The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[hollywood24]

I decided to be friends with the ex and then we ended up hooking up. I stopped it from going to sex because she has a bf. We are still friends but she is still with her bf, I dont know if it helped things or hurt things. I am thinking about going back to no contact. Should I just do it and make her wonder or should I tell her I dont think we can be friends. Deep down I would like to work things out with her but I dont know what to do at this point. Any help would be great.

 

If she cheats on her current BF, what makes you think that she hasn't/won't cheat on you. Drop that bitch like a bad habit. It will save you much time/pain in the future.

[hollywood24]

Just broke up over the last few days, here is the situation where i applied the info on this thread and else ware on LS mssg boards.

 

I am 32 and gf is 23. We live 2 hours apart and I see her almost every weekend as I maintain a 2nd house with other family members, this 2nd house is 10mins by car from where she lives with her parents.

 

Early November: She told me to that her family was putting pressure on her about our relationship, and I asked her then and there if this would be the end of us, she replied "i don’t know" otherwise things added up pretty well, so i believed her.

 

It was also during this time she was introduced to police man Jeff. She mentioned she was going to the policeman's ball with him. I didn't fly off the handle but I did question her a few days later about her choice of words (clue1). I trust her and I agreed she should go, after all, we have talked about this stuff.

 

November 14th: Since we contact each other about 3 times a day during the week, I notice when she misses 5 of these contacts in a row. She said she is confused and needs time, confused about your mom putting pressure on you (clue2)? I don’t contact her at all, until i hear from her on November 20th.

 

November 20th: I am just knowing the break up phone call is coming, so I prepare and I find this website!!! I did pretty good on the break-up call, zero begging or any of that. I read this thread!I didn't press her for a reason as to why she was breaking if off. The phone call was only like 5 minutes.

 

November 21st: I wrote a pretty short letter and send it via snail mail. It was only about my concern if this whole break was about her parents. I said things like: This is not an attempt to get your back, your parents do/did a wonderfull job and all her and her sisters will make great wives and such. No negativity at all in this letter.

 

November 22nd: She gets the letter and txt me and lft a voicemail, she wants to talk and prefers in person, which is good because I am already local to her for Thanksgiving.

 

November 23rd: I txt her and said we can/should meet on the next day, I suggest the time, your local bar at 6pm. She replies with Maybe?? That isn't nice!!

 

November 24th: Early in the morning, I mssg someone else local that I meet on myspace and we were not a match. Then SHE DROPS A BOMB!

 

I mentioned I had just broken up with my girl, and she then tells me she saw policeman jeff kiss my girl on the cheek and then my girl turned to really kiss him. I asked her if they looked like they were 'together', to which she described they looked more like they were together than not together.

 

At this point I have the upper hand and by a lot. I know something my girl doesn't know I know, which is policeman jeff is the real reason! I am happy it is not her family.

 

This type of thing happens. She is very worthy, I mean very worthy, yea I am talking marriage material, and I currently think marriage is for people who want to get divorced and raped in court! I am in love.

 

I decide to maneuver myself to at least get the option to take her back. Keep the options open.

 

November 24th 6pm: The fun part: I meet her in person, just waiting to hear the truth, I handled this well and ended up walking out on her after she said her biggest reason was distance and differences, this meeting was only 10 minutes. I didn’t tell her, in person that I know its policeman jeff. I left her thinking I know something if only for a few hours.

 

A few hours later I txt her:

Me: I found out the TRUTH about policeman jeff today.. It would have been nice to hear it from you.

Her: I never cheated on you. You were so confrontational today I couldn’t. So how did you find out?

10 minutes later

Her: Where are you? Lets try this talking thing again.

10 minutes later

Her: What truth.

 

This brings us to today, no contact either way so far. In the future I plan to go with NC for a while.

 

Big thanks to all who have posted on this thread. As you can tell, LS mssg boards have made a big difference for me.

 

Any thoughts or ideas about proceding? Did I make any mistakes, besides her thinking I was confrontational, I didn’t think I was but it doesn’t matter much, that is not a reason for her not to tell me the truth.

 

The only mistake you are making is trying to get her back. She cheated on you, she doesn't deserve you. Drop her.

[hollywood24]

How is your situation coming along Theadventure?

[theadventure50120]

How is your situation coming along Theadventure?

 

It's good thanks. 19days NC lol.

 

Ex went away to London for 5days to meet some guy she admittley loves from online , so yeah lol and she is back today. But I like someone else now and she likes me to , just don't know wheter to ask her out or not.

 

I have giving up trying to win her back , i don't care no more. I could handle being friends with her and see where that leads but if she doesn't want it then fine. But one thing i haven't been doing since my ex went away was wait for her , i pushing forward with this new girl.

 

I might be over thinking but i think my ex is pushing it to the max to move on by meeting someone online 400miles away seeing i am moving on now. She also tried to get my attention by sending me a message a week into NC about being on medication for depression , and would come and get her things when she is better. Had no reason to do that , could have done it earlier or got them when she is better. SO i ignored it. That was 2weeks ago.

 

I think it was all lies anyway , she has another go at me on her profile about her things , sad really. She never comes to get them but likes to have goes at me on her profiles about it lol. Doesn't bother me no more , i'm not taking them to her . nor am i holding her hand lol.

 

Last she heard of me was the phone call i made about her things , said i would talk to her online , but never did. I'm not needy no more , i have learnt from that mistake.

[hollywood24]

awesome, glad everything is going good.

[Ruff Ryder]

Im very happy to hear that Theadventura,

 

You final understand the felling of indiffrence and that is golden mate good going. To everone else out there is simaler situations that it inspriation get there understand indiffrence and live the life you want to.

 

I broke up with my lady a few days ago and got her back the next night. I went out and she was there, flirting with every guy in the place trying to have and impact on me so all i did is pick up the best looking woman there and bang just like that the ex was begging for me to give her a kiss,,, lol its golden and the reason it worked was indiffrence and not showing her she was having and impact... lol

 

Good luck all Ryde or die

[Eric102]

okay i had a question. When u give up on ur ex-gf trying to win her back why is it that she becomes really interested in your life? she keeps asking me how the girls r in my town. If i'm going out with anyone. I just don't pay attention to her question. Is this girl playing games with me? Shes also being Super nice since my life has been going great.

[theadventure50120]

okay i had a question. When u give up on ur ex-gf trying to win her back why is it that she becomes really interested in your life? she keeps asking me how the girls r in my town. If i'm going out with anyone. I just don't pay attention to her question. Is this girl playing games with me? Shes also being Super nice since my life has been going great.

 

Because you have past the point in caring and showing them no attention or interest.

[theadventure50120]

Ex is back from London and she is in a relationship with this guy now , dunno how it will work but she thinks it can as they live 400miles away. Talked about him in a blog which i read to see if she had fun or not. Good thing is while i was reading that , i felt nothing.

 

here is what she said in her blog

 

I met Mike!

After what feels like a lifetime of talking to him online.

Yeah i was ****ting myself going all the way to his on my own.

Once i got there though I was fine, And didn't get lost ^_^

Only thing was when i got there, he wasn't there, but that's partly my fault.

I can't tell the time :blush:

But yer when he got there i was like omfg it's Mike!

{{ We've been married since the 7th Dec 2005 =] }}

 

I love how I never thought to myself

"what the **** will I talk about?"

and that I didn't think "oh i can't do that I'll look stupid"

He's the person I've felt most comfy with in ages and ages.

Haha look at me smiling to myself as I'm typing this ::giggle::

 

I just hope he knows how much he means to me.

Now that i have him, I'm not letting him go easily.

 

Mike i ****ing love you, Just thinking of you makes my tummy go funny

You mean the world to me, your my everything.

It'll be easy to make it work.

I adore you hubs <3

I love you

x

Another thing is she has a picture of them two on her msn , which I laughed really loud at and my mum was screaming what’s a matter from upstairs lol , she came down and we laughed together. He looks a mess and she does not look like what I fell for at the start.

 

I don't feel no pain , and it's not like i'm going to see them together in the streets is it now. Where as if i get a gf she would see me. Ok that is probably the last update of me and my ex , her things are here , she can come and get them and i can kiss her sorry ass good bye and that's that. I won't delete her from msn because it would look like it will bother me with her names and pics , but it will be my turn soon.

Moving forward with this new girl , as i already was anyway.

[Eric102]

but question is she coming back on my terms? shes being awfully nice and very demanding of me. Has taken a big interest in my life all of a sudden

[theadventure50120]

Oh yeah to clarify something , she is not married to him , they got married online...yeah how sad?

 

She is one messed up women. Goodbye to her.

[theadventure50120]

but question is she coming back on my terms? shes being awfully nice and very demanding of me. Has taken a big interest in my life all of a sudden

 

You don't know if she is back or not until she says she wants to. They will act all nice and take interest if you show them none. But watch out , she might want to show you still care and are interested in them still and drop you just like that to feel good again.

[Art_Critic]

here is what she said in her blog

 

 

Why do you practice self defeating behavior and look at her blog and MSN profile?

 

she has moved on and has another.. you are just making yourself want her more by looking to see what she is up to..

 

Stop visiting her Blog.. Stop visiting her MSN profile/pictures.. Stop shooting yourself in the foot...

 

As soon as you stop obsessing about her you will move on and be on your way to happiness..

[theadventure50120]

Why do you practice self defeating behavior and look at her blog and MSN profile?

 

she has moved on and has another.. you are just making yourself want her more by looking to see what she is up to..

 

Stop visiting her Blog.. Stop visiting her MSN profile/pictures.. Stop shooting yourself in the foot...

 

As soon as you stop obsessing about her you will move on and be on your way to happiness..

 

You didn't read nothing i said. I'm not obessing about her , i simply checked her blog to see if she had fun in London. I didn't feel nothing , or do i care if she is in a relationship. I didn't read her MSN profile , i never do , it was her display picture on msn , of course i'm going to see it as she is on my list.

 

Again , i don't care or feel nothing for her. I thought i would take it hard if this happened , and i didn't. I have moved on , i am happy. Read my latest posts I went to London 5month ago , i know what it's like so was seeing if it was fun like it was for me.

 

and oh yeah i won't lie about this , the past week i have been feeling indifferent about my feelings and what she does. This was really a test reading her blog to proove to myself if i am really indifferent and yes i am because i felt abouslty nothing. The post was to update you people on my situation.

 

and read this......i don't want her no more lol. I want someone else

[hollywood24]

Hey guys, I have some additional questions/info if you guys could help me out here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105279/

 

thanks a lot!

[Eric102]

Okay i'm really confused now.

 

My ex is starting to act really weird when i call her up. Either she sounds she depressed or she sounds like Shes super happy like, she is trying to prove something. Well the thing is when we broke up i told her that she will never find a better guy then me. lol I know something i shouldn't have said. But now I don't know if shes messing with my head or not. Since i started showing less interest in her, she calls more and when i ask you mean that guy, shes like yeah hes my friend. But she was telling me he was a player, she got a wrong message from him. So i was like thas cool. After two months of talking, she is the one that intiates the contact i dont' call her. Since i didn't pay attention to the guys she was talking about she got pissed and then she would ask about my gf's and i don't talk anything about them

 

So 2 days ago, i called her up finally after a missed call. She sounded really dead but then we started talking and she was being very cheery. I told her to calm down lol it sounds to freaky. Then after a while she switched the subject on my personal life? is this a sign the girl is interested or she is just messing with my head. Her best friend, which made our relationship go down hill left her by the way. So is she being sincere in showing interest or should i call her up?

[theadventure50120]

There were 2 reasons why i changed my mind about my ex in trying to get her back. 1) I started remebering all the bad things about her rather then the good. and 2) Hanging out with another girl made me realize she wasn't what i wanted.

 

Remebering all the bad things makes me feel lucky i didn't marry her , she would constanlty "try" and put me down , lame attempts. She couldn't handle i had more qualifications then she did , she would say i wouldn't get a job either. I studied computers , i know alot about computers , she wouldn't even let me fix her computer at home lol..that says alot. Her last bf put her down , i think she thought she could do it to me , WRONG! I would laugh off her attempts to be clever to me. I would later proove her wrong and make her get mad lol , and this is really not what i want in a girl , i girl should build there confidence , not try and put them down at every attempt they get , a girl should be fun to be around. I enjoyed her company at the start but she is fake, it was an act.

 

She wasn't very fun to be around anymore , very boring and would never laugh , and i can make most people laugh. She was just uptight and miserable all the time. Wouldn't want to do anything apart from sleep.

 

and i would like to thank this site and all the people on it for helping me through it , and espicelly Ruff Ryder , my "personal coach" lol

 

All i will be doing now is helping others and updating you on the new girl if i ever get into some trouble

 

EDIT - oh yeah i never trusted her , there was something about her that i couldn't quite figure out , she would flirt alot...basically all the time. It's quite funny how she likes LDR also , and they last quite long for her , rather then ones close by. Open to cheating and them never finding out. I just couldn't live like that as she admitted she cheated on her other bf twice...so there you go. She also says snogging another guy isn't cheating. She says it like it's ok haha. I have a few more things that would amaze you that she told me but i don't think it's right for a public forum (lets just say she is a S**t and i never wanted to believe it until now), Anyway good ridance to her i'm glad i'm out of it.

[confused_too_much]

What do you reckon? actions speak louder than words, right? She initiates contact with you? she is showing an interest in your personal life, who you are with etc, right?

 

Does she sound sincere? you know her best, right?

 

this:

Has taken a big interest in my life all of a sudden

To me it sounds like she could be realising her mistake!!! the only reason I "think" this is because I have been there as the dumper and did pretty much the same thing before I "crawlled" back to the one I dumped ONLY to be dumped by HER later down the road!

 

yeah "best" friends can be such a pain and such an influence!

 

Just play it cool and see where it goes. Remember man, none of us know your ex like you do and only YOU can really judge her for sure and her real intentions, you just have to try and look at it with no emotional attachment - which is hard.

 

 

Okay i'm really confused now.

 

My ex is starting to act really weird when i call her up. Either she sounds she depressed or she sounds like Shes super happy like, she is trying to prove something. Well the thing is when we broke up i told her that she will never find a better guy then me. lol I know something i shouldn't have said. But now I don't know if shes messing with my head or not. Since i started showing less interest in her, she calls more and when i ask you mean that guy, shes like yeah hes my friend. But she was telling me he was a player, she got a wrong message from him. So i was like thas cool. After two months of talking, she is the one that intiates the contact i dont' call her. Since i didn't pay attention to the guys she was talking about she got pissed and then she would ask about my gf's and i don't talk anything about them

 

So 2 days ago, i called her up finally after a missed call. She sounded really dead but then we started talking and she was being very cheery. I told her to calm down lol it sounds to freaky. Then after a while she switched the subject on my personal life? is this a sign the girl is interested or she is just messing with my head. Her best friend, which made our relationship go down hill left her by the way. So is she being sincere in showing interest or should i call her up?

[confused_too_much]

She couldn't handle i had more qualifications then she did ,

she would say i wouldn't get a job either.

I studied computers , i know alot about computers ,

she wouldn't even let me fix her computer at home lol..that says alot.

Her last bf put her down , i think she thought she could do it to me , WRONG! I would laugh off her attempts to be clever to me.

I would later proove her wrong and make her get mad lol , and this is really not what i want in a girl ,

i girl should build there confidence , not try and put them down at every attempt they get , a girl should be fun to be around.

and i can make most people laugh.

She was just uptight and miserable all the time. Wouldn't want to do anything apart from sleep.

My friend, listen I dont mean to come of as a b****rd or anything but read over what you just said... now think about it for a bit.

 

Not meaning to get personal or anything but dude I'd find being ONLY a friend with you to be hard work

 

You need to chill out a touch. Life aint about being "better" than the other person. If someone has insecurities then you do not play on them!!! Empathise with people man... a bit of humility goes a long way!!!

 

You seem you've got a bit of working on yourself to do. Trust me. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Sometimes the truth is pretty hard to handle but its the realisation of what we are which makes us who we become!

 

Chill out, relax, she's gone, forget about her, work on YOUR own issues and become a better person for it.

 

Dont live life with a chip on your shoulder. My older brother lives like that, he's 33 (i'm 30), becomes more bitter by the year, it is hard to be around someone who is always in competition and has that "chip" on the old shoulder. f**k it dude!

 

take care and cheer up.

[theadventure50120]

to the one I dumped ONLY to be dumped by HER later down the road!

 

That's why some ex's won't take someone back , the fear of someone just wanting to get even. It's probably the same mistake that made you split up happening again , but will cause them pain.

 

Because i know alot of people who just want to get back with someone and hurt them back.

[theadventure50120]

Confused_to_much....you relate to your name

 

I am way past caring about my ex now , i don't know why people keep saying i'm not. They jump in from one post i posted and don't even read the others i been posting , and that pisses me off more then anything , sorry.

 

I am interested in another girl now , i have been for 3weeks , if you don't know. I made that post to people who find healing hard and getting over someone and what i thought of to not think of her in the same way again. I listed the things i been thinking of and what made me not want her no more.

 

That is all , i'm over my ex...now you please re-read this post

 

Sorry if i sound rude but i don't like people who just jump in from one of my posts and not read the others i been posting all week.

 

EDIT - and you make me sound like the bad guy , you didn't even know her. I tried to hide what she really was , but come to my senses.

 

Work on myself? What you think i been doing? I am different now..read my posts for crying out loud. Are you a guy or a girl? I have no chip on my shoulder , that is exactly how she made me feel , like i was in competion with her, and would always put me down.

[confused_too_much]

the fear of someone just wanting to get even. It's probably the same mistake that made you split up happening again , but will cause them pain.

 

to some extent you're right but the REAL reason why she dumped me was because I was a cheating, lying son-of-a-bitch not cos she wanted to get even. I was a complete *******! I dont blame her and I am surprised she even took me back.

 

but man, listen, take it from me... REALISATION is what helped me to become a better person. I came home to an EMPTY flat, a rolled up carpet, no bed, NOTHING - nothing but an email saying "thanks for helping me become used to being alone, goodbye". That was it.

 

The pain I felt from losing someone who REALLY loved me was enough for me to wake up and smell the coffee. It happend and I personally, after realising this about myself, havent been happier in all my life.

 

Since my REALISATION of how much of a dip**** I became I have never cheated on, lied to nor belittled any girl (or person for that matter) I have ever spent time with be it a fling, friendship or relationship. As cliche as it sounds people DO and CAN change for the better.

 

I dont mean to be pouncing on ya! you seem like a nice guy. I am not intentionally putting you down if it seems that way. ok?

 

I always try to look at myself first before making a judgment on others - we aint perfect and we can all be hypocrites. Accept this, we all have faults and we dont all get along, try to find youself and be true to yourself and the rest will follow... you will eventually find youself becoming a much more happier and individual human being.

 

Anyway, I am from Northern Ireland *edit* and I am male not lesbian , pleased to meet ye!

 

Take care

[theadventure50120]

You haven't read my posts , judging from that last paragraph.

 

I posted a couple of hours ago in another topic i was very happy now , and glad i see my ex as what she is. Really , you don't know the half of it , so stop telling me to give her a break or whatever. If you want to know , give me your msn. So you can see it from my way and you will understand. I hid what she really was until just recently , didn't want to believe it. Lets put it this way , she has no self respect for herself

 

Anyway i don't hate you , i'm not an angry person. I'm not even angry at her , i just wrote what she made me feel inside when i was seeing her , and if she made me feel that then it's not the women i want to be with. Correct? She won't change , she might change her mind about alot of things , but she will not change. Believe me

 

I'm all forward with this new girl now , i have changed. I am what i was before i met the ex , which is good. I sort of feel fresh or starting from scratch. No memorys etc.

[confused_too_much]

Confused_to_much....you relate to your name

 

yeah your right

 

I am way past caring about my ex now , i don't know why people keep saying i'm not.

 

think about that one!!!

 

I have no chip on my shoulder , that is exactly how she made me feel , like i was in competion with her, and would always put me down.

 

are you sure? you said you proved her wrong, etc etc....

 

Man you dont be with someone you love and try to "prove" them wrong!!!

 

many a times I knew she was wrong (in trivial matters of course). I knew sometimes she "needed" to feel in control and maybe feel better than me, I let her have that - it did not bother me, I sucked up my pride, listened and let her to take the reigns when it mattered.

 

We played chess, of course I wouldnt hammer her all the time... dumb thing to do so I let her win some games Same with pool, same with anything man... you dont need to WIN all the time, and besides it's fun losing now and again, makes you realise what lifes all about.

[theadventure50120]

Man you dont be with someone you love and try to "prove" them wrong!!!

 

So if she says i'll not get a job i sit back , don't get a job to make her feel good? Ok whatever lol.

 

You don't let anyone walk all over you , not even someone you love or loved. You become a doormat. Which isn't good. I know the reason i why she did it , i told you. Her bf before me did it to her , made her feel bad. Teachers at school said she was going to be nothing in life due to her grades. I'm not going to let anyone try and put me down to make themself feel better.

 

and you should learn that. If they loved you , you shouldn't be trying to proove them wrong in the first place when there putting you down.

 

Your like someone trying to pull me back into thinking i still care about my ex lol , when i don't. Seriously. I said i would stop talking about the ex after that post and you started bringing it all up again , i wasn't even wanting a reply to that post.

 

and your getting annoying lol , and that's my last post about the ex. If you reply i'm not even going to answer you lol.