The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[Hero2Zero]

Hey CaliGuy, thanks for responding. I would like to clarify that she's the one who broke it off. I asked her if she needed to take a break. If it was up to me, we would be figuring things out together, as a couple.

 

Does the rest of what you said still stand?

[CaliGuy]

Hey CaliGuy, thanks for responding. I would like to clarify that she's the one who broke it off. I asked her if she needed to take a break. If it was up to me, we would be figuring things out together, as a couple.

 

Does the rest of what you said still stand?

 

Yes, if they broke it off. You always have to remember:

 

"The best revenge is a life well lived."

 

Nobody hates it worse than your ex if you're living your life to the fullest without them

[Hero2Zero]

Thanks CaliGuy. I don't want revenge or to "get back at her" for wanting a break. I don't hate her or wish bad things on her, and she doesn't wish bad things on me either. She says she cares for me and loves me, but is not "in love" with me. She just wants to figure things out.

 

Do you think I should not have contact at all or have limited contact like we have had. And maybe a little less AIM chatter?

[Omma]

i have been on Nc with my bf who i kind of dumped cause ive been fed up with his crap,mistakes-sorry-forgive-mistakes-and again and again, but love him, he sent me a present today(really beautiflu one) and i emailed him this, please tell me if i was wrong, ive been Nc for 5 days (been together 2 years know eachother for 5, talk every day)

 

[sIZE=2]You know i love you with all my heart and i just hope you will change and become the guy i once met, full of happiness, i think maybe all the things has been happening all the deceptions in ure life have made you into this changed soiltary persona,you always excuse ureself by saying "i am like that",But No,thats the most common phrase used by humans, just to not do anything,when everything is possible if you want it to be.

I you dont do it for me please do it for the people who will come after.

Everything ive said and or wrote, if your fed up or not, t ake it or leave it,i dont think there are more than 2 persons in your life who have repetead to u these things, and believe me we do it becasue we love you, i want u to know that ive alwasy been there for u,handled the unhandled, i just hope you will react soon...im not coming back to tell u anything, i think ive done enough.

Please remember , family will never get tired and will always be there by ure side, but we who are not same blood type hae the option to leave.

 

thanks once again for your present.

 

 

P-

[/sIZE]

[thekhris]

i have been on Nc with my bf who i kind of dumped cause ive been fed up with his crap,mistakes-sorry-forgive-mistakes-and again and again, but love him, he sent me a present today(really beautiflu one) and i emailed him this, please tell me if i was wrong, ive been Nc for 5 days (been together 2 years know eachother for 5, talk every day)

 

[sIZE=2]You know i love you with all my heart and i just hope you will change and become the guy i once met, full of happiness, i think maybe all the things has been happening all the deceptions in ure life have made you into this changed soiltary persona,you always excuse ureself by saying "i am like that",But No,thats the most common phrase used by humans, just to not do anything,when everything is possible if you want it to be.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]I you dont do it for me please do it for the people who will come after.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]Everything ive said and or wrote, if your fed up or not, t ake it or leave it,i dont think there are more than 2 persons in your life who have repetead to u these things, and believe me we do it becasue we love you, i want u to know that ive alwasy been there for u,handled the unhandled, i just hope you will react soon...im not coming back to tell u anything, i think ive done enough.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]Please remember , family will never get tired and will always be there by ure side, but we who are not same blood type hae the option to leave.[/sIZE]

 

[sIZE=2]thanks once again for your present.[/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2]P-[/sIZE]

 

Honey read the first page of this tread first..

[mulisha07]

Hi Khris,

 

Me and my gf broke up about two weeks ago. She was the one who initiated it due to my incompetencies. To cut it short, I did all the mistakes that you listed out in the first page of this thread during the break up. After reading your advice, I went on with the NC rule. She did call me up yesterday, as usual, I followed what you said and was casual throughout the conversation, asking her how her life was, etc.. After a couple of minutes talking, she suddenly went quiet. Asked her whats on her mind, she said there was nothing wrong. I probed her a couple of times, she became angry and asked me why I did nothing to fight for her back.. she started blabbering again about how too cool I have been about this break up and did not even care about trying to make amends. After which she started to talk about why she wanted to break up with me, the negative things about me, how bad I am in maintaining a relationship, etc. Throughout that conversation, never once I disagreed with her and went with her flow. The last thing she said when she ended the call was, saying how disappointed she was that I did not do anything to fight for her. I do want her back but somehow she feels the opposite way... What should I do now? Go back all out trying to change my way and woo her back into my life? or should I stay and keep to just be casual about it and wait for her to say to me, yes I want us to be together back again? I need help....

[alwayshurt]

If, as you say, you made all the mistakes listed in page1, that probably means you did all those begging things that instead push people away.

But you did fight after all. So what is she talking about?

I would just keep on NC and be cool and see what happens. I think she's playing some sort of game with you. But evidently what you have done so far has worked. Stick with it. I wouldn't be surprised if in a couple of days you will see this girl on her knees begging for you to go back with her.

[thekhris]

Exactly!!!!...

[thekhris]

When my ex and myself finally broke up (she dumped me). Her reasons? She couldn't give me the love I wanted/needed etc, typical stuff.

 

I gave her space. Two weeks later she contacts me, I go a bit wierd because everything in my life was upside down. I pour my heart out, she says "You shouldn't be doing this." I go "Ok" and log off (this was over MSN, DO NOT EVER TALK ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP OVER MSN!!!).

 

I go away again. Then when I get back I write her an e-mail saying I can't do this, I disappear, before I do she calls me and starts talking about her problems with her ex, ex boyfriend and stuff. She says she misses me and will miss me. Phone goes down, I haven't heard from her since. I write her an e-mail after 1.5 months of no contact saying I'd like to talk things over between us and that I miss her company. She doesn't even reply.

 

Now, looking back? I wouldn't take her back. .

hehehehehehe

[Amy22]

thekhris, I didn't read all the replies but I did read your advice and I want to thank you for taking the time to type all that out. I think it is good advice and learned a lot of things from it. It made sense to me and I plan to come back and read it from time to time to keep myself from making the mistakes I have already made. Thanks again I am sure that took a lot of time to type up.

[Jasmine777]

Now I would like to know what it means when a guy says he wants to break-up and that he needs his space and then calls you and texts you everyday!

[SYRACUSE03]

Nice job thekhris...did you copy all of your information from Homer McDonald who wrote the book? At least quote where you got the info from and do not lead on like you are an expert. Many people here are having tough times and look to people for advice. The are not looking for a fraud. Not to burst anyone's bubble but he has no ideas of his own. Granted the ideas are valuable but they are certainly not his.

[thekhris]

thekhris, I didn't read all the replies but I did read your advice and I want to thank you for taking the time to type all that out. I think it is good advice and learned a lot of things from it. It made sense to me and I plan to come back and read it from time to time to keep myself from making the mistakes I have already made. Thanks again I am sure that took a lot of time to type up.

yah thats what i advised. back then.print it, will be the best

[thekhris]

Now I would like to know what it means when a guy says he wants to break-up and that he needs his space and then calls you and texts you everyday!

 

he wants to see be with other woman rather than to be with you wants to ahve another relationship with another woman rather than you but still wants to string you on for security.In case he still not find that good woman that will give him assurance and contenment.he is trying to set you as plan b.

[serendip]

Hey Kris

 

What do you think my ex wants...I'm kind of confused. She cheated on me and I screwed with her mind really bad(stupid revenge thing). We did no contact for 2 mths.

 

then we had bad emails going back and forth blaming one another...so I put a stop to it. Then a month later I called and left a voicemail...

 

I know we shouldn't contact each other...I just hate the negativity between us....it's like bad vibes. I went camping this weekend with someone and I was thinking about you. I wish we could work things out...not to get back together...I don't think that's viable...but to get rid of the negativity. I just find it so sad that we can't even talk to one another. Anyway I'm sorry for whatever you feel. Take care I guess.

 

She emailed me back a week later

 

Thanks for the apology call.

It is best if we just forgive each other and move on with our lives.

Take care.

 

I text message her a week later

 

I am travelling

I just read your last email on my pda

i understand

we had some good times together

you will always be loved

no hard feelings

 

I thought we were done...all nice and tidy up...then 10 days later she texts me for no reason

 

I found the distance too hard. sorry it was hard to not want to see other guys especially since we didn't know the future. thanks for the good times together

 

I got mad b/c it came cross as her making excuses for her actions so I replied to her text

 

I thought we had a future in that we considered having kids together. I can understand the distance but you cheated before the distance. It was unfair of you. I did nothing to deserve that but I wish you well

 

Then 5 days later she text me again

Please stop making me feel guilty when I apologize. Just forget about it. I don't want to hear from yu anymore if it is just going to be negative

 

10 days later(this past monday) I figure what's the point of having my last words to her ...to be negative...so I text her

I know your text was meant to be an apology but it came across as a justification for your actions. it doesn't matter anymore. i am happy with the knowledge that you once truly loved me. it washes away the negativity and the memory of your person will linger. thank you

 

 

Not sure what she wants for me...I thought we were done. She didn't want to work out the negativity...so why text me then.

 

I don't think she will contact me anymore

[thekhris]

Ok man I hope you already read the first page of this thread so that you can understand it more clearly about how the game of love,breaking up,letting go,reconcile works..

 

One of the most moral lesson that youll learn about this thread is

PEOPLE GIVE MORE VALUE TO WHAT THEY CANT HAVE OR WHAT THEY FEAR LOOSING..

 

I will translate the excahnging of messages that you did in much simplier form but I hope you wont take it as a bad thing but rather see my point.

 

You: Im ok i can let go I hope no hard feelings.

 

Her: Yah right.as if you can really let go.wel if thats what you like well ok!

 

(Her thoughts: Well if you can really can et go you wont be contacting me and wont be bothered by that negativity crap, Im preety sure you still cant move on.Im winning I can have you everytime if I want to,well for the meantime I'll date more guys and probably go back to you if things didnt work out preety well.)

 

you: No hard feelings im happy now.

 

Her: Sht!! there is no way you can be happy without me! There is no way you can truely let go.I'l make you jealous so that I can prove to myself that I still have a power over you.And the best tactic that I can do is to show to you that youll loosing me by giving you hints that I can fck other guys and by giving you signs that I dont care about you,please follow me and beg for forgiveness and reconcillation.

(Her mind: if this didnt work Im in big trouble)

 

you:

How can you easly forget me and how can you move on so easyly like that,did you remeber back then when you used to love me..I love you but you cheated dont you have conscience?that conscience should hunt you and make you beg for reconciliation with me..

 

(youre mind: **** im truely loosing her,what should i do?what should i do?this no hard feelilngs thing is not working for me right now)

 

Her: Fck you got you!!!!!! I win bastard! whew I thought im truely loosing you there.well I can continue to my plan, hunting and screwing other guys till I met that guy that will satisfy me while keep you in leash so that if things wont turn out right I can always pick you up.and contimue hunt other guys.

 

you: Im here still messaging you because I cant move on.

(your mind;why she is not messaging me back,didnt she already know that I truely cant let go?)

 

Her mind: I win.whatever, youre just there youre not a lost

[Msblueyes]

Now I would like to know what it means when a guy says he wants to break-up and that he needs his space and then calls you and texts you everyday!

 

This is what I"m talking about & going through.

 

I did read the advice & although I had done the stupid things when we were fighting...now, I just listen when he talks, don't bring anything up over the phone as in "relationship issues". We really haven't had "the talk" about anything yet...it's been three weeks...and without prodding, he's telling me things that I would usually have to "ask" about.....so I think this jijitsu thing does work.

[serendip]

Ok man I hope you already read the first page of this thread so that you can understand it more clearly about how the game of love,breaking up,letting go,reconcile works..

 

One of the most moral lesson that youll learn about this thread is

PEOPLE GIVE MORE VALUE TO WHAT THEY CANT HAVE OR WHAT THEY FEAR LOOSING..

 

I will translate the excahnging of messages that you did in much simplier form but I hope you wont take it as a bad thing but rather see my point.

 

You: Im ok i can let go I hope no hard feelings.

 

Her: Yah right.as if you can really let go.wel if thats what you like well ok!

 

(Her thoughts: Well if you can really can et go you wont be contacting me and wont be bothered by that negativity crap, Im preety sure you still cant move on.Im winning I can have you everytime if I want to,well for the meantime I'll date more guys and probably go back to you if things didnt work out preety well.)

 

you: No hard feelings im happy now.

 

Her: Sht!! there is no way you can be happy without me! There is no way you can truely let go.I'l make you jealous so that I can prove to myself that I still have a power over you.And the best tactic that I can do is to show to you that youll loosing me by giving you hints that I can fck other guys and by giving you signs that I dont care about you,please follow me and beg for forgiveness and reconcillation.

(Her mind: if this didnt work Im in big trouble)

 

you:

How can you easly forget me and how can you move on so easyly like that,did you remeber back then when you used to love me..I love you but you cheated dont you have conscience?that conscience should hunt you and make you beg for reconciliation with me..

 

(youre mind: **** im truely loosing her,what should i do?what should i do?this no hard feelilngs thing is not working for me right now)

 

Her: Fck you got you!!!!!! I win bastard! whew I thought im truely loosing you there.well I can continue to my plan, hunting and screwing other guys till I met that guy that will satisfy me while keep you in leash so that if things wont turn out right I can always pick you up.and contimue hunt other guys.

 

you: Im here still messaging you because I cant move on.

(your mind;why she is not messaging me back,didnt she already know that I truely cant let go?)

 

Her mind: I win.whatever, youre just there youre not a lost

 

Yeah I read the front of this posting. But I don't think our relationship can ever heal or can be fix. First trust has been broken on both our parts and you can't fix that b/c it's a LDR. I think our relationship is beyond repair. This was our second chance at it. We dated 10 yrs ago and had NC for 6 yrs. We just happen to bump into each other 2 yrs ago and instantly connected. She even told me...that she almost got married 4 yrs ago but for some reason she thought of me and thought I would not like it(I was not in her life for 6yrs at that time)...so she didn't get married.

 

So I've been trying to move on....I've been dating alot.

[Feigned]

Nice job thekhris...did you copy all of your information from Homer McDonald who wrote the book? At least quote where you got the info from and do not lead on like you are an expert.

 

Well spotted Syracuse.

[alwayshurt]

Ok man I hope you already read the first page of this thread so that you can understand it more clearly about how the game of love,breaking up,letting go,reconcile works..

 

One of the most moral lesson that youll learn about this thread is

PEOPLE GIVE MORE VALUE TO WHAT THEY CANT HAVE OR WHAT THEY FEAR LOOSING..

 

I will translate the excahnging of messages that you did in much simplier form but I hope you wont take it as a bad thing but rather see my point.

 

You: Im ok i can let go I hope no hard feelings.

 

Her: Yah right.as if you can really let go.wel if thats what you like well ok!

 

(Her thoughts: Well if you can really can et go you wont be contacting me and wont be bothered by that negativity crap, Im preety sure you still cant move on.Im winning I can have you everytime if I want to,well for the meantime I'll date more guys and probably go back to you if things didnt work out preety well.)

 

you: No hard feelings im happy now.

 

Her: Sht!! there is no way you can be happy without me! There is no way you can truely let go.I'l make you jealous so that I can prove to myself that I still have a power over you.And the best tactic that I can do is to show to you that youll loosing me by giving you hints that I can fck other guys and by giving you signs that I dont care about you,please follow me and beg for forgiveness and reconcillation.

(Her mind: if this didnt work Im in big trouble)

 

you:

How can you easly forget me and how can you move on so easyly like that,did you remeber back then when you used to love me..I love you but you cheated dont you have conscience?that conscience should hunt you and make you beg for reconciliation with me..

 

(youre mind: **** im truely loosing her,what should i do?what should i do?this no hard feelilngs thing is not working for me right now)

 

Her: Fck you got you!!!!!! I win bastard! whew I thought im truely loosing you there.well I can continue to my plan, hunting and screwing other guys till I met that guy that will satisfy me while keep you in leash so that if things wont turn out right I can always pick you up.and contimue hunt other guys.

 

you: Im here still messaging you because I cant move on.

(your mind;why she is not messaging me back,didnt she already know that I truely cant let go?)

 

Her mind: I win.whatever, youre just there youre not a lost

 

 

I don't think at all that is what she's thinking.

Not always people play games, and if she did, the signal would be different.

To me she is totally over you and she was just trying to be nice. But because you brought back the relationship issue she got angry. It was the last thing she wanted to hear from you and the last thing you should've talked about. Basically you pushed her further away to a close-to-none chance of reconcilition, especially considering the LD.

 

At this point, the wisest think you can do is FORGET ABOUT HER and move on. No way she's coming back to you.

 

Sorry, but I have been there and know already the outcome.

Anyway, good luck to you.

[serendip]

I don't think at all that is what she's thinking.

Not always people play games, and if she did, the signal would be different.

To me she is totally over you and she was just trying to be nice. But because you brought back the relationship issue she got angry. It was the last thing she wanted to hear from you and the last thing you should've talked about. Basically you pushed her further away to a close-to-none chance of reconcilition, especially considering the LD.

 

At this point, the wisest think you can do is FORGET ABOUT HER and move on. No way she's coming back to you.

 

Sorry, but I have been there and know already the outcome.

Anyway, good luck to you.

 

Yeah I think you are correct...that's what I thought too. The only thing I don't understand is that...we were done...everything was tidy and I said no hard feelings...then 10 days later she texts me out of the blue and brings up the past. This upset me a great deal b/c it came across as an excuse for cheating. No amount of distance justifys cheating....plus she cheated before the distance. It got the better of me and I just couldn't let this slip.

 

I found the distance too hard. sorry it was hard to not want to see other guys especially since we didn't know the future. thanks for the good times together

 

Friends of mine think she just had a bout of guilt...thus her reason for texting this explanation which was totally the opposite of what was happening when we were still going out. Before we broke up....she wanted to marry me.

[alwayshurt]

Try not to read too much on what people say or how they behave. And above all, don't take anything personally.

 

Sometimes we say things according to the mood we are in that particular time, but then things happen and we change.

She probably did feel guilty and wanted to contact you just to put peace between the two of you. But that is it...at least from what I read in your post. No way this girl is into you at the moment, neither will she any time soon for the way things evolved.

 

As I said, let go of her and save yourself pain and umiliation. Sometime from now you will regret the way you acted with her...sorry to say but you showed her the clingy and needy side of yourself. That is not good for attraction and she probably now does not feel attraction for you anymore.

 

A little dose of self confidence, in this scenario, would have made a lot of difference. Well, too late. But you can use this experience for your future relationships, even if it has to be with her again.

 

Cheers.

[serendip]

Thanks...but I don't think I ever wanted her back after she cheated on me and I forgave her and she did it again

 

What I wanted was to make her see my point of view but then I realize she will never see my point of view b/c she has a need to be perfect, mentally, physically and morally. So I gave up after we argued back and forth via email 2 mths ago...I didn't see a point of it. Then after a mth...I tried to make peace but to no avail b/c I'm still emotionally wounded from the expirience and she feels guilty....so a discussion is not possible

[Rowen]

My story:

 

Ex broke up with me just under two months ago. We got into a couple arguments at the end. She said breaking up was about the arguing and that it "wasn't working" but I know she had mentioned alot how concerned she was with school upcoming in september etc. It seemed she tried to make up excuses to break up with me. She said " i need to be alone" " i dont want a relationship right now" Everything you can imagine. At first I begged and pleaded and just pushed her away ever so slowly.

 

She called a couple times crying, I told her she needed to grow up becuase calling me to cry and not try again was like stabbing me in the heart over and over. Hung up on her etc.

 

She called a couple times (which i actually missed the calls) She denied calling me on perpose.

 

She came on msn a couple times and got angry with me when I tried to comfort her becuase she wasn't doing very well. She was very agitated at times. SO I went into two weeks of NC until her bday when I calledher to say happy bday. I left a mmessage and minutes later she called back to say thank you. I left it brief and had to go. She later thanked me again for mes aying happy bday, and then hinted she wasn't doing well. She seemed to apprecaite me a bit more again..

 

So this is when I decided to start lightly contacting her with positive things. IE: a short email with a cute picture of her favourite type of dog. She texted me back "thanks :)" etc.

 

One night she found out I was quitting my job and texted me asking me about it. I didn't respond for two days. Two days later she sent me another text saying "ignoring me on perpose?"

 

I just sent her one back the next day saying " I enjoy talking to you, but it's hard to sometimes, and ive been really busy making changes in my life, IE getting a new job etc"

 

As of about 2 weeks ago, she has started to talk to me more on MSN. Initiating every contact. Shel come online and just say "i saw your new pics on facebook" etc.. seems to me she is looking for anything to start a convo with. That's fine, we had our best talk since the break up (about 30 min) very positive and nice. She seemed happy to speak with me and even said "it was nice to speak with you" for the first time as well. SHe expressed interest in my job hunt and what was going on in my life. It was a kind, nice light hearted convo with some laughing too.

 

She also said during the convo "studying for my exams has been over breaing on me.. very stressfull.. you know how I get with exams"

 

seems to me almost apologizing for her angry, antagonistic attitude she had a couple weeks previous.

 

I texted her the night her exam was asking how it went and the next morning she texted back a couple sentances saying it went well etc.

 

She seems to be warming up to me and our conversations have begun to become normal again. I let her contact me and I just am nice, cordial, funny. MYSELF!

 

I think i'm inbetween steps 2-3.

 

It will be really interesting to see how this ends up. AS her exams are over now.

[thekhris]

Nice job thekhris...did you copy all of your information from Homer McDonald who wrote the book? At least quote where you got the info from and do not lead on like you are an expert. Many people here are having tough times and look to people for advice. The are not looking for a fraud. Not to burst anyone's bubble but he has no ideas of his own. Granted the ideas are valuable but they are certainly not his.

nope i did not copy it from homer mcdonald. I copy it from realbroken who post it here a year ago..lolz