Author thekhris Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 whatever... its their life its their decision respect it... we dont pee on the same toilet or eat in same plates.. our experiences in life are not the same and also our points of view... Link to post Share on other sites
whir Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Again, why want a person back who doesn't want you? Where is your self respect??? The person looked AT YOU, looked at the RELATIONSHIP with YOU and said: No thanks, I'll pass.... Why not close that chapter, close the book and move on. . And be a member of the club called ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT-ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT-ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT-ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT-ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT-ATTRACT FCK ENJOY AND WHEN SOMTHING GOES WRONG FIND ANOTHER BUTT- ( Till you realized your near to 60 and still have no idea when is this gonna end and still clueless how on would you hold a woman forever) Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 If someone told me, "You made me want to be a better person" I'd think they were ripping of that movie. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Okay... about the No contact thing. Do you think it is okay for someone to hang out with their ex's friends, so long as their ex is not there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 there is no problem with that as long as you dont talk about the break up unless it was bring up by other people..Dont look depressed and try to look unphased by the break up... keep your composure and cool... dont ever let your ex know that youre so depressed.... your not mad her/him and no hard feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I too reacted badly to the initial break up conversation with my boyfriend I had been seeing for a year. The begging and pleading, promises to change. It only left me feeling humiliated and regretful of my actions. It wasn't until I found this forum and read the no contact blurb that I realized my error. By begging I had given him all the power, and in the process I had compromised my dignity. It has been a week since that conversation and I have not contacted him and I don't plan to. I only hope that I didn't ruin my chances for a reconciliation with that initial meltdown. My biggest regret is that if he never contacts me again that he will always be left with that last image of me as a pathetic mess who begged for him not to leave me. That notion has tempted me to reach out to him, to tell him I am sorry I had that reaction and that I agree with him about the break up...just something to help me regain some humility back. But everytime I feel the urge to call or e-mail... I read your words and it helps me to regain my composure. We both have a lot of stuff at one another's places- and I know that at some point we will have to do an exchange. It's killing me that things are up in the air with the belongings exchange still looming over this. I'm staying strong though- no contact, no contact, no contact! D-Lish Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 thats the spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
agoraphobia Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I too reacted badly to the initial break up conversation with my boyfriend I had been seeing for a year. The begging and pleading, promises to change. It only left me feeling humiliated and regretful of my actions. It wasn't until I found this forum and read the no contact blurb that I realized my error. By begging I had given him all the power, and in the process I had compromised my dignity. It has been a week since that conversation and I have not contacted him and I don't plan to. I only hope that I didn't ruin my chances for a reconciliation with that initial meltdown. My biggest regret is that if he never contacts me again that he will always be left with that last image of me as a pathetic mess who begged for him not to leave me. That notion has tempted me to reach out to him, to tell him I am sorry I had that reaction and that I agree with him about the break up...just something to help me regain some humility back. But everytime I feel the urge to call or e-mail... I read your words and it helps me to regain my composure. We both have a lot of stuff at one another's places- and I know that at some point we will have to do an exchange. It's killing me that things are up in the air with the belongings exchange still looming over this. I'm staying strong though- no contact, no contact, no contact! D-Lish I don't know about y'all but I want someone I claim to love or who claims to love me to see me when I'm weak, that is Love. When you can completely be yourself with someone, in your good days and your bad days. The days you look good and the days you don't. The days you are strong and the days you are not so strong. For someone to see you in all your moods and accept you with all your moods. All these false sense of dignity "oh I don't want him to see me weak" is just bs and stupid games. So you actually had the HUMILITY..you set aside your ego for a moment to tell someone you love that you want them to stay and you need them in your life. I call that strength, not weakness. It takes strength and not weakness to admit defeat, to say I'm sorry, please forgive me. When I broke up with an ex, I begged and pleaded too and I wasn't too full of myself not to say that I want him to stay. He didn't come back to me for whatever reason BUT I never and will never regret that I expressed myself and what I felt to him. I didn't stalk him or hound him, I said it once or twice and when he said no. I left it at that. It takes strength to be humble, and yes to "humiliate" yourself as you people refer to it. To the above poster, you lost a love...um yeah, you will have an initial meltdown. You are being human, why do you feel the need to apologize for that? I'm not advocating stalking or hounding an ex, but this clearly false stoicism of just pretending that you don't care that he/she broke up with you is the stupidest pile of crap I've ever heard. I mean put yourself in your ex's shoes, if I dumped a guy and he turned around and walked away like he wasn't phased at all. What in the world will make me want him back? By walking away without blinking, he just proved to me that I'm dispensable and that he doesn't really care if he's with me or not. Why will I find that attractive and want to take him back? I mean, think about it. Once again, I'm not staying you should endlessly hound your ex professing your undying love. But expressing your love at the onset of a break-up is not a no-no. We are all humans, not zombies. We have feelings and we hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
whir Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 just another blind person who cant accept reality and still cant see how the world realy works and obviously been borbarded by holywood romanticsm... stubbornly cant accept it..stubbornly deny it.. in my observations a lot people save their relationships since this tread was been made.. if you were right and your words are the reality then there will no break ups forums and all your moshy coshy will work to all... look around you ... they save their relationships.. in order to solve a problem you must accept reality...and im glad a lot of people get their ex back... if you dont want to swallow the RED PILL and face the reality that is not our problem... your in missery and you want company... you dont beleive on this tread well its not our problem but dont be insecure about it... dont involve us to your crapy fantacy and loniliness of your crapy denials... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I don't know. I just tend to equate composure with strength. I don't feel that it's weak to be honest about your feelings- I in fact feel that's quite healthy. Not in the context of an angry break up though. I agree that making someone feel guilty for breaking up with you by professing your love, intention to change and hopelessness to function without them is rarely going to work in one's favour. It only made my ex feel more angry- the more I whined, the colder he became. If someone says they need space- the more they will respect you for giving it to them. Still hurts though. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I have to say, TheKhris has a point. I would have argued this a year ago, but I can see his logic. I guess age and experience has made me wiser. I was dumped. Glad it was his idea, his choice, hurts, but knew it's what was best for me, even as it was happening. I did some of the things that TheKhris spoke of. No contact, short or no responses, avoidance. I have even played a few of my own games, (made up a boyfriend --new corner for me), because he makes it so easy. Once you spot a manipulator, it really is like shooting fish in a barrel. It is so hard to remove yourself emotionally but if you can objectively look at your situation you will see exactly what you are dealing with. I always only responded to emails and contact, never initiated any. I am lucky in that I have a good support system that made me feel better off. My games or responses were really spawned by actually not wanting this guy in my life. However, if he sent me all kind of fluff, for me being vague emails, I responded with my truth. Not begging, not pleading. Compassion, agreement, respect but held true to my wants and desires in life (hypothetical desires that did not include him). Also, I called him on all his bull pooh. All moves, all moves I was sure, so sure would lead to him Never wanting to talk to me again, ever. I was so very wrong. He writes, he comes over when I am not home, he mows my grass. He is ...what is he? Not my problem is what he is. Sure if he wants to come back to me the man I need in my life that would be awesome. Will it happen, I am sure that it won't, that is the most healty way to think. People change and grow, but seldom with those who impose the lesson. I say this because maybe being older, 30s has made me cut the mustard easier. Sad Ladies, trust me, it does get better for us after 35, much better. For me, I think TheKhris speaks of integrity. Do good for yourself and what you want. Stay open to yourself, be bendable but not a doormat, and don't get caught up in the game, but yes, it is all a great wonderful game...life. Play to win, play to be the best soul you can be. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 wait for your anticipation to simmer Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Thanks thekhris.... I think if I hadn't have stumbled upon this forum that I would have been on his doorstep in tears. It's only been a week- and I"m just going to keep riding it out and give him the space he desires....no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 for now the best thing you should do is concentrate on bettering yourself.So next time you meet him youll be more confident and attractive.. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 for now the best thing you should do is concentrate on bettering yourself.So next time you meet him youll be more confident and attractive.. Its true... take this time apart to figure yourself out.. it is so easy to lose yourself in a relationship..... read stuff.... read other posts... it realy gives you perspective.... on what became of you... find your centre... and if you never find your SO again.... atleast you found yourself.... and trust me... doing this is the greatest gift:) Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Yep, using this time to gain some needed insight into myself is a good idea. Our break up was an angry one- mostly tension on his side that was building and I wasn't recognizing. I fully admit that I was selfish with my needs- and neediness isn't attractive. Honestly, I don't believe that our relationship is salvageable. I am coming to terms with the fact that he really doesn't love me anymore- or even if a part of him still does....he wouldn't see that as enough to reach out to me and try again. Regardless though- it is a good time to learn from this failed relationship and make sure I don't make the same mistakes again. That, at least is something good that comes out of this. The hurting is just a part of life I guess. I keep promising myself I will not call or reach out- no matter what... and it's been 9 days with NC. His stuff was sitting in my front hallway for a week, but I moved it to storage so I wouldn't be reminded of it anymore. I had been counting on the meeting with him to get his stuff as a way of showing him my happy- not so irritable self.... but I guess I'll just wait and try not to let the fact that we have unfinished business get in the way of me recovering. Thanks for the support. Dee Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I have a question about this no contact..when I am ready to do the quick casual email- and my story is different, we met , then corresponded online, fell in love kind of online (I know not really possible) - met in person, seemed great and then he ended it abruptly. I accepted it SO easily - I did a bit of - did I make you angry- I am sorry but for the most part, I backed way off...I wanted to make sure he knew what a disappointment it was, and the fact that I didnt haunts me a bit- even though he could have worked through any issues he saw in me that he didnt like, unless it was chemistry only- I dont know. He said we could be friends- which I only want because I am still so hooked on him. Anyway, when I finally send the casual email can I say something like " Hey, how are you? I hope it doesnt break the friendship rule to say I think of you often . I am hoping to get the number of your ____ (fill in the blank- something I will figure out sounds believable at the time). Is that ok? I really want to throw something in there that shows I care but not so much to scare him back away. Thanks. Stacy Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted September 6, 2006 Author Share Posted September 6, 2006 good job!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I'm sorry but this is all bs and stupid games to me...no offense!. There is no one sure strategy to get over an ex, it's emotions and feelings not mathematical equations for crying out loud. You are dealing with people, complex human beings and you want to turn it into a science experiment. Look if you want to pour your heart out to your ex, do it, if you want to beg and plead and try to repair what was broken, do it. Just go with your heart. If you don't suceed, it won't be for lack of trying. If you want the relationship to work and you've changed your ways or you want to try and change your ways, then tell your ex that. And even if all your promises doesn't change his/her mind, at least you tried and you put it out there. I'm not saying you should turn into a crazy stalker. But if you have a love that you think is worth something, fight for it. We all (including the oh so desired EX)fall in love and we get our hearts stumped on, it's life. You go through the pain, you do what you can to make the pain go away and then you move on from it. If my ex wants to stand on his pedalstool and call me desperate or clingy or a wuss just because I happen to be in love with him and I want him in my life, then let him do that, I'm only human and I do what I can. And you know what? so is he, and one day he will have to beg and grovel over a woman, and then he will know what it really feels like. I'm sick and tired of hiding my pain and putting on stupid, fake, brave face, putting on a stupid act, acting indifferent when I'm suffering. Enough already!!!! I am a human being and dammit! I hurt, and I am not ashamed of that. I am not ashamed that I'm not perfect and I don't always say the right things or do the right things. I would like to see anyone who's never gone through a broken heart tell me that I'm weak or I'm a wuss just because I sent a long "please take me back" email. Just be yourself and don't be afraid to love and be scared to actually admit that you love someone. sheesh!!. Real love is not a power struggle, it's not a stupid game about who has control or the upper hand. And believe it or not, its' not about a stupid chase either. I want easy love, love that gives me peace, love that I don't have to walk on eggshells to keep. Oy! But - did you get him back? My philosophy of how to get them back is simple. I don't. If someone dumps you, then they automatically enter into the category of "don't want to be with her". Never get back with someone you've been dumped by - if they were the right one for you, then the dump wouldn't have happened! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 First of all, the whole concept of "winning someone back" is silly. You can't win people back, a person that wants to be with you will make the decision on their own, either you grovel or you don't. Grovelling or not grovelling has never played a role in me (as the dumper) going back to an ex. I go back because I still love and miss him, not because he begged me or didn't beg me to. I don't look at a dumpee as pathetic because they broke NC. I look at it as someone who lost a love and is grieving for the loss. Grief has different stages and eventually you will move on and get over it. Note that I DID NOT say you should turn into a crazy stalker and trust me, YOU yourself would know when you are pushing it. But if you have something lodged in your heart that you want to tell your ex, just say it, in an email, in a letter, whatever, just say it and be done with it. All the false dignity and pride makes no sense. It's not a crime to love someone and it's not something to be ashamed of. A dumper that wants you back ONLY because you started acting indifferent towards them is just interested in the chase. And believe me, you would have to keep up that indifference even when you get back together because once they have your full attention again, they will get bored and dump you again!. A good thing to ALWAYS keep in mind, either you are in a relationship or not is that you cannot, under any circumstances make someone love you. As soon as you understand that one basic thing, you would know what actions to take, either talk to your ex or to walk away and never look back. All I'm saying is, it's not about the games..."if I act this way or do this, then he/she will take me back". It's not about getting your way. A loving relationship is NOT a power struggle. Disagree - you can win someone back, and you can make someone fall in love with you by playing games. If you know someone has an initial strong attraction to you, it is *very easy* to make them fall in love with you. What you can't get with either of those approaches is a real, true, equal loving relationship. But then not everyone wants that. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Why would you want someone that left you?!?! Honestly, if it takes all these bull**** mind games to get them back, why would you want them back at all?! Maybe she's a hot piece of ass? Or the daughter of a mega-rich tycoon? Who knows, and why do you take such offence? Link to post Share on other sites
trulycute Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 i too went through a break up a few weeks ago and at the time i was hurt and felt rejected b/c i really didn't see the break up coming from him...there were issues to be worked on but i didn't expect a break up....he went away for a week for work and i watched his dog for him at my house (he had no one else to watch her), and he broke up with me the next day after he got back.....geez do u think i was used to watch his dog?..lol...no looking back i know i was.... i am SOOOO happy now that he ended things.....SOOO happy!!....now the opporunties are endless--my Mr Right is out there and he will find me....moving beyond the wrong person and being brave enough to open ur heart again is very empowering....I'm happy to not have to deal with his "issues" anymore, good luck to the next girl...lol... but unfortunely though he still owes me money that i expect to get back....he was supose to pay me back 2 wks ago but of course never bothered to get in touch with me to give it to me, so i'm waiting till next week when he gets paid again and get the money then (i know, i know--NEVER lend money to a BF....never again..no worries there)....says a lot about him to as a person too.... hindsight is 20/20... my own personal advice is "take things for what they really are, not what u want them to look like"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted September 6, 2006 Author Share Posted September 6, 2006 in terms of the thing called "letting go" gurls are definitely the MASTERS:) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I refuse to argue with someone who spells "course" corz and "someone" som1. I'll tell you what. You keep trying to make women fall in love with you, and we'll be here when you realise the facade and the games, will only take you so far. Good luck. sorry, but i love my ex and it's not just my fault we broke up...she could not open up to me about how she was feeling so this has happened. i have told her i love her, begged her to come back, sent flowers to her work, rang her, txt her, promised it would be different...that i have changed. NOTHING WORKED. if the nc rule helps me win the love of my life back then who the hell are you to crush mine and others hope that win can get a loved one back. have you ever been in love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thekhris Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 i think pink amulete is refering to me Link to post Share on other sites
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