I don't check back here too often anymore...

[Gunny376]

And, I'm all about Second Chances, just not necessarily with me.

 

The way I've got this framed in my mind ~ there arse minor offenses, major offenses, and intolerable offenses ~ and in my mind lying, cheating, and stealing are most definately intolerable offenses.

 

When all is said and done at the end of the day ~ all you've really have in this life is your reptuation, your honor, your integrity. I'm not one of those death before dishonor guys, there's nothing that I can't move off to where I'm not none, change my name and start over again. Suiciding yourself over being dis-honored is nothing but BS. And suiciding yourself is nothing but a long term solution to a short term problem.

 

And I do respect and hereby validate MzP's opinion and perspective ~ its not without its merit ~ for everyone else but me. You steal from me, lie to me, cheat on me, backdoor me, attempt to throw me under the bus ~ we're done.

 

I try hard to live by the Golden Rule ~ treat others the way that I would want to be treated. Even though I'm enjoying the single life, if I were to find myself with a married woman I would just have to walk away. I've had someone do that to me ~ and I didn't like it. My last LTR GF was seperated (in NC you have to physically separated for one year before filing for divorce) I called her STBXH and asked, "Are ya'll done, is there any chance, hope or desire to pull this back together, because if there is, I'm stepping back away from it!" Of course that was 10 years ago, and I'm older and wiser.

 

And, I hear what MzP's saying, that give this guy a chance to go through therapy, spin up his meds, and see if he's a change guy. And, what I'm saying is that I couldn't and wouldn't do it ~ but I'm (now) trying to project that onto someone's elses sistuation.

[Lor]

Just a comment on the bi-polar issue: if you try to control someone who's bi-polar, doesn't that make it worse--IF they are not on the meds? With the disease, they can't see that it is a form of help but instead resent the implication that they are not normal?

[Mz. Pixie]

And, I'm all about Second Chances, just not necessarily with me.

 

 

I gotcha with this. Unfortunately he doesn't appear that he's been entirely stable this entire marriage- my question is- why have kids with him?? Why stay married to him this long- when he was doing all of those unstable things- have kids with the guy- and then leave him now?? I would have been very careful to even get that far. Yet, now that she's here- why not give it a shot at him correcting it now that it's been identified and he's getting treatment- for the kids?? For the sake that she's been with this guy this long????

 

News flash- she's gonna have to deal with him anyway for the next few years because they have children.

 

I certainly do not agree that he gets a free pass from the consequences of his actions. But, you in ways Gunny you're acting like it's a flaw in his moral core because he's doing these things. I'm sorry, but years and years of medical research says that IT'S NOT.

 

That is the perception of mental illness however- and I can kinda see a die hard Corps guy like you feeling that way- therapy and such is probably for sissies in your neck of the woods and that's cool.

 

I'm going to get out of this thread now and quit t/j but I just want to leave with two things-

 

It's not something he can control (except with medication) and it's not a flaw in his moral character.

 

I've been a cheater in the past Gunny- do you have the impression that I don't have a moral character and code??? Because that would be the wrong impression to have.

[Gunny376]

I've been a cheater in the past Gunny- do you have the impression that I don't have a moral character and code??? Because that would be the wrong impression to have.

 

Absolutely not! I'm not projecting my own personal code onto anyone, especially you, I think a lot of you, My personal code is my own ~ and works for me.

 

With that said however, if you were my wife, or GF, and cheated on me ~ you'd be a memory!

 

And I see, understand, comprehend, appreciate what it is your trying to get across ~ it just doesn't fit my personal code, and as such I was wrong in projecting something so personal into someone else's frame of reference ~ when there were other valid considerations to take into account. Hear what I imply not what you infer.

[Gunny376]

That is the perception of mental illness however- and I can kinda see a die hard Corps guy like you feeling that way- therapy and such is probably for sissies in your neck of the woods and that's cool.

 

Yea, and I'm proablly wrong for it, but your right about that.

[Gunny376]

But, you in ways Gunny you're acting like it's a flaw in his moral core because he's doing these things.

 

Stealing is a flaw in one's moral core.

[CryingCanuck]

Folks, I hate to jump in here at mid stream but if you've read my post you know I've lived with a chronic depressive for 23 years.

 

Some years were good some were horror stories and some was just hanging on. In all that time before our first breakup where " I'm depressed because of our marriage" and it's all your fault, I truly believed that the person is sick and they need help. But following the affair, the shoplifting and other assorted garbage I was subjected to, the depressive has to account for EVERYTHING and not use their illness as an excuse. Gunny you're bang on my man, Ms.P sorry but I have to side with gunny here, it is a very personal decision one not taken lightly but eventually you have to let the depressive go, hang themselves and get on with your own life.

 

THEY WILL DRAG YOU INTO THEIR PIT OF DESPAIR EVENTUALLY.

 

I know I was there. Now mix in the equation a depressive who refuses to take their meds and who is manic I say hit to road fast and hard.... Sorry if I offended anyone....

[Mz. Pixie]

[Depression is much different than being bipolar though CC. You can have depression with it but it's different than it.

 

He's not making excuses for his actions at this point however, he's getting treatment.

 

I had to laugh at your comments Gunny because I wanted to be gone anyway after my affair. I never asked my ex to take me back so that was never an issue with me!~Our marriage was broken way before the affair.

 

The stealing is a moral violation yes and I can see where you're coming from with that but I guess having read as much as I have about the disorder and knowing people that have it, I just see it differently. I don't see it as something he could keep from doing at that time- he was in a manic episode. It was wrong, yes, but her non action at the beginning of all of this has contributed to the situation as well.