The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[Ruff Ryder]

Thekris thank you Sir.

 

What a great Tread loving it. Where di you come up with this stuff?

 

Legend mate doing really well this will help 100's who read it and take it seriously.

 

Big up my friend...

[thekhris]

trial and error man..trial and error...research experiment.. till i finally get it right...

[scuderia]

ok guys. i need some advice. i'm not sure if you all know the actual story. I was close to this girl and over time i started liking her. but juz as i got interested a rich guy wif a car pursued her. and she couldnt bother with me much after that. and i found out then when she suddenly gets close to me its cause she has some issue with that guy. Basically she din tell me about the guy when they were both friends. She told me that i won't know who he is when infact i know who he is.

 

Anyway like i was saying she couldnt be bothered much about me. she got attached to him and she din tell me. i found out thru someone else and it hurt like hell. I felt that she was treating me like an idiot and someone who will be there for her in times of her need. So i din ask her y she never tell me she got attached etc. i chose NC caus i wnated to get over her. I din give any explanations. i just NC, deleed her off my msn and neever msged her.

 

Today 2 n 1/2 mths later she just dropped me and sms saying "hey, how r u? long time never heard from u already. u dun seem to be online nowdays also"

 

I'm not sure whether shes still together with the guy who owns a car or whther shes broken up caus i dunno anythign about her life for about 3 months now. So i wish to know what does she want? what should i do? should i reply? or should i not bother at all? and if i should reply, what should i reply?

[thekhris]

dude it will be for your best interest if you read the 4 advices on the first page..then if you have any further question ill be happy to help you out..

[scuderia]

alright this is how she went, she msged me at 10pm at night yest. i replied today at 11am+. this was my msg to her. "hey there, was busy yest. i'm fine la. everythings's good... Hope everythings is well with you also. I'm juz looking forward to my term break next week."

 

she replied back "Hmm... you chnaged hp number?"

 

this was because i got a new hp number but if people msg or call me at my old number i will still be able to receive it, just that if i reply or call back they will see my new number

 

So i then replied back "Yea thats right, changed phone sometime back cause contract ended but old number still can be used la"

 

after this i din get any response from her

 

What do you guys thnk? Did i appear too cold as in should i have used more exclamation marks in my sms? Did i appaer too uninterested in making conversation n juz blew her off?

 

PS. 1 think to note is that im currently on exchnage in another school. i did not inform her b4 that im on exchnage cause i started NC. But maybe she now sill does not know or maybe shes guessed. But now that i mentioned that my term break is next week she should have gussed that im on exchnage since my original school's term break ended last week. and the thing is that she knows that someone who she does not like is in the exchnage. So now i think she can fit the whole picture and realise that i infact went to the other school for exchnage with the girl she does not like.

 

So what do you guys think?

[scuderia]

anyway like i said she din repl back to my last sms. 1 hr later i dropped her anoher sms saying "anyway it was great hearing from you after all this while! hope everythings ok at school 4 you and have a wonderful weekend!" She still did not reply after that.

 

so how? did i totally blow my chances with her?

[Amour77]

After low contact for a couple of weeks now, my ex keeps on asking me if I see someone else and is starting to freak out, coming up with silly things.... She says that I am losing it....!

What is on about?

[whir]

she cant handle the thing that youre ignoring her and her ego is been hurt bcoz youre doing ok without her..(signs that this tips are working)

[scuderia]

she cant handle the thing that youre ignoring her and her ego is been hurt bcoz youre doing ok without her..(signs that this tips are working)

 

Are you sure pal? what if it is because i din sound interested enough so she guessed i'm not that interested in talking to her? or she got angry that i did not give her the "i'm soo soo glad that u finally contacted me" response that she might have beem expecting?

 

or maybe its is because she is pissed of that i din tell her that i went on exchnage to another school wif the girl that she does not like and also i did not inform her that i chnaged my handphone number

 

what i know is that it must have taken a huge deal of pride for her to have contacted me after 3 months. And with my responses, i think she might now permanantly not contact me anymore again. She now has reason to convince herself that im not interested in her esp doing things like going to another school wif the girl she does not like and then not telling her about it etc...I think i have just blew it off

[Ruff Ryder]

Ok quick question here, how old are you and how old is she?

[scuderia]

Ok quick question here, how old are you and how old is she?

 

i'm turning 22 in a couple of months and she just turned 20

[Ruff Ryder]

Next major question is what went wrong? I think you've cpme across as needy. thats my oponion.

 

You should never have smsed back after the 1st reply about the new number. Not straight away.

 

Tell me more about what you want out of this?

[scuderia]

Next major question is what went wrong? I think you've cpme across as needy. thats my oponion.

 

You should never have smsed back after the 1st reply about the new number. Not straight away.

 

Tell me more about what you want out of this?

 

i dun think i came of as needy. i think it was more about she was unhappy with something which i m not so sure what.

 

I dunno whthers its about her finding out that i went to a new school with the girl she does not like, or the fact that i did not give her my new number or maybe i did not give her the "ooo im so glad that u msged me n i was anticipating it all this while!" kind of response that she might hasve been expecting

 

hmm. what do i want out of this? Obviously i want her, but if shes with her guy i dun see how that it possible. Being around knowing things bet her and her guy makes me have a sick feeling. That was y i did no contact

[Ruff Ryder]

I think the 2 points you mentioned about the new number and the girl are both things that at this stage may work in your favour.

 

Ok the reason I say needy is the act that you smsed her back so fast. I would have let her wait for a while before even trying to sms her. The reason for this is 1 anticipation and 2 showing that your too bust for her.

 

She will want what she cant have and right now she knows she can have you.

 

Whats the next step? What do you plan on doing next? Do you have a plan?

 

You can get her back but the first step is the rule of thumb "dont worrie about the compertition cause I promise you he is not worried about you"

[Tormented]

You should never have smsed back after the 1st reply about the new number. Not straight away.

 

You know, I've been reading this thread off and on and for the most part, I think you and Kris are giving sound advice. But I think there IS a limit to your method. I think there is a point to be reached where this method can acutally do more harm than good, and it is recognizing WHERE this point is that success can be reached. There's a fine art to this game, guys, and if you're going to play, best learn to perfect the art or risk losing that which you seek to gain...your ex.

 

Case in point: Say, for instance, that a man and woman broke up for whatever reason. But the love for each other remains strong. So why are they broken up? Why don't they reconcile? It's called pride, stubborness, a broken heart. Each feeling the other was in the wrong, and the fact that they are no longer speaking to each other, the misunderstanding continues...and as time goes by....takes stronger root.

 

Okay, so let's say both parties decide to implement your suggested method. No contact, playing it cool...each "pretending" life without the other is just honky-dory. And on and on it goes...both refusing to initiate contact, because, after all, THIS would be breaking the rules...God forbid!

 

So then, if neither makes contact, what chance do they have of ever regaining their relationship, their love? Truth is, they won't and then both are screwed...no winner here. Only losers.

 

Guess what I'm attempting to point out is this...

 

The N/C, "cool hand luke" game you're suggesting here WILL work to a certain point, but there IS such as thing as taking it too far. If an ex contacts you because this method worked enough to incite their interest once again and you continue to play it "aloof and cool," then that same method you employed to regain their interest will be the same one to drive them away. At some given point, you've GOT to be upfront with your true feelings for them or risk losing them because they will assume you truly ARE happy WITHOUT them.

 

The trick here is, where do you draw the line? At what point do you drop this game and let love take its own natural course?

 

In order for this method to work, one needs to know WHEN and WHERE to draw the line.

 

Just my 2 cents worth...

 

~T~

[Ruff Ryder]

Tourmented you say thats your 2 cents i say its priceless advise. I couldnt agree more.

 

I really think that this "game playing" is and can be an utter wast of time however I think at the same time it can be invaluable as a learning curb for the next chance or even relationship that comes along. I dont really play these games at all I can however identify when a woman is doing it to me.

 

I think you are 100% correct, at some point enought is enought and the games and method that we are decribing here can hurt one or both parties.

 

I think that this method is exellent to get the attraction or spark back into a relationship but it is by no means the way to keep a sucessfull relationship sucessful. Just makes the other parties mind wonder about you a little more than it would under normal circumstances and if there was any substance to your relationship then the other party may miss you that much more and that could be a deciding factor in the turn of events if you will.

 

But again I couldnt agree more with you mate.

[Tormented]

Tourmented you say thats your 2 cents i say its priceless advise.

 

Thanx, Ryder. I'm in this thing like everybody else...shootn' in the dark and hoping I'm coming close to hitting the target.

 

Love is a very complicated thing, isn't it? Hell, makes me wonder why any of us bother with it.

 

Right now, I'm just chilling out from a hectic work week, listening to my celtic tunes, and trying to figure out how to stop my psycho ex from stalking me.

 

But more importantly...HOW in the hell did I get involved with such a man???

 

Like I said...love is complicated.

 

~T~

[Ruff Ryder]

I know what you mean, I think at some point I may have been the psyco ex... Pain makes people do very very crazy stupid and unrealistic things.

 

Love is everything that everone ever said it is. Its perfect and it never dies so to be honest all heart breaks and lost relationships in my opinion are stepping stones to ready yourself for when the one perfect person for you comes along.

 

Tell me about your ex? Whats he doing? Lets see if a boys perspective may help you out here.

[Guest]

theKhris - excellent stuff.Hats off to you for comiling such great stuff.

 

I have a question here , been dating for 2 years , heard the D word "I need a break of two months to evaluate my feelings" ,begged ,pleaded , promised I would change did semi NC , responded when she emailed / text messaged(most of the times she initiated contact and I initiated only on couple of occasions).She wanted to try again after two months.We even planned a 10 day trip to europe so that things would get back to normal.

.But I jumped the gun and asked her out on three weekends after she said she would try again.

 

First two times we had great fun , but ended up bringing "US" topic, but on third date , I was pissed that she did not call me on time to confim and was a bit rash and said if its the case its not gonna work out.She apologised and then after 3 hours called back again and She said nothing would change in our relationship and we should call it off and was adamant on not trying again.She was very emotional when I met her that day for some closure.She held me cried and said she loves me.I said since she ended it I dont want any contact from her and will not contact her any more.

 

I have been doing NC since that day and its been 7 days now.

 

Do I have a chance , even after we did the two month break and then the events afterwards.Your views are excellent and I plan to implement every bit of them.I want to give this one more try as I already bought the ring and was planning to propose and thought she was the best thing for me.

[Tormented]

Love is everything that everone ever said it is. Its perfect and it never dies so to be honest all heart breaks and lost relationships in my opinion are stepping stones to ready yourself for when the one perfect person for you comes along.

 

Hmmm....still waiting for mine to come along. Getting tired of the "false alarms," know what I mean?

 

Tell me about your ex? Whats he doing? Lets see if a boys perspective may help you out here.

 

Ha...what ISN'T he doing?? Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. He's calling my cell phone at odd hours, calling my land phone...especially after seeing me, but just sits there and says nothing, or simply hangs up if I don't answer. Never leaves a message on either phone.

 

He's a logger (drives a logging truck all day) and has arranged his driving schedule to make sure he passes by me during my lunch break as I'm driving home. When he passes, he stares straight at me. I never wave, smile, look at him, flip him off...nothing. I pretend I don't see him, won't acknowledge him.

 

Then yesterday, I pulled out of a street I use as a back road to my place of employment....and who do I see parked a few feet away from this street? Yeah, you guessed it. He was just sitting there in his truck. I didn't see him as the back of his truck was facing me, but I know his truck.

 

And now...here's the kicker, Ruff. He's living with his ex girlfriend before me, moved her in when he and I broke up....within weeks after we broke up. This woman once broke his heart horribly, stole money and other items from him, cheated on him, and married another man within a week she left him because he refused to marry him. This woman even had her children taken away from her for abuse and neglect. She has a long history of alcohol/drug abuse, yet...there she is, living with him.

 

So then, why in the HELL is he stalking me? Man, he must be high if he thinks I'd take him back after what he did!!

 

Doesn't make any sense, does it?

 

*sigh*

 

~T~

[scuderia]

I think the 2 points you mentioned about the new number and the girl are both things that at this stage may work in your favour.

 

Ok the reason I say needy is the act that you smsed her back so fast. I would have let her wait for a while before even trying to sms her. The reason for this is 1 anticipation and 2 showing that your too bust for her.

 

She will want what she cant have and right now she knows she can have you.

 

Whats the next step? What do you plan on doing next? Do you have a plan?

 

You can get her back but the first step is the rule of thumb "dont worrie about the compertition cause I promise you he is not worried about you"

 

Well the sms that i sent her 1 hr after my last sms was sort of ending the conversation sms. is was more like nice hearing rfom u and have a good weekend. i wasn't like trying to ask her to make some conversation. I just wanted to give the indifferent but happy feel good vibes that kris was saying i should give caus this was wat makes them come back. I did this caus i though maybe my other 2 smses were abit aloof. .. So i dunno how she will interprete it. but i think im sure is shes unhappy about something, but im not so sure what it is.

 

Well, i dun exactly have any plan. Thats why im here at this forum. seeking advise. I Guess i'll just wait for her to contact me again. or do u guys have any suggestions

 

and ruff, i do nt understand your last statement. what do u mean by "dont worrie about the compertition cause I promise you he is not worried about you"

[Ruff Ryder]

Its a statment saying your mind set should be one of "I dont care if she is involved right now Im still playing it my way"

 

I can see the logic in the last sms you sent. Im simply saying the conversation was over afteryou first messeage. The second and last msg may have seemed a little on the desprate and or clingy side.

 

Your plan for her to contact you again kind of gives your power away dont you think. Why dont you think of something really cocky funny and a touch arrogrante to sms her post it here and we will help you make it as good as possible.

 

Then send it to her and start to make the moves, take the power back and win.

[Island Girl]

Those out there screaming "no games!" -- You are putting the wrong label on this

 

Relationships are more like dancing - you have to know how to move with the person and keep them engaged in the relationship -

 

If they become disengaged and you want them back this is how to do it.

 

Read it over and over - or keep for future reference.

 

Having only two men who ever stopped seeing me -- BOTH came back.

 

And more telling is how many guys I have dumped who did the opposite - the e-mails, calls, etc. Only served to drive me completely away and sicken me until there had to be a conversation that was EXTREMELY painful to THEM.

 

All of the tips from start to finish are exactly what works.

 

You can choose to ignore it - but you'll never get your ex back. NEVER.

[scuderia]

Its a statment saying your mind set should be one of "I dont care if she is involved right now Im still playing it my way"

 

I can see the logic in the last sms you sent. Im simply saying the conversation was over afteryou first messeage. The second and last msg may have seemed a little on the desprate and or clingy side.

 

Your plan for her to contact you again kind of gives your power away dont you think. Why dont you think of something really cocky funny and a touch arrogrante to sms her post it here and we will help you make it as good as possible.

 

Then send it to her and start to make the moves, take the power back and win.

 

Hmm.. Ruff so usaying now that i should sent her a cocky or arrogant sms whihc means me breaking NC this time? Are you sure? ANyway i'n not too sure about this esp when she is attached now. I still haven reached the stage where i know shes with a guy n i do not feel awkard about it

[Ruff Ryder]

What Im sating is you know aswell as I do that your last contact with her had no inspriation for her to conact yo at all. It was rather dull and boaring. That said it may set the tempo for your change in attitude to "I still care about you" To " Im indiffrent to what happens here but Im going to have fun all the same"

 

You need to kill the stigma attached to being a wuss and wanting her back and become a man that understands how attractiong works. You need to make yourself look like the fun eligable man that ever woman wants and no woman can have.

 

Build that level of intensity in a msg to here and youll get a response. Id be really cocky and super arrogrant and sms something like "Please stop thinking about me naked and just msg me" maybe not in those exact words but something super super fun and cool and calm and screaming IM THE MAN...

 

What would you msg her? tell me?