The Best of: Winning Someone Back

November 10, 2006

Ok i'm sorry.

I'll go NC again , work that "neediness" off.

But i'll rather not think i'm back to square 1 because i have ignored her in person everytime. Which can't have been wiped from one phone call. Which doesn't show neediness. She still thinks I'm a c**t for not talking to her out. My fear of her being cold is now gone since i heard her voice though.

dude, I found this forum the same way everyone else did. Got dumped, maybe I saw it coming, maybe I didn't, either way wasn't ready. Great forum and section by the way, lots of useful tidbits. However, I am not here to tell my story.

I have read this entire thread, including all posts by the adventure. I feel for you, brother, because I really want to contact my ex and tell her something, but realize that it's not going to do any good right now. That being said, I think you are irrationally passionate for this girl and you're judgment is way off. Ruff and Whir and the others are giving you tools to use, but if you keep ignoring them or undoing them by stopping the NC, you're going to go more crazy that you already are right now.

I don't want to criticize or say something that might make you feel worse, but use your self control, try to fight some of those urges to get in touch with her and channel it towards something else. Your behavior is confusing me, I can only imagine what your ex must be thinking.

November 10, 2006

dude, I found this forum the same way everyone else did. Got dumped, maybe I saw it coming, maybe I didn't, either way wasn't ready. Great forum and section by the way, lots of useful tidbits. However, I am not here to tell my story.

I have read this entire thread, including all posts by the adventure. I feel for you, brother, because I really want to contact my ex and tell her something, but realize that it's not going to do any good right now. That being said, I think you are irrationally passionate for this girl and you're judgment is way off. Ruff and Whir and the others are giving you tools to use, but if you keep ignoring them or undoing them by stopping the NC, you're going to go more crazy that you already are right now.

I don't want to criticize or say something that might make you feel worse, but use your self control, try to fight some of those urges to get in touch with her and channel it towards something else. Your behavior is confusing me, I can only imagine what your ex must be thinking.

Yeah i know what i did was wrong. I'm pretty ill at the minute so my head is way off. No control over what i do , temper all over , emotions all over. I'll be ok soon. I'll not be doing it again that's for sure. I learnt my lesson , i got where i was last time in a postion where i didn't care. I'll get back there.

I got a date tomorrow , if it goes well i'm asking her to come back here as i'll be home alone it will take my mind off things, and i gotta get her out my system because i don't want to scare the new one away.

But i'll be following the rules all the way now. I just lost it , but i got to remeber i got there once , i can do it again.

November 11, 2006

I had my date , was great! We had a laugh. On the way home i cuddled her as she was cold and she put her arm round me , then she texted me when she got in saying she had a good night. Going to cinema with her next week , dunno what i got planned inbetween.

But at the minute i couldn't give a hell about my ex

EDIT: Got another text saying we should do it again , and thanks for keeping her warm When she was going to the bar she had guys looking at her etc , talking to her but she wasn't talking back , i felt so lucky as she was coming back to sit with me

I just can't believe i'm feeling like this. I have no feelings for the ex what so ever. I'm indifference to the full now:)

November 13, 2006

i havent spoken to my ex in 5 weeks and i accidently forwaded him an email coz i forgot he was in my contacts.....well he replyed with this

what does he mean? just wants to be my friend? i havent replyed

hi *******
I hope you are well and hope uni is going great.i am not sure if you ment to send me this email or you did by mistake,but i hope u r happy these days. I also know ur birthday is coming up soon..

I am Well,working hard

*****

what does me mean by this? what should i say back? just be dry?

Oh man...dont reply dont do that again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Show to him that you let go and u take his decision final and your ok with it..now while you wait Go out find some other things to do be busy as hell find new prospects, there are so may guys out there that will treat you more and more sexy than that guy...

if you find that better guy its great if your guy gets back its great too..

November 13, 2006

I've been acting strong since break up with ex fiance (we dated for over 4 years and engaged for 5 months), but of course I am totally distraught. It's becoming very clear to me that he actually likes needy girls (after psychoanalyzing his parents' relationship, his past gfs and women he's attracted to - see background below). So how should I modify NC accordingly?

Since break up, he's commented that I am very strong and capable person several times. Also, he's pledged his "eternal love" and "endless affection" for me after he moved out. I insisted that he move out but it was after he mentioned it a couple of times (though one time he said that deep down he didn't want to do it). Also, he and I are living in different states right now, but it is very likely he will be back in the same town as I after next summer.

Background: He broke up with me because he was attracted to and wanted to pursue another woman who had a bf (he thought she was kind of desperate and was drawn to her partly because of that - they both liked drama, I guess). A few days after our break up, it became clear that the woman was just using him to get her bf to commit. He freaked out and called me several times. He has never mentioned reconciliation explicitly but is going to see a therapist (I'm also seeing a therapist right now and he knows).

I know, I know, he sounds like an idiot, but he's very book smart and playful and I love that about him. He's also taught me a lot about other things, and I still love him so much.

If I act indifferent, I don't think it'd work. Comments/ideas?

November 15, 2006

I'm seeing that girl tomorrow for another drink. Then cinema on Saturday. She has texted me everyday since the first date (she texts first) , i reply after about 30 mins , she replies straight away then i don't text back. I can't seem to interested lol.

She told her friends about that date , huh? It was a funny date , i made her laugh alot..because of some wierdo man who hated me so i used my cocky attitude on him. Made her laugh. Says she cant wait for Saturday...

But she seems up for anything i mention , etc dates (any day , anytime). I'm not going to try anything stupid , as far as i'm taking it is cuddles for now as she likes them , and will make her feel comfortable round me (she already does).

7days NC with ex now , i feel good in myself again. I haven't looked at none of her pictures or looked at what she has been up to. She isn't in my mind every second of the day now. She doesn't even know i blocked her on msn , i been having fun anyway

November 15, 2006

"She has texted me everyday since the first date (she texts first) , i reply after about 30 mins , she replies straight away then i don't text back. I can't seem to interested lol".

Why do you feel the need to do this to the new girl?

November 15, 2006

"She has texted me everyday since the first date (she texts first) , i reply after about 30 mins , she replies straight away then i don't text back. I can't seem to interested lol".

Why do you feel the need to do this to the new girl?

It's not like i'm ignoring her , i talk to her on msn every night anyway.

November 15, 2006

I've been acting strong since break up with ex fiance (we dated for over 4 years and engaged for 5 months), but of course I am totally distraught. It's becoming very clear to me that he actually likes needy girls (after psychoanalyzing his parents' relationship, his past gfs and women he's attracted to - see background below). So how should I modify NC accordingly?

Since break up, he's commented that I am very strong and capable person several times. Also, he's pledged his "eternal love" and "endless affection" for me after he moved out. I insisted that he move out but it was after he mentioned it a couple of times (though one time he said that deep down he didn't want to do it). Also, he and I are living in different states right now, but it is very likely he will be back in the same town as I after next summer.

Background: He broke up with me because he was attracted to and wanted to pursue another woman who had a bf (he thought she was kind of desperate and was drawn to her partly because of that - they both liked drama, I guess). A few days after our break up, it became clear that the woman was just using him to get her bf to commit. He freaked out and called me several times. He has never mentioned reconciliation explicitly but is going to see a therapist (I'm also seeing a therapist right now and he knows).

I know, I know, he sounds like an idiot, but he's very book smart and playful and I love that about him. He's also taught me a lot about other things, and I still love him so much.

If I act indifferent, I don't think it'd work. Comments/ideas?

#1 I think you should try to figure out why you would want a man back that only wants you back AFTER this other woman didnt want him. What happens the next time another woman comes along that catches his fancy? Dump you again? NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. Dont you think you deserve more than that?

#2 Just because someone does something wrong to you doesnt mean it takes away from the positive qualities they may possess, but the bottom line is He doesnt treat you good. And Im sure your going to say he does this is just the one thing he did wrong, but THATS not treating you well then. How could he just up and leave like that?

#3 Do you want to change who you are to satisfy someone else? Being strong and independent is not a negative quality, dont DONT let him take that away from you! I wish I could be stronger and more independent. But trust me Ive had someone in my life for so long who destroyed my self esteem and made me feel SO WRONG for being ME, I tried to change myself to make him happy because I thought it was what I wanted and let me tell you. I was miserable! I missed my own self! Just trust me when I say THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Dont DONT let him blame you and DONT DONT blame yourself for his flaw/mistake/cheating! I know its easy to do that but again, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! Dont short change yourself and dont settle!

#4 If you really do want him back then make sure you dont just run right back. Make him work for it. Make him show you how bad he wants it.

As far as winning him back I dont know... Everyone always says no contact is the best way to let them see that thty miss you. The truth is you cant make anyone feel anything they dont. NC has always worked for me when the person still had feelings.

Good luck =))

November 15, 2006

Thank you for those blunt words, BrokenSpirit! I really appreciate them!

I don't want to not be strong and independent anymore. In fact, I've always been strong and independent and will always be. The issue here is vulnerability, I think. I feel that I did not give myself 100% to the relationship (I didn't want to be intimate very often - preferring sleep over intimacy, I resented him silently for petty things, I was somewhat ashamed of his low earning power as a scholar even though he financially supported me a bit during first two years of our relationship, etc.) and as a consequence he didn't feel needed by me emotionally. Does that make sense? I sound like I'm making excuses for him, but I do believe that both partners need to take responsibility for what's happening in the relationship or they wouldn't grow from it. Yes, he did mess up, big time! And he's going to have to show me that he has grown up a lot for us to be together again. And if we do, it'll have to be a brand NEW relationship.

With that said, I am doing NC though I would like to write and send him a letter or two to declare my true feelings - good and bad. Is that wise?

Oh, I also miss his parents, who were very supportive of me and my life goals during our relationship. Now that we're broken up, I can't even call them. Sigh.

November 15, 2006

HUMAN NATURE......

Im going to get alot of flack from this but Im doing it all the same. You dont want your ex back cause you cant live without them or need them to complete you. You want them back cause they left you. The simple fact of the mater is human nature wants what it cant have. Yes it is deeper than that but that is the basic fundemental of the human mind.

So all im saying is the truth people want other things cause they cant have them.

Some days I want my ex back but you wanna know the truth its because it would be a challange to get her back (I think I could do it have done so twice) but its a challange and a hard one at that. Its just the way we are "programed" its what we know.

All you need to do is get out of the "needy" mind set and things change fast.

Good luck all peace.

November 16, 2006

Just come back from seeing that girl again , thought it messed up but didn't. We got talking to another girl and she asked them dreaded questions , "is he your bf" , "you both would make a good couple" , i wanted her to shut the hell up. But got a text saying she had fun and hoped i did to and we should do it again.

When i'm finally moving on , not thinking of the ex and vanished in thin air in her eyes , i come home to a message from her...saying...

"Just to let you know I'm on medication for depression.So I'll get my things when i feel up to it."

Life not so great when i'm not there looking after her , huh? lol , i couldn't really care now. But just thought i would update you.

November 18, 2006

I've been acting strong since break up with ex fiance (we dated for over 4 years and engaged for 5 months), but of course I am totally distraught. It's becoming very clear to me that he actually likes needy girls (after psychoanalyzing his parents' relationship, his past gfs and women he's attracted to - see background below). So how should I modify NC accordingly?

Since break up, he's commented that I am very strong and capable person several times. Also, he's pledged his "eternal love" and "endless affection" for me after he moved out. I insisted that he move out but it was after he mentioned it a couple of times (though one time he said that deep down he didn't want to do it). Also, he and I are living in different states right now, but it is very likely he will be back in the same town as I after next summer.

Background: He broke up with me because he was attracted to and wanted to pursue another woman who had a bf (he thought she was kind of desperate and was drawn to her partly because of that - they both liked drama, I guess). A few days after our break up, it became clear that the woman was just using him to get her bf to commit. He freaked out and called me several times. He has never mentioned reconciliation explicitly but is going to see a therapist (I'm also seeing a therapist right now and he knows).

I know, I know, he sounds like an idiot, but he's very book smart and playful and I love that about him. He's also taught me a lot about other things, and I still love him so much.

If I act indifferent, I don't think it'd work. Comments/ideas?

if being needy works..you probebly not ligering on this site

November 18, 2006

6 1/2 year relationship now gone. She's 23 I'm 25. Long story short she left me because she thought she took care of me. We lived together for 2 years. I did the begging,flowers,letters,crying everything. I was stupid and kept sending email after email and I think that really pissed her off.

She couldn't break up with me face to face. She sent me a email telling me that it is over. In that email she said that maybe our paths will cross again. She also said that there will always be a love for me in her heart and everyday she will know that it is there. Few weeks later she says she thinks about US everyday and she has to live with the guilt everyday but there is no more US anymore. What does that mean? Why should she feel guilty if she's the one that doesn't want to see me anymore?

She says she has moved on but how can she move on and start another relationship when she thinks about US everyday? Last week I sent her a polite email asking if we could talk in person and she got pissed. She told me anymore contact and she will be contacting the authorities. So I have no choice to do NC. She's doing NC also obviously. Any advice? lol I think I'm screwed.

I just don't understand how she can just throw everything away without trying to even attempt to work on things. She never told me what was bothering her until it was too late and I couldn't do anything about it. Anyways it's been a week with NC although I sent her a necklace I bought her that I found at my house. All I did was send her the necklace no notes or any type of words with it at all. Her birthday is the 23rd and I'm not going to send her anything. If you have any questions fire away....

November 18, 2006

I should have been more clear on the necklace. I gave her the necklace a while ago but I just found it here at my house so I sent it to her. Another thing I don't understand is when this bad situation first started I brought some pictures of us together over to her house as well as some stuffed animals that she gave me. I didn't like looking at them and I told her she could do whatever she wanted with them.

I seen that she had the stuff I brought over sitting in a spot next to some flowers I gave her along with some emails I sent her that she printed off. It was all out in the open. Now if she moved on why would she have all of this stuff out in the open like that? Pictures of us together and everything.

I think I need to make a Username!

November 19, 2006

Hey guest, how you doing mate?

Bit more info would help. Where you stay where she stays and WHY you split up?

I can tell you this much the sudden change in attitude is for a reason you dont want to hear but she has prob found someone else to replace you. Its just a re-bound and may not last. But theres the trick you cant hang around and hope for that.

What do you want out of this? You want her back? what do you want here?

There are various factors here and yes you did something wrong at some point so be honest with yourself why its over.....

Holla back soon mate.

Ruff ryder

November 19, 2006

Hey there Ruff. When I first started seeing this girl I moved in with her at her parents house for about 4 years. We decided to move out to the house where I'm at right now to live together. She has moved back in with her parents right now. The reason she left me supposedly is because she thought she took care of me. Now mind you she never told me these feelings untill she had ALREADY decided to move out so there's was nothing I could change about the way I was doing things.

She didn't communicate with me very well untill it was too late. She never really told me the exact reason as to why she thought she took care of me. Maybe she thought she went to the store to much to get food. She was always the one to do that. But we would at least switch weeks for who paid for the food. I always kept the house clean and honestly I did most of the chores around the house.

I pressured her to get a couple things done that I couldn't do and she knew some people that could do the things. I asked her if she talked to them and asked her when they could come out to do the things. She always put things off and I was always nice about it when I asked.

Okay now onto the depressing part. We NEVER went out and did anything. We stayed home all the time. Our work scheduals really got bad when she switched jobs. I work from 6:30am to 3:00 pm and she works from 11:00am to 8:00pm. So when she would get home I was almost to the point of going to bed. We were STUCK in a boring routine. Then to top it off she would have fridays off and I would always work fridays. She had saturday off and so did I but she works on sundays. See how bad this can get? My job that I have now is very depressing and doesn't pay very well. I believe it has A LOT to do with what is going on. I do believe money is playing a big role in this. I am currently looking for a better paying job.

She treated me very well. Made me stuff to eat and the whole nine yards. I honestly didn't put mutch effort into the relationship because I was so used to the situation we were in. She did the stuff willingly and I never twisted her arm to do the things she did for me.

I know all the things I have done wrong and I know if she gave me another chance we could make things work. I guess all this time apart from her I have had a lot of time to look back on the way things were done. Bottom line is I was too comfortable in the relationship. I guess she thought things have been this way for so long that I wouldn't change. I am very willing to change the way I was doing things and it won't bother me one bit to do so. I just wish she could see it.

So yes I want her back very bad. I was her first and she was mine. Almost 7 years together. It's just very agrivating to me for her to just give up like this when the problems CAN be fixed. She did send me a email telling me that there is someone else but they are just "friends" right now. I told her that I wanted to give her something in one of my emails and asked if I could talk to her in person and she said no she didn't want to see me but I could leave whatever it was that I wanted to give her. She has been very hard to read. Her emails were VERY contradicting and confusing but her last email wasn't. I feel I drove her off with all the depressing emails and all that stuff.

So there really isn't anything I can do right now and I know it. After she threatened me with authorities what can a person do? Nothing but NC. Honestly does anyone think this can be fixed? I am a very nice guy and am very reasonable and forgiving. She just won't hear it right now. I feel as if my NC will go on forever and there is no hope left. Can anyone give me some reasurance?

After so long together there would have to be a time where she misses me right? Anyways I better quit my rambling. I feel I have left out some of the story so if you have any questions ask away.

November 19, 2006