OmG what have I done? psycho me

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Thanks, Ariadne! Can you tell us more about the signs that you met your soulmate? Now I'm interested!

 

Is just what you found. Just like that. But google soulmates, or twin flames, and you'll have enough for weeks to entertain yourself. But it is just going to confirm what you have. But I have a bunch of books on that subject as well, since I'm a hopeless romantic and all.

 

Well, he fit almost to a T the kind of man I always dreamed I'd meet someday. I mean even down to the physical. When I was with my ex and so miserable I used to DREAM about a certain kind of man. I'd even dream about what he looked like. I've written about it in my journal. He actually fit the physical description perfectly. It was kind of weird.

 

Wow, isn't that something curious . You know I have dark hair and dark eyes, well, I was always attracted to blond blue eyed guys, even when I lived in So Am. My first movie crush was Mikhail Baryshnikov, the ballet dancer, I used to collect his photos. And my first big crush at 14 that lasted two years, was also blond blue eyed. Well, Denver guy is Nordic and has sky blue eyes. Sigh... he was like God!

 

Yes, I knew fairly quickly that I never wanted to continue to live my life without him in it. No, I had NO doubts. None.

 

Yeah, that's what they say, too. That when you know you know. I had doubts (serious doubts) with my first and second husbands. I just knew it wasn't going to work, but I went ahead with it anyway. I thought it was nerves because I was making such an important decision. With Denver guy I had none.

 

Talk with my eyes? That made me laugh. Well, we can look at each other and pretty much know what the other is thinking if that's what you mean. You wouldn't believe how many times too that he has come out with something I was JUST about to say and vice versa. Happens ALL the time.

 

No, that is a soulmate trait. When I look into the eyes of the fwb I just see eyes, kind of like seeing a brick wall. Same as with most people. But with your soulmate you can just talk with your eyes and know everything the other is thinking by just looking at them.

 

Yes, I AM very lucky. I really am. Sometimes I take it for granted but I know what I have IS special.

 

Yep, you hit the lotto right there .

 

Don't laugh but I told you I was suicidal when my marriage ended - not because the marriage was over but because I really didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to date again either.

 

I know, and in my case is worse because I found him and had to let him go.

 

I PRAYED to god to either send me the man I'm supposed to spend my life with or let me out of my misery because I'm just not the type of person who wanted to live out the rest of my life alone.

 

Hmm, maybe because you are Jewish God expedited the thing? (j/k) But I know what you mean, I don't want to be alone either. I can be some sort of happy alone and do things, but is not the same as in your case, being with a soulmate.

 

And also, Ariadne I think it's KEY to not go out looking. He will find you. Just get out there like you have been. Don't appear desperate.

 

Well, in the case of the Denver guy I wasn't looking at all. He was a poster in the forum we both frequented, and even though I though he was handsome I thought he was "too nice". I was more attracted to the bad-a guys there because they had an edge to them. But I started emailing him because I noticed he posted to me quite a lot and asked me questions, so I became interested. And once we started, we just couldn't stop.

 

Funny, but as much as I knew I did not want to be alone, I REALLY didn't want to just jump into another relationship so soon after separation..it just happened. I had to risk it and go with it. And for ONCE my instincts were right!

 

Yeah, I really don't want to jump into another relationship either. Especially after losing this important one So I'm seeing the fwb guy that believe it or not has been really nice to me and somehow he says he loves being with me. Ah well...

 

And for ONCE my instincts were right!

 

Absolutely, and you even have a garden with flowers and veggies, ohhhh, how lucky can you get!

 

Thanks for the responses, they were just as I expected ,

 

Ariadne

[AriaIncognito]

Ariadne: You got your wish. I went out with D and another couple last night and then I spent the night... And this morning D and I went out for coffee and talked, not about our relationship but we acted just like we did when we were together. The night was perfect. The minute I walked in the door last night, he hugged me and kissed me in front of everyone. Didn't show any awkwardness. It was like we never took "the break".

 

I'm not getting any grand ideas though. I know he did not change overnight. He still doesn't want a serious relationship. But maybe I can just enjoy dating him for a while, until I find someone who wants what I want? What do you think? Is that a horrible horrible idea?

 

This must be a weekend of exes...message me, Mollyanna ;-) lol

[Ariadne]

WOW!

 

I went out with D and another couple last night and then I spent the night... And this morning D and I went out for coffee and talked, not about our relationship but we acted just like we did when we were together. The night was perfect.

 

Omg, it's perfect, perfect! Oh, I'm so glad for you (), I guess it was worth the pain of the 4 days.

 

The minute I walked in the door last night, he hugged me and kissed me in front of everyone. Didn't show any awkwardness. It was like we never took "the break".

 

Alright! It seems like he is coming along just fine on that one.

 

I'm not getting any grand ideas though. I know he did not change overnight. He still doesn't want a serious relationship.

 

Yeah, don't push it, whatever he is comfortable with I'd say.

 

But maybe I can just enjoy dating him for a while, until I find someone who wants what I want? What do you think? Is that a horrible horrible idea?

 

No, it's wonderful! If your heart and your happiness are there that's where you ought to be I'd say. Just go with your heart .

 

Congrats!!!

 

Ariadne

 

PS: I missed your post because I went to the gym, I guess I was typing to Touche when you posted.

[Mollyanna]

The gym. You are doing so well with that! That is what I am joining tomorrow. And then I need another activity as well. What should I do? I want to make something. What can I make? I want some kind of project that I am excited about getting to do on the weekends. (and I don't want to do any of the following - already tried them and gave them up quickly: gardening, cross-stitch, crochet, scrapbooks, collages, painting ceramic figurines, modeling clay, stenciling, candles). Any other ideas??

 

I wonder if he will still want to get together for dinner this week since I just saw him last night. I still really want to make dinner for him. He always cooked for me during our relationship. (I tried once before but he ended up doing most of it....).

 

So Ariadne how is the piano coming along?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

The gym. You are doing so well with that! That is what I am joining tomorrow.

 

Yeah, well, because of the Jamaica me crazy stuff I ate a lot, so I started to feel really fat. And for some reason I have this rush of energy, I don't know why.

 

I went to a step II class this morning that is very high energy. The same instructor that I go on Tuesdays. I kind of follow that instructor around because she is the best. I don't want anyone else now, just like Denver guy.

 

and I don't want to do any of the following - already tried them and gave them up quickly: gardening, cross-stitch, crochet, scrapbooks, collages, painting ceramic figurines, modeling clay, stenciling, candles).

 

ROFL

 

Dunno. Hey, with the Ernesto hurricane approaching you'll have some nice surf over there

 

I wonder if he will still want to get together for dinner this week since I just saw him last night. I still really want to make dinner for him.

 

Yeah, most likely something is going to come up. Guarantee.

 

So Ariadne how is the piano coming along?

 

Argh... Thing is, I kind of forgot all? So is like starting from zero almost and it's been a pain. Just playing very stupid tunes like for a 6 year old. But I guess that when school starts I'll "have" to do better than that.

 

Now I have to "look for prospect employers" to give the therapist.... noooooooooooooooo.... sigh!

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

Ariadne:

Good Luck with the music. Playing kid songs is much better than some of us can do. You have to start somewhere. Just make up your own songs if you have to.

 

OK, wanna hear something weird? The friend called me tonight and said she is going to write off D and thinks I should do the same. What the heck is going on? I am so sick of all this bull**** drama. He talks crap about her, she talks crap about him and I am in the middle - and THEY are best friends???

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Thanks. Yeah, I guess is better than nothing.

 

OK, wanna hear something weird? The friend called me tonight and said she is going to write off D and thinks I should do the same. What the heck is going on?

 

Who knows... Maybe she heard that you and he are kind of back together and got mad. Who knows really.

 

He talks crap about her, she talks crap about him and I am in the middle - and THEY are best friends???

 

Yeah, I'd keep that "friend" at arms length and ignore that subject all together. Unless you are really bored one day and want to party and D is not there. I guess for wing girl she's fine.

 

Well, here I am waiting for the ex husb 2 to call bc his car is in the shop and I've been driving him to work. And the fwb had the son this weekend but he leaves tonight, so maybe I'll see him, I hope. I enjoy relaxing in his house.

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

Yeah she makes a good wing girl, you are right. Probably not someone I want to trust. They say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer... I might want to keep her close to see if she is some threat to me.

 

I really am starting to think this relationship is way too much work. I'm ready to meet someone else and see where my heart can lead me.

 

Ariadne, the FWB guy, why can't you date him? Does he have any relationship potential?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Morning.

 

I really am starting to think this relationship is way too much work. I'm ready to meet someone else and see where my heart can lead me.

 

Yeah, it is a lot of work. Pretty exhausting I'd say. Especially since you go so deep into it when you are sad etc.

 

It'd be nice if you could meet someone else that you liked and was ready for a relationship as well...

 

I don't even know what to tell you, but I know quite well what you are going through because I've been there.

 

Things Denver guy told me: I'm not looking for a romantic relationship, I'm not looking for a partner, I'm not looking for any of that. If you want those things, you'll have to look to people other than me for them.

 

Ariadne, the FWB guy, why can't you date him? Does he have any relationship potential?

 

Well, I guess the best way to put it is if I think about getting married to that guy, I get this gut feeling that it wouldn't last. I just know it.

 

I don't get the feeling, like Touche was saying, that I don't want to be away from him ever. I don't get the feeling that I want to touch him and caress him, I don't get the feeling of looking into his eyes, I don't get any of that.

 

Other than that, the guy is honest, nice, pretty smart, mature, and calls me every day and treats me nice.

 

I enjoy hanging at his house, but that's about it, unfortunately. And honestly, I think that if he didn't have the Jamaican smoke I wouldn't be seeing him. That's a big part of why I like hanging out with him, it is pretty relaxing, and he is nice to talk to since he is smart. But it is not the "I want to know all about him" type of talk either...is more about ideas, our children, life, etc. And sex is pretty good too, for some strange reason.

 

How are things going with you? I liked the idea of the foster children. I thought of that too, to be some kind of Mia Farrow in the country side.

 

What are we going to do...

 

Ariadne

[crazy_grl]

Ariadne, you're talking about this Denver guy like he's your solemate, but I don't believe a person can be your solemate unless they feel the same way about you as you do about them. Don't be sad about losing a solemate, because if he really was yours, you two would be together now.

 

He's just a stepping stone on the way to the man you can be happy with.

[Touche]

Ariadne, you're talking about this Denver guy like he's your solemate, but I don't believe a person can be your solemate unless they feel the same way about you as you do about them. Don't be sad about losing a solemate, because if he really was yours, you two would be together now.

 

He's just a stepping stone on the way to the man you can be happy with.

 

 

You are ABSOLUTELY correct! I've been meaning to come on here and post that same thing after I read what Ariadne said about Denver guy.

 

He is NOT your soulmate, Ariadne. It's a two-way street. If he really were you'd be together and it wouldn't be one-sided.

 

I have no doubt you and Molly will meet your guys one day soon. You're both sweet, smart and attractive. I wish you'd stay away from these losers though.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Ariadne, you're talking about this Denver guy like he's your solemate, but I don't believe a person can be your solemate unless they feel the same way about you as you do about them.

 

Oh, I'm quite positive he is. I experienced with him everything Touche was saying, just like that. It was a soulmate connection without a doubt.

 

What happened was that he had a crush on this girl, one that he proposed marriage to before he met me, and when she said no he promised her to wait.

 

Since he is a man of his word, what he did was to back away and say that he didn't want a relationship because he was waiting for her...Eventually she decided that she wanted him after all, and they are together now.

 

But every time we were together there was no denying, and that is the sad part. What can I do.

 

Don't be sad about losing a solemate, because if he really was yours, you two would be together now.

 

Not necessarily, many soulmates are not together. Some meet when they are married already to other people. All kind of different circumstances.

 

He's just a stepping stone on the way to the man you can be happy with.

 

I won't hold my breath for that, that's for sure

 

But thanks for the comment,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi Touche,

 

He is NOT your soulmate, Ariadne. It's a two-way street. If he really were you'd be together and it wouldn't be one-sided.

 

Well, Prince Charles and Camilla are soulmates. They both married other people, stopped seeing each other for a while, he tried to work on his marriage, had children with another woman. She was married to another man for 20 some years.

 

But the connection was always there. Is just one of those things.

 

I have no doubt you and Molly will meet your guys one day soon. You're both sweet, smart and attractive. I wish you'd stay away from these losers though.

 

Thank you Touche. Who knows that. But Denver guy is not a loser, he is an amazing guy. Too bad he can't be mine

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

You guys are not going to believe.

 

The fwb has a date tonight with a girl that he met on the internet. The same girl that he had a date yesterday, in his house.

 

I knew something was going on, because on Saturday he didn't call and when I did he got off the phone real fast. Then on Sunday he didn't call all day (when he always does) and so I called him like at 10pm and he "couldn't talk" because he was with "his boss". Weird.

 

So today he didn't call "all day" that supposedly the son was gone. So at 6pm I started to freak out and called him a bunch of times and he wouldn't answer, and I left creepy messages like "Do you not want to see me anymore? Is that it? Because with you I never know" etc etc... So I got off the gym and called and he said he had a date, so I got livid on the phone and he said, pull over baby, so I parked in front of his house and knocked.

 

And then he got "mad" even, how dare me go to his house, so I asked him all the questions, and he told me. So I started crying and he wanted to hug me, and said he didn't want to hurt me etc. He insisted that he wanted to see me tomorrow. I said I don't know. Sigh.

 

Can you believe?

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

awww Ariadne, I am sorry. Yeah they don't like it much when we show up at their houses. We need to not do that anymore. It never works out well for US. WE always get hurt on those surprise visits - they don't.

 

You said today he is not the guy you see yourself marrying or whatever, so move past this one. There is plenty of Jamaican smoke out there to be had, many other guys have it, or get your own if it is that important to you. This guy might have been good for you for a while, but not anymore. You do not need any more rejection while you are still healing from the Denver guy. And why waste your time on him when instead you could be out there searcing for your soulmate. (i'm not sure if I believe in soulmates or not, but you certainly do - so go find it!).

 

Vent away to us. Get mad, write nasty letters, but don't call that FWB guy. If he wants to explain, he can call you. You calling repeatedly is making you look desperate to him, and probably making yourself feel a whole lot of unneeded anxiety. You know I have been there and understand. I'm telling you that I feel at peace right now because I have stopped with all the calling and accusations, and worrying about what D thinks and what he is going to do. I haven't stopped thinking about him or stopped loving him, but I am doing all I can to keep calm. It is nice to not have the drama. Try it.

[Mollyanna]

I have no doubt you and Molly will meet your guys one day soon. You're both sweet, smart and attractive.

Thank you Touche. I am trying to believe that too. Thanks for the reinforcement.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

You said today he is not the guy you see yourself marrying or whatever, so move past this one.

 

I know, but I still feel a loss. After all, I've been seeing this guy every day practically for the past 5 months. And now he found himself another girlfriend.

 

No, I'm not going to call him now. I did yesterday because I freaked out something was bad. Because we "always" meet after the gym, especially on Mondays.

 

He mentioned that he wanted to see me today. I doubt he is going to call, but if he does I don't even know if I want to see him.

 

Like you said: This guy might have been good for you for a while, but not anymore.

 

Ah well,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey Mollyanna,

 

My best online friend, a girl from Australia, said the same thing:

 

What makes that fwb guy so special? Ditch him honestly. The last thing you need is to take sht from pest guys. Pest guys are supposed to adore you and make you feel good. When they don't, it's time for them to go.

 

(We call them pest guys)

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

I understand you still feeling a loss. I would to. It's always difficult when we get used to someone being there and then they leave our life - whether it is our choice or theirs.

 

More drama on the D front. The friend called today to tell me about it. It's not even worth posting about, except for the fact that D was protective of me. That was nice. Hoping he will call to tell me his side of the story. D and the friend are having a falling out. I REALLY want to meet someone else now. How the heck do I do that without going to a bar?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Well, the fwb hasn't called. Maybe that girl stayed over his house and everything. Sigh.

 

More drama on the D front. The friend called today to tell me about it.

 

Yeah, you wish it was he that calls and she does.

 

Hoping he will call to tell me his side of the story.

 

Well, good luck there.

 

I REALLY want to meet someone else now. How the heck do I do that without going to a bar?

 

Well, you can try eharmony or one of those. Seems to be working for the fwb at least.

 

See what happens on that one. I have another online friend in NJ that has been doing that for like 5 years and hasn't met anyone yet that he likes. Or that "works" anyway, but he does Match.com.

 

Well, I'm kind of happy anyway with all this mess. My printer wasn't working (and you know how much you need those). I put it off for a while but today I called customer service, and they are going to send me a new printer for free, new model even.

 

So I'll consider that my birthday present . I was quite happy. But now I have to go to the library to print the list of the 10 employers that I actually found for the therapist. I can't believe I did that even.

 

Ariadne

__________________

♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥

[AriaIncognito]

I think we all wish we could just find someone else to refocus our attentions on so that we can forget about the exes. I've been on many of the online dating sites and have not once met someone off them. I know some people have luck with them, but I don't seem to. Which of course makes you cling to the memory of what was even stronger, when the options out there seem so few.

 

I've been cautiously seeing/talking to the ex for a week now, and honestly, he's in the same place he was so I'm probably right back to feeling how I used to, except now he could be seeing others and me and i get the same insecurity I had over how he might feel for me. It's tough. He's afraid. Im afraid. I don't know what to do. I've wanted to find someone too, so to speak, but it never seems to happen when I'm focused on it or looking. If only we all had crystal balls or something to tell us how it will turn out...maybe it would make the whole moving on thing easier.

 

I'm glad to hear you seem to be letting go of D in ways. It's so hard. I can very much feel what that feels like. Hard to let go of someone you feel you want to be with so badly. Eternally confusing.

 

Sigh.

 

Jennifer

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

So the fwb just called. At least that.

 

He asked me if I wanted to meet him tonight, I said no, because he had another girlfriend.

 

He asked me if I wanted to think it over, I said no.

 

He said is ok, that he "understands the feeling". Sigh. And that is up to me but that he'd still like to remain friends. I said fine.

 

Ah, and that the date was OK.

 

I can't believe this. He seemed to be so into me, and I gave him all, even when I went to see him I'd bring him little presents, or some snacks, or some dessert... and he seemed so turned on.

 

I wonder how much better the trade off is...

 

What crap,

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

Ariadne: Are you really upset to lose him? or are you just feeling rejected? Doesn't sound like he is someone you want to be with in the long run anyway. I am sure there are other guys out there for you to be with. Anyone at that gym of yours?

[Mollyanna]

I think we all wish we could just find someone else to refocus our attentions on so that we can forget about the exes. I've been on many of the online dating sites and have not once met someone off them. I know some people have luck with them, but I don't seem to. Which of course makes you cling to the memory of what was even stronger, when the options out there seem so few.

 

I've been cautiously seeing/talking to the ex for a week now, and honestly, he's in the same place he was so I'm probably right back to feeling how I used to, except now he could be seeing others and me and i get the same insecurity I had over how he might feel for me. It's tough. He's afraid. Im afraid. I don't know what to do. I've wanted to find someone too, so to speak, but it never seems to happen when I'm focused on it or looking. If only we all had crystal balls or something to tell us how it will turn out...maybe it would make the whole moving on thing easier.

 

I'm glad to hear you seem to be letting go of D in ways. It's so hard. I can very much feel what that feels like. Hard to let go of someone you feel you want to be with so badly. Eternally confusing.

 

Sigh.

 

Jennifer

 

Sorry you are feeling bad for talking to him now. Do you regret reaching out to him? Are you going to be OK with the things the way they are now, if they do not progress to a relationship? That is where I am. I know I need to accept that this is all I am going to get from D. There is no future because just like your D, my D has not changed. They still want the same things out of these relationships with us. Can we accept it and enjoy it for what it is? Or do we absolutely have to have more? I want more but I also want what I have and I am not willing to give that up. But I am not going to let myself get sucked up in the feeling again of "I love him so much that I will die without him".

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Anyone at that gym of yours?

 

Ohhhhh.... that another one.....

 

This guy that I thought was really cute approached me one day and said I had a very sexy body, yadda yadda and followed me outside and asked me everything about me he could think of. We talked for like three hours.

 

Okk... Then the next class he also talked to me at the end of the class...

 

And then "never talked to me again"

 

(The stupid men, I hate them now)

 

And he was really, really, cute and I liked him a lot. Tall, dark, and handsome (well, I like blond but he was cute) and he seemed kind of smart and cool.

 

Ok... after that it was like the ignoring game, hi, hi, bye, bye.

 

Then, not long ago, I went to a restaurant and he was sitting all by himself and signaled me with the finger to go sit with him. Cool.

 

So we talked, I told him about the Denver guy (course), he told me that he stopped talking to me because he was seeing someone and didn't want to lead me one (whatever), but that they broke up now.

 

So we go outside and he wanted to kiss. I was like, no. And he insisted, I told him I had the fwb, and he said, maybe with me you'd have more passion (oh yeah)... but that was it.

 

The "next" time I went to the gym I thought things would pick up from there, but noooooo.... he did the ignoring thing again.

 

Ok, here is an email I sent my online best friend in Australia tonight, so if you are really bored, read on:

 

--------------------

 

ARGH

 

Men suk as!!!

 

So, I had like 2 or 3 glasses of wine and headed to the gym........

 

So, I get there and the "gym guy" is sitting in a bench all alone and the class already started, I'm like yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

So I sat next to him, and in the drunk style I put my arm around him and told him the fwb dumped me. He is like ugh? who? what? (because he doesn't remember anything about me or anything....)

 

So I told him, the guy I started seeing after the Colorado guy got back with the gf? the fwb guy? So he says, look what you got yourself into now....... trying to be cute, so I said, Yeah, I suck, and now I'm all drunk and I have to do that sht... and got up and headed to the class and he says, what?! (but I think he heard)

 

Ok, in the class I was looking at him a little more shameless than usual, since I was drunk and all (but was about to pass out)

 

And at the end of the class I look at him and he says... Byeeeee.........

 

Oh fk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

asldjflaksjflaksfjalskfjaldfjalsfkj

 

So I went to the parking lot and I was waiting and waiting for him to come out, and nothing, so I look inside and he was sitting with a girl from the class (that likes him and always tries to talk to him) and the teeeacher, and some other sht, and practicing the idiotic steps.... grrrrrrr

 

So I wrote my phone no. in a card even (since next Tues I have the piano class and won't go there) and looked at every car but there was no way to find his truck. Maybe he went in another car, I think I saw he had another one.

 

Ok, last attempt, I went "in" the stpid gym again and went to the dressing room and made sure he saw me, but I didn't look at him since he was with all those people, went to the boiling hot jacuzzy that with the step class and the wine I was about to faint....

 

And when I got out of the dressing room everyone was gone! no sign of the guy....

 

AEfasldkjalsjfdalsjdflaksjfalskjf

 

What a peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That teacher teaches on Mondays too and on Sundays and sometimes he goes to those, those are the ones I'll go now...

 

But now is like forget it....

 

Is a lost case now...

 

I thought that by telling him I was all out of fwb it would entice him to be a little fresh but noooo

 

Oh, I totally suck!

 

I'm going to take a sleeping pill and go to bed....

 

Fkin men.

 

----------------------------

 

Ariadne