Over 1 month of NC, wondering if she's missing me.

[figgurinoutlife]

Wow, it has been 36 days since I have had any kind of contact with my ex. I wish it didn't have to come to this but she was leading me on, saying she was still in love with me, regretted breaking up with me, wanted me back all while still hanging around her on/off again boyfriend in another town.

 

So I was hopeful for awhile there listening to all her comments, but she said she needed to stay in her town for awhile longer to save up money so she could move back. Hmmm...her ex boyfriend or whatever he is, is still hanging around and she has mentioned a new guy she works with a few times, and they have been hanging out also. She was stalling to come back to me.

 

She is 22 years old and just doesnt seem to know what she wants. Grrr....So I got tired of waiting around and snapped, wrote her a nasty email and went NC. I don't understand how she could tell me all those things then not show me any action to go along.

 

Little background:

 

I have pretty much always been there for this girl, held her when she was having problems with her new boyfriend, been a friend to her, had sex with her when she came on to me, gave her money (she never asked for any, but just to help her out), always talked to her when she called, and she would text me all the time, tried to tell her she deserved better, I have basically just been a really good influence in her life. I did all this for 2 years AFTER we broke up.

 

We dated for 6 mos. and our relationship was good, she was VERY in love with me, almost obsessive, but I was having problems, although I did my best in the relationship and showed her love I had some problems I needed to fix so she broke up with me, but we stayed exactly as I mentioned above, friends with sometimes benefits. I fixed my problems and changed for the better and just turned into this dream guy for her, and she knew it and always commented how I have changed for the better, but she still continued to date others while having me on the side and would come run back to me when her and whoever she was dating were having problems, then she'd run back.

 

This past Spring I knew I was finally getting fed up cause I was having bad mood swings around her, I would get pissed, tell her off and do NC for a month then she would BEG me to talk to her again and I bit the bait. She would say she was still in love with me, and she wanted me back but was scared, and didn't want to hurt her current BF.

 

So we were friends for another month and she tells me she and her BF are moving out of state. I'm devestated and do NC again for a couple weeks, then I guess her and BF get in a fight during and she texts me non-stop begging to talk, I crack AGAIN and this time she tells me she really wants to be with me and not move and asks me if I want her - I crack and say "yes," well I guess her and BF make up and she is moving again. I'm completely mad now! So she and BF move to his parents house for a bit before preparing to move outta state. I cut her off once again and a couple weeks later she lays it all out, telling me she's lost without me, I'm perfect, she loves me, doesnt want to loose me, etc, etc. I fall for it everytime.

 

A couple weeks later she comes into town, stops by and says she is going to fullfill that promise she broke awhile back to be with me again. Her and BF have officially broke up at this time. I hug her, we talk, then she goes back to her BF's parents house. We talk the next week, sort of making plans and I ask her when she's coming and she says she needs to hang out there a while longer to save money, and I'm like "whatever."

 

So the next few days after that she is distant, so I call her and she starts saying she was busy that night at work and that her now ex BF was acting jealous of a guy she works with, and that he was just a friend. I knew right then and there that there was something getting ready to brew with her and this guy at work (weird how you can sense those things).

 

By this time I HAD HAD ENOUGH!!! The wires in my brain finally all connected and I started NC. She texted the next few days wondering why I haven't called and started getting mad so I wrote her a nasty blunt email saying I am fed up with her stalling, saying she is all talk and no action and that this has gone on too long and I'm tired of being her safety net.

 

Well she was MAD!! and she slammed me on her myspace, so I created a temporary myspace and slammed her back with a very nasty comment, then I deleted my myspace. She deleted my commment of course .

 

So from then on it has been 36 days of STRICT NC. I think I really pissed her off this time, cause she has only tried to call me twice (anonymously) two weeks apart and I didnt answer.

 

I don't get it I had changed so much, wasn't drama, didn't do drugs. Her now ex BF kind of got her into drugs (pot and exctasy) so I guess I was boring to her. I have a good job, am attractive (her ex BF wasnt), and he had no goals. She used to have goals till she got hooked up with him.

 

Oh, and her and the guy from her work did hook up or whatever (I knew she had a crush on him).

 

This is probably the longest time we haven't talked or seen each other in almost 3 years and I feel like I have this void and that something is missing - it sucks!

 

I often wonder if she feels the same way, and if I was too harsh. I know I did the right thing by going NC, right? She just doesn't seem to understand why I did it but relaliates by being angry. I can't stop wondering if she's missing me. She has said before when I wasn't talking to her at one point that she has tried to fall out of love with me. Can you do that? I wonder if that's what she's trying to do again.

[silentcharon]

She probably misses you.... the part of you where she is provided security. She is using you as her safety net- make sure you stay in NC this time. You obviously haven't gotten over her, and she isn't over you either, all the more reasons for perma-NC. You should only talk to her when you feel ready to, no feelings, not even one iota of that.

 

Good luck.

[Apathetic]

Try to concentrate on other things b/c sitting around wondering if your ex's misses you will only slow down the healing process.

 

Take it from a voice from experience..

[figgurinoutlife]

Seems I feel if I'm not thinking of her, then she's not thinking of me so I keep thinking about her. Do you think you can force yourself to fall out of love with someone?

[Apathetic]

Force yourself? Hmm I dont think so,least not for me..God knows how I have tried to do so & it hasnt happened,yet.