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The Best of: Winning Someone Back

thekhris

By thekhris,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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forgotten1

forgotten1

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she sent me a text tonight. She saw some recent pix of me online and said they make her miss me, and she hoped I was doing well. I couldn't think of anything worthwhile to respond with, so I didn't at all. I feel bad because I REALLY want to talk to her. I think if I did right now it would just be blurted emotions. I wish things could work with us. I hope I did the right thing. I want it to eat her up inside like I have been for so long. I hope for more contact honestly, but if not, I guess it wasn't meant to be anyways. Did I do the right thing???

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Eric102

Eric102

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so basically you wanna punish her. But what is that she wants from you now? I mean with me and my ex i just don't know what she wants so i gave up left. Been like a month, but i feel better now. Sometimes makes you wonder what they are up to or have they learned lol.

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forgotten1

forgotten1

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I guess I want to punish her to some extent. She was the one that pushed me away. I know she was confused a bit by what she really wanted. I know she still has feelings for me. I don't know if it could work right now between us anyway, but damn I wish it could. I miss her so much. That text last night has me all messed up. I really don't know what is right. I mean, I could text her back and maybe that would be the end of it. I could call her and she'd probably pick up, but what would I say? Every feeling I've had over the past week and a half would come out. If things didn't work out right I'd be at square one.

 

Right now I feel somewhat on top of things... I don't want her to hate me. I want her to miss me more than she already does. If I had my way I'd want her to realize that I can truly be gone for good, and for her to try to get me back. I don't want to play games, but sometimes you have to play to get what you need. I'm so confused......

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theadventure50120

theadventure50120

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You got to go out and have fun without her , show to her that your capiable of doing things and having fun without her. Show her what she is missing out on.

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whir

whir

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guys i want to help you out to all your questions but man your too many..

 

Ill sugest that you read the 4 advices on the first page of this tread..ones you read it and have further questions well let me know it...

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u2111

u2111

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Why would you want someone that left you?!?!

 

Honestly, if it takes all these bull**** mind games to get them back, why would you want them back at all?!

 

Obviously some thing was not right in the first place or the relationship would not have ended.

 

It is different if you both agree you should give it another shot. But it sounds like you are constantly trying to manipulate these poor girls to take you back.

 

LET

IT

GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He just givin a little free advise. I tried to get my ex back. But i didnt. I have no regrets though. I tried because thats what i wanted to do. I wish i would have done a few things he suggested. And he's not suggesting manipulation.

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ktec

ktec

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why does everyone seem to think "playing it cool" is mind games. At the end of the day no one will be attracted to a needy, insecure person and thats a FACT. Those things just arent attractive. So i read this post and understood it to suggest that the best thing you can do is think about yourself, be good to yourself, protect yourself, better yourself. These things are the only way your ex will ever view you in the way they did when they first met you, no matter what happened. If they finished with you it was for a reason.

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ktec

ktec

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i guess sometimes when you think you are getting them back you really arent??? or is he confused?

 

Sorry to say it sounds like false hope on your part. He wants to be friends because he likes you, but obviously no enough to actually be with you. Have the self confidence to walk away, if he comes after you then its got a chance, if he doesnt, it was never meant to be. As hard as that may sound its the truth.

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Tormented

Tormented

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guys i want to help you out to all your questions but man your too many.

 

Wow, Whir...looks like you've been left to hold the fort down. Where'd Khris and Ryder take off to?

 

~T~

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Eric102

Eric102

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okay me and my exgf are in the wierdest place. We like talking to each other, we even like being with each other. But we are not together. Since the break up we have been good friends. We are not dating but we are not getting back together.

 

She gives me mixed signals and i never tell her how i feel. She told me she doesn't want a relationship right now, but calls me a lot and treats me like she did in the relationship. I'm so confused i read the first page already. I applied the strategies and they work great. But i have no idea where i stand? can anyone help me out. Because i'm getting tired of mind games

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forgotten1

forgotten1

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Well, I guess I was at the same place before we officially called it quits. I felt more like a freind than anything. A good friend. Its been almost 2 wks since we broke up, and I know right now I could call her and we could have a great conversation. With her being so busy in school and 3 hrs away, I know there could be nothing more than that. I also know a relationship isn't working right now.

 

Its so much easier to completely walk away when you hate the other for something they have done to you. I'm on good terms with my ex as well. The more I do NC, she is the one that keeps breaking it. She hasn't broke it alot, but enough to let me know that shes still thinking about me. Its not easy man, but you have to think about yourself and what is going to make you feel better in the long run. Break off contact. Be distant from her. Easier said than done. She will come around once you are gone. If not, then at least you have the time to work on yourself and move on.

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amerikajin

amerikajin

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I would fight to keep someone if we were still in a relationship, but once they're gone, they're gone.

 

Why would you want someone back? It'll never be what it was the first time around and once you've established a separation, you're laying the groundwork for a revolving door.

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forgotten1

forgotten1

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As I was playing with my cat, I had a random realization. When I run around the wall, stay out of sight, and wait, eventually he gets curious and runs to find me. The other pussy works the same way ;)

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amerikajin

amerikajin

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okay me and my exgf are in the wierdest place. We like talking to each other, we even like being with each other. But we are not together. Since the break up we have been good friends. We are not dating but we are not getting back together.

 

She gives me mixed signals and i never tell her how i feel. She told me she doesn't want a relationship right now, but calls me a lot and treats me like she did in the relationship. I'm so confused i read the first page already. I applied the strategies and they work great. But i have no idea where i stand? can anyone help me out. Because i'm getting tired of mind games

 

You're wasting your time. Like I said, what you had before will in all likelihood never exist again. People like to hang on to old relationships because they hate letting go and going back into the unknown world of dating again; it's a fall-back, a mind-trick and nothing more. Don't fall for it. Be strong. Tell her thanks, I had a great time, we can be friends again at some point, but I need some time away - and go out and find another chick. What'll be interesting to see is whether or not she wants to be friends once you've moved on. Many times, the person who breaks up likes the element of control, but when they realize they no longer have you as an option, things change.

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Eric102

Eric102

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i applied the NC thing and the thing is she came back. i don't treat her good but i have changed myself the way i act towards her. No longer i show my feelings if she wants to come she can if not, no big deal. But the only thing i kinda see us going somewhere. I can tell she can to.

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Guest

Guest

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Just broke up over the last few days, here is the situation where i applied the info on this thread and else ware on LS mssg boards.

 

I am 32 and gf is 23. We live 2 hours apart and I see her almost every weekend as I maintain a 2nd house with other family members, this 2nd house is 10mins by car from where she lives with her parents.

 

Early November: She told me to that her family was putting pressure on her about our relationship, and I asked her then and there if this would be the end of us, she replied "i don’t know" otherwise things added up pretty well, so i believed her.

 

It was also during this time she was introduced to police man Jeff. She mentioned she was going to the policeman's ball with him. I didn't fly off the handle but I did question her a few days later about her choice of words (clue1). I trust her and I agreed she should go, after all, we have talked about this stuff.

 

November 14th: Since we contact each other about 3 times a day during the week, I notice when she misses 5 of these contacts in a row. She said she is confused and needs time, confused about your mom putting pressure on you (clue2)? I don’t contact her at all, until i hear from her on November 20th.

 

November 20th: I am just knowing the break up phone call is coming, so I prepare and I find this website!!! I did pretty good on the break-up call, zero begging or any of that. I read this thread!I didn't press her for a reason as to why she was breaking if off. The phone call was only like 5 minutes.

 

November 21st: I wrote a pretty short letter and send it via snail mail. It was only about my concern if this whole break was about her parents. I said things like: This is not an attempt to get your back, your parents do/did a wonderfull job and all her and her sisters will make great wives and such. No negativity at all in this letter.

 

November 22nd: She gets the letter and txt me and lft a voicemail, she wants to talk and prefers in person, which is good because I am already local to her for Thanksgiving. ;)

 

November 23rd: I txt her and said we can/should meet on the next day, I suggest the time, your local bar at 6pm. She replies with Maybe?? That isn't nice!!

 

November 24th: Early in the morning, I mssg someone else local that I meet on myspace and we were not a match. Then SHE DROPS A BOMB!

 

I mentioned I had just broken up with my girl, and she then tells me she saw policeman jeff kiss my girl on the cheek and then my girl turned to really kiss him. I asked her if they looked like they were 'together', to which she described they looked more like they were together than not together.

 

At this point I have the upper hand and by a lot. I know something my girl doesn't know I know, which is policeman jeff is the real reason! I am happy it is not her family.

 

This type of thing happens. She is very worthy, I mean very worthy, yea I am talking marriage material, and I currently think marriage is for people who want to get divorced and raped in court! I am in love.

 

I decide to maneuver myself to at least get the option to take her back. Keep the options open.

 

November 24th 6pm: The fun part: I meet her in person, just waiting to hear the truth, I handled this well and ended up walking out on her after she said her biggest reason was distance and differences, this meeting was only 10 minutes. I didn’t tell her, in person that I know its policeman jeff. I left her thinking I know something if only for a few hours.

 

A few hours later I txt her:

Me: I found out the TRUTH about policeman jeff today.. It would have been nice to hear it from you.

Her: I never cheated on you. You were so confrontational today I couldn’t. So how did you find out?

10 minutes later

Her: Where are you? Lets try this talking thing again.

10 minutes later

Her: What truth.

 

This brings us to today, no contact either way so far. In the future I plan to go with NC for a while.

 

Big thanks to all who have posted on this thread. As you can tell, LS mssg boards have made a big difference for me.

 

Any thoughts or ideas about proceding? Did I make any mistakes, besides her thinking I was confrontational, I didn’t think I was but it doesn’t matter much, that is not a reason for her not to tell me the truth.

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amerikajin

amerikajin

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This type of thing happens. She is very worthy, I mean very worthy, yea I am talking marriage material, and I currently think marriage is for people who want to get divorced and raped in court! I am in love.

 

I decide to maneuver myself to at least get the option to take her back. Keep the options open.

 

I don't understand why you want her back. No girl who's interested in you seriously is going to drop you on a whim (she didn't drop you on a whim, actually, but I'll save that explanation).

 

In some ways it actually would have been better, at least understandable, if she'd dumped you because her parents are nazis who have to control their daughter. But the writing was on the wall all along, you just didn't want to see the truth: she dumped you for someone else because she was attracted to someone else.

 

She's only texting you back because she was 'found out' for giving a load of bull. She's trying to save face, that's all. There's nothing to indicate that she wants you back at all. I don't mean to be rude or negative, but that's the cold, hard truth.

 

The reason you think she's marriage material now is because you obviously enjoyed her company and the sex and what not; unfortunately, you evidently enjoyed it more than she did. I think your mind is holding on to what you once had when you started dating, but you have to accept that it's over. You may also be concerned that you're getting older and that it may take some time to find someone else, but you've got a lot of time actually. People wait a lot longer to marry these days - and it's actually the smart thing to do when you consider that a lot of 20-somethings get divorced when they become 30-somethings. You're coming into your own when a lot of couples are ending their first marriages. Be positive and move on.

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Guest

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I don't understand why you want her back. No girl who's interested in you seriously is going to drop you on a whim (she didn't drop you on a whim, actually, but I'll save that explanation).

 

The reason you think she's marriage material now is because you obviously enjoyed her company and the sex and what not; unfortunately, you evidently enjoyed it more than she did. I think your mind is holding on to what you once had when you started dating, but you have to accept that it's over. You may also be concerned that you're getting older and that it may take some time to find someone else, but you've got a lot of time actually. People wait a lot longer to marry these days - and it's actually the smart thing to do when you consider that a lot of 20-somethings get divorced when they become 30-somethings. You're coming into your own when a lot of couples are ending their first marriages. Be positive and move on.

 

Thanks for the response. I used the term marriage material to describe her, just a way to tell the reader she has a many of those attributes. She didn't change my mind.

 

I gave her way too much credit, in way too many areas.

 

I do want to keep the options open with her. I don't want her back, she is living her life like she is starring in a movie titled ME.

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inde4544

inde4544

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I decided to be friends with the ex and then we ended up hooking up. I stopped it from going to sex because she has a bf. We are still friends but she is still with her bf, I dont know if it helped things or hurt things. I am thinking about going back to no contact. Should I just do it and make her wonder or should I tell her I dont think we can be friends. Deep down I would like to work things out with her but I dont know what to do at this point. Any help would be great.

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Eric102

Eric102

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okay i know wat everyone has told me. I listened but i talked to my ex last time. It was after a month and stuff i have moved on since then. I was talking to her yesterday afte a long time. I told her it was nice hearing from her. I get a text 5 hours later, "since when r u so nice and formal,?" its wierd for her to text that.

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hollywood24

hollywood24

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As I was playing with my cat, I had a random realization. When I run around the wall, stay out of sight, and wait, eventually he gets curious and runs to find me. The other pussy works the same way ;)

 

 

HAHAHAHA, amazing.....rofl

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