financial and abuse of their children. They put up with alcoholics, drug addicts, lazy, irresponsible, crazy, violent, and controlling men (talking about severe cases, not "regular" faults).

 

Infidelity is often being forgiven and second (and third and fourth and hundredth) chances granted to husbands, whether their cheating was combined with other forms of abuse or not.

 

Certainly, there are women who blame themselves for the affair, just like there are women who blame themselves for being beaten like cattle by their drunk husbands.

 

It is encoded in the woman, being the weaker gender, that her way to avoid abuse by the stronger is to NOT provoke him. Even though she has the police on her side and many pots in her kitchen, she will reluctantly admit to her strong instinct of survival that she didn't mess up with mother nature by provoking the beast and that she should defend her life.

 

Infidelity is just one of the things she has deserved for not being "good enough."

[RecordProducer]

i actually disagree with this. some women really are happy being the mistress. those women will not ever be thinking of the mm leaving his wife, will be content with things as they are, and so I fail to see where self respect comes into it.

The lack of self-respect demonstrates exactly in her content to be the other woman. If she is in a situation she doesn't like, it shows that she has natural self-respect, but has no strength to leave because she is in love.

 

The analogy would be: if a woman is generally content with an abusive man, would you think she has self-respect? Or do you think that abuse is negative per se, but loving a man who goes back to his wife and children every night is neutral, depending on her needs?

 

The only OW that can enjoy her role for a long time without losing her self-respect is the one who doesn't really love the MM. But they don't have the urge to come to LS and post about the men they screw and don't give a damn about.

More often than not the ow is lacking self love and self respect, but sometimes it isnt anything to do with it.

You said this. Well sometimes they are tricked into it due to their naiveté and the lies that MM spill about their dead marriages, separations within one house, and plans to divorce, not to mention that very often they hide their marriages at the beginning.

 

A few years ago, I was at some guy's place and we kissed. I didn't like him, but he was handsome and I thought I've missed sex for a long time so why not? Then the phone rings and he says: "Shhhh... it's my girlfriend." I felt sick to my stomach and thought it was very disrespectful of him to use me for sex, even though I wanted to use HIM for sex, too.

 

But if someone wants only sex with me, I want it to be because he is genuinely not interested in anything more than that with me, not because he has a woman waiting for him so I can be his temporary toy.

 

Actually his GF was living hundreds of miles away so he probably intended to keep us both "happy." In no circumstances would I accept to be somebody's concubine.

 

Even when I was 19 I dumped a guy who lied to me he was separated. I was already falling for him, but when I saw through his lies, I dumped him two weeks after the "affair" started. So I don't buy the excuses about how he lied, promised, said his marriage was only on paper, they had so much in common and the sex was so hot, it became impossible to leave... Of course after two years it's impossible to leave! Why didn't you leave after two weeks or two months?

 

Come on, girls, admit it - you thought you met the love of your life and hoped that he would leave his wife starting from the day you realized you fell in love. And before that day, you actually enjoyed eating the forbidden fruit or simply didn't mind it.

[BUTAFLY]

I get what your saying newby, and perhaps there are some deep seeded personal issues that makes a man/mm commit serial infidelities. I am just frustrated and wanted to get that out.

 

it's not an excuse, i was simply saying that the real reason most men cheat is probably because they feel deeply inadequate, but to make themselves feel more like MEN they come out with things like "cause i can". just a theory.

[newbby]

The analogy would be: if a woman is generally content with an abusive man, would you think she has self-respect? Or do you think that abuse is negative per se, but loving a man who goes back to his wife and children every night is neutral, depending on her needs?

 

i dont think there are any women who are content in an abusive relationship. PUT UP WITH IT, yeah, but CONTENT has a whole different meaning.

i can't concieve of it myself, at least not for the long term, but then again it also depends on the type of relationship. some mm treat their mistresses really well, and some of those mistresses are content, or happy, if that is any clearer. this is rare, but it does happen.

that is not to say i think anyone in this thread is really content, although i have got all my posters confused. if this is the same poster who had a plan to destroy her mm's marriage, then no, she is not happy with the situation.

lucrezia borgia has posted about these types before, she called them the how (happy other woman).

i have read of two cases where the mistress was happy long term.

[reneet]

If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to say something. I don't want to be know as his mistress, cheatmate or *uckbuddy. I am with T for 6 years now. I'd really like for him to divorce his wife & move on.

[silktricks]

What WWIU said is that some women forgive more than they should and God do we know that some people are willing to put up with crap for so long for no reason. Leave infidelity on aside, they take physical, emotional, verbal, financial and abuse of their children. They put up with alcoholics, drug addicts, lazy, irresponsible, crazy, violent, and controlling men (talking about severe cases, not "regular" faults).

 

I agree that many women forgive more than other women do. I also agree that many women put up with more than is healthy for them. I would even agree that it is important for many (maybe even most) women to cultivate a better self-image.

 

The problem I have is with the use of the word "should". Should implies a knowledge that none of us have of another person's situation. It is easy from the outside to look at a situation and say "you should (or shouldn't) do such-and-so".

 

I meant no offense to WWIU, as I know that she provides wonderful suggestions and support to many people at LS. "Should" is simply one of my problems words. (I shouldn't use it so much :lmao: )

[RecordProducer]

"Should" is simply one of my problems words. (I shouldn't use it so much :lmao: )

That was funny!

I understand, but sometimes you should say "should," shouldn't you?

 

Seriously, some things should not be doen for objective reasons.

lucrezia borgia has posted about these types before, she called them the how (happy other woman).

i have read of two cases where the mistress was happy long term.

OK, I gave a bad analogy, perhaps I'll try another one. A porn star, especially a famous and wealthy one with no education, can be very happy with her job, but I don't think that any woman who has self-respect can enjoy it.