help please.

[unhappy]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years/ we live together.

 

During this time these are some of the problems we have had:

 

-he cheated on me (once that i know of)

 

-he lied to me

 

-he broke up with me (this lasted for 2 months) until he called and said how much he missed me and couldn't be without me.

 

because i can not fully trust him. This has caused problems. I have pushed him away (as he says) i always throw things in his face etc. etc.

 

Well, my birthday was yestersday.

 

we faught.

 

no cake for me (i had to buy one)

 

he didn't even sing happy birthday to me.

 

he didn't make me feel at all specail.

 

i still love him but i'm not sure what to do. It is true that i harass him about everything. But he hasn't prove me wrong.

 

The night before last,

 

he asked if i had a rubber, i said for what?

 

he said so i don't get you pregnant. I said we have been togteher for 3 years and don't use rubbers and now your worried about me getting pregnant!?

 

and he sticks to his story.

 

WHY? and what do i do?

 

*also keep in mind, woman don't leave him alone. He is very good looking and in his life he has gotten almost whatever he wants because of it.

 

he says he dosen't want to be with me anymore because of my constint nagging.

 

please help!

[Ryan]

Let's get this straight....he is unfaithful and untrustworthy and he doesn't like being around you. Is this a no-brainer?

 

This guy is not right for you at all. It's time to let go. Anytime you are having these kind of difficulties reaching compromise, it's not going to work. PLUS, having sex with him isn't going to keep him around, so knock that off and don't get pregnant.

 

Take some time away from relationships and reflect on what did and DIDN'T work in this past one. Use it to learn and grow.

[unhappy]

THIS ISN'T ABOUT LOW SELF ESTEEM.

 

OR STICKING AROUND IN A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. I NEVER STOP! I ALWAYS START THE ARGUEMENTS, I CAN'T LET THINGS GO. HE IS VERY STUBBORN AND SO AM I.

 

I REALLY LOVE HIM. I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THESE WOMEN WHO STICK AROUND EVEN THOUGH HE HAS CHEATED ON THEM 3/4/5/6/7/ TIMES.

 

HE DID IT ONCE.

 

I BELIEVE MAYBE I PUSHED HIM TO DO IT.

 

HE DOSEN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME BECAUSE I CAN'T LET GO OF THE PAST.

 

I WANT TO. BUT ITS HARD.

 

AND I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO BE WIYTH HIM.

 

I KNOW IF WE DID SPLIT UP I'M SURE I WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

 

I GUESS I REALLY NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS LOVE OR DETERMINATION.

 

I BELIEVE IT IS LOVE, HE TELLS ME IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE OF HOW I ACT.

 

AM I TOO BLIND? OR COULD IT BE LOVE??

 

THANKS

[LoveAngel]

THIS ISN'T ABOUT LOW SELF ESTEEM. OR STICKING AROUND IN A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. I NEVER STOP! I ALWAYS START THE ARGUEMENTS, I CAN'T LET THINGS GO. HE IS VERY STUBBORN AND SO AM I.

If you feel out of control it's time to seek out professional help from a counselor or psychologist in your area who can help you get through your feelings and decide for yourself what the best decision in life for you right now is. Most likely, if you leave him, the next person you form a relationship with will have the same qualities as this gentleman. It's not a problem with men: It's a problem with the men *you* choose to date. You need to work on changing that.

I REALLY LOVE HIM. I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THESE WOMEN WHO STICK AROUND EVEN THOUGH HE HAS CHEATED ON THEM 3/4/5/6/7/ TIMES.

What about his love for you? If he did it once without any hesitation, what's to stop him from doing it again? A promise? He made that promise when you began your relationship and he broke it once. Unless he changes, something that he can only do on his own -- you *cannot* change him, he's prone to do it again. Do you really love him?

HE DID IT ONCE. I BELIEVE MAYBE I PUSHED HIM TO DO IT.

This is a classic sign of abuse. It is not your fault. You did not push him to do anything. It's time to seek professional help.

HE DOSEN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME BECAUSE I CAN'T LET GO OF THE PAST. I WANT TO. BUT ITS HARD. AND I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO BE WIYTH HIM. I KNOW IF WE DID SPLIT UP I'M SURE I WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

See my comments above.

I GUESS I REALLY NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS LOVE OR DETERMINATION.

Neither. Well, in a way it's determination on your part to not let go of him. It's time to move on. You need to learn how to do that, and furthermore, how to prevent yourself from getting into these types of situations again.

I BELIEVE IT IS LOVE, HE TELLS ME IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE OF HOW I ACT.

How you act? He's the one that cheated on you. He's placing the blame on you. He's mentally abusing you.

AM I TOO BLIND? OR COULD IT BE LOVE?? THANKS

Again, this is not love. This is a dominant/submissive relationship that is very unhealthy.. You do not deserve this. Leave him. If you feel you cannot, seek professional help that can assist you in becoming a stronger person and making better choices for yourself. Really step back and look at yourself and the situation you find yourself in. Consider your alternatives. Do you live life for yourself or for him? And who *should* you live life for? Best wishes to you.

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

 

P.S. - In the future, please refrain from posting in all capital letters.

[unhappy]

you wanna know what i really think my problem is/

 

i have moved to a different city, changed my job four times for him (his job moving around alot/or us splitting up). I can't do it anymore. I have NO furniture, no car, and no where to go. So the deal between us now is that i can stay until i save up some money. The problem; he acts like everything is ok/and i do. its natural.

If you feel out of control it's time to seek out professional help from a counselor or psychologist in your area who can help you get through your feelings and decide for yourself what the best decision in life for you right now is. Most likely, if you leave him, the next person you form a relationship with will have the same qualities as this gentleman. It's not a problem with men: It's a problem with the men *you* choose to date. You need to work on changing that. What about his love for you? If he did it once without any hesitation, what's to stop him from doing it again? A promise? He made that promise when you began your relationship and he broke it once. Unless he changes, something that he can only do on his own -- you *cannot* change him, he's prone to do it again. Do you really love him?

 

This is a classic sign of abuse. It is not your fault. You did not push him to do anything. It's time to seek professional help. See my comments above. Neither. Well, in a way it's determination on your part to not let go of him. It's time to move on. You need to learn how to do that, and furthermore, how to prevent yourself from getting into these types of situations again. How you act? He's the one that cheated on you. He's placing the blame on you. He's mentally abusing you. Again, this is not love. This is a dominant/submissive relationship that is very unhealthy.. You do not deserve this. Leave him. If you feel you cannot, seek professional help that can assist you in becoming a stronger person and making better choices for yourself. Really step back and look at yourself and the situation you find yourself in. Consider your alternatives. Do you live life for yourself or for him? And who *should* you live life for? Best wishes to you. Yours, LoveAngel P.S. - In the future, please refrain from posting in all capital letters.

[LoveAngel]

you wanna know what i really think my problem is/ i have moved to a different city, changed my job four times for him (his job moving around alot/or us splitting up). I can't do it anymore. I have NO furniture, no car, and no where to go. So the deal between us now is that i can stay until i save up some money. The problem; he acts like everything is ok/and i do. its natural.

Seeing a professional therapist might make you more aware of what the true problem in this situation is. Not knowing exactly what is bothering you is a good sign that this extends deeper than you think. Even if you do leave him, where do you go from there? What about long-term goals? What about future relationships? It's very likely that you'll be prone to similar experiences with prospective future relationships with men if you do leave your husband. Either way, I still stand by my initial suggestion of getting assistance from a professional off of the Internet.

 

Best wishes,

 

LoveAngel