The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[joriel]

If you think of some of the more common principles of attraction, you'll see that they apply the same way to men and women.

 

For instance:

 

- The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

- We desire that which is just out of reach

- We tend to seek relationships with physicially healthy people

 

 

You're so right here. My ex broke up with me not because we weren't good together but because the guy she had a crush on a while ago (but never did anything with) got engaged and so now she wants him.

[The write one]

I've been applying the NC rule for about a month now (to get her back) and i guess it's working but i think i fckd it all up recently. She's been using the fact that my mail was over her house ( i used to live with her) or my mail is still at the post office to contact me. I ignore her texts, calls and emails at first. Then i reply a day or two later. short and to the piont.

 

She even came to my house last week to drop off a few of my bills, which she said she would just slide under my bldg door in an earlier text. However, she managed to meet me face to face and then get into my apt. to use the bathroom. What a set back. But after a few more texts ingnores from me, i get this evil text this week from her saying...

 

"did u happen to gt my messages. I know you wish I fell off the face of the earth, but i didn't and ur being mean and rude by ignoring me, b/c i wouldn't do that 2 u"

 

I replied a day later saying "what r u talking about, i didn't get any messages"

 

Anyway, she called me yesterday (again about the mail) and i answered the phone. I acted happy and cordial, didn't mention anything about "us" and allowed her a few minutes to tell me how she's been doing. She said work was hard for her right now and i said sorry to hear that. Then i ended the conversation by saying i had to go, which i really did as some else was calling me on the other line.

 

Well, that night i felt it in my heart to text her to say "keep her head up at the job and it will get better." That's it. Well, i get a text this morning from her saying "Thank you. I appreciate those wrds coming from u"

 

First off, it took all night for her to respond. Secondly, I think i messed up my NC intensions of getting her back. Is she now going to put me in the friend zone and i have to srart over with NC. Or was there no harm done by my message.

[thekhris]

dont worry youre did not do anything wrong....

You ccan contact but always remeber SHE MUST BE THE FIRST ONE WHO TO INITIATE THE CONTACT FIRST...

 

Youre just replying..and nc again..she contact,reply(short talk happy talk),nc again,she contact, reply(short talk happy talk),nc again..and so on....

 

 

always remeber be polite..but always prove to her that youre not excpecting anything from her or hoping for reconcilition..you take her desicions final but youre being polite...(if youre polite it will encoureage her that if she swallow her pride there must be a chance youll accept her but she must do it now b4 its too late).

[Tormented]

play it cool... always look like your unphased by the break up..

 

Khris, I don't know if you've followed my thread or not but my situation is a bit...uh, shall we say bizarre?

 

To cut a looong drama short, I broke it off with my ex a month ago. Lots of issues in the relationship and it became a yo-yo game of on again, off again. The relationship was intense...from beginning to end.

 

Thing is, when we met we had both come out of relationships that left us heartbroken. So, basically we became each others rebounds. Or, at least, that's my view on it.

 

I basically got over the breakup quickly, and although he swore he was over his ex, I never quite believed him. His ex had cheated on him the entire time she lived with him, and when she left him (pulled the ol' pack her bags and split while he was at work stunt), she stole $800, his computer, and other expensive items that belonged to him. And to top it off, she married the guy she was cheating with within a week of leaving my ex because my ex refused to marry her.

 

I can't even begin to count the numerous times I listened to him rant about his hatred for her, how he was relieved to be rid of her...called her every name but human. Said he would never go back to her because he could never trust her.

 

Okay...so as I stated above, our relationship was a tense, stormy one. Many ups and downs. Finally, after being fed up with the emotional roller coaster and drama (not to mention that I always felt my ex was still in love with his psycho ex and I was playing second fiddle, although he assured me this was not the case and that he was deeply in love with me), I packed my bags and headed home.

 

We didn't contact each other for 2 weeks until he saw me drive past him one day. I received a call from him that night, telling me how much he loved me, missed me, couldn't get me out of his head, and that he needed to see me. I reluctantly agreed. He came over, we talked, we embraced, re-affirmed our love for one another, and made love. We held each other while we slept until we had to get up the next morning for work.

 

He called that morning, again telling me how much he loved me and that he would call me that night when he got home from work. Called me that night, as promised, and said he had some errands to run and would call me when he got back. The call never came.

 

Because this wasn't like him, I drove over to his house the next day because I worried that something happened to him. I noticed a strange truck parked at his house and it appeared the "person" was still inside although my ex's truck was gone. Drove to his work and saw that his truck was there. Drove in to the trucking yard (he's a logger), and waited for his truck to pull in. When it did, I approached him (holding some items that belonged to him), and confronted him about the strange truck parked at his house, informing him that I knew it was a woman and that is why he didn't call back. His face completely fell...it was apparent I caught him off guard. He reluctantly admitted a woman was there. I called him a filthy liar for telling me he wasn't seeing anybody else the night before when he spent the night, and for telling me he loved me and missed me. He tried to tell me that he wasn't seeing anybody when he told me that in which I proceeded to throw his belongings in his truck, pointed at him, and said.."don't call me again..ever." I walked away as he followed me, still trying to plea his case. I was so damn upset and hurt I didn't hear what he was saying. My main focus was to get away from him.

 

Drove to his house, knocked on his door and it was then I knew who the woman was. His ex...the same one who stole from him, cheated on him, married another guy (of which she is still married). If somebody had stuck 10 daggers in my gut it wouldn't compare to the pain that tore through me as it dawned on me what had taken place. Here she stood, the woman he claimed he hated, that he was over, did everything in his power to convince me that it was my trust issue that has caused this problem because he was in love with me, not her. Yet, there she stood...in his house.

 

I informed her that he had spent the night with me last evening, and she was more than welcome to my leftovers. With that, I left.

 

I have NOT contacted him in any way, shape, or form since that horrific day. Nor do I plan to.

 

Okay...which finally brings us to my question.

 

The past 2 weeks, he has changed his driving route to ensure that he passes by me everyday on my lunch break. He tries to smile and wave, but I ignore him. One particular day, while he passed me I was on my cell phone talking to a guy I am dating. I was laughing while I was talking and my ex saw this. When I got home, my phone rang within minutes of walking through the door. I knew it was him...could tell by the hollow sound of a cell phone and could hear the sound of his truck. He said nothing, just sat there so I hung up.

 

Now, he's calling my cell phone...sometimes late at night. He never leaves a message but his number shows up. I have not answered his calls nor returned any.

 

She is living with him now...has left her husband (for the 5th time) to live with my ex. You'd think he'd be on cloud 10. After all, she's his heart desire, right? When all was said and done, he chose her. Just as I always suspected he would.

 

So why, then, is he calling me? Regrets of his decision? Guilt? What???

 

Can you help me out here?

 

~T~

[thekhris]

If you read the 4th advice on the first page youl know the answer...

 

but ill answer it anyway..he calls you and persue you again because...

 

PEOPLE GIVE MORE VALUE TO WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE OR WHAT THEY FEAR LOOSING.

[Amour77]

Hello,

 

I would be very interested to hear other stories like that....

A

[Guest]

The last breakup I had was the most irritating ever for me. It was 3 months, but the painful part was the suddenness.

 

One night she was waking me up at 3am to smooch me and 'make sure I'm really there'. 48 hours later, we go to lunch, and she recoils from my touch, mumbling excuses about illness and final exams. Boom. It was already over, for no reason whatsoever. Bewildering. Has anyone had a breakup without warning signs like that?

 

Anyway, I end up dumping her first. This results in breakup sex.

 

I don't call her. She calls me to come get her stuff from my house, bringing me some small gifts out of the blue, trying to hug and kiss me.

 

After another week of ignoring her, she wants me to go to her house for a home-cooked meal (she has a culinary degree). I'll go for the food, but let's face it, even if I get her back, it will be because of her hurt ego at my ignoring her, NOT because she actually likes me

[jimmy20013]

Great Compilation TheKris. I did all the things mentioned as Dont Do's and you know what,I failed. I lost my dignity and pride but I picked myself up and initiated NC. I dont know whats gonna happen now but atleast I have the peace that I still have my dignity.

Some people may disagree with yur advice but those are the people living in false reality. World is not a Hollywood romance story where you breakup and there are sad songs in the background.No No No, this is real life. Sometimes the other person has to realize what they have lost to really appreciate you.

It is not a game. It is life. We don't realize what we have until we lose it!!

[lovestricken]

I am rite there with my problem.. every thing you said is perfect....Ill just shut up my whinning and hopefully, if possible, I love her more if/ when she comes back.

[thekhris]

THanx man. I dont ment to sound a guru or somthing And im not here to be a great ass adviser. But Im just like you guys..Been there,hurt,try to survive,fugure out way what happened what did I do wrong.TRIAL AND ERROR TRIAL AND ERROR...

 

Till I get it right and been sucessfull so far..

And trying to help other guys too because saving som1ass really feels so good..and oneday when I retire or somthing:D ...I hope one of you guys will continue it...

 

Great Compilation TheKris. I did all the things mentioned as Dont Do's and you know what,I failed. I lost my dignity and pride but I picked myself up and initiated

NC

. I dont know whats gonna happen now but atleast I have the peace that I still have my dignity.

Some people may disagree with yur advice but those are the people living in false reality. World is not a Hollywood romance story where you breakup and there are sad songs in the background.No No No, this is real life. Sometimes the other person has to realize what they have lost to really appreciate you.

It is not a game. It is life. We don't realize what we have until we lose it!!

 

[Ruff Ryder]

Whats up thecris long time mate.

 

Ok lets get this party rocking and rolling. You want someone back? Easy just odopt the mindset that you dont want them back. Thecris said it earler people want what they cant have not what they have already had.

 

FJ SHARK- expect more acept less.

 

All you need to really do is live you life the way you want not "looking" like you want the ex back. The best thing to do is just be you and love doing it. HARD TO GET is the way to make the impression that you want to make.

 

Thecris sounds like you nad I have stuided the same things... I like it mate.

[jimmy20013]

Good Advice Ruff. I learnt that the hard way. Oh well....Life goes on.

[Ruff Ryder]

I dont think this about advise here to be honest. I have learnt the hardest way to learn I said goodbye for good to my ex fiance. Right when I could have had her back infact I did for a long time after the break up. But I let it get to me i did stupid things.

 

The best advise I could give anyone trying to win a lover back is before you do or say anything think to yourself how would you act if the other person was doing it to you?

 

You dont want gifts and dates and nagging calls from someone you dont want to see. So dont do that stuff and the ex will start to think maybe he/she is over me how do I get them back or make sure they still an option for later. PLAY HARD TO GET. Be indiffrent to the outcome and call them on their behaviour that is not right.

 

Just live life man thats all that you can do. Have fun and start seeing other people you dont need choclate to live but you want it. Be th choclate.

 

Good luck all.

[The write one]

NC is such a blessing in so many aspects. And i apprieciate everyone suggestions about it. I don't know if it's working to the piont of getting her back, but i know me not being there as i was in the realtionship is not sitting well with her.

 

Let's start off with last night. It's been a little ove amonth since i've applied NC with my ex fiance. As i was on a date with another woman last night, my ex blows up my cell at about 10:30 pm. I thought to answer it becasue i would have loved for her to hear the background niose and then tell her i'm busy and i have to go.

 

But i just let it ring, becasue i thought it would have been rude to talk to her in the other woman's presence. Plus, i figured that if it was really important or if it was "I want you back" my ex would have left a vioce message or a text. She did neither. I will say thought that i used to get only texts from her, which have no turned into a string of phone calls. So my situation must be improving.

 

So the night progresses, but i can't get why my ex called me off of my mind. It doesn't ruin my night but it does take some of my focus. Still, i have a few drinks, kick it with the new woman and enjoy the live music. But after i drop off my date aroun 1:30 am, i get another string of calls from her. I don't pick up, but i do call back after seeing that i missed them.

 

When i call back i say What's up, she says nothing, which dissapionts me because i wanted to hear more. So i give a little small talk "hows life, good to hear from you" Then i say i gotta go. My ex then ask why, I say becasue i'm busy, "Busy with what"

 

I didn't expect these question so, i tell her to hold on. I put the phone to my side to think of something to say. I then get back on the phone and tell her in a slightly giggly vioce. I really have to go now anf it was good hearing from you and i'll talk to you later.

 

All of a sudden she says Your not good hearing from me. And what are you laughing at. Who is in he car with you? Is it a female? Where are you going? If it was good to hear from me you wouldn't be ignoring my calls, emials and texts. Your not going to talk to me later.

 

I say, what are you talking about. I don't ingnore you.

 

She contiues to pull me into an argument. Whare are you going and who is the girl you are with. I tell my ex that its none of her business. She reponds by saying i've known you eight years and it's nothing wrong with asking you these things.

 

So i tell her i'm going to a friends house. She says is it sme girls. I ask why, as i notice myself crumbling under her whim.

 

I then just say, i have to go becasue i'm lost in my directions to my friends house. We hang and then less than five minutes later she calls back. I stupidly pick up and she says whay are you acting like i'm intergating you. I say that is what it seems like. The ex then proceeds to asks who I'm going to see and why am i going to see them so late. I tell her i'm going to a friends house party so i really must go.

 

But she comes back with, Oh your just living it up huh? I say yeah, aren't you? She responds no i'm alone at my house and noone is over here with me. I say okay, I can't talk anymore becasue i'm almost there, She breaks into tears and i ask if everything is ok, she says yeah, i say it doesn't sound like it, but she says everything is cool. So i say take care of yourself bye. That is it. Did i handle myself well. Because i do want her back, but i may have shown my cards and allowed her to control the situation. Tell me whay you all think.

[Ruff Ryder]

What a boy love it mate you did everything right except for answering the phone the second time. What you need to do is maintain your composure and not fall into her little "does he still like me/care tests.

 

All she really wants to know now is if she can still have you. Show her she cant then the i want him back will kick in full tilt. "fasten your seat belts everone we have a live on here".

 

Good going player loving it. Keep it up. Don minipulate her just dont fade under the pressure.

 

Do you wanna be right or do you wanna win?

[The write one]

Thanx man, i thought the same thing. I forgot to add though. She tells me through her ranting on the phone last night that she has some more of my mail at her house. now if you've read any of my previous post you can see a pattern here.

 

She always uses my mail as an excuse to contact or come see me. Well, this time she's like I have some more of your mail at my house and i also have you thesis here on disk. So she tells me, i can drop it off tomorrow at your house.

 

I tell her thanks, but no thanks. You can just put the mail back in the drop off box and the post office will redirected to my new place (i used to live with her). She says "are you sure, i'll be in that area tomorrow." She has done this before by dropping in for a surpise visit to "give me my mail."

 

She contiues to insist on dropping my stuff off and i tell her no that is ok, but I appriciate the offer. She comes back with "no you don't. Why are you ignoring me. Who is in the car with you? Blah blah blah." I shoot back with look, i'm not going to play these games with you. I have to go. That was the first phone conversation.

 

I don't know if this is an indication of her wanting to come back. but what i do know is she is looking for me to validate her. To pine over her. To be her little kitten in the basket just in case the world doesn't work out or she need her freakin ego stroked. I'm not going to be like that anymore. I refused. I already gave her everything in the world and she rejected me. If she does want to come back, i want her to work hard at it and want her to feel at least just a portion of the pain she has put me through.

 

NC is a beast and i'm lovin it. Please whoever you are out there. Go into NC mode immediately. Regardless if its to get them back or to begin to heal. I think i'm doing the right thing in my situation as i haven't contacted her in over a month, I've responded to some of her calls and some of her texts, but I have to show her she isn't my world anymore and she doesn't get all the perks of a realationship with me.

 

People you have to take that away from the dumper. Otherwise, they will just hang onto you until something draws their attention away and then you will be back to day one of your break up. Leave these people alone and allow them to live with their decision. My thearpist told me i have to get angry and i have to stay there otherwise i am going to become obssesed with getting her back. So to all--GET ANGRY at what these people have done to your heart.

[Josalina]

what a brillant thread, so how long does it take a man to realise what he wants, to find himself and want you back, and then to hopefully contact.

i have tried your steps and now on no contact, will he contact me soon as it has been a month since the break up and 2 weeks of no contact?

i still love him and am finding it very hard.

[Ruff Ryder]

Men a a touch different we like to brag so with you contacting him he gets that pleasure. MAKE HIM JELOUSE its a simple task. Now soory guys but the lady needs help here "Look the best youve ever looked go out to where you know his friends will be flirt with them a bit just a bit and it will get back to him"

 

Now like I said before dont manipulate any thing or any one here just have fun but make sure he knows it.

[Josalina]

thanks 4 the reply. i looked glam on purpose the time i knew i was gonna bump into him, he came over to speak to me but that was it, but didn't flirt with his mates, does this work then?

i will try it, so u think i should go out and have fun, but what if it don't get back?

[Ruff Ryder]

Well if you dont get him back then you fall asleep every night for the rest of your life KNOWING he wast for you....

 

You also have the added bonus thta your having fun and going out.

 

If you dont get him back then youve lost nothing you didnt have yesterday.

 

Good luck

[Tormented]

Khris and Ruff...just want to thank you guys for the great advice you've offered those of us here in 'heartbreak' land. Crappy place to be...but then, I know you guys know what hell it is.

 

I've had a recent relapse the past few days, but I'm hanging tough. I REFUSE to call him, or to accept calls from him. GOT-TO-STAY-STRONG.

 

Good thing I'm full blooded Irish...keeps me tough and stubborn!

 

~T~

[thekhris]

The benefit of nc is this= 1. It will help you heal, 2.she realze youre value, 3.make her miss you,4.make her want you..

 

But if she knows that youre just a valuble jewell in the closet that everytime she can pull it out everytime she needs it..well it is not enough for her to make a sacrifice of forgeting the opportunities that there are a lot of more prospect new male opportunities out there.."why on earth she will sacrifice it when she can have both?she can string you on controls you and still hunt and wait for that mr.right"...

 

the most powerfull toool getting back(of corz with the help of nc) is this...

 

show to her on her last impression on you that...

 

NO HARD FEELINGS!!!!!!!

 

even if you did nc if your last impression to her is crying baby pathetic looser who begs for her to come back...even if you do the nc,eerytime she will think of you she will imagine that last impression you give to her...

and what is that???

 

A secong choice who she can pulls out everytime she wants, less valuble less lovable...and no way she will sacrifice the opportunity of having a new exciting guy for that thing she can pulls out everytime she wants it....

 

BE POLITE AND NO HARD FEELINGS!!!! BE HAPPY..NO FIGHT....ITS ALRIGHT AND YOU STILL ENJOY LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT HER...

YOURE NOT INSECURE YOURE NOT TRYING TO MAKE HER JEALOUS...ITS JUST..."HEY SWEETIE I UNDERSTAND NO HARD FEELINGS OK"...

thats it...AND DO THE NC...

[Josalina]

thanks kris, its my ex's bday at the end of the month, do i sent him a card and drop it through his door looking v. glam to show no hard feelings or do i ignore him. my last word to him was goodbye as he told me to except it although he still misses me, and i want to show there is no hard feelings as u said but i also want him to come to me, my bday is two weeks after his so if i send him a card, logically he should send me one.

if i am only sending a card he will also think, oh i never got presents from her this year.

so is it wise to send a card to make him think?

and to show i still care?

and to prove i haven't ignored him and i am not horrible?

[dreamguy]

Josalina, since you said "goodbye" to him then I wouldn't send that birthday card if I was you.

You want your acts to be consistent with your words if you want him to respect you. He won't be able to love you if he doesn't respect you first.

 

Think about it this way: There's a difference in french between "Au revoir" and "Adieu". The former means "See you again" while the latter means "Goodbye".

If you get in touch with him after saying goodbye (and he even told you to accept it) he will never believe and respect your words the next time you say something serious like "goodbye" or "I won't contact you again". You will therefore lose all credibility.

 

I know it's hard... very hard but just hang on in there and refrain from sending him the card. He probably expects you to send him a card. Don't do it.

You said you want him to come after you. Great, then don't go after him otherwise he won't have the chance to come to you.

[Ruff Ryder]

Ok guys lets be real here no matter what sex you are at some point in your life you need to STOP living for others and live for YOU. Things that destroy any relationship is codependence. Let me tell you my ex fiance (yes I was engaged 3 years wasnt thinking right:) we tore eachother lives apart because we live one life and not to.

 

Be you have fun being you and most of all dont give that up for someone else. Im a firm beliver in be happy by yourself first before you enter any relationship. Yoiu want your ex back???????? everone at some time in life will want a passed lover back. To get them back is to show them you dont need them back that you are happy with or without them.

 

This is called indiffrence learn it keep it and never forget it. Once indiffrenet you will learn that you dont really want an ex back that you are better than that and you will learn to live and love allways. I dont ask for my ex back anymore I ask to be loved by someone if its my ex thats great if not then thats just as good or even better.

 

Dont fool yourself here if the ex hurt you badly chances are that they have the power to do it again. Do yourself MEN a favour get double your dating by David deangelo and LADIES get Cristian Carters book.

 

Just good reading you will understand more about life love and people. There are some very good books out there. After my break up I read 1000's of get her back learn to love again get over the ex books. All very good and made me understand more about life love and everything else. But the one point they all share is to make your life what you want it to be not what someone else wants.

 

Guys to get an ex back is a mind set anything and everything is possible its just all about how bad you want it and how disiplined you are. And yes I got my ex back then lost her and got her back again only ended 3 months or so again. Am I hurt yes do i want her again I dont think so not untill I've changed what I want to and her the same. Im seeing a lovley MODEL at the moment. She is awsome.

 

Its all about you and not the EX LIVE LIFE YOUR WAY.