OmG what have I done? psycho me

[Mollyanna]

oh of course I called. I lasted 4 days this time. That is one day better than last time. I told him the story and he thinks she is bringing this on. He isn't very happy with her - was trying to dig information out of me. Sometimes I really do think he is still hung up on her. He again told me I shouldn't hang out with her. so confusing... God I miss him.

[newbby]

mollyanna, i have seen this thread going on for ages. you need to do nc. the more you hang around, the more he will know he has control of you. the more he knows he has control of you, the less he will respect you. the less he respects you, the less he is likely to ever get back with you. surprise him. dont contact him, or hang out with anybody he knows.

[Touche]

I've tried saying the same thing but she keeps listening to Ariadne.

 

Damn, it's SO hard to see these girls make these mistakes. Oh well...guess they have to learn the hard way like many of us did. It's sad.

[newbby]

oh, i havent read the entire thread, because it is sooo long, and i did notice for pages it is general chit chat with ariadne. but why is ariadne encouraging her to have contact with D?

[Touche]

oh, i havent read the entire thread, because it is sooo long, and i did notice for pages it is general chit chat with ariadne. but why is ariadne encouraging her to have contact with D?

 

Good question. I think she's a self-described "hopeless romantic" - which in MY mind translates to being a WIMP.

 

They're good, lovable girls. They just don't value themselves enough. They're both very attractive and smart too. Too bad they won't hold out for better.

[newbby]

well, if they are happy limiting themselves...

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

oh of course I called. I lasted 4 days this time.

 

Well, at least you are not smothering him.

 

Sometimes I really do think he is still hung up on her. He again told me I shouldn't hang out with her. so confusing...

 

Yeah, why would he tell you that? Weird.

 

God I miss him.

 

You talked to him and he didn't suggest anything about getting together?

 

Boy, that guy's been such a pain. First he tells you about the darn break, then he doesn't even call, and now he doesn't tell you to meet (like last time with the tennis thing)?

 

Ack Mollyanna, go to a witch now or some... Maybe she can help you...

 

Dunno, but that guy is tough...

 

Or get a fwb, those call "all the time" lol

 

Well, good luck,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey!

 

You are back!

 

I missed you

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

but why is ariadne encouraging her to have contact with D?

 

Because she needs him badly.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

(hahahahah)

 

He (the unabomber) also demanded that only urgent letters be specially marked – the others he would ignore until he chose to open them. When David coded one urgent so Ted would learn that his father had died, Ted was angered, calling the news unworthy of his immediate attention.

 

Ariadne

[newbby]

Hi,

 

but why is ariadne encouraging her to have contact with D?

 

Because she needs him badly.

 

Ariadne

 

noooo neeeding him is only going to make him run far far away

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

noooo neeeding him is only going to make him run far far away

 

Oh, I see.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi Touche,

 

YES I was lucky enough to find my "bashert" (soulmate) when I was 33. He was/is my knight in shining armour. I was suicidal like you...please don't give up. He's still my one and only almost 12 yearls later.

 

Questions (if you don't mind):

 

- How did you meet him?

 

- Did you know he was the one?

 

- Did he know you were the one?

 

- If so, when or how was that?

 

- How long after you started dating?

 

- How long after you got married or lived together?

 

- After 12 years, does it still feel like when you met or better?

 

- Are you guys similar in many things?

 

Curiously awaiting,

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

Hi Touche,

 

YES I was lucky enough to find my "bashert" (soulmate) when I was 33. He was/is my knight in shining armour. I was suicidal like you...please don't give up. He's still my one and only almost 12 yearls later.

 

Questions (if you don't mind):

 

- How did you meet him?

 

- Did you know he was the one?

 

- Did he know you were the one?

 

- If so, when or how was that?

 

- How long after you started dating?

 

- How long after you got married or lived together?

 

- After 12 years, does it still feel like when you met or better?

 

- Are you guys similar in many things?

 

Curiously awaiting,

 

Ariadne

 

 

Hi Ariadne!

 

Ok, I'll try to answer your questions.

 

- How did you meet him?

 

This is embarassing but we met in the local neighborhood sports bar.

 

- Did you know he was the one?

 

Not right away. I thought he'd be a good friend to me. I wasn't looking to get involved since I had just separated 3 days before from my ex-husband. He said he understood and we could just be friends. He told me that he had a truck and would help me move (I was staying with my parents while I looked for an apt.) But I fell in love with him within two weeks.

 

- Did he know you were the one?

 

He says it was love at first sight for him.

 

How long after you started dating?

 

Well the day we met, we spoke for a bit and he asked for my number. I wouldn't give it to him since I wasn't interested at all in dating. He gave me his card. Well, a week later, after an exhausting day of job hunting, I stopped for a drink and dinner and just on a whim decided to call him when I saw his card in my wallet. I called him and he showed up at the restaurant 10 minutes later.

 

We started dating from that point. Saw each other every day...spoke on the phone throughout the day.

 

- How long after you got married or lived together?

 

He proposed four weeks after that initial dinner. I said yes. That was in Nov. of 94. I moved in with him in Jan. of 95 and we were married in June of '95.

 

After 12 years, does it still feel like when you met or better?

 

That's a tough one. I mean it's not exactly like when we first met. I miss that "madly in love" feeling. But in other ways it's way better. It's a deeper love. We still have the same connection we had at the beginning but we have a much better understanding of each other. We have a long history of going through good and bad times together.

 

Overall, I'd say it's better.

 

Are you guys similar in many things?

 

Absolutely YES. He's almost like a male version of me in SO many ways. He's more like me than any other man I've ever met. Our values are the same..similar tastes in things, comparable intelligence level and similar sense of humor. We have the same goals and like to do a lot of the same things.

 

Not sure if this is good or bad sometmes, but we even have a lot of the same NEGATIVE traits.

 

Our backgrounds are VERY different though. I mean as different as can be. Somehow, it just works.

 

So, I hope that answers your questions. I was SO lucky. I almost threw his card out too. I thought he seemed too "straight" and like he wouldn't be fun. But we hit it off right off the bat. I felt like I met an old friend when we met.

 

Sure we have our differences but our temperaments are very similar. We're both stubborn but we don't do the silent treatment thing and we don't hold grudges and we never name-call. We've always worked our differences out.

 

Luckily, they've been few and far between.

 

And you know I was 33 when we met...so don't give up gals!

[Ariadne]

OMG!!!

 

You meet your soulmate! :love:

 

Exactly, exactly, exactly like it says in the soulmate books. WOW!

 

Ok, I'm so excited for you I was nervous even reading your answers. Thank you so much!

 

He says it was love at first sight for him.

 

I've heard that is very common in men when they meet their soulmates, more than in women.

 

and just on a whim decided to call him when I saw his card in my wallet.

 

Like it was meant to be...

 

I called him and he showed up at the restaurant 10 minutes later.We started dating from that point. Saw each other every day...spoke on the phone throughout the day.

 

Yep, that's exactly how it goes they say. Once you find that connection you just can't break it.

 

He proposed four weeks after that initial dinner. I said yes. That was in Nov. of 94. I moved in with him in Jan. of 95 and we were married in June of '95.

 

That too... They say that when you know, you know right away. One of the happiest couples I know (friends of my parents) started making wedding plans two weeks after they met. Two peas in a pod till this day.

 

Absolutely YES. He's almost like a male version of me in SO many ways. He's more like me than any other man I've ever met. Our values are the same..similar tastes in things, comparable intelligence level and similar sense of humor. We have the same goals and like to do a lot of the same things.

 

Wow, just like I felt about the Denver guy. He was more like me than anyone else I ever met. Same values, tastes, even weird things in food like yogurt with cereal. Too bad it didn't work .

 

You are so lucky...

 

but we even have a lot of the same NEGATIVE traits.

 

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

Our backgrounds are VERY different though. I mean as different as can be. Somehow, it just works.

 

They say that happens, too. It's the spirit that counts.

 

I felt like I met an old friend when we met.

 

Just like in the soulmate books .

 

See guys? It "is" true.

 

I fell in love with him within two weeks.

 

- How did you know that you had fallen in love?

 

- Did you know from that moment that you didn't want to be away from him ever?

 

- Did you ever have a doubt?

 

- And last, can you talk with your eyes?

 

Oh, thank you so much Touche! I appreciate it and I got all emotional just reading your post.

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

Hey,

 

oh of course I called. I lasted 4 days this time.

 

Well, at least you are not smothering him.

 

Sometimes I really do think he is still hung up on her. He again told me I shouldn't hang out with her. so confusing...

 

Yeah, why would he tell you that? Weird.

 

God I miss him.

 

You talked to him and he didn't suggest anything about getting together?

 

Boy, that guy's been such a pain. First he tells you about the darn break, then he doesn't even call, and now he doesn't tell you to meet (like last time with the tennis thing)?

 

Ack Mollyanna, go to a witch now or some... Maybe she can help you...

 

Dunno, but that guy is tough...

 

Or get a fwb, those call "all the time" lol

 

Well, good luck,

 

Ariadne

 

I was in my car yesterday while talking to him. He was on his way to bed. So the conversation was pretty short. He called me this evening. He asked me to do dinner tennis or watch a movie or maybe he could come over one night and watch football this week. He told me he misses me. I suggested that I cook dinner for him and he was like "You would cook dinner for ME??" You could hear the smile in his voice. We talked for almost an hour and you wouldn't believe how many times he said "WE". WE will have to do this... WE will do that sometime.. When I laughed about the football idea and said I know nothing about football, he said "Well, don't worry WE will work on that this season." talking about my self esteem, he said "WE are still working on that".

 

Signed,

lost, confused, and still hopelessly in love with D

[Mollyanna]

mollyanna, i have seen this thread going on for ages. you need to do nc. the more you hang around, the more he will know he has control of you. the more he knows he has control of you, the less he will respect you. the less he respects you, the less he is likely to ever get back with you. surprise him. dont contact him, or hang out with anybody he knows.

 

I can't help but think you are right. I HAVE given him complete control. But how do you stop talking to someone you love? Someone who doesn't seem to mind you are still in his life? and today it sounds like he is coming around. Maybe limited contact is all I need?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

He asked me to do dinner tennis or watch a movie or maybe he could come over one night and watch football this week. He told me he misses me.

 

Wooohoo!

 

Alright! Now you are talking.

 

Seems like things are going just great, great, great.

 

You must be one happy camper...

 

Well, enjoy (while I get all jealous again )

 

Hey, and soon the sleep over with the football thing... mmmm......

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

don't get jealous Ariadne. I very well could be setting myself up for more heartbreak....

[Ariadne]

Oh no no,

 

Those heartbreaks are worth gold!

 

Have fun my friend,

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

lol what does that MEAN?

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

It means, a night like that?

 

(Who cares the heartbreak, the hurricanes... whatever)

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

OMG!!!

 

You meet your soulmate! :love:

 

Exactly, exactly, exactly like it says in the soulmate books. WOW!

 

Ok, I'm so excited for you I was nervous even reading your answers. Thank you so much!

 

He says it was love at first sight for him.

 

I've heard that is very common in men when they meet their soulmates, more than in women.

 

and just on a whim decided to call him when I saw his card in my wallet.

 

Like it was meant to be...

 

I called him and he showed up at the restaurant 10 minutes later.We started dating from that point. Saw each other every day...spoke on the phone throughout the day.

 

Yep, that's exactly how it goes they say. Once you find that connection you just can't break it.

 

He proposed four weeks after that initial dinner. I said yes. That was in Nov. of 94. I moved in with him in Jan. of 95 and we were married in June of '95.

 

That too... They say that when you know, you know right away. One of the happiest couples I know (friends of my parents) started making wedding plans two weeks after they met. Two peas in a pod till this day.

 

Absolutely YES. He's almost like a male version of me in SO many ways. He's more like me than any other man I've ever met. Our values are the same..similar tastes in things, comparable intelligence level and similar sense of humor. We have the same goals and like to do a lot of the same things.

 

Wow, just like I felt about the Denver guy. He was more like me than anyone else I ever met. Same values, tastes, even weird things in food like yogurt with cereal. Too bad it didn't work .

 

You are so lucky...

 

but we even have a lot of the same NEGATIVE traits.

 

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

Our backgrounds are VERY different though. I mean as different as can be. Somehow, it just works.

 

They say that happens, too. It's the spirit that counts.

 

I felt like I met an old friend when we met.

 

Just like in the soulmate books .

 

See guys? It "is" true.

 

I fell in love with him within two weeks.

 

- How did you know that you had fallen in love?

 

- Did you know from that moment that you didn't want to be away from him ever?

 

- Did you ever have a doubt?

 

- And last, can you talk with your eyes?

 

Oh, thank you so much Touche! I appreciate it and I got all emotional just reading your post.

 

Ariadne

 

Thanks, Ariadne! Can you tell us more about the signs that you met your soulmate? Now I'm interesed!

 

How did I know I had fallen in love? Well, he fit almost to a T the kind of man I always dreamed I'd meet someday. I mean even down to the physical. When I was with my ex and so miserable I used to DREAM about a certain kind of man. I'd even dream about what he looked like. I've written about it in my journal. He actually fit the physical descripton perfectly. It was kind of weird. He turned me on in every way and I felt a VERY strong connection to him right away. I came to understand what his weak points were and I still accepted him.

 

Yes, I knew fairly quickly that I never wanted to continue to live my life without him in it. No, I had NO doubts. None.

 

Talk with my eyes? That made me laugh. Well, we can look at each other and pretty much know what the other is thinking if that's what you mean. You wouldn't believe how many times too that he has come out with something I was JUST about to say and vice versa. Happens ALL the time. Maybe that's just because we've been together so long we just know how the other thinks..not sure.

 

Yes, I AM very lucky. I really am. Sometimes I take it for granted but I know what I have IS special.

 

Don't laugh but I told you I was suicidal when my marriage ended - not because the marriage was over but because I really didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to date again either. I PRAYED to god to either send me the man I'm supposed to spend my life with or let me out of my misery because I'm just not the type of person who wanted to live out the rest of my life alone. I had lived alone and been single and really didn't enjoy it. So three days later, that's when I met H.

 

So can you tell us more about this soulmate thing? And also, Ariadne I think it's KEY to not go out looking. He will find you. Just get out there like you have been. Don't appear desperate. Funny, but as much as I knew I did not want to be alone, I REALLY didn't want to just jump into another relationship so soon after separation..it just happened. I had to risk it and go with it. And for ONCE my instincts were right!

[Mollyanna]

I PRAYED to god to either send me the man I'm supposed to spend my life with or let me out of my misery because I'm just not the type of person who wanted to live out the rest of my life alone. I had lived alone and been single and really didn't enjoy it. So three days later, that's when I met H.

It really happened just like that? All I can do is sit here and read those words and say WOW. I have prayed that same prayer so many times and I got NADA, NOTHING, ZILCH. I always thought God didn't like me bargaining with him. But maybe he just doesn't think I am ready yet. THat gives me some hope. Thank You!

[Mollyanna]

Ariadne: You got your wish. I went out with D and another couple last night and then I spent the night... And this morning D and I went out for coffee and talked, not about our relationship but we acted just like we did when we were together. The night was perfect. The minute I walked in the door last night, he hugged me and kissed me in front of everyone. Didn't show any awkwardness. It was like we never took "the break".

 

I'm not getting any grand ideas though. I know he did not change overnight. He still doesn't want a serious relationship. But maybe I can just enjoy dating him for a while, until I find someone who wants what I want? What do you think? Is that a horrible horrible idea?