The Best of: Winning Someone Back

[Tormented]

Hey dont take it too personal.I reacted that way because its a serious matter..Many readers to this tread are being on the right track including me(I manage to get my ex back)..youre post just make them feel unsure to what their doing even though their actually doing the right thing its hard for some one to follow those tips and giving them hesistaion to commit on those tips is not help full..

 

Well now...that's better!

 

Actually, I agree with most of what you, Khris, and Ruff Ryder are saying here. Me? I've been in N/C with my ex for almost 2 months now. Don't know if you've read my story, but this jerk doesn't deserve a moment of my time. He knows he blew it, has attempted to contact me several times...all of which I have, and will continue, to ignore.

 

I also believe that had I responded...had I called him crying, begging, etc...he would have most likely lost all interest, not to mention respect. I've no doubt it's my refusal to have anything to do with him that is the main attraction here. It's like Khris said...People value what they CAN'T have or what they FEAR losing.

 

He moved in his ex before me, but apparently he's not happy with his "living" arrangement as he continues to attempt contacting me. She's needy, I'm not. She's a dependant type of personality...I'm the opposite. She's weak, I'm strong.

 

And which is he more interested in?

 

Apparently...me. The strong one.

 

So yes....N/C works for several reasons. It relays the message to your ex...."Hey, I don't have to put up with your bullsh*t. I'm NOT your doormat, and I refuse to be treated badly. I'm unique, I'm special...and I will succeed WITH or WITHOUT you."

 

If you love yourself, so will they!

 

~T~

[scuderia]

i've been reading this whole thing about this NC to win back someone. i have ssome very imporant questions

 

when u act indifferent when they contact us back after a long time, we may think we r acting indifferent, but they will inteprete it as he obviously does not bother about me anymore. They might feel that they got a slap back in the face regardless of what their intentions are. with this can we seriously expect them to come back for a 2nd round? They wll decide to not bother with us anymore becaus of this indifferent reaction we gave them.

 

Remember that girls have ego too. They have their pride. y would they wanna to contact someone who is indifferent and acts like hes moved on past them. As much has having self respect is impt for us, its the same way for them. So sometimes i feel that if u act indifferent the 1st time they contact you, instead of it being wat u call laying the foundation for a reconcillation in the future, you may juz have ended up burying your chnaces for good.

 

What do the experts have to say about this?

[Guest]

I've gone 5days non contact time , i have no idea if she is playing the same as i deleted her from everything and it might have pissed her off lol...

 

But no-one has answered what i said , about will them tips work for me if we both cried , i asked to work things out the next day , then sent her a poem which she was mad at then argued online , she came and got her things , we said a quick cya , then i said hope you get the job you like a few days later which she said thanks for and said hope im happy to, the next day after i tried to remind her of the good times , she didnt like it atall , then a day after she put me from her #1 on a site to #7 , silly i know but she knew it would bother me...so i deleted her.

 

Think these tips would even work , she left some stuff so if she does call i will try them.

 

Someone reply , please.

[whir]

nope...according to my observations nc's wont work if this is the scenario..

 

1. Both of you have extreme fights before doing the nc.There is ton of tension before you go in to nc.

 

2.Your ex know that your just a doormat that she can have any time.She knows you love her she knows you will be there for anytime she screw up and now way she will choose to go back with you instantly sacrificing her apportunities for seeking more interesting and manly man.Youre just a second choice.

 

The very best thing you can do before doing nc is you accept the break up..Youre polite you have no fard feelings even though she dump you.Youre enjoying life and everything is quite normal with you.You dont hate her its just you dont care if she dumps you.That my friend is the link if you connect all the people who manage to get their ex back.

 

yup I agreed..and balance this TOO ALOOF CAN BE DISCOURAGING AND TOO INTENSE CAN PUSH AWAY

[Ruff Ryder]

Ok fist up big up to you tourmented, you on the right track and thats a great place to be at after a break up....

 

To Whir - you are correct again Im not sure I agree with your methods but you get the point across in a good agressive way and thats not always a bad thing. You also have the right outlook o this topic and thats fantastic mate.

 

Ok the indiffrence thing - The point of being indiffrent has many great outs to it. Firstly being indiffrent gives you the power of not caring if they come back or not and that alows for them not to hurt you anymore. The indiffrent thing also when put across directy builds the "need" if you will.

 

This works on the "wanting what you cant have" they is an entire mindset that the top Dr of this era have stuided and the one thing that is in common with almos everyone is they want what they cant have. So building on this DESIRE by being indiffrent gives you 2 very powerful weapons.

 

You must not just act indifferent you need to really take on that mind set it can onl help in the long run.

 

Good luck hope that answers your question?

[Guest]

Ok i'm left with a problem , since i deleted my ex i have had 2 phone calls where they don't say a word then hang up and someone signed into my msn according to some people i know where only she knew my password....

 

i just got a email from her saying something like "ok i get the point , you don't want to talk to me but can i have my game and cd back please"

 

She was suppose to be going out with her mates on her weekend off but it didn't happen and she seems upset , i am looking like i am having fun. She doesn't like being in the house it seems...

 

what shall i do before responding to her?

[Guest]

I read the whole post. my ex and i have been going back and forth for a while now then all of a sudden her friend moved back from florida and she disappeared. she had a tattoo my name on her her back she said she had it removed.

 

I did all the same stuff everyone else did beg ,plead ,cry, to no avail. I'm starting to do the nc with her but she has allready did that to me me for the past few days. and every time i did catch her on the phone she told me she loved me and missed me but that we can't talk anymore.

Do you think the nc rule will work in this situation. Her kids love me but her friend seems to be helping her leaving me along.

 

Some advice please i'm losing my sanity.

 

Eric

[Amour77]

Im not sure I wanted a response....... If I get one ill deal with it then. If i dont its no loss to me Im living my life the way I want to and loving it again

 

Do you want your ex back or not?

[thekhris]

I read the whole post. my ex and i have been going back and forth for a while now then all of a sudden her friend moved back from florida and she disappeared. she had a tattoo my name on her her back she said she had it removed.

 

I did all the same stuff everyone else did beg ,plead ,cry, to no avail. I'm starting to do the nc with her but she has allready did that to me me for the past few days. and every time i did catch her on the phone she told me she loved me and missed me but that we can't talk anymore.

Do you think the nc rule will work in this situation. Her kids love me but her friend seems to be helping her leaving me along.

 

Some advice please i'm losing my sanity.

 

Eric

I dont think nc wont work for you smoothly..Youre last impression to her is still a needy desperate person..in youre scenario the best thing you should do is call her(youre scenario is same as mine before i beg i refuce to let go then I did the nc and I realized nc is now working for me) call her like i did...and you know what?the phone call i made on that day turn the tables..did you know what i said?

 

khris: hey it's me.how r u? well I just called to say good luck to youre new relationship and no hard feelings...Im glad were still freinds..

 

her: are you sure? so what are you doing this past days?

 

khris: wel i spent most my time with ,my friends and been very busy with work too..So i guess it really help me for my recovery..ey gotta to go my boss is calling me..

 

her: hey wait can you stay to the phone for a while..

 

khris:Sorry but ill try to get in touch later..see you around..

 

THEN I DID THE NC

 

I Print don pepots advice back then so every time im weakning theres a thing that I can read so I can remember that Im doing the right track..

 

It took me 3 months of "playing" till finaly I get my ex back on my own terms...

[scuderia]

Kris, how baout yr comments regarding my previous post. Post #203 of this thread about womens ego n all.. would love to hear your opinion about it

[Tormented]

Kris, how baout yr comments regarding my previous post. Post #203 of this thread about womens ego n all.. would love to hear your opinion about it

 

Well, I'm not Khris, but I AM a woman so I think that qualifies me to tackle this question.

 

Yes...we DO possess an ego, just as men do. We DO have a sense of dignity and pride...just as you men do. And we feel a deep degree of pain...just as you men do.

 

And because of this, I believe that N/C between a man and a woman can go on for much longer than need be. If both are adamant that the other is in the wrong, then who will break their silence? If truth be known, there are probably MANY couples who never rekindled their relationship because neither would budge from their stance.

 

But what Khris is saying here is true....never react with anger or hostility when dealing with your ex. If you act friendly, yet somewhat nonchalant in your conversation with the ex, you leave the door open for them to make contact without threatening THEIR ego and preserving YOUR dignity as well in the event they DON'T make contact.

 

If you come across angry or hostile, as I have with my ex, you have slammed the door shut to any contact they MAY have wanted to make. They won't want to take the risk of rejection or be faced with your wrath. But if you play it cool...friendly yet somewhat aloof....then the chances of your ex contacting you becomes more likely. Especially so when they see you happy, content, and getting along well in life WITHOUT them.

 

If you still want your ex back, then play it cool, yet friendly, when and IF they contact you. Leave them on a light note. Leave them laughing...make them want to come back for more.

 

If, on the other hand, you do NOT want your ex back, then completely IGNORE them. Do NOT answer ANY contact they attempt to make. Do NOT acknowledge them in any way or form.

 

So, back to your original question...yes, as you can see we women DO have the same amount of dignity and pride as you men have. We can be every bit as stubborn as you men...and when we've been hurt, our wrath is like no other you'll ever deal with!

 

Like the saying goes...."Hell has no fury like a woman's wrath."

 

~T~

[dmtvm]

My "ex" was acting strange... breakup talk. I did all the wrong things flowers etc on Wed. Tracked her down Sat nite to see what was up, she said she wanted space and she didn't think she loved me anymore, she shut her feelings for me off. On Monday she texted me and thanked me for offering to go to Court about her divorce. I said back, no problem, I'm here if you need me. Now I have been doing NC for two weeks. She apparently went right back with her 34 year old ex who is a tweaker. He lives with his parents and drives her extra car. I hear she's happy.

 

Now I read your reply to Eric, I'm confused. All the experts say 30 days NC ... non-negotiable. Should I try something like what you said "I hear you're happy in your relationship, no hard feelings, take care?" Or is that being a wuss again. Thanks.

[Davis]

My "ex" was acting strange... breakup talk. I did all the wrong things flowers etc on Wed. Tracked her down Sat nite to see what was up, she said she wanted space and she didn't think she loved me anymore, she shut her feelings for me off. On Monday she texted me and thanked me for offering to go to Court about her divorce. I said back, no problem, I'm here if you need me. Now I have been doing NC for two weeks. She apparently went right back with her 34 year old ex who is a tweaker. He lives with his parents and drives her extra car. I hear she's happy.

 

Now I read your reply to Eric, I'm confused. All the experts say 30 days NC ... non-negotiable. Should I try something like what you said "I hear you're happy in your relationship, no hard feelings, take care?" Or is that being a wuss again. Thanks.

[thekhris]

Kris, how baout yr comments regarding my previous post. Post #203 of this thread about womens ego n all.. would love to hear your opinion about it

 

woman have integrity with their feelings.. they do what they feel ..if somthing is wrong the wont do it period..they have hyper sencitive feelings,,,what they feel is a big freaking matter with them..

 

If youre girl genuinely wants to be with you..and REally wants to be with you..cant stand to loose you for good,,,no ego on earth would stop her...

 

Girls prefer to be called a bitch than not bening true with their feelings..

 

Remember this man..Girls give much integrity with their feeling bcoz of their hyper sensitivity

[thekhris]

My "ex" was acting strange... breakup talk. I did all the wrong things flowers etc on Wed. Tracked her down Sat nite to see what was up, she said she wanted space and she didn't think she loved me anymore, she shut her feelings for me off. On Monday she texted me and thanked me for offering to go to Court about her divorce. I said back, no problem, I'm here if you need me. Now I have been doing NC for two weeks. She apparently went right back with her 34 year old ex who is a tweaker. He lives with his parents and drives her extra car. I hear she's happy.

 

Now I read your reply to Eric, I'm confused. All the experts say 30 days NC ... non-negotiable. Should I try something like what you said "I hear you're happy in your relationship, no hard feelings, take care?" Or is that being a wuss again. Thanks.

 

what would brad pitt would do if he is in youre situation man..What would an alpha male would do?

 

Will he get hurt? Will he get mad?Will he cry and beg for forgiveness and beg till he die?

 

I dont think may advice to eric will have any connection on being a wuss:D

[whir]

What should a guy do if he wants to get back together with an ex-girlfriend?If your significant other breaks up with you, two of the best things you can do to get her back are:

 

1- Act like you're okay with her decision to leave.

 

2- Start dating other people and let her know about it.

 

This combination alone is usually enough to make her come back to you.Jealousy is powerful . It's far more powerful than most people suspect.

 

A situation where girl "A" didn't have any feelings for you until she saw you with girl "B" is the rule , not the exception.Jealousy causes people to do crazy things and feel very powerful emotions... from love to hate.Trying to "get her back" is a losing game in most situations, because the act alone suggests that you're needy (especially when you don't even know a woman very well, and you're trying to "get her back" after one or two dates).The best thing to do is get on with your life, then call your ex-girlfriend in a month or two to see if she wants to have coffee.Don't talk about heavy things, and don't mention anything about what happened. Just be casual.Is it possible to smile too much? Should you "pursue" women? This is an interesting subject.I think that most guys smile too much when they're talking to women that they're attracted to. Now, I have to modify what I just said a bit.How about this: Most guys smile in a way that looks like fake-approval-seeking-wussy-man when they're talking to women that they're attracted to.

 

I recommend that most guys learn how to control all aspects of their body language so they can quit doing things that make them seem needy, apologetic, like they're trying to get a woman's approval, etc.And smiling is one of those aspects.That said, I know guys who smile a lot when they're meeting women, and they do very well.What's their secret?They make the right moves, so their smiling doesn't come across as them trying to be liked, kissing up to a woman, etc.Do what works for you.

 

But if you've been the kind of guy that tries to get women to "like you" in the past, then you'd probably benefit from learning how to smile less , and be cocky & funny more .Do you think a man should "pursue" a woman to try to land her?I've noticed a pattern with guys that is very interesting to me: If a guy meets a girl and feels attracted to her, but doesn't have success taking things to a romantic level, he will tend to think about that woman and how to try again to get her attention, even when it doesn't make any sense at all, and there are many other opportunities around him .

 

I think that this is probably some kind of survival mechanism gone wrong. But whatever it is, it's a pain in the ass if you ask me.In about 98% of cases, it's much better to just get on with your life and meet new women than it is to go back to an ex-girlfriend or a women you've met in the past (who, for one reason or another, didn't feel an attraction towards you) and try to get them to come around.Move on.

[theadventure50120]

Yeah dating other women and letting her know does do something to them. I started talking to another girl and she saw it , and i said i been busy you can have your things back. She said "yeah busy with another girl , glad to know i was so important to you and you replaced me quick" One thing i learnt is some girls like you to sit there waiting for them because i heard she was out drinking and having a good time with one guy and supposely slept with him , i don't know if that last part was to piss me off but i don't care.

 

If she didn't care about what i was doing why would she bring it up is what i don't understand.

 

She now wants to lose all contact as it will mess things up , she doesn't want a bf but a close friend (hmm yeah to have sex with whenever she wants without any attachments)

 

So yeah girls want you there to be miserable and think about them while they are doing the opposite , she asked how i was my family said i was good she didn't respond lol , and asked why i deleted her. So many questions for someone who doesn't care. When girls know your having fun without them they don't seem to like it.

[Island Girl]

anyway like i said she din repl back to my last sms. 1 hr later i dropped her anoher sms saying "anyway it was great hearing from you after all this while! hope everythings ok at school 4 you and have a wonderful weekend!" She still did not reply after that.

 

so how? did i totally blow my chances with her?

 

You didn't bow your chances. If there is still a chance to be had, you have to be cooler.

 

There is a thread read it and re-read it -

Compilation Of Best s on how to win som1 back

 

 

the information in the first post applies especially:

 

step 2 and step 3 in the very first post.

 

Basically if you are too eager or jump right back in it will rapidly deteriorate into the last part of your relationship very quickly.

 

If you are going to get back together you want it to be a better relationship. Not worse. So she HAS to respect you and realize that you are valuable. People value things they have to work for. In the case of relationship the 'work' is the common courtesy treatment that ANYONE usually gets in the beginning of a relationship.

 

When you first start dating someone there is a basic level of good treatment because you value that other person and you realize they could be gone at any time.

 

This treatment usually deteriorates in the period before, during, and after a break up. And if the dumpee is being treated poorly there is respect that is lost because they are "accepting" of it. Meaning they are still chasing the person who is treating them badly.

 

The NC period is to allow that dumped person to get back the self respect they lost in that initial break up phase.

 

And the NC also allows the dumper to realize they may have made a mistake and miss what is gone from their lives (that other person, closeness, etc.).

 

So imagine how you would be if you just met her. You wouldn't be kissing her behind, you would be going along slowly and being Mr. Cool.

 

You'll get it. Read the thread.

[whir]

Amen Amen Amen

[Ruff Ryder]

Ok I've been reading this tread for some time since my last post and I think its starting to get some where.

 

Amour77 - Do I want my ex back - The correct question should be does it make a diffrence if i have her or not? The answer is no matter what I will always have a thing for her but the answer is Im past the point of trying to make things right. Im at the point where if she comes back great if she doesnt Im still living my life the way I want and haveing so much fun doing it. Thats all that counts. I've found a lovley girl a bit older than me but she is cool. With me going to thre uk im holding back on the emotion side with her and she knows that so its all good.

 

As far as woman go - Kris has nailed it men are logical thinkers well woman are emotionall thinkers. There is a diffrence in the outlook that both sexes have with life. Certain things attrat men to woman and woman to men and they are so different to eachother its scary... I get a lot of flack for saying this but everything you do say or how you feel stems from thoughts so be carefull what you think about....

 

To ERIC - The answer to your question is "yes" if you build an absence with this girl and she misses you and you DONT give in to her games and call her bluffs when you with her or talk to her you in there with a shot.

 

A key thing here to remember is not to try and win your ex back GET THEM to try and win you back....

[theadventure50120]

Can Ruffrider or TheKris help me on my situation?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101668/

 

I have wrote her a letter about what i feel now , which is everything apart from love , and i don't know if i should give it to her.

[Ruff Ryder]

Now for this to work you need to understand some fine principles of life on a whole. Think of it as sales. Ive done and studied several things sales and psycology are among those. This has done well for me because I undestand the difference of want and need. You want a ferrie but you only need any car.

 

Better than understanding this principle I know how to change the want into need through a series of simple yet very effective steps " I feel very vein right now i might add" All the same your doing well with making it look like your having fun and wanting to just go out meet new people. Read up on indiffrence (its more or less what your doing already)

 

Ok to your questions : Yes the ex wants you to wait around- be her back up plan. Dont givr into that here is a rule for you to use for a little while YOU ARE TO BUSY FOR HER FOR THE NEXT 1 MONTH MINAMIN if you talk to her sweet and short be the first to say good bye. This builds the need that she HAS to have your attention. "if you do it right she will do drastic things to get it"

 

Second thing. Make sure you have new friends and hobbies and please stay fit go to gym buy some nice cloths. Change your attitude to life just a bit have a nothing can go wrong so im on top of the world type of confidence. You may want to learn a few very cool jokes and fun things.

 

Ok now for the logic in doing all that. its suttle cues that your saying we broke up your loss Im doing things my way. The jokes and fun stuff will be great if you run into her anywhere, this will build massive attraction showing how confident and comfortable you are with her craking jokes and NOT talking about the past.

 

SECOND RULE : If you bring up the past she will remember bad times again (the reason you broke up) if you say taliking about the curent she will be thinking he is so much more fun now and that builds ATTRACTION.

 

Third rule : Dont talk about her new man if there is one or any fling she may have had. If she brings it up your answer will be " yea he must have been great now that your chatting to me" Be confident cocky/arrogrant but use humor in it.

 

If you want direct help ask some direct question Im sure thekris wont mind helping and I sure will help too.

 

Let us know whats up

[theadventure50120]

Ok thanks , i am buying new clothes am planning to change my image and applied for the navy.

 

She knows im not waiting for her no more , she seems to have fun yet i heard she doesn't have much to do...so not sure what to believe.

 

About this "in a month" thing , what if she said she wants to lose all contact because it will mess things up , she won't come back for anything if she says that , right?

 

Will i stay in contact and be happy or just leave it and let her come running to me?

 

I really want to say alot of bad things to her as she hurt me , but i'm stopping myself for some reason.

 

My last words to her online were "ok good , you stuff is here if you need it" after she said she bumped into an old mate and they talked and he slept over , realizes she needs a close friend not a bf....so my end impression to her was i didn't care really. Was that a good idea?

 

EDIT: and how do i ask a direct question? Do you guys not have msn or anything?

[Ruff Ryder]

By the sounds of it your looking pretty good mate. The not care thing works well in most cases.

 

Yea [email protected] gets me directly.

 

The no contact thing shows streanth taking your power back if she doest contact you in 1 month you contact her but we'll work on how and when later.

 

Big up

[Confuggled_one]

Hey guys, i tried lookin up information regarding a birthday? could you guys suggest something? should it be acknowledged or not.. i did read page one and it seems like the answer is no.. but what is it directly?