The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[Josalina]

thatnks dreamguy i know u r prob right, i am just worried if i don't send one he will think i no longer care.

do u still ignore someone and give hem no contact even if they made u finish it?

i mean i had to finish it becos he treated me so badly by the end, i gave his the choice either to change back to the man i loved or forget it, he said he couldn't change.

i miss the old him so much, and i guess i wanted to give him the card to c if he has gone back to they lovely man i met?!

will he contact me if he wants me, or with men does pride get in the way?

thanks for the replies, i do appriciate them, as i am feeling a lil lost with the situation.

[dreamguy]

Since you're the dumper I guess whether you should call or not is a tough decision.

If I was you I'd ask myself this question before I do anything: Would you contact him only to find out he is still willing to treat you as bad as he was ?

 

Josalina, when someone is far away or after a break up we all tend to remember good moments about a relationship and we discard the bad ones.

I'm asking you to think about both moments and never forget why you decided to walk away in the first place.

[Josalina]

thanku dreamguy. i do still remember y he i gave him the choice, it werent the reaction i wanted to hear but nevermind.

it was just so sudden, we had been loved up 4 2 and a half years than one day he woke up lost and didin't know himself, i am just hoping deep down for a false hope that he will come back telling me he didn't meant to hurt me and he is sorry, but i think pride will get in the way, so thats y i wondered if i should send a card, but the more i think about it, what if i drop it off at his house and he has a new gf i wud then feel so crap.

think i will leave it, it is hard. thanks for your advice.

[thekhris]

thanks kris, its my ex's bday at the end of the month, do i sent him a card and drop it through his door looking v. glam to show no hard feelings or do i ignore him. my last word to him was goodbye as he told me to except it although he still misses me, and i want to show there is no hard feelings as u said but i also want him to come to me, my bday is two weeks after his so if i send him a card, logically he should send me one.

if i am only sending a card he will also think, oh i never got presents from her this year.

so is it wise to send a card to make him think?

and to show i still care?

and to prove i haven't ignored him and i am not horrible?

there is a fine line between being polite and still have the string on you

[Josalina]

what do u mean?

[tangerine trees]

So in my situation, this guy really cared about me and really pursued me. He said he didnt think I liked him when we initially got together. Things were really good for a while, but then all of a sudden, he stopped responding to my calls and blowing me off. Now I haven't heard from him in a month.

 

I have done no contact; I sent him one message that said "Have I done something wrong? Sorry to keep bothering you mith messages and phone calls, I just miss you." and after he didnt respond to that, I gave up.

 

 

I didn't understand what went wrong. I accidentally saw him and a friend in a coffee shop, and he was polite but cold. I asked his friend later if he knew WHY this had happened, and his friend said that he mentioned something about my mom yelling at him. Granted, my mom DID freak out at his family, calling his mom multiple times, probably screaming at her. I think other factors must have played into it too though, such as him being away at school.

 

If this is really the reason that he ended it, does that mean theres more of a chance of reconcilliation?

 

Also, would it be bad to send him a brief letter along with a CD he left in my car? You know, something like "Remember [insert memory]? I really liked you. Hope we can be friends again some day." Because you know, some people are saying pour your heart out once, and I never poured it out at all.

[thekhris]

there is a fine line (big difference)between being polite and still cant get over him/her and you still care for him/her.

[thekhris]

what do u mean?

there is a fine line (big difference)between being polite and still cant get over him/her and you still care for him/her.

[thekhris]

So in my situation, this guy really cared about me and really pursued me. He said he didnt think I liked him when we initially got together. Things were really good for a while, but then all of a sudden, he stopped responding to my calls and blowing me off. Now I haven't heard from him in a month.

 

I have done no contact; I sent him one message that said "Have I done something wrong? Sorry to keep bothering you mith messages and phone calls, I just miss you." and after he didnt respond to that, I gave up.

 

 

I didn't understand what went wrong. I accidentally saw him and a friend in a coffee shop, and he was polite but cold. I asked his friend later if he knew WHY this had happened, and his friend said that he mentioned something about my mom yelling at him. Granted, my mom DID freak out at his family, calling his mom multiple times, probably screaming at her. I think other factors must have played into it too though, such as him being away at school.

 

If this is really the reason that he ended it, does that mean theres more of a chance of reconcilliation?

 

Also, would it be bad to send him a brief letter along with a CD he left in my car? You know, something like "Remember [insert memory]? I really liked you. Hope we can be friends again some day." Because you know, some people are saying pour your heart out once, and I never poured it out at all.

 

did you talk about the break up?...you should show to him that you care to him..youre situation is different..though i dont know tyhe exact story

[The write one]

And to all others who wish to chime in. I applying no contact with me ex fiance who dumped me and i also want her back. It's been over a month since i've called her, but she manages to call me or bring me my mail from time to time. Please look at my earlier post on this thread to see what happened last Friday.

 

Well, last night i get home from a long night of work and see that she dropped off a package of my mail in the front door of my bld. I opened it, looking for a letter or something from her, but nevertheless, it was just my mail and other personal effects. So as i'm on the phone with one of my old buddies from the city i left for my ex, I begin to get extremely sad because she now has no more reasons to try and get in touch with me.

 

Well around 1 in the morning, as i'm still on the phone with my old buddy, my ex starts blowing my phone up. Now, three calls are considered blowing up, but she called a total of 20 times back to back. I didn't answer not a one of them, thinking if its important she will leave a vioce message or a text. It was so freaky because she just kept calling without a pause between them. Me and my friends were like "Whoa, she is crazy or something is really going on with her." But i stayed strong and didn't answer, looking to see if she would leave a message.

 

On like 12th call, she does leave a message. But when i get off the line with the buddy to check it, i can't, because my ex contiues to call, holding the line up. Eventually the calls stop and i check the message. Now my crazed, dazed and confused mind is looking for some type pay back for our last phone conversation (check out my last post up here for background). As i listen to the message, it's just an inaudible sound. It sounded to me like a consistant beating, then it sound like sucking. So my first instict is that she is having sex with someone and the bed is beating agianst the wall, but there are no moans or human sounds whatsoever. I then think she is giving oral sex, but once again no moans, groans or anything. I would think she would throw something like that in if she wanted me to hear her getting drilled.

 

I even forwared her vioce mail at like 1:30 am to two different women who are helping me through my break up to see what they hear. Both say it sounds like wind with a constant beeping. They also say they really don't think any woman is that horrible to leave a message of her having sex or giving oral pleasure (for the kiddies on here) to a dumped boyfriend. But the way she acted last time on the phone (crazy) I'm not putting anything past her a this piont. I even thought she might have been outside of my building calling me. Who knows

 

So my mind is racing through so many senerios looking for understanding to her barrage of calls and inaudible message. I begin to think she is in danger, but i still step lightly. So around 2:30 am (i couldn't sleep after that) I just text her and say "r u ok?" I didn't get a responce and i haven't gotten one today. So i'm freaked out, hoping she is ok and hoping she didn't do anthing stupid based on our last conversation.

 

My ultimate want (not need) is for her to come back to me, but i don't know if my ignoring her calls last night help that any. What do you guys think. I know i wouldn't calls 20 times for 30 minutes straight at 1 in the morning just to see if someone got the mail i dropped off for them.

[tangerine trees]

did you talk about the break up?...you should show to him that you care to him..youre situation is different..though i dont know tyhe exact story

 

 

no we didnt talk about the break up, i had no idea why it happened. he just started barely responding to my calls and blowing me off. and then i asked his friend and he said it was because my mom scared the **** out of him.

 

so i should let him know that i care?

[Josalina]

to thekris, so what do u think i should do, no contact 4 his bday as he should already know i still care?

[The write one]

Today's a slow day on this thread. I just really wanted some advice today because i think (hope) she will call back tonight. But I really hope that vioce mail was not of her having sex. If so, she has lost all respect from me and i don't want her back. How could any human being be that cruel to some that supposedly say they still love? At any rate, i don't know if it was or wasn't and don't know how to find out. I just want someone to wiegh in on what is going on in her head right now with her recent actions. Please check my previous posts on the last page or so for background.

[D-Lish]

T.W.O:

 

Why don't u post a new thread- it will surely get more responses- guaranteed.

D

[thekhris]

to the right one...

 

dude did she already said she wants to try it again?

if she dostn well continue to back off be polite..but continue to back off...we dont know her intentions yet..but im betting that she just want to string you on...so play it cool..if she knows she still controls you youll start this all over again...

 

if she wants to come back sheel do anything..make her realize what she's loosing...

 

dont be taken for granted... be polite be indifferent...

 

be carefull to her trap...

 

Excuse me to some girls who will read this post but...I have to say that girls cant handle it when you totally ignore them it dosnt matter if you hate them or love them what they cant handle is you totally ignore them....

Its her brused ego when you refuced to be affected by her loss..

[thekhris]

no we didnt talk about the break up, i had no idea why it happened. he just started barely responding to my calls and blowing me off. and then i asked his friend and he said it was because my mom scared the **** out of him.

 

so i should let him know that i care?

yah i think you should...but if he still plays it cold well do the advices on the first page act happy and content and try your best that youre not affected by the dumping...

[The write one]

No she hasn't asked to come back. That's why i don't know what's going on with her. It's like she's literally acting crazy khris. I've never seen this side of her before. She never grilled me like that when we were together and she never machine-gun called like that either. I hope wasn't being rude in the last two encounters.

 

On the first one, i really didn't want to talk to her on the the phone because i sinced ill intentions from her. I wasn't trying to argue with her. it's just that she pulled me into one by interigating me. On the last encounter, where i ignored her 20 calls, i was on the phone with someone else at the time and since she isn't my gril anymore, I wasn't going to drop everyone for her like i used to. I mean, an hour later i texted her to ask if she was ok. I haven't gotten a response yet though.

 

My fear is, based on the last two instances where she tried to contact me, she may never contact me again or at least in the near future. I keep feeling that i have to reach out to her to show i wasn't being an ass the last two times. Who knows, i'm going to contiue no contact in the meantime until i can really be able to move on just in case it doesn't lead to a second chance.

[Ruff Ryder]

Man oh man, STOP now. By the sounds of this woman you dont want her to contact you again. Man she is bugging out on you big time.

 

The reason she is calling: From my experince it is due to the fact that she KNOWS that she cant have you because of your resistance to her.

 

 

QUESTION: was she a controlling type of woman? Did she have to have things her way and argue till she felt she had won? Did she make the decisions? (Be man enought to tell the truth) LOL

 

From what you saying here she is having witdrawl simptions of not being in controll anymore. She is feeling trapped into a corner and doesnt know whitch way to go. She is probly feeling the reactions to her actions and needs to know that she can still have you.

 

What I would tell you to do is stay strong dont answer the calls. In fact I would put the cherri on top of her cake and answer her call but tell her straight off (like you did before) your with a "friend" and very busy can she rather text yu what she wants to say?

 

2 reasons for that the first is showing that you dont have time for her anymore (this is the hard to get, be a challange thing that thekris and I keep on about) the second reason is the "Im with a friend" leaves suspicion in her mind that you are over her and with someone else again the whole challange and unavalible thing comes in.

 

This is not manipulation like some may say it is. She is playing games with you and all you are doing is reversining her game onto her. I would say be suttle about it you dont wanna hurt her more. The point Im trying to get across here is if you wanthed her back your doing all the right things its just a case of timing and amplifacation on the things your doing. ATTRACTION will fade if you keep up with this so be carefull how far you willing to push the limits.

 

I would even when talking to her make fun of the fact that she tried to contact you so many times. Call her "practical" for expecting you to answer the phone at 1am. Just be Cocky and have fun doing it.

 

Please if you want more info ASK...

 

Peace out all.

[The write one]

Yeah, she was somewhat controling, but in a way where she never understood my piont of view or wasn't willing to compromised. Also if there was something wrong, then it was always my fault and i began to believe that. In fact, i'm in counseling right now because i felt i was a bad person in the relationship. So I guess she was controling--always getting mad about missing her calls, got mad when I didn't do everything the way she suggested, or not calling her every second when i was out of town.

 

I know, I know...Ruff Ryder, Then why do i want her back, right? Well, i do (at this moment in time) because I believe she is the one.

 

Also, did you suggestions work for you to get an ex back? We're you ever met with such a "crazy" situation like mine where you recovered an ex? I ask because this woman has completely flipped the script on me and i am not out to hurt her, but to show her she lost a great guy who doesn't consider her his world anymore.

 

I did everything for this girl, moved 800 miles from my home, left family, friends, job money etc.etc. just to show her her happiness was all that mattered. I also loved her with all my life being and it seemed the more i loved her the more she was pulling back over the last two or three years. Excuse the ramble.

 

Well, I've been applying NC, indifference, polite but not available, to her for a little over month now and i plan on doing it this month as well.

 

She is going to Vegas this month and i don't think staging a coup or comback this month is wise because the trip and being single will be all that is on her mind. For everyone that doesn't know about vegas, just know I can't compete with a trip there.

 

But then agian i may be wrong. How long do I act this way before i launch my return (wanna grab a cup of coffee this friday)? You say if i keep it up too long i'll lose attraction, so how long do i keep it up? obviously I 'm making some progress right?

[Ruff Ryder]

Here we go mate,

 

Ok what did I do wa your question. I went to a club with a male friend of mine howerver I had just finished work and was not really dressed for the occasion. Little did I know the ex was there with her "friends". She came straight to me and said "hi" I responded with please go back to your friends..... She did jsut that and I left to go put on my BLING BLING cloths I bought the day before just to show her up.

 

I put on my cloths at this time she hd called me 5-7 times (I didnt answer). I went past a shop and got like 12 red roses and went back to te club. She was in the car park about to leave. I walked straigt to her with all the flowers and gave them to the first attractive ladyI saw and said "thanks for a great night". My ex was shocked got in her car and left. She must have called at least 30-40 times in the space of 30mins leaving me 10 voice mails and a text saying I hurt her.

 

I got her back kept her for 4-5 months a let her go again. Do I still want her back? Not sure I just want to be happyand I am getting there in fact Im already there.

 

Your case with the vegas trip, what I would do is make her so attreacted to you that she wouldnt even want to talk to another man in vegas. Hmmmmmm your sitting back thinking how do I do this....

 

Simple.... Have more fun with her than ever before. Again how do you do this. Ask her out for coffee then at coffee go to the rest rooms and call her cell and make a comment like why not leave the boaring guy your with and come with me for some fun? Take her somewhere cool like go car racing or to a park. Set up a treasure map and give her clues as towhere the treasure is.

 

DO NOT argue about the past if she brings it up be cocky and funny about it and rip her off a bit. Say something like " Ok so your that boaring that you wanna talk about th past lets talk abot tomorrow rather" be confident. Be a changed mystic man that she feels that she does not know you abd she wants to meet you all over again.

 

I know it sounds wierd but its attractive to most if not all girls. Go buy some new STYLISH cloths and wear them make sure its a diffrent look to what she is used to. You eed to have her so intreaged that she doesnt want you to leave her alone fo longer than 5 mins. Make sure you end the call first and the "date". If a woman is attracted to you she will do anythingto be with you so learn hoe to cause the feeling of attraction. Dont answer any of her questions directly. An be indiffrent to the outcome.

 

Dont ask her anything that has to do with her relationship with you "other than the fact that she is a syco calling you at 1am" - use those words with her. Make sure that you dont ask her about anyother dates she has had.

 

"rule of thumb" - "Dont worrie about the compertition cause the compertitions is not worried about you."

 

Now your pimped out looking good having fun. Time for the attraction to be amplified by 1000 give a little then take it back. Just as things feel right hold her hand for 5 seconds blame her for holding yours then take it back. Do this with all means of pysical contact. Keep busting on her for trying to take advantage of you and make fun of it.

 

Do not get mad at anything she says even if it is "I had wild sex last night" in fact if she says thatr respond with " It must have been great considering the fact your out with me today" Cocky and funny.

 

Build attraction she must be guessing what your going to do or say next. Script it if you must practise in the mirrior if you must just be 2 spets ahead of the conversation. DO NOT let her mke any arragments like where to sit. If she says lets sit her tell her no lets sit there. DO NOT LET GO OF YOUR POWER. Its will look like your a wuss if you do. Make all the decisions as to where to meet and what to do. Go to fun places and make fun of her at every chance you get. What Im saying here does not make sence but it works Do you wanna be right or do you wanna win?

 

Ok on the serious side of your dilemma. Mate take it from a man that knows you will be hurt and things may get low very low. Your persuit of this girl may drive you insane and may cost you time money and energy and possibly the chance to be happy with someone else. But some times you just know that this is the one and you would do anything to be with her. You need to make a decision now as to what you want and you need to chace it.

 

Lets be honest her you may get her back and you may not but the fine diffrence is in 1-2 or even 10 years time you can say that you know for a fact that you tried everything in your power to do what you felt was right and if you look back with no regrets youve done a good job.

 

Stick to the game plan, dont give in to her test and YES your gonna get loads of them. If she dehaves badly call her on it dont let her get away with it. Make the point that your time is yours and its not going to be wasted on someone that is not worth it. STOP letting her get her way and dont PLEASE MAN dont give in to her charm and or games. I got my ex back twice in fact but I lost her 3 times cause I stoped being the charming cocky funny adventrous man she fell for all 3 times. sad I knoe but I learnt from it. Do the same learn from my mistaked dont make you own.

 

Make sure that this is wht you want? Set your sites on it andgo for it. I dont mind if you ask what ever questions you want even a conversation that you need help turning into something that will build attraction. Just ask man.

[tangerine trees]

yah i think you should...but if he still plays it cold well do the advices on the first page act happy and content and try your best that youre not affected by the dumping...

 

 

I should??? should I call??? (AHH STRESSFUL) or would just a letter suffice??

even if im not sure its because of my mother (although I can't see why else it would be)?

[Ruff Ryder]

I dont know but for me if a girl that I split up with was contacting me and her mom is bugging out about mad stuff I would prefer her not to contact me. This wont change untill he misses you and a letter wont make him miss you.

 

I would leave things alone for a while find out where he is going one night dress up to the 9's nad 10's flirt with him and his friends like mad (creats compertition) and you'll slowly get hin back.

 

It takes time but you will win if you do it right.

[The write one]

I'm feel strongly about this and i'm going to go for it. I figured since i don't know the exact date she is leaving for Vegas, i'll call her to set up a coffee date asap.

 

Well, i did and i got the vioce mail, didn't leave a message, but called nonetheless. She'll see that i called, i don't need to call 20 times to show that. Plus, i think since it's been over a month since i've called her and i've been acting polite but indifferent when I do answer or respond to her calls and she believes i'm hanging with a bunch of girls, she won't see my contact as a push to get back with her.

 

Now, based on her last two attempts to talk to me, she may not call back for a while out of anger or she may just say "I still got him" and not call back at all. Who knows. regardless, i won't call her again for another week or two. At least, I know I'll be on her mind "I wonder why he hasn't called back."

 

However, it was painful to hear her vioce message and for her not to pick up. But she is still at work until 7 pm (or she might have already left for Vegas). If she does call back I'll just act like I was wondering why she called so many times last Friday. I'll say soemthing like this...

 

"Hey you. It seemed like you were in bad place last weekend. Is everything alright?"

Her responce...

"Also, why in the hell did you call me the other day like 100 times and then leave that wierd message. That was crazy yo."

 

I'll then crack a few jokes, say i didn't even know she called because the phone was on vibrate make a few more mintues worth small flirtatous talk. Then I'll ask for the coffee date. The whole convo should last about 15 minutes at the most.

 

I just had a thought, maybe she called 20 times to break into my vioce mail. I won't lie, i did that a long time ago. I first called her just to talk, but after like five calls she didn't answer, so i kept calling to reach her, which eventually developed into me thinking she was out with some dude. So my calls turned into attempts to crack her vioce mail code. I stopped after like 12 to 20 tries. Let me know what you think of my actions Ruff and thekhris.

[Ruff Ryder]

Iwould have left a voice message some thing to the effect of " Nice play revenge ok you win.... I m not going to place 100 calls so i decided to leave a message that makes sence."

 

But you approace is good wait for her to call you and dont make a single comment on the "in a bad place" screw that her reaction to that will be "he still cares" and then bang back to the games.

 

When you talk to her lean more towards the "ive been chased by woman but your 1000's of calls in one sitting was flattering" then make sure she knows that you pick who you wanna be with and they dont pick you.....

 

If you understand how to take everything she says change it into a sexual comment or allogation and then blame her for having a dirty mind it will work wounders. Take for example she says that she called 100 times to say hi you should say something like " Lie's girl you wanted to hear that deep sexy voice of mine didnt you?"

 

Play that attitude as often and much as possible but make sure its got a funny side to it so you can flip it up if you need to. just have fun as much of it as you can with everything she does or says. If she wearing big shoes you say " I dont remember you being that tall in bed have you growen?"

 

Be orrigonal. Man you gonna flip it big styles. Go for it man

[thekhris]

good points ruff