The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[Ruff Ryder]

Whats up all, I normally wouldnt say this but I think all of you are wrong here or maybe dont know whats been going down. I told him to post something "comment" the reason for it is to cause a level of intreast amoungst confusion.

 

His ex is no longer thinking why they broke up but rather what to make of his actions. he has come across clearly that he can live withoput her and is doing a pretty good job at it aswell as sending mixed signals that this girl is going to want to have figured out and thats all we really want is one meeting and from there take the next steps.

 

Playing on human anticipation and nature is exactly what we have don. CURISOITY is the calling car we using.

 

I think we have done a bang up job. She is responding to everything that has happened and getting along. The c**t thing was a tatic to get a negitive response, and it didnt work so in my oppinion theadventura is well on the way to being where he wants to be.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Ruff peace all

[PoshPrincess]

How long do you do NC for? I haven't had any contact with my ex for three weeks although he has tried calling me twice, that I know of, and I have ignored him (the second time he left a message). When do I stop ignoring him and make that casual contact? Not sure that it's the right time yet, especially as we have done NC a few times before (for no more than three weeks before one of us gave in!)

 

Any advice would be much appreciated!

[dierks]

What do I do now??????

 

My ex showed up at my door saying she loves me and wants to be with me. SHe knowws what she wants. She's been running from me and from herself. She realizes it is all her fault. SHe will do anything for a another chance. Get rid of her cell phone, move in with her parents, cut all ties with her firends. She wants it to be just me and her and have our own family. Said she would marry me and wants to be with me. That she thought she wasn't capable of loving someone this much. Then I said. I don't know I really don't know? SHe got a little pissy so I said well you can leave. You need to work through your own insecurities and that her behavior was intolerable. She said it was up to me either way and that she would wait ever how long it took that she would be waiting at home or waiting by the phone. If she can't have me she will just be alone for awhile. How do you know if it's for real? I would like to get back with her but I want it on my terms, and want her to work for it. How do I play this and how do I make her work for it.

[thekhris]

Ruff dont worry man I understand you and theadventure50120 i think is going on the right track... its just he must be carefull and dont get carry away so easily with situation.. And i really sugest that he must chill for a while since he is doing great so far and her chick's reactions are going to what were are expexting..he should focus himself to bettering him self to put his mind on other progressive things..that can help him boost his attraction and his personality... So in case they get back to gether or somthing those shtty things wont happend again...

[thekhris]

What do I do now??????

 

My ex showed up at my door saying she loves me and wants to be with me. SHe knowws what she wants. She's been running from me and from herself. She realizes it is all her fault. SHe will do anything for a another chance. Get rid of her cell phone, move in with her parents, cut all ties with her firends. She wants it to be just me and her and have our own family. Said she would marry me and wants to be with me. That she thought she wasn't capable of loving someone this much. Then I said. I don't know I really don't know? SHe got a little pissy so I said well you can leave. You need to work through your own insecurities and that her behavior was intolerable. She said it was up to me either way and that she would wait ever how long it took that she would be waiting at home or waiting by the phone. If she can't have me she will just be alone for awhile. How do you know if it's for real? I would like to get back with her but I want it on my terms, and want her to work for it. How do I play this and how do I make her work for it.

 

Continue to back off..Until..you realized she is already true..you will feel it!... Youre insticnt will not betraye you..You know this woman more thatn us..and we cannot give any comment if she is lying or bullshtting..Its only you that can answer that..

 

But if you think she really wants to be with you again and will do anything just to give her another chance..THen give your terms and she must follow it..and will listen just to give her another chance..And i have to tell you yure accomplishement is one of the most remarkable here in this thread...

[dierks]

O.K. How far do I back off. She called last night and I told her I was busy and would call her back. I didn't. At 2:00 this morning she text. I was looking for you to call this is bull$#!t. How do I make her work for it I can't take her back that easily can I. What do I need to do to make her work?

[thekhris]

dont ignore her totally youre gonna discourage her.... give her 1 to 2 weeks of still you dont know the answer..But taht dont give direct words of there is another chance...

[dierks]

Do I let her do most of the contacting? Do I do very little contacting. I can do the I don't know/go with the flow. Do we maybe go out on a date on only one day of the weekend and just talk on the phone the rest of the week? How available do I make myself. Like how long to talk to her on the phone. How often should we talk. Things of the course.

[theadventure50120]

Whats up all, I normally wouldnt say this but I think all of you are wrong here or maybe dont know whats been going down. I told him to post something "comment" the reason for it is to cause a level of intreast amoungst confusion.

 

His ex is no longer thinking why they broke up but rather what to make of his actions. he has come across clearly that he can live withoput her and is doing a pretty good job at it aswell as sending mixed signals that this girl is going to want to have figured out and thats all we really want is one meeting and from there take the next steps.

 

Playing on human anticipation and nature is exactly what we have don. CURISOITY is the calling car we using.

 

I think we have done a bang up job. She is responding to everything that has happened and getting along. The c**t thing was a tatic to get a negitive response, and it didnt work so in my oppinion theadventura is well on the way to being where he wants to be.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Ruff peace all

 

Yeah what Ruff said , I know this girl alot. She puts up this shield like she doesn't care , but underneath she does , she did that many of times.

 

When i was texting her she didn't accept the meet up on Thursday , then on Saturday she comes up to me for no apparent reason. So she thinks she can see me when she wants , huh? If she really thought i was a c**t she wouldn't have followed me or stare at me that night , right? She would have said it that night. Then once she gets back home behind a computer she calls me it , why? To show she doesn't care , but behind a computer screen anyone can lie.

 

In response to her comment i said "angry? your cute when angry , promise i won't diss you like Saturday this time"

 

Showed she wasn't getting to me by being angry , and that i did get the better of her that night and she knows it. But she is trying to get me back down by trying to get negative repsonses from me like i used to , and trying to get her power back.

 

I have to crack her , i want that meet up. Then i can have a little fun with her, leave on a high note and let her think. That is what i want. It's now not about why we broke up , it's what Ruff said..why i did what i did at the club. I need to have fun again with her like we used to , i can't do anything by sitting here and waiting for her , want something? go and get it.

 

She hasn't responeded to my comment yet , but she did view my profile. So she has read the comment i left. If she really did hate me i would have getting a reply to get lost. That would have been the easiest way for her.

 

I set Ruff a task to figure out what i am? He got me spot on , he told me a dozen things and he even got my ex girlfriend correct, and he doesn't know everything about her , but yet seems to know.

 

I even know why the ex did things she did , but i had no idea how to solve them until i found this site. I even felt it was coming to an end (2weeks before it did) i felt it , but again i couldn't stop it , i didn't know how to think.

 

I don't believe in the phrase "meant to be" , nothing is meant to be. Footballers / Actors / Celebs , was that all meant to be? No they had to get off there back side and do it.

 

She is still playing the same games as she did when i was seeing her , i've had this site to help , she don't know me no more. She was probably expecting certain and negative reactions from me. Now that i'm not she doesn't know what to do.

[Ruff Ryder]

Thekris - Sound advise man, well said I also think step off the gas and get back on it in a little while. He is doing great and thank you for the input. Good man you are . lol

 

Dirkes however you spell it. lol you also on the right track. Build some anticipation and attraction again you also on the right track and in the right place. MAKE HER WAIT thats the key here make sure that she knows you have the power and are in controll of the situation.

 

Big up all.

 

peace out people

 

Ruff Ryder till I die

[theadventure50120]

Well i usually wake up in a good mood but today i didn't , i miss her so much today and i don't know why , espicelly at this time of the day

 

I miss everything about her , it's been 5-6weeks and all i thought about is her apart from a few minutes.

 

I want them cuddles , kisses whatever back. I know alot of people say this but she was different , she dressed different , we liked so many things the same it's wierd. The odd bad moods , but hey who's perfect?

 

I want to spend some time with her and build that attraction again. I'm getting unpatienced here i can tell lol. She hasn't replied to that comment , i'm guessing she isn't going to , not like her..i was expecting her to curse me.

 

I'm so confident if i can get that meet up i can do some affect. Just like i did at the start of all this.

[dierks]

Ok how do I build the anticipation and attraction back. What are some of the key steps and things to do? How do I know she is sincere. This has been on my mind a lot.

[whir]

Ok how do I build the anticipation and attraction back. What are some of the key steps and things to do? How do I know she is sincere. This has been on my mind a lot.

 

 

1st question...youre in control.. youre the one who decides if she will be happy or not..wil you answer the phone or not..will you meet her or not... you dont expect anything from her..you dont want anything from her...

 

youre not desperate..she must be the one who must do somthing if she wants to feel better..she must convince you to love her again...etc...

 

and above else..whether she is out of yur life or not she sees your normal...and cool.. and happy...

 

2nd question

 

1.she cries and beg fro another chance more than ones..

 

2.she write long letter and you can feel the sence of desperation there..

 

3.She tried to commit scuicide

 

4.She's drinkin for a week or she is takng drugs or somthing

 

5. IF there is a guy(she dump that guy just to give her another chance)

 

6.or any effort that you will see that she is sacrificing somthing just to give her another chance..she is proving somthing, she tries to buy you,she tries to convince you..

[iceman44]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 yrs off and on. When we went everything was great, she just was coming off a 10 yr relationship and I was coming off a 15 yr relationship. either of us has been married. Everything was great with us for almost 7 months and then things started to change, her daughter went off to school and her attitude changed. We use to go out a lot and laugh and have fun together. It was the three of us most times, my girlrfriend, her daughter and myself. My girlfriend is very attached to her family.I didnt mind spending time with her and her daughter, because she has a great kid. My girlfriend, well now she is my ex also is very close to her mother and father. She goes on vacation with them and goes out a lot with them. Even when the relationship was good, she would spend a lot of time with her family. I didnt mind at the time because our relationship was new and fun and she found time for me.But when her daughter left was school in September, she just changed, she was more quiet and reserve. I tried to talk to her but she didnt want to really talk. Well she broke up with me and said lets be friends, just bothered the hell out of me. We never had a argumenthas a couple, but we remained friends.I didnt the same stuff talked about on this post, I pleaded with her, I profess my love to her, and she said she still loved me.We would still met for lunch and hang out, I told her I wanted her back and she got angry and we didnt speak for a while, evenutally she called me and we were talking again. We started to see each other and go out more. Eventually we got back together but it wasnt the same, her daughter got out of school for the summer. We started going out again the three of us, but less frequently than before. My girlfriend wasnt the same person.She use to call me alot. I use to call her in the morning before work and we talked. She use to call me while he was driving to work and that stop. We use to call and text each other during work and that stopped too. I asked her what was wrong.I asked her was it us and she said no.I told her that we werent spending time together anymore. But she still would go out with her parents on the weekends and I didnt hear from her until Monday. Well her daughter left for boarding school again this past September, and my girlfriend started acting stranger again. In October, she broke up with me in a email saying that she loved her and that she has issies that I wouldnt understand, and that if I was patient with her once she was finished with her issues, if I was still there maybe we could get back together. I called and texted and emailed her when she dumped me on the email and she hasnt returned any of my responses.I still have her cell phone with the service still on it.When I told her that I was going to mail her phone back thats when she called me and said thats ok, its no big deal and she called to talk, she left that on the voice mail. What should I do? I HAVENT HEARD FROM HER IN TWO WEEKS. I am a complete wreck. I still have her cell phone and the service is still on.I love this girl so much but she broken up with her 2 times and it seems like she or I can really let go. I read the post about no contact, but I am truly missing her. Please give me some advice.I know I should move on but I just cant right now>

[theadventure50120]

Well this is a first , i'm actually feeling sorry for my ex. I know i shouldn't but what happened on Saturday , that must have took some guts for what she did and i just brushed her off and walked away , must have took a chunk of her self esstem out of her. Visually i can (i think) she was crunched up kinda when i seen her , but she didn't look to happy. I am not taking notice of what is been said online by her now because anyone can put up a front online , i can pretend i'm happy now , and you wouldn't know.

 

and she is destroying the way she looks...that's WHY i didn't notice her , my sister saw a pic of her online and showed me , and she looks awful , she has 3 piercings in her lip , and the black hair makes her look horrible. I don't think she realizes she is doing this to herself. She takes compliments off people online , she looks totally different in person.

 

Why am i feeling sorry for her? Is it because i'm thinking if i walked up to her and she did what i did i would feel like **** to? All that talk online is a front to cover up things.

 

Yeah i know she deserves it but , meh i dunno

 

I just feel like saying "stop the front i know you by now , join me for a drink on one of your days off from work , have some fun , and relax. If not so be it." But not yet , i'm in the middle of something i haven't done , ever. She hasn't replied to my comment yet , strange for her , i was expecting her to curse me. But usually i would have sent another one back why she hasn't replied , WHICH i haven't.

[scuderia]

well well well, there u go again theadventure.... u just dun listen to u. You dun follow the steps, yet u keep whinnign this n that on this forum. how many times must people tell you to stop thinking about it n carry on with yr life? u keep obsessing about wat shes thinking and wat yr next step is gonna be.

 

yr next step should be, and should have been for some time now is NC. and these ridiculous games u both r playing, trying to get the power back n not giving her any power n how to get back the power. i say fark tt. U guys r ridiculous. I feel embarrassed reading all these. U wanna get yr power back? NC, indifferent and fark care.. thats how u get yr power back

 

i know u r in love with this girl, u cant get over her n blah blah blah blah.... SO? does that make yr case any different from any others here? U go NC for some reasons. To sort of get over her and start being able to live yr life without her. u dun go NC to make her come back. When u start living yr life and can show that u can live life without her, thats when u start appearing powerful naturally ( and i mean really naturally and not faking it). Now all u r doing is being this wussie whose thinking abt wat shes thinking n how u r gonna impress her n regain yr power n blah blah blah n all that shiiitt.

 

and sorry for the harsh tone but u really need a wake up call. u r like skipping the 1st 90 steps of the tips provided here (whihc u can only achieve by NC) and juz following the last 10 steps( showing tt u r indifferent) and expect it to have the same magic effect that others who have gone into NC, moved on etc have experienced.

 

and NC dosent mean 2 days of not toking or 1 week of not toking. it means not toking for a long while. If not how else is she to miss u? and when u go into NC, u proceed with the mentality that u r doing it for yrself, cau u wanna reach a point where u can safely say that u have breaken free from her controlling yr mind. if u go NC just thinking tt she will miss u and u keep waititng for her to contact u, then good luck to u. then u might as well not go NC. ccaus eitehr way u will still be stuck in the same **** just different ways, but still stuck

[theadventure50120]

well well well, there u go again theadventure.... u just dun listen to u. You dun follow the steps, yet u keep whinnign this n that on this forum. how many times must people tell you to stop thinking about it n carry on with yr life? u keep obsessing about wat shes thinking and wat yr next step is gonna be.

 

yr next step should be, and should have been for some time now is NC. and these ridiculous games u both r playing, trying to get the power back n not giving her any power n how to get back the power. i say fark tt. U guys r ridiculous. I feel embarrassed reading all these. U wanna get yr power back? NC, indifferent and fark care.. thats how u get yr power back

 

i know u r in love with this girl, u cant get over her n blah blah blah blah.... SO? does that make yr case any different from any others here? U go NC for some reasons. To sort of get over her and start being able to live yr life without her. u dun go NC to make her come back. When u start living yr life and can show that u can live life without her, thats when u start appearing powerful naturally ( and i mean really naturally and not faking it). Now all u r doing is being this wussie whose thinking abt wat shes thinking n how u r gonna impress her n regain yr power n blah blah blah n all that shiiitt.

 

and sorry for the harsh tone but u really need a wake up call. u r like skipping the 1st 90 steps of the tips provided here (whihc u can only achieve by NC) and juz following the last 10 steps( showing tt u r indifferent) and expect it to have the same magic effect that others who have gone into NC, moved on etc have experienced.

 

and NC dosent mean 2 days of not toking or 1 week of not toking. it means not toking for a long while. If not how else is she to miss u? and when u go into NC, u proceed with the mentality that u r doing it for yrself, cau u wanna reach a point where u can safely say that u have breaken free from her controlling yr mind. if u go NC just thinking tt she will miss u and u keep waititng for her to contact u, then good luck to u. then u might as well not go NC. ccaus eitehr way u will still be stuck in the same **** just different ways, but still stuck

 

Why you saying sorry for? I know i'm being a wuss. But ok i won't post no more of this stuff on the forum, i thought it would be better to let it out here then to her.

 

I know i moan on about the samethings , even i see it myself but yet still do it. I'll not do it again. I am in NC now , i noticed if i'm not on the computer my mind is at ease. She appeared on my msn list today so i'm not blocked , i unblocked her also which leaves a gate open if she chooses to talk to me. But i won't be talking to her. If she chooses to talk to me then so be it.

 

I am planning to go out again this Saturday and have some more fun , yay!

 

and if you want to know what i'm feeling like today? I don't find her attractive anymore , which helps me really. Which gives me doubts on whether i would ever take her back if it comes to that.

[Guest]

Why you saying sorry for? I know i'm being a wuss. But ok i won't post no more of this stuff on the forum, i thought it would be better to let it out here then to her.

 

I know i moan on about the samethings , even i see it myself but yet still do it. I'll not do it again. I am in NC now , i noticed if i'm not on the computer my mind is at ease. She appeared on my msn list today so i'm not blocked , i unblocked her also which leaves a gate open if she chooses to talk to me. But i won't be talking to her. If she chooses to talk to me then so be it.

 

I am planning to go out again this Saturday and have some more fun , yay!

 

and if you want to know what i'm feeling like today? I don't find her attractive anymore , which helps me really. Which gives me doubts on whether i would ever take her back if it comes to that.

 

I agree with the original poster! When you are heart broken you can look and act your worst and that is what the desired ex is seeing if you simply wear your heart on your sleeve. He is not seeing the real you that he was attracted to and had feelings for in the first place. That said, I'm in trouble. I told my ex, who I want back, not to contact me anymore! He's in another relationship (I ended ours because of circumstances that involved his borderline ex but he hadn't done anything wrong - it was just too much presure at the time).

 

He felt hurt, angry and rejected when I ended it and quickly got into another relationship. They are living together and the relationship in his words is "really okay". However, he admitted he's enthralled with me, thinks about me, starves for my touch, told me I'd made him feel wonderful the last time we met up, often thinks he should be WITH me. I really think he's afraid to leave this relationship incase "we" wouldn't work and of course there is no guarantee that we would so it's a risk for him as he is thinking about his future and wants to be settled in a secure situation. He is very proud and reacted with anger to my telling him he shouldn't contact me anymore.

 

He would also be too proud to call or mail now but tried to get around it by "accidentally" bumping into me. I'm finding it very painful to let go. We both want to be together but he would have to take the big risk. I know he's considering it but I don't want him to do it for me as then I would be under presure to make "us" work - which is not natural. It's so frustrating and it's hurting so much to let him go.

[whir]

man your post is too long..its hard to read it and put spaces between the lines and make it brief and direct...you dont need to elaborate things and describe how sh+tty thigs are bcoz we already knew what your going through and we can relate to you..but make your qustions brief direct to the point..take care

[miss snoopy]

I posted a new thread but s it's being ignored I'll post here... I don't know why I'm hoping for a reconciliation, should I just move on?

 

I was with bf from may. it was a very intense relationship, but we kept breaking up/almost breaking up on a monthly basis as he couldn't deal with my insecurity, paranoia and inibility to give him space. I admit I have control freak tendencies and things had to be done my way all the time. So I'm not the perfect girlfriend.

 

Now after I ended things in september (a case of jumping before I was pushed) we did the whole "friends" thing, but almost all the contact was initiated by me apart from the odd email and phone call he made to me, unprompted. Our contact included one incident of him staying over at mine and we kissed, but nothing more.

 

Just over 2 weeks ago he came round for another sleepover and told me he's finding this hard, that he wants us to either get back together or go NC. As I still loved him I chose for us to get back together which is what he wanted, and everything started again, full throttle, with us planning holidays as far as March! He told me he loved me and was very happy we were back together... he said "you don't know what you've got till it's gone"..

 

Things were going swimmingly well until last week when we had an argument late one night. He said he couldn't deal with my head and that it was a huge mistake us getting back together. That my behaviour makes him hate me (that same evening he'd told me he loved me and couldn't stop kissing me)

 

So he walked away, just like that. Admittedly, I behaved badly that night, not allowing him to leave my apartment and generally not giving him space all evening, so 4 days after he walked, I sent him a card. I apologised profusely for my behaviour and other stuff I did/didn't do in the relationship, and told him how much I loved him. But I didn't ask for us to get back together. I think at the time I hoped it'll give me some closure.

 

Anyway... it's been 3 days and he hasn't been in touch. When he left he said he wanted to get on with his life without me, he asked me to leave him alone when I tried to walk out of the apartment with him, he said the argument and my not giving him space just turned him off me completely, and he said he didn't know if he wanted to see me again.

 

In the background of all this is an ex who lives in another country. He is in approx weekly email contact with her and that's the source of my paranoia, as I saw one email where he told her what a cherished friend she was and that he loved her. This was during one of our break up periods. He has no plans to get back with her as far as I know, but I know he loved her to pieces - but ended the relationship. She is hanging on in there as she feels there is hope, this is very obvious from the tone of her messages.

 

There's so much more to say but I'll stop here. I know NC is my only option as he has ignored my card but can anyone shed some insight into how someone can love you and hate you the same evening, and how someone can just walk out of your life in this manner despite all the fantastic plans we made? And should I give up on this guy? I really love him and we're so great together...

[so lost]

we were together for over 4 years

he broke up with me 8months ago and was still contacting me and then i told him not to and he would contact me once a month but everytime he did i told him how much i love him and did all the wrong things.....i havent had direct contact with him for 5 weeks now. but 2weeks ago he called my sister and after that i changed my phone number to really cut all contact. do you think he will come back?

[theadventure50120]

lol...

 

My ex unblocked me from msn , so i unblocked her..i set my name as "gonna get drunk tonight" she didn't , wasn't expecting her to go out...guess who was out lol. I seen her , i had her earring in my pocket expecting her to go out to give to her. She is to obivous! I seen her and handed her it saying "this is yours" she said thanks..and i walked away. I then sat inline with her so could see me , and i saw a girl i liked so i moved over and started talking to her , and got her number...it's correct number as i phoned it , she was looking at me all night anyway. I heard she moved for a bit while i was talking to the girl.

 

Well i talked to the ex , but i started talking to a girl right in front of her. While she was sitting all alone with family. I will text that girl tomoro , she is hot lol , i will ask her for a date.

[so lost]

we were together for over 4 years

he broke up with me 8months ago and was still contacting me and then i told him not to and he would contact me once a month but everytime he did i told him how much i love him and did all the wrong things.....i havent had direct contact with him for 5 weeks now. but 2weeks ago he called my sister and after that i changed my phone number to really cut all contact. do you think he will come back?

[theadventure50120]

I was quite drunk last night , my last post took alot of effort hehe. But i'm going to post in more detail now.

 

Ok as i said , my ex unblocked me from msn , so i unblocked her to give her a choice if she wants to talk to me. I changed my name to "gonna get drunk tonight w00p" , she usually changes her name to if she is doing anything and she didn't , she was out Friday to so wasn't sure if she would be out. Well i took her earring out with me that i found on top of my tv so i could give it to her mum to show no hard feelings, but was a little sure i was going to see her.

 

I went to a club and saw her mum , she waved and i waved back. I waited a few mins then i was going to hand her the earring and i looked right and my ex was standing there with her brother and a family friend so i walked up to her and handed her it saying "this is yours" and she said thanks. I then walked away back to where i was.

 

I went to sit down with my mate in direct line where she was standing in an open space where she could see me. Moments later two girls sat next to me and i started talking to them , my mate said my ex walked away for a bit while i was doing this and started talking to someone. She came back and i was still talking to these girls making them laugh etc.

 

I went to the toliet a few times (a test to see if them girls would stay where they were), i had to pass my ex each time , giving no eye contact. Her mum and others kept looking at me , i just continued laughing as i was loving it , i was talking to two hot girls right infront of her while she was sitting there with family doing nothing.

 

It was a complete turn around from last time i seen her , i gave her no reason to hate me , i spoke to her..i felt like saying i would have brought your game and cd aswell but i couldn't fit them in my pocket lol.

 

She doesn't hate me , i know that she didn't look like she hated me , she looked nervous , i didn't look to bothered. But she looked hot , hotter then them two girls i spoke to. I got no curse comment this time , she had no reason to , i did nothing wrong.

 

I still do miss her , i was ok last night probably because i was drunk a little. But if i want a meet up now i don't think i will get cursed. But i'm leaving it for a while now. But i did show no hard feelings and confidence and that i didn't need her talking to other girls.

[so lost]

how long do i wait??

it has been 8months but only one month wioth no contact