Scheduled appointment for counceling. (Very Long)

[basscatcher]

As most of you know I have been struggling with many relationship issues.

I feel my life is becoming completely unmanageable and I need to do an intervention for myself before I completely crash.

 

I feel depression is taking a hold of me and I'm losing my power to fight it off. I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and it is getting harder and harder to see positives in things.

 

I'm exhausted, I'm tired, my body is ailing all the time again, I'm fighting headaches, I feel anxiety all th time, I was to cry and can't, I'm lonely, I feel alone, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone to love that I'm only good enough for someone to use me. I feel my self worth slipping away again.

 

Before I completely loose ground I need to help myself. I have been pushing myself to be active, to move forward, to think positive, to take things slow, self-talk isn't helping, reading isn't helping, working on myself isn't helping, looking at reality as it is isn't helping, I refuse to allow myself to slip into a fairy-tale.

 

I know facts:

 

*I was stable when I met Charlie. I was ready to build a relationship with someone when I met him.

*Charlie wasn't ready-he just ended a on and off 3 year relationship--I thought I would be able to enjoy going out with him and that I could be patient for him while he grieved his break up with his X.

*I started to fall in love with him and he was still grieving his X.

*He was attentive (called every day and we went out and spent time together 3 + nights a week.)

*He acted out in ways that I found offensive, insulting and disrespectful to me and my friends.

(Its typical for a person - not necessarily healthy- who is single and going through the stages of healing from a break up to go out and flirt with people and find their interest in dating once again.) ONLY he was involved with me and his actions weren't called for.

*I also discovered after some confusion that he wasn't expressing his feelings and he wasn't showing affection and I was feeling very unwanted, unattractive, and used because I had feelings for him and he didn't seem to reciprocate them.

*I attempted many times to communicate with him logically about what I was missing in the relationship and failed to get any feedback from him other then : time will tell, wait, give me time, you never can tell, whatever. (I found out later he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't give affection to the next woman that came into his life because the last ones took advantage of him and hurt him because of it. (So he punished me for what some other biaytchs did to him..)

*He met up with his Xgf in March and they shared an intimate time together and then in April she moved in with her bf which sent Charlie on an emotional tailspin and I was deeply hurt because I realized after 6 months this woman still had a strong hold on him and he was devastated that she moved in with another man.

*With this I backed off from him. I was deeply hurt because of his intense feelings for his X and the impact her moving in with her bf had on him.

So I told him I couldn't subject myself to this anymore.

 

My heart was breaking, I felt so alone and I was lacking affection and inner personal communication with him. He wasn't reassuring me or helping me to deal with what he was going through. I was always there for him, I always listened to him when he needed to share. I felt like my heart was being so beaten up. I couldn't handle it anymore and I backed off.

 

In June, I became connected with an old flame from last summer. We had always had some contact through Email but not frequent. He caught wind I was having problems back in March but didn't dig too deep to find out. But in June I spent some time with him and my old familiar feelings for him started to surface. Feelings I stuffed down and pushed back because I had no faith or belief he and I could build anything because he pushed me away all the time. Those feelings flooded me and I held them back. I didn't want to feed them. I didn't want to nurture them.

 

I was still dealing with my issues over Charlie and Charlie was still calling me and asking me out all the time and I was turning down his requests more times then not. Once in awhile I would go out with Charlie to see if he had changed at all and I discovered repeatedly that he was still in the same rut.

 

Over time this old flame (TCK) and I began to have more contact. I went to help him with his homestead and I could feel myself being so pulled toward him. I fought it but couldn't stop the feelings..

 

When I was PMSing and my emotions were all over the map, I felt so lonely, I was almost crying all the time TCK would ask me to come over and he would hold me for hours.. I always felt so safe in his arms and secure. Things began to develop between us and it was hard to resist his affection. I had been starved of it for so many months with Charlie that TCK's touch, caresses and attention created a feeling of stability in me again when I felt like I was losing myself in the despair of not being touched (feeling loved). Eventually, we did kiss and things started to develop between us. In July, TCK and I were finding it harder and harder to resist crossing the line. I had been pushing Charlie away for almost 3 months now with an occasional date here and there.

 

Charlie became insistent and was becoming increasingly aggressive in his attempts to get me to go out with him. He began to give me orders and demanded that I was going to go out with him. I was upset and very angry at him for being pushy, demanding, ordering me what I was going to do. Then he dropped on me one evening, when I was too tired to argue with him to not go out with him, that he loved me. He was so attentive, affectionate, and loving toward me. He was being everything I had wanted him to be. I was so overwhelmed with all of it -- my head was spinning, i was confused, I had already been feeling feelings for TCK AGAIN and fighting them. Charlie just sent an avalanche of his feelings on me and I couldn't handle the flood of them all at once. I didn't trust what he was saying,

 

I didn't trust his actions. I kept thinking to myself:

 

'How long will this last?'

'Is this real?'

'How can he just turn 180* around?'

'Why now when I've been pushing him away?'

'What about TCK?'

'Can I trust this to be genuine?'

 

Everything I wanted from him he was now ready, willing and able to give me.. Just when I was ready to cut off all ties with him.

So told him I needed to time to absorb all this and I needed to resolve whether or not I believe his sudden loving, giving, affectionate behavior could be trusted. He bombarded me with calls for dates, dreams, plans, hopes, his affection and his words of love.

It got to be so much that I couldn't breath, I couldn't think. I had to tell him NO CONTACT... I couldn't deal with it, I couldn't deal with him.

 

I found out the evening I told him No Contact, he was going to propose to me that we move in together. He wanted us to live together. To be able to spend our evening together, sleep together, wake up together, save money, build our lives together, etc.

 

This new piece of information has absolutely sent me over the edge.... My head is spinning so out of control.

 

The evening I told Charlie NO Contact I had accidentally called him and didn't realize it until I heard his VM pick up. I hung up immediately, I jumped onto the shower and he called me back and was very sarcastic on the vm and said when I called him he was in the shower and on his phone making plans to go out biking with Kim, he smarted off at least she cared about him. I suspected this Kim was the gal he recently meet that has been calling him (they exchanged numbers) and wanting to go out. He told me he had been making excuses to not go biking with her because he wanted to be with me. So I assumed it was her. I found out later it wasn't it was his friend named Kim who he has been friends with for over 15 years.

 

Well with me thinking he was with this new chic and was already setting up another rebound relationship with someone else I went out that following weekend and received a call from TCK inviting me over. So I went over to his place at 2 AM and totally crossed the line intentionally. I was angry at Charlie for moving on, I was angry because he failed to understand I didn't want to do anything rash until I had sorted out my thoughts and feelings after finding out how he really felt about me. I was struggling with trusting him, trusting his abilities and intentions. Then for him to leave a vague, smart a$$ comment like he did. I went REBEL and acted out without thinking of anything other then fun, freedom, selfness, and me, me, me... Saturday morning I felt kind of guilty and confused so I called Charlie (1 1/2 weeks after NC) to hear his voice and find out where the conversation would go. I guess it really ate me up inside thinking he could tell me he loved me, shower me with affection, attention, dreams, plans, hopes, wants and telling me he turned the corner and is over his Xgf and that he loves me and wants to be with me.

 

Well when I called he didn't answer so I left a msg saying I just called to call and wanted to see where the conversation would go. He didn't call me back. Four hours later I decided one more try and I will give up so I text messaged him and said that I still cared. I didn't hear from him. So Sunday I wrote him a short final good bye letter and said he made my final decision for me that we are completely over and that I really truly needed to move on. He didn't return my call and therefore he has chosen to move on as well.

 

I got the phone call the next day after he received my letter in the mail. He was upset, he was emotionally hurting, he was angry.

We talked for a long time on the phone. He did most of the talking. He had been talking to his female friends and they kept telling him that I was cheating on him and I couldn't be trusted. During our conversation he kept pushing on me what is it that I wasn't telling him.

 

I told him that whatever it is that he thinks I did against him that he needed to be reminded that I had been pushing him away for the past 3 months because he wasn't showing me affection, he was still hung up on his X, and I couldn't continue being in a relationship that wasn't growing.

He told me he never considered us as broke up. He never believed we were broke up. I told him yes we were... I said whatever I chose to do the past 3 months is my business and none of his.

He then pushed me about TCK. He said I was acting like I had done something, He said the tone of my voice, the choice of my words and my attitude told him I was lying. I told him I wasn't lying about anything I just wasn't talking about anything.

He pushed and pushed and pushed and started to accuse me of cheating. He pushed until I snapped in anger and I told him that I can do anything I want because I had broke up with him in April. I told him him the only thing I cheated was myself and my own feelings.

 

He told me "You and TCK can work something out.'

Charlie told me that since I've slept with someone else he could never have sex with me again. He said he wouldn't feel the same way about me ever again.

He said he was gong to ask me to move in together the night I went NC and I blew everything.

He almost started to cry on the phone. His voice choked up, it crackled, I could hear the gasps as he tried to hold back his sobs as he said "Damn it, pada."

"Why did you have to do this? Why?'

'The girls were right about you. Every woman I've been involved with has cheated on me. This is why I wouldn't give you affection, This is why I wouldn't tell you how I felt about you. Women are always like this. They cant be trusted. I don't think I could ever trust you again."

 

The phone call ended with both of us hurting. I haven't heard from him since. I feel bad because I hurt him. Yet I know he hurt me first by punishing me for the actions of the women before me.

 

I'm an emotional wreck. Everything I wanted and needed from Charlie he wanted to give me and I didn't trust it.

 

I want to believe his was genuine but he gave me too much too fast all at once after starving me for 9 months and I was disconnecting from him.

 

Then I chose to drop my guard and I cross the line completely and totally with TCK (whom has told me several times he doesn't want a woman in his life, he doesn't want a gf, he never wants to get married, women are too much work, they are moody, he doesn't want to have to be concerned about her and her happiness. He doesn't want to be devoted and committed to anyone but himself and work.)

 

Yet, TCK, shows a lot of affection and attraction toward me, Every time he catches wind my life is a mess and I'm falling apart he reaches out, comforts me and helps me get my head screwed on straight. He has opened up to me a little bit more about himself for the first time since I met him over a year ago.

 

I don't have any faith in TCK changing his wants, desires or needs toward having a woman close to him. That is why I walked away from him last summer. I could see he and I weren't going anywhere because he wouldn't allow himself to fall for me. (but he did--he wont admit it). He has always been a good friend to me when I'm falling but the chemistry and attraction between us has always been very very dangerous.

 

So with Charlie I had a companion, someone to go do things with. And he suddenly fired an avalanche of his feelings and emotions on me I couldn't handle and with TCK I have lots of affection, support and help but no commitment, no companionship to do things with.

 

I wish my heart would just let go of them both and they would both be a past shadow that is faded and no longer affects me or hurts. me.

 

Every day I am struggling with my feelings, Every day I want to cry because I feel like I messed up, Every day I want to run to both of them and just hold on. Every day I want to just crawl in a dark corner and disappear from everyone. I am depressed. I can barely get up in the mornings. Everything I do is a struggle,. I don't enjoy anything anymore.

 

I know I am suffering from depression again. It has been so many years since its hit me this hard..

My heart and head is a mess.

 

So I took the day off of work yesterday and called for a appointment with a Psychologist.

I feel so lost and so hurt. I messed up my life again and co-dependency, addiction, depression is knocking at me full force..

 

I need help.

[basscatcher]

The girls wouldn't let me stay home last night.

They told me if I sat at home all I would do was over analyze everything and become more depressed.

It wasn't easy to get myself ready and go. I did though and I have fun for a little while.

Today I need to get myself a bottle of St. Johns Wort and start taking them. Maybe they will help me balance out a little. It helped before.

[SoleMate]

pada, I couldn't get through that whole post. I've struggled with depression and I believe that you are in a mild to moderate depression right now. Those r/s issues would be much easier to handle if you really felt strong and secure within yourself.

 

I'm always happy to talk - I just don't get on LS much. But please do read The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns for some concrete things you can do to improve your mood. Also, please get at least some light exercise evry day - even just a walk around the neighborhood. Once you improve your mood, your entire life will feel much better - guaranteed.

[whichwayisup]

I am so glad to hear that you're going to get some help Pada! I'm proud of you!

 

Look, Charlie KNOWS where he screwed up, and for him to blame you, that night you went into NC with him, and HE decided he wanted to live with you -That's PURE bullcrap. All that was said to make you feel bad...Don't let him make you feel bad. All things aside, you know in your heart he wasn't the one for you, not because of "love", but because of the type of people you both are. Neither of you could compromise enough to meet eachother's needs. That is the truth of it so for him to pull that crap out and then accuse you of cheating on him is NUTS. You didn't cheat on him.

 

SM, great book suggestion! pada, this book will help you alot, I read it when I first got my anxiety disorder.

 

Look forward to therapy, it will get you through all this. You know where to find me if you need some more help, or just to vent.

 

Hugs!

[basscatcher]

I had my first meeting with the therapist last night.. I filled her in on history so next time we can really get down to problem solving.

 

After she heard my long story of the past 2 years her comment was this:

 

*I have reason to be depressed.

*I have a strong threshold on stress (can withstand a lot).

*I'm still grieving and haven't been able to fully heal because of so many circumstances that have happened in my life that have been out of control.

*It's good I have a spiritual (religous) foundation-gives me hope and strength.

*She said TCK is a good friend and to hold onto him because he is helpful even if we have a attraction to one another that is hard to resisit. (nothing wrong with it.)

*She said Charlie played games with me. (which I already knew.)

*She said I have strong intuition and that is good.

*What I hear often --she was amazed at how good I looked for the amount of stress I have had in my life. I look way younger then being almost 38.

 

I didn't learn much new but it was good to hear confirmation from a trained therapist what I have known all along.

 

The St. Johns Wort is kicking in. I don't feel the anger outbursts like I use too and I don't feel so terribly confused and panicy. I know the depression is still here because I can feel it but I feel like I can possibly manage it now.

 

She suggested I get back on Celexa and I told her I don't want to be on perscription drugs and I will give the St. Johns Wort a good try. It worked before. She said she was happy to hear I started taking it but she prefers the perscription over the natural method. (sounds just like western brainwashing.--O well. If I get worse I will go on it.)

 

I'm sure next Monday we will get a little more into history so she can understand my background and she will give me feedback.

 

I really like her. I feel very comfortable with her. She is personable and makes comments, asks questions all through the session. This is good for me because it creates stimulation in my own thinking process to resolving my own issues.

 

It is still very hard to sleep at night and get up in the mornings. I was trying to come up with an excuse to not come to work this morning and I couldn't come up with a good enough one. So I jumped out of bed with 40 minutes to get ready and drove like a crazy woman down the Highway weaving in and out of traffic.

 

If I could have slept till 10 I would have been able to get up and get to work full of energy by noon. (doubtful)

 

I can't wait till I get my instant priveledges back on LS. I hate this moderation and the time it takes to make a post. By the time it gets up the topic is old and stale.

[Becoming]

Hey, Pada. I was checking on you and found all this. You go away for one week and miss a lot!

 

I'm glad you're getting some help. These guys have you going and it will take some sorting out.

 

And I'm glad you have some friends who won't let you mope much.

 

Prayers for you, Pada. You're gonna be ok because you really are OK. You just don't know that yet deep down. But you will. A part of you already knows this. It's that old leftover part that goes underground and sneaks up on you every now and then that needs to understand now that you're in charge--not all those old emotions.

 

And so it goes. . . . . I wish we didn't have to keep going through all this all the time. sigh.

[alphamale]

where do you get time and patience to write these novels woman?!

[burning 4 revenge]

I don't believe in psychologists

[alphamale]

I don't believe in psychologists

I agree...most of them are full of ****. Psychiatrists are a different matter.

[burning 4 revenge]

Yes, agreed

[amaysngrace]

Pada, I wish you much success in sorting this out.

[basscatcher]

Alphie---writing is what I like to do. It helps me clear my thoughts and is a process for me to resolving confusion.

 

B-4-R and Alphie--- She isn't a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. She is a Licensed Councelor. (LMFT)

 

I have seen all types of therapists and the best ones I've encountered are Psychologists NOT Psychiatrists.. The Psychologist helped me see reality from the ground up. She showed me how I became the way I am. The enviroment I was raised in, the beliefs systems that were instilled in me, the community I grew up in, all the dynamics that lead me up to my screwed up self (life).. I didn't learn healthy survival skills or balanced life skills.

 

Children learn what they live--and all aspects of my childhood was tainted with negativity.

 

Understanding how I ended up where I am really helped me to just plain understand which I can check myself with what is right and what is wrong.

 

Psychiatrists wanted to drug me up and keep me numb without dealing with my beliefs, behavior, and make the necessary changes.

 

The therapist helps me to just sort things out. I have the understanding of my life I just need help with finding solutions and discovering ways to help myself in a healthy way and not out of selfishness. (manipulation, control, denial, force, anger, abuse, etc)

 

Anyway, I feel so much better today, The fog is cleaing -- I'm feel optimistic again. My nerves are settling, my head is clearing, i don't feel nearly as lifeless. I feel it lingering in the shadows but its not trying to take me over..

 

I'm feeling much better. The relief is amazing. I think of how I was feeling compared to now and its like the lights came on

[alphamale]

Alphie---writing is what I like to do. It helps me clear my thoughts and is a process for me to resolving confusion.

ok PADA....

 

She isn't a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. She is a Licensed Councelor. (LMFT)

Is that like a mail-order degree or something? wtf! maybe she's an LMAO?

 

Psychiatrists wanted to drug me up and keep me numb without dealing with my beliefs, behavior, and make the necessary changes.

actually PADA, studies show that a combo of the drugs and "talk therapy" give the best results. So basically you need to see a M.D. for the Rx and a psychologist for the talking stuff. Double the expense....sheesh!

 

I'm feeling much better. The relief is amazing. I think of how I was feeling compared to now and its like the lights came on

i'm glad you doing better girlie ....me, i have my own set of problems right now.

[KittenMoon]

actually PADA, studies show that a combo of the drugs and "talk therapy" give the best results. So basically you need to see a M.D. for the Rx and a psychologist for the talking stuff. Double the expense....sheesh!

.

 

Ok- I'm no expert with this but I'm seeing a psychologist (for talk therapy) and soon I"m going to have an appt with a psychiatrist to discuss the mind-altering devil drugs (as you can tell, I'm excited ). My friend shared the same psychologist and psychiastrist and she saw the former for talk, and the latter only on occasions where she needed drug adjustments.

 

So Pada, maybe your therapist can recommend something similar, so you wouldn't have to see a psychiatrist too often? (were you to decide you needed said mind-altering devil drugs )

[basscatcher]

Alphie--- my thoughts are with you dear..

 

 

KM--I like the 'talk theraphy' with 'feedback'. As for drugs NO THANK YOU...

In the past I have been on different perscription anti-depressants and I had terrible side-effects and those drugs didn't help me resolve my issues. They numbed me. I am hyper-sensitive to most perscription drugs so in most of the cases I was perscribed the lowest possible dosage (childrens dosage) and I sometimes had to even had to cut them in half...\

 

St. Johns Wort has worked very well for me in the past. I will hold tight to this alternative theraphy until I am convinced its not working and I know it already is in less then a week. I can feel it.. (Hyper-sensitivity..) For average people the full effect of it wont be noticed for about 6 weeks.

I've always noticed right away with any drug how fast they kick in... Thats why I prefer the mildest and most natural form. It's less harsh on me..

 

All the issues with being fair (pale) skinned, blue eyed, freckles,---allergies, hyper-sensitivity, no tanning only burning, sensitive skin, good sniffer, good ears, good taste-buds.....

 

And everyone wants to be blonde???? WTH

[a4a]

 

 

i'm glad you doing better girlie ....me, i have my own set of problems right now.

 

 

twins Alpha? expecting a set or did you get caught dating a set of them without either knowing?

[basscatcher]

twins Alpha? expecting a set or did you get caught dating a set of them without either knowing?

 

 

He wishes it were that simple... He could bag-em' and then move on to the next catch..

[whichwayisup]

actually PADA, studies show that a combo of the drugs and "talk therapy" give the best results. So basically you need to see a M.D. for the Rx and a psychologist for the talking stuff. Double the expense....sheesh!

See, this is where alpha and I disagree big time...Right??? Ok, well, talk therapy is the best, I know from my own personal experience. And I'll give alpha this one but only when a person NEEDS and HAS to be on meds, then therapy and meds go hand in hand...) now, with that being said, talk therapy can work just as well. Sometimes just having someone "hear" you, and "guide" you in the right direction, offer some solid and unbias advice is the best.

 

Stick with this Pada, and the more you open up, talk and let her in to help you, the better you'll feel. This is just like CBT, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it...

[michelangelo]

If your depression is a clinical diagnosis, then talking your way out of it might not work.

 

It is ironic that life's stresses can shift you into a depression, but that you'll need brain chemistry adjustment via psychiatric help to rebound out of it.

 

The way i see it is like tearing a tendon while running. You can't just let it sit and expect the tendon to heal properly. A qualified health professional has to be called in to help.

 

Same thing for when your neurotransmitter levels get out of whack.

 

Hope you feel better!

[amaysngrace]

If your depression is a clinical diagnosis, then talking your way out of it might not work.

 

 

Pada, I admire your decision to try the alternative methods first.

 

The meds will always be there if need be, and too often in America people try to reach for a pill rather than make necessary life-style changes. And finding the exact medication that works with your chemistry can be a struggle as well. Every drug company makes a pill with different ingredients, all used to treat the same illness. Finding the one that agrees with you the first time out is no more than pure luck.

 

Keep doing what you're doing as long as it's working for you.

[basscatcher]

Thank you everyone for your support. I means a lot to me.

[alphamale]

And everyone wants to be blonde???? WTH

apparently they have more fun

 

And I'll give alpha this one but only when a person NEEDS and HAS to be on meds, then therapy and meds go hand in hand...) now, with that being said, talk therapy can work just as well.

Theres a big difference between a medical-based problem and a psycholoical-based problem....

 

If your depression is a clinical diagnosis, then talking your way out of it might not work.

Might not work? That's an understatement! Clinical depression is no different than breaking a leg. You need medical intervention. Period.

[amaysngrace]

Might not work? That's an understatement! Clinical depression is no different than breaking a leg. You need medical intervention. Period.

 

I think medication should be a last resort. Unless it's infection.

 

Some people have stopped cancer from growing in their bodies just by changing their thinking and certain behaviours.

[basscatcher]

I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance in my brain many many years ago.

The doctor told me it was due to not eating right, over exercising (depleting my body of nutriets from exercising too much and not eating enough) and the amount of stress I was under.. I was a walking, ticking time-bomb.. That was when I was in the worse part of my marriage and in severe denial.. I was counceling with 3 different types of professionals plus seeing a medical doctor. I was strung out on 40 mg of amitriptyline and could barely walk. I would sit on the couch and just laugh histrically without control and then cry until no more tears would fall (dry tears). I was crazy..

Thats when they put me on Zoloft 20 mg and it made me so numb I didn't care if the house caught on fire. I wouldn't move. I would have had to be carried out.

I weened myself off because I couldn't stand the effects of those drugs. I even tried decreasing the dosage and it didn't help... I had to eliminate my body of those drugs.

 

After a few years after my divorce I was becoming depressed again (due to another stressful relationship) and to take the edge off my doctor perscribed me Celexa and it worked well. I didn't have all the major problems with it like I did the other two. I was taking about 10 mg of it. Cutting the pills in half. It got to be too expensive and so I weened myself off those and did very well for a long time. When I felt mild off and on depression I researched natural methods and found that increasing my B vitamins, getting the right kind of exercise, eating balanced, reducing carbs and fats would help with the addition to using St. Johns Wort to help with the Chemical Imbalance. It worked!!!

 

This is why I went to St. Johns Wort and why I called for a therapist. With the combo of the two I knew I could get this under control..

 

I have heard people say SJW DOESNT work. Its all in your head. Bla Bla Bla Bla..

 

I know from experience--when I didn't believe--- that it does work... I doubted its effectiveness until I actually tried it with all negative thoughts on it and it worked and no side effects to even admit or mention...

 

Maybe with some people it doesn't work.. With me, my body is sensitive enough that it does work... I am taking 900 mg a day. Thats 3 capsules. --2 in the morning and 1 at bedtime... I do feel better already.. I plan to continue counceling for now. Just because I'm feeling better doesn't mean the stressors that sent me in my tailspin aren't still there.

 

I need a hand holder, I need a guide, I need to talk, I need understanding, I need support and this is what I'm doing to take care of ME....

[Becoming]

You go, Pada.

 

Depression is a tricky disease that requires a very tailored approach because of the mind/body interactions that are involved, impacting each of us in different ways. What's good for one, isn't good for another, and it sounds like Pada has learned what works for her.

 

You astound me with your deep wisdom about what you need to do to take care of yourself, Pada.