The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[whir]

how long do i wait??

it has been 8months but only one month wioth no contact

first youre ex must know that you have the abilty to move on before you make any nc..

 

starting from the nc and the realization that you have the abilty to have normal life without her/him...it will take 2months to a year...on that nc..focus youre self and use all youre emotions to bettering youre self..work out..buy clothes,,have fun,,practise flirting to other people..anything...that will make you a better person so the next time both of you meet..youl will be defintely super attractive...

[theadventure50120]

first youre ex must know that you have the abilty to move on before you make any nc..

 

starting from the nc and the realization that you have the abilty to have normal life without her/him...it will take 2months to a year...on that nc..focus youre self and use all youre emotions to bettering youre self..work out..buy clothes,,have fun,,practise flirting to other people..anything...that will make you a better person so the next time both of you meet..youl will be defintely super attractive...

 

I have done that for a month what you told them to do. Read my previous post for more on what i did on Saturday.

 

Today i had enough of playing games so decided to talk to the ex on msn , she unblocked me for some reason, and one of the first things she said was why do you want to talk on here and not when i see you.

 

She kept going on and on about it , i just didn't know what to say. I said "didn't want to spoil your night" and she said haha like you could , i replied with yeah i guessed that. Didn't know what to say to be honest. So i continued talking and she said it again , why are you talking to me.

 

Then i said i wanted to know how she was and talking when i seen you wouldn't have been a good idea as i was drunk. She said i'm a cunt , there was no harm in talking to her out , and get over myself and leave her alone.

 

Leave her alone? If she wanted that she would have blocked me , i didn't reply to that and went offline. Come back to her name as "**** off all of you...i hate you" I have getting to her big time , she played cold bigtime , still has that attitude problem.

 

I wanted to say sorry so much , but couldn't..i'm to stubborn.So is she. Will saying sorry help anything? That was one of the hardest things i had to do , i was friendly and poilte , tried so hard not to argue..but she was cold and made it hard.

 

Now she changed her name to "i just want to be loved" well whatever i gave her that and she threw it away. She is depressed big style , her display pic is a pic of the words "im only happy when a sleep" she is the type to cut herself just to tell you , she tried to when i was with her...what do i do? DO i just sit back and let her do it?

[can'tbuyabucket]

this thread is great. i should have done this a long time ago but for awhile i believed i had the upperhand, when in reality it was more of a tug-of-war. i'd break and then she'd break and i'd break again. i have broken recently and i wonder if i have done too much damage to salvage this relationship.

 

background information: we were together for a little over a year. we are both 21, i'll be 22 in less than a week. are relationshiop was great she always talked about how much she loved me and how she always pictured herself with a guy like me, and that she wanted to marry me. i've shown her a love and happiness that she didn't know existed. this past july she said she feels too much pressure, its her last year in school, everybody including her parents, cousins and aunts thought we were going to get married, she felt confused, didn't know who she was anymore. she was still in love with me but something just felt off with her.

 

fast forward to now, and i will admit i've done all the wrong things that a person shouldn't have done, the pleading, crying...all of that. she has been talking to this guy a month after she broke up with me which was in august. so she's now been talking to this dude for about 2 months. totally the kind of guy she would never go for. yet she would still call me and try to flirt with me, and like i said had a tug-of-war. i broke and asked if she still pictured us together and she said that she did, and that nobody would ever be as special to her as i have been. i know that she is unhappy right now and she is still confused.

 

question is: do i still have a chance if i start doing things right? i don't know if she'll call me again since our last battle, i wonder if all hope is lost to salvage this relationship.

[Art_Critic]

and i will admit i've done all the wrong things that a person shouldn't have done' date=' [/quote']

 

I honestly don't think you can do anything wrong after a breakup.. you are going by what feels right and you are hurting.. so be it..

 

What most people don't get though is that sometimes doing the right things DURING the RELATIONSHIP and not waiting to do them during the breakup is the right thing to do.

 

I myself have done the pleading BS to try and get someone back.. they didn't come back not because of my pleading.. they didn't come back because they didn't want too and doing anything after the breakup doesn't change this.

[dreamguy]

I honestly don't think you can do anything wrong after a breakup.. you are going by what feels right and you are hurting.. so be it..

 

What most people don't get though is that sometimes doing the right things DURING the RELATIONSHIP and not waiting to do them during the breakup is the right thing to do.

 

I myself have done the pleading BS to try and get someone back.. they didn't come back not because of my pleading.. they didn't come back because they didn't want too and doing anything after the breakup doesn't change this.

 

 

Well said. I think the only thing that brings them back is if they have feelings for you.

Otherwise, no matter what you do... it ain't gonna work.

But even if they have feelings ... some ppl wait a few months before thinking of getting back into a relationship.

[theadventure50120]

My ex's actions don't add up. She stares at me in clubs , views my profiles , unblocks me on msn. I tell her that i'll listen to her problems etc today and she says she can't be friends with ex's , to many feelings involved and no offense...she said c**t is a strong word but she thought i was different. huh?

 

What! Is she scared incase i find someone else? She has showed interest in me by her actions. She goes all depressed after i talk to her yesterday etc. If only i can get one meet up , she is refusing for a reason , i don't think she is ok. She has getting a new piercing today also , 15 in total now..she gets new ones when she is feeling down , i remeber, and 15 is crazy!

 

My dad dropped me off in the car to my mates house and her car was where i was dropped off...i went to my mates but she was driving around the corner when i got back. Would have talked to her , but to late.Then i went to play pool and her bro was there with his mates. I don't go out the house much but everytime i do i see her or her family! I pass her house on the way home , her bedroom light was off , i get home and she is online...she is sitting in the dark...

 

The thing is , this girl won't admit to nothing , espicelly online...she fears rejection , has no confidence. So no way she is going to admit anything to me. That is why i want that meet up so i can see for myself where she isn't behind a computer screen.

 

People will tell me just to forget about her and to stop analyzing, i agree but something is up. Her actions are wierd.

[Ruff Ryder]

You last statment is exactly it you are over anilizing it you are looking to uch into it and that is exactly what she wants.

 

Why does she want this? Its called building walls that you cant creak and ITS WORKING. Stop now. Take a step back chill it and then make the next move. I was waiting for you on line but you didnt come on so Im posting instead. Sorry been crazy my side getting ready for my trip to london.

 

But what you doing is working. Just relax breat in and out and chill its not a super fast thing it takes time and from your ex's actions and comments it shows that she is thinking about you and on some level its working so relax a bit ease of the gas and chill...

 

Chat soon mate.

[Tormented]

...so good to see you back on the board.

 

Off to London, huh? If you don't mind my asking, what country are you from...originally?

 

~T~

[theadventure50120]

can't be friends with ex's , to many feelings involved

From that quote i was talking to a girl online , she says i can't believe i didn't see that opener and hope i didn't leave her hanging. I left her hanging because i didn't reply. The reason she thought that was an opener is because she can't be friends , she knows or thinks i have moved on and are liking other girls. She feelings part is on her side not mine , she has no idea what i'm feeling. She said maybe she wants more then friends (she is actual from this forum) If she wanted me out her life i would be gone , no contact , no trying to talk to me out clubbing, and no checking up on me if she can't handle feelings.

 

I was going to phone her today and ask if i can drop her things off and talk maybe , but seeing Ruff's and Tormented's posts i dunno no more. Because i could tell what she was like in person more.

 

Tormented - I have gone "poof" for over a 5 weeks , i have ignored her most of it , ignored her everytime i seen her out clubbing. That's the thing , she is strange if she doesn't want to be friends.

[theadventure50120]

can't be friends with ex's , to many feelings involved

From that quote i was talking to a girl online , she says i can't believe i didn't see that opener and hope i didn't leave her hanging. I left her hanging because i didn't reply. The reason she thought that was an opener is because she can't be friends , she knows or thinks i have moved on and are liking other girls. The feelings part is on her side not mine , she has no idea what i'm feeling. The said maybe she wants more then friends (she is actual from this forum) If she wanted me out her life i would be gone , no contact , no trying to talk to me out clubbing.

 

I was going to phone her today and ask if i can drop her things off and talk maybe , but seeing Ruff's and Tormented's posts i dunno no more. Because i could tell what she was like in person more.

 

Tormented - I have gone "poof" for over a 5 weeks , i have ignored her most of it , ignored her everytime i seen her out clubbing. That's the thing , she is strange if she doesn't want to be friends. But she won't come running to me , really. She isn't very open , keeps alot of things in. If she thinks i have moved on she won't get involved no confidences , she will probably think i'll ignore her.

 

Oh yeah , that quote , i wrote an email to her saying i'll like to talk online etc if she would give me the chance , but one thing i didn't mention was being friends..

[Ruff Ryder]

Im from Irland orrigonally. Been in South africa all my life.

 

Yea the england thing is comming to a stand still as there is a problem with the work permitt. But hey hold thumbs.

 

Thanks for the post.

 

Big up all

[theadventure50120]

Ruff go on msn please.

[theadventure50120]

I just phoned the ex , dunno why i just did.

 

Her - Hello

Me - Hello , it's me , just wondering if your busy tomorrow because i forgot your stuff is here

Her - I'm working tomorrow

Me - Ok , what you doing tonight

Her - I'm going out tonight , i dunno when i'll come and get them

Me - Well you don't have to come and get them , i can drop them off or you can meet me for them

Her - Yeah i dunno when i will get them

Me - ok well , i'll talk to you on msn about it

Her - ok then

Me - so you ok

Her - hmm

Me - ok

Her - hmm i'm busy getting ready at the minute

Me - ok then bye

Her - Bye

 

She wasn't cold just acted really nervous and didn't know what to say.

 

I Want her stuff gone from my house it brings back to many memorys...she sounded nervous and was silent a few times, and said bye in a "nice" way. I wasn't expecting a bye at all. Obivously she is going to say she is busy , because i just pounced on her like that , i bet she is online tonight, I know she is working tomorrow and i know she was getting ready because

she picks her mum up from work around this time.

 

What i feel is , she thinks i'm playing with her...because i ignore her in person and talk online. She doesn't want to be friends because she thinks

i have moved on, and it's going to hurt her and i don't think she wants me to see her is because she isn't happy and doesn't want me to see it. Because anyone would come and get there stuff.(Espicelly since it's her fav CD and game) I'll not call her again , MIGHT talk to her online and see how it goes.

 

I shouldn't have called her , but i wanted to be friendly and hear her voice. She went silent after i spoke..probably shock. I don't want to play no more games with her , if i see her i will speak to her , i don't want to ignore her no more. It's going to push her away , because she is the type that will not risk getting hurt.

 

I can't open up to her (even though it might be the easiest way), fear being rejected to. So is she. I don't know if she is playing games but for someone who doesn't want to be friends has a funny way of showing it. I'll leave it for now. I done what i wanted to do. Could have been better , could have met up , but nevermind.

[Art_Critic]

I Want her stuff gone from my house it brings back to many memorys

 

Box her stuff up and have her come pick it up and if she doesn't then throw it out.. she left it..

 

Problem solved..

 

Quit using her stuff as a reason to contact her and get rid of it..

[Poetry In Motion]

is there still a chance or is she just being nice.....

 

Ive only known this girl 2 months we hit it off like we known each other forever....Geez she said how much she loved me and actually wanted me to move in with her....told her family about me and when we would go out tell my friends that i was the one she as been looking for her entire life... i felt them same....

she has a ton of male friends who she would hang out with before me..And she said they were just friends and i belived her....But there are theses two guys she talked about the most..one was a guy she did try and have a relationship before me but they said that they are better of friends...the other is a guy who she said loves her still, and she doesnt want to be with him..But whenever she goes out she runs into him and he still callls.. So i was over at her house and he called right after she was telling me she saw him at this halloween party she went too... i coulndt go cause i was sick....And they talked and what not.. and she said he was going to call the next day and he did...... then she proceeded to talk about the other guy that I mention aobut how this girl came up to her and Said that she thought that and her and him were b/f g/f...Wow what gave her that idea.. she always talk about oh love him he so nice as friend...

So i asked her Dont you think you are ledding these guys on by still talking and flirting with them.....She said well if thats the case then im ledding everyone on.... I was like wow she got supper defensive.....then i explain how her talking about other guys made me jealous and blah blah....she didnt like that a bit .... so i decided it would be best if i just go home cuase i was getting mad about all of it......

 

so i wrote i said i was sorry for my stupid insercurities.ect ect.. And she wrote this back

 

"""""I'm sorry I'm so "difficult". But, I don't deserve to be hurt on purpose. I've never intended to hurt you at all. And I really did think that we would work... I guess even hearts can be wrong. I had never doughted the way I felt about you, but your dought in me was enough for the both of us, I guess.

 

I honestly hope that some day you will find the happiness you're looking for. And know, that you have a special place in my heart for always,"""""

 

She said she will call me sometime maybe go out for a beer or something....

 

is there a chance what do I do she hasnt called in 3 days no text nothing... I love this girl and i think that what we had was very speacial just some minoe issues over my insecurites....

 

I guess she doesnt want to deal with them she rather just run?

[Ruff Ryder]

Wad up dog?

 

Listen but art critic is right. Its her damn stuff let her come get it. Your attitude here is getting needy. I can understand why your getting there but STOP right now.

 

Let her get her stuff. Be cold about it. Take pics advertise it on ebay and send her the link. Thats what I would do in this case. Its just her stuff not your life dont treat it that way.

 

If u use it as a reason for to see her then you have already failed here. Go back to the smart ass funny guy. You were so close and then lost your way. Stick to the basics. I did the same with my ex too but I still won as I remembered the cause.

 

Do the same dont ploay the game BE THE GAME.

 

I was on msn but you werent there.

 

Chill it cousin DONT CONTACT HER AGAIN FOR A WHILE.

 

Big up boy.

 

Ruff ryder out.

[Guest]

I read every freakin thread on here. Probably going to get fired, but I think the NC advice has woken me up. To those who consider this "a game," I can understand your negativity towards NC. Ultimately, Love shouldn't be that way, however, there are steps one must go through to get to a secure loving relationship. I would insert the word "tactic" for "game." When you first meet a girl, do you walk up to her, fart, belch, and smack her on the ass?

 

No, you have a long way to go before she accepts these idiosyncrisies. It's no different with the NC method. By calling, begging, crying, (all can be summed up in one word..."annoying") your ex, its like my example above. Wrong thing at the wrong time. 2 things I've realized reading these threads.

1) If you want your ex back, NC are a very effective "tactic" to accomplish this. and

2) If it doesn't work out, the NC is the best method of "moving on." You keep telling yourself that you're "indifferent." You act as if your are "indifferent." Eventually you will actually believe you're indifferent. Being indifferent is the cure for a broken heart. And if h/she doesn't come back, guess what? You've already have been down the path of indifference, and your ability to move on will happen much faster.

 

So, to my situation. I won't bore with gory details. But my g/f of 1 year was great. She loved me from the start. Unfortunetly I don't move that fast, so although I was good to her, I didn't give her my heart. She recognized this, but bottled it up. We moved a little further away, and then it hit me. I was actually in love with this girl. However, she started to pull away just when I was getting started. Basically, she used the NC while we were dating. It KILLED me. She was completely indifferent to me, and I couldn't handle it. She used excuses like "her work was too tiring to see me," to "I'm busy with my friends, etc."

 

We fought, I kept trying to let her see that I loved her, and she basically said that because of my lack of action in the begining, if she were to give herself over again and I wasn't for real, then it would hurt her too much.

After countless tries to see her, talk to her, she kept on with the "indifferent" attitude. I finally had to break it off. She actually said she wasn't treating me right, and that she understood, but also that she didn't want to breakup. But my break-off hurt me, and didn't seem to hurt her. Finally, I was out drunk, and thought I had found evidence that she cheated on me. I was so irate, I called and left a horrible vm. It turned out (at least I think) that I was misinformed, and that there was no cheating.

 

When we spoke the next day, I was litterally in tears, apologizing, telling her how crappy I was for doing this. It really wasn't like me, and I'm not like that. She basically said that because of that, while she still loved me, she wasn't in love with me anymore.

That's been pretty much it. Honestly, I don't know if I need to employ the NC now, or do I need lay the groundwork by expressing how I feel first. We never had closure.

 

The thing is, should I do NC if she seems to be doing it to me? Will it work?

maybe she really doesn't love me, but it's hard to believe.

Please help.

[lolablue]

Ahhh the "stuff" we all use that as an excuse to see a person don't we.

 

Pack it into a box or how many you need and tell her you'll be leaving it outside your place at XX time and leave it, if she chooses not to pick it up it's yours to do with what you feel... personally If it was clothes I'd donate it to a charity, someone who could use the stuff... just an idea.

 

take care.

[theadventure50120]

Wad up dog?

Let her get her stuff. Be cold about it. Take pics advertise it on ebay and send her the link. Thats what I would do in this case. Its just her stuff not your life dont treat it that way.

 

and if i do that i will be more then a c**t to her , i would be the scum of the earth.

 

If u use it as a reason for to see her then you have already failed here. Go back to the smart ass funny guy. You were so close and then lost your way. Stick to the basics. I did the same with my ex too but I still won as I remembered the cause.

 

I was so close? All i was doing was making her hate me. Games or not , wasn't bring her closer to me. I just can't get my head around why someone would put any effort into talking to someone who ignores them when they see them.

 

Chill it cousin DONT CONTACT HER AGAIN FOR A WHILE.

 

I won't contact her again , i said i would but i won't. I guess i'm just trying to get back on talking terms with her. Dunno why.

[Tormented]

Im from Irland orrigonally.

 

Ahhhh...an Irish brother!

 

I'm full-blooded Irish but American born...3rd generation. Haven't been to Ireland yet, but I've made it a goal to go back someday.

 

~T~

[so lost]

i havent spoken to my ex in 5 weeks and i accidently forwaded him an email coz i forgot he was in my contacts.....well he replyed with this

 

what does he mean? just wants to be my friend? i havent replyed

 

hi *******

I hope you are well and hope uni is going great.i am not sure if you ment to send me this email or you did by mistake,but i hope u r happy these days. I also know ur birthday is coming up soon..

 

I am Well,working hard

 

*****

 

what does me mean by this? what should i say back? just be dry?

[Ruff Ryder]

Tourmented, marry me. I love irland been home a couple of times love the place its awsome.

 

Theadventura - if you have it all figured out and double guess what advise is given all the time then why you still posting. What you did did get you closer but then you stoped doi9ng it you got needy called her and batered with her stuff to see you again. Come on mate thats lame and deprate.

 

If you want the help stop fighting the adise do a bit of homework and do it.

 

Stop thinking about the ex and all that crap be you and the rest will fall into place.

[so lost]

i havent spoken to my ex in 5 weeks and i accidently forwaded him an email coz i forgot he was in my contacts.....well he replyed with this

 

what does he mean? just wants to be my friend? i havent replyed

 

hi *******

I hope you are well and hope uni is going great.i am not sure if you ment to send me this email or you did by mistake,but i hope u r happy these days. I also know ur birthday is coming up soon..

 

I am Well,working hard

 

*****

[Art_Critic]

i accidently forwaded him an email coz i forgot he was in my contacts

 

...........

 

 

 

 

what does he mean? just wants to be my friend? i havent replyed

 

It means you sent him an email testing the waters and it went over like a lead balloon

 

Don't reply back... if you accidently sent the email then his response should be of no value to you..

[theadventure50120]

Theadventura - if you have it all figured out and double guess what advise is given all the time then why you still posting. What you did did get you closer but then you stoped doing it you got needy called her and batered with her stuff to see you again. Come on mate thats lame and deprate.

 

If you want the help stop fighting the adise do a bit of homework and do it.

 

Stop thinking about the ex and all that crap be you and the rest will fall into place.

 

Ok i'm sorry.

 

I'll go NC again , work that "neediness" off.

 

But i'll rather not think i'm back to square 1 because i have ignored her in person everytime. Which can't have been wiped from one phone call. Which doesn't show neediness. She still thinks i'm a c**t for not talking to her out. My fear of her being cold is now gone since i heard her voice though.