Pros and Cons of Ameriacan/ Indonesian Marriage

[Love_and_Respect]

I have an aquaintance (sp?) who's an American married to an Indonesian woman, and from what Ive seen and heard so far, it's been so hard on him to deal with the relational/ cultural difficulties between the two of them. I often wonder if he indeed might even think now what a mistake he's made by marrying a lady of that culture. They have 2 young daughters together, and live a very comfortable life-style that he's earning for them (he's a top manager in retail business and often works long hours). His complaint often remains that his wife wouldn't quite get used to the American culture. Sometimes he treats her with obvious impatience as though saying, "She just doesn't get it" or "She doesn't know what she's doing".

 

I myself was born and raised in Ukraine, and have been happily married to an American guy for 12 yrs. I never experienced any sort of intence cultural shock when I came to the US 11 years ago (I was 25 at the time), and learned English quite quickly. So I was just wondering why they would be going through so many problems in their marriage given the fact to having such different cultural backgrounds?

[Tony T]

I have a friend who married an Indonesian lady about four years ago...he's madly in love and by all appearances, including their own statements, it's a marriage made in heaven. Not so good to generalize. I'd say Americans married to Americans can have just as difficult a time in marriage as any other ethnic coupling. It just depends on the two people...no matter where they are from.

[Love_and_Respect]

I have a friend who married an Indonesian lady about four years ago...he's madly in love and by all appearances, including their own statements, it's a marriage made in heaven. Not so good to generalize. I'd say Americans married to Americans can have just as difficult a time in marriage as any other ethnic coupling. It just depends on the two people...no matter where they are from.

 

I agree, Tony. I also know Indonesia is a primarily Muslem culture, so I was thinking maybe something in the way she was brought up makes it difficult for her to accept the culture she lives in now.

[norajane]

Has your friend taken the time to learn about his wife's culture? Maybe doing a little reading about its history, customs, values and beliefs would help him understand her better and give him some insights into why they're having difficulties.