Guest Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 So here's a question for all the experts. If I feel some sexual tension or chemistry when I talk to/spend time with a male friend of mine, is it really there? Or could it just be me trying to make something out of what the other person considers a regular, friendly exchange? How do you know that what you're feeling (chemistry) is reciprocal? Is it enough to assume that if you feel a vibe this strong, it has to certainly be there? I feel a vibe from a friend I have at work. We don't work in the same department, but frequently we work on the same project(s) together. I have know him for over 5 yrs. We have been involved with others in the past, and have always gotten on well, but I never gave any thought to our usual "playful bantering" until a few weeks ago when we were chatting about non-work issues over lunch at a table with two other co-workers and I suddenly was hit with a wave of vibe/tension/call it what you will from him (I think?). Because to go out on a limb and ask might put our future work relationship in jeopardy if I am misinterpreting the bantering and arm-touching that has been occuring, I just wondered what others might think. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Is it enough to assume that if you feel a vibe this strong, it has to certainly be there? No. Have you never seen those dating shows where one of the daters says 'ooh she was SO INTO ME I just KNOW we'll go out again and have a great time' and the other says 'he was the wierdest thing I ever met. I'd NEVER go out with him again'?? Have you never seen one friend positive someone's into her and know the person isn't at all? Wishing for something can make you think you're seeing what you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest 2 Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 No. Have you never seen those dating shows where one of the daters says 'ooh she was SO INTO ME I just KNOW we'll go out again and have a great time' and the other says 'he was the wierdest thing I ever met. I'd NEVER go out with him again'?? Have you never seen one friend positive someone's into her and know the person isn't at all? Wishing for something can make you think you're seeing what you want to. I don't believe that is always the case. I, from personal experience have doubted my intuition in many instances regarding a man s attraction towards me, only to find out I sensed correctly all along. He was interested in me! I say go with your gut. Most of the time you will probably be right. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 this is TRICKY because we can't guess whether or not he likes you nor can we tell you to trust what you think is going on because, of course, it could be clouded by what you want to think. if you are really interested in him and feel this way, then ask him out. if he says no just be like alright whatever. if you two are adults it will not interfere with work . the thing is - don't let it. if he gets all weird around you then hes not a friend.. because honestly, people will have feelings for other people that they can't help. this one guy i was friends with just came out in this long essay about how much he liked me. i could kind of tell but i didn't let it get weird, i just said i'm not interested in you like that but we can still be friends. and guess what, we are! we talk all the time and things are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Often men show the vibe openly so you don't have to guess. Look at his eyes, if they sparkle, if he eats you with them then he wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 That's good advice, all. Ultimately, I think my gut is right, (sparkling eyes, lots of smiling, lots of flirty banter, casual arm touching, etc...) but I guess I have been burned in the past (and am familiar with "He's just not that into you"!!), and don't trust myself. Also, I know for some people, these signals would be nothing more than the usual behavior (not the case, however, for myself, personally). Anyway, I've decided to let it ride for now. I believe either way, if I bring it out it could/would cause problems at work right now. Thanks for the advice, though! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Thanks all, for the advice. I take it all to heart. I think my gut is right, but am certainly familiar with "he's just not that in to you." I also know that for some people, flirty banter, sparkling eyes, lots of smiling and casual arm touching are just their usual behaviors. For me, however, they are not. That kind of stuff, especially any kind of touching, is me sending a very intentional signal. I have watched his behavior with others, and don't see the same bantering, or touching, although he certainly is smiley and friendly with most everyone. However, I have decided to just let it ride for now. I'm not that hard up, and I think the cllimate at work is unfavorable at the moment for any potential furthering of this situation. If the feeling gets stronger and the climate changes, well then I won't have lost much except a bit of time. If it fizzles and dies, then I'm ok with that, too. Thanks again, for all the perspectives - just what I needed to clarify this! Link to post Share on other sites
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