OmG what have I done? psycho me

[Mollyanna]

But seems like you sure have to deal with women left and right with that guy... always something going on.

Yeah he has this way about him that makes us all a little nuts.

 

Yeah you do sound a little blunt. You can be honest, but do you have to hurt the guy's feelings? I really only say stuff like that when I am joking or drinking or both.

 

Have a good day. I need to work now and then go grocery shopping. I think I am going to light my place up with tea candles tonight. Romantic dinner, some football, and great sex - what else could the guy want?

[crazy_grl]

I'm going to forget about men for a while. I'm going to be all alone and forget about dating, meeting someone new, and all that jazz.

 

Because every man I meet is the same or worse than the one I met before. They suck.

 

I don't think you have to give up on guys forever, but when you're having such a bad time on the dating scene, taking some time out may be just what you need.

 

Ariadne, I think you're on the right track. You should take some time out for yourself and see how great you can be on your own. I just recently got done with. a 6 month self-imposed dating hiatus, and I feel much better about myself. I'm a lot more particular about who I choose and what I'm willing to put up with. I know how happy I am alone, and if a guy doesn't add to my happiness, then there's no point in him being in my life.

 

Also, about the FWB guy. I don't think he's being unreasonable. You already told him you don't like him, and it seems like the only reason you care about him now is because you have no other prospects. He's allowed to look out for himself. If he were here asking for advice, I'm willing to bet that people would be telling him to let you go and find someone else, because you're just stringing him along and using him until you find something better.

 

In my opinion, you shouldn't be trying to get involved with anyone new until you're over this Denver guy anyway. Getting involved again before you've worked things through will only end up compounding the issues.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Yeah he has this way about him that makes us all a little nuts.

 

Yep. He sure knows how to talk. And if he is good in bed and good looking as he talks, I can only imagine...

 

Yeah you do sound a little blunt. You can be honest, but do you have to hurt the guy's feelings?

 

Well... that's the thing. I told him "no". But then he wanted to know "why" and the truth was because I wasn't into him to go spend the whole weekend together couple like. So I told him.

 

I guess the other alternative would be to tell him, oh, no, I can't, I have things to do on the weekend, etc, etc, which is BS, and I know it, and he knows it, and personally I think is insulting.

 

And of course I wasn't going to let him believe that I was all in love with him or string him along in that sense.

 

He didn't seem to mind though...he kept saying he liked that I didn't BS around. He said that was one of the things he liked about me and that is rare. So, I don't mind to be like this, but I sure don't want to hurt anyone either.

 

I need to work now and then go grocery shopping. I think I am going to light my place up with tea candles tonight. Romantic dinner, some football, and great sex - what else could the guy want?

 

Cool. Yep, it sounds like a very promising evening. You make that place all romantic Mollyanna, enjoy.

 

Have a nice day and evening you too,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey you,

 

I don't think you have to give up on guys forever, but when you're having such a bad time on the dating scene...

 

Yeah, I sure am it seems.

 

Ariadne, I think you're on the right track. You should take some time out for yourself and see how great you can be on your own.

 

Thanks. The problem, and I'm a little bit concerned, is that when I have a guy and regular sex I become stable. Even if it is a fwb. And I think that was why I started to look for a job...because I had that part taken care of.

 

I'm afraid that I'll go bonkers again, I hope not.

 

I just recently got done with. a 6 month self-imposed dating hiatus, and I feel much better about myself. I'm a lot more particular about who I choose and what I'm willing to put up with.

 

So what did you do on those 6 months? Maybe I'll get some ideas from you.

 

I know how happy I am alone, and if a guy doesn't add to my happiness, then there's no point in him being in my life.

 

Yep, I guess sharing that fwb guy and taking turns wouldn't add much to my happiness right now either.

 

Also, about the FWB guy. I don't think he's being unreasonable. He's allowed to look out for himself.

 

Oh, absolutely. I don't blame him either. Is just that I thought he was happy with the arrangement as I was.

 

If he were here asking for advice, I'm willing to bet that people would be telling him to let you go and find someone else, because you're just stringing him along and using him until you find something better.

 

Well, I wasn't stringing him along. I could have done that easily but it's not my kind of thing.

 

In my opinion, you shouldn't be trying to get involved with anyone new until you're over this Denver guy anyway.

 

Oh no, the last thing I want is to get over Denver guy. I'll live with it if I have to.

 

Getting involved again before you've worked things through will only end up compounding the issues.

 

Yeah, maybe just another fwb, but for now I'm going to leave guys alone and hope I won't go nuts.

 

Thank you,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

As long as you don't tell ME that I am ugly, we are fine.

 

Oh no, I think you are pretty

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

 

So I wrote to the fwb and told him I felt like crap.

 

Well, I wrote him longer than that...

 

Not sure why, I guess I felt like it.

 

Probably he is not going to reply, or he is going to say how much fun he is having, and have a nice life, who knows...

 

I guess I just want him to rescue me :(

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

 

And the worst part is that after this thing happened with the fwb...

 

I stopped all effort I was doing to get employed.

 

I'm really scared because I don't want to deal with that anymore.

 

Is like I don't have the head to do it.

 

Not sure if it's because it's too recent or what, but I'm paralized.

 

It was not a good timing...

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

 

He was my "support system"

 

The highlight of my day...

 

It made me happy.

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

NO, Ariadne! Be your OWN support system for now. Don't rely on him. You don't need a man just to have a man.

 

Find that job. Sock some money away. Take a trip or two. Live your life. Play the piano and when you LEAST expect it you will fnd your TRUE soulmate..not this Denver imposter.

 

Please don't give up!

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

Thank you, snifff, thank you... sniffff.... buahhhhh.....

 

I understand what you are saying... I do.

 

But I know myself, and I know how I get when I don't have a man.

 

When I was dating the ex bf (the one two years ago, we dated for over two years) I was doing great at work, was getting great annual reviews, showing up on time, etc, etc.

 

Then, after we broke up, I went boy crazy having crushes with the guys in the company, sending crazy emails to guys that almost cost me a sexual harassment thing I was warned.

 

I had my boss come to my office and have serious talks with me, and then I went "internet boy crazy" and spent the whole time at work chasing guys online and didn't do any work, so I got fired.

 

I know what I'm talking about. If I don't have a guy (dick whatever) I go nuts... I don't know why I'm like this :( I don't know!

 

I went to see the therapist today and she was telling me that if I didn't do the stuff she was telling me to do to get the job, things would get even "worse."

 

And of course I understand all of that. Intellectually I do. But I can't assimilate it. It doesn't work that way, and I don't know why.

 

See, for the whole year that I was talking to Denver guy, since it was "so complicated," I didn't do anything about the job. And now that I had some "sort of partner" I was almost excited to go do it.

 

Sigh...

 

And why do you say "Denver impostor"? (I'm curious)

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

I say Denver imposter because he wasn't the REAL thing! The REAL thing will give you back everything you give. The REAL thing will want to drive hundreds of miles just to give YOU a rose...or a kiss. He wasn't the REAL thing!

 

Wait. Bide your time. He will come. Don't settle for just anyone and don't cheapen yourself with a FWB!

 

You're much too smart, loving and pretty for that.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

See? This is the rest of the chat with the ex bf. And he knows me really well:

 

Ariadne says:

what I do now?

Ariadne says:

I need that guy

Ex bf............ says:

you know what you do

Ariadne says:

what

Ex bf............ says:

you need A guy

Ex bf............ says:

not necessarily that one

Ariadne says:

yeah!

Ariadne says:

some distraction at least

Ex bf............ says:

so you start dating again

Ariadne says:

and he was good bc he saw me "every day"

Ariadne says:

I didn't have to wait to see him

Ex bf............ says:

you can get a date every night if you want, there are enough guys

Ariadne says:

nobody wants me fat and unemployed

Ex bf............ says:

hun, they don't care

Ex bf............ says:

you can have many guys chasing you, most of them will be crap

Ex bf............ says:

but there will be a lot of good ones too

Ex bf............ says:

guys are mostly socially inept

Ariadne says:

how can I find a guy?

Ariadne says:

any guy

Ex bf............ says:

I would suggest a dating site like before

Ariadne says:

I don't care at this point

Ex bf............ says:

just pick the ones that seem normal

Ariadne says:

anything I can do about that jew?

Ex bf............ says:

he will want the occasional booty call

Ariadne says:

think he'll miss me?

Ex bf............ says:

unless you sart to stalk him, then he will stop talking and avoid you as a crazy

Ariadne says:

nah, I don't like him enough to stalk him

 

--------------------

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

Uhm...not sure what to say to all that Ariadne...and why do you refer to your FWB as "that Jew?"

 

I don't know...I'm all out of ideas for you. I'm having my own mid-life crisis to deal with!

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

Thank you.... <3

 

I say Denver imposter because he wasn't the REAL thing! The REAL thing will give you back everything you give. The REAL thing will want to drive hundreds of miles just to give YOU a rose...or a kiss. He wasn't the REAL thing!

 

Yeah... He wouldn't even come to see me. He never did. When he doesn't even work since he owns some companies. He could have come any time, and it'd only take him two hours flight... And the times I went there I paid for the tickets myself, over 500 dollars, when I wasn't even working

 

Wait. Bide your time. He will come. Don't settle for just anyone and don't cheapen yourself with a FWB!

 

Yeah, I wish I could do that. Yesterday I was feeling optimistic about that idea but today I went and emailed the fwb guy... Sighhh....

 

You're much too smart, loving and pretty for that.

 

Oh, thank you so much, snifff... I have to lose weight though, I gained weight since I started seeing that guy, like 10 pounds... But I'm working on it.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

Uhm...not sure what to say to all that Ariadne...and why do you refer to your FWB as "that Jew?"

 

Because that's how the ex bf called him.

 

Kind of like we call him the "fwb" here, and I'd call him the "M guy" with my friend from Australia.

 

He had a Hebrew name that was kind of weird,

 

Ariadne

[crazy_grl]

So what did you do on those 6 months? Maybe I'll get some ideas from you.

 

Well, oddly enough, one of the things I did was start playing the piano. And I started trying (key word is trying) to write songs, and worked on my singing. I also read some self-improvement books, which until not too long ago, I thought were for losers. (Real losers don't make the effort to try to improve.) I read a lot of stuff posted here and found the books by Barbara DeAngelis most helpful.

 

Since I'm not close to my family and they're not emotionally open or supportive, I concentrated a lot on appreciating the friendships that I have, developing them and strenghening my support system so guys I date won't feel like I rely on them too much.

 

I also went to a therapist, but she told me that I should start dating someone. She didn't understand what I was trying to do in finding myself before I tried to be with someone else... that if I tried to enter a relationship too soon, there was a good chance of losing myself to the relationship. (If that makes sense.) I stopped seeing her after a few visits, because I didn't agree with her and didn't think she was very bright.

 

I can completely relate when you talk about not feeling motivated when you don't have a man. I used to need to at least have a crush on a guy to feel motivated enough to do much of anything. I was most productive when I was with my ex for 1.5 years. Sometimes I still have that pull where I feel like I need someone, but for the most part, my motivation nows comes from within. I wish I could tell you how to do that, but I'm not sure. I think for me, a big part was the realization that having someone else as my motivation gives that person way too much power over me.

 

Anyway, I hope that helps somehow.

[Touche]

Ok, forget the Jew comment. I'm just in a mood.

 

You've got to stop this. I'm losing patience! The FWB is USING you and I can no longer stand by and watch this! YOu're too nice and too smart. So what? Big whoop you have to lose 10 pounds! Who CARES! Do you think that's enough to lower your worth?

 

STOP THIS NOW!

 

I can't take this anymore! Even Molly is getting it! Get with it Ariadne! Stop acting like you have no value!

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Thank you so much.

 

It sounded all great, but I'll respond to you more later.

 

I think I need to get out of the house now,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Ok, forget the Jew comment. I'm just in a mood.

No, you are right. That wasn't very nice so I apologize.

 

Is just that I told him I was dating this Jewish guy, and suddenly he became the jew in the MSN. (I think he was jealous..hahaha).

 

The FWB is USING you and I can no longer stand by and watch this!

 

Oh, I thought of that, but since I seemed to need him more than he needed me... I figured it was ok.

 

Anyway, I'm getting out of the house.

 

Thanks again,

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

Well that's just your skewed perception. Trust me. HE needs YOU more than YOU need HIM. Believe it because it's true.

 

Have fun!

[Ariadne]

Well that's just your skewed perception. Trust me. HE needs YOU more than YOU need HIM. Believe it because it's true.

 

Nah.... you are just saying that.

 

(Nice picture btw, beautiful)

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

Well that's just your skewed perception. Trust me. HE needs YOU more than YOU need HIM. Believe it because it's true.

 

Nah.... you are just saying that.

 

(Nice picture btw, beautiful)

 

Ariadne

 

 

NO, I'm NOT just saying that at all. Not at all. I swear. Test my theory out then. Turn him down. Tell him you're looking for somethng more and he'll be BEGGING you! I know you don't really want him though so what the hell does it matter anyway.

 

Oh and thanks for the comment on my picture. You made my night, Ariadne! So sweet.

[Mollyanna]

I stopped all effort I was doing to get employed.

 

I'm really scared because I don't want to deal with that anymore.

 

Is like I don't have the head to do it.

 

Not sure if it's because it's too recent or what, but I'm paralized.

 

It was not a good timing...

 

Ariadne

God you have no idea how much I understand that. I let everything in my life fall apart when I am having relationship problems. Why must we insist on making our lives worse in times like that?

[Mollyanna]

I have so much to say to all these posts I missed while on my "date"! Where do I start? Well, first I want to say that Touche, I didn't get to see the pic that Ariadne mentioned. I want to see! And I want to say to Ariadne that Touche is right, STOP this.

 

And now I need to say to myself - STOP THIS. NO, Touche, Molly is not getting it. At least she isn't getting everything she wants. She is getting some dick and some pseudo-emotional support. I start to feel better and stronger and have more power over my life - until D throws me another road block. Today I am sad and confused and angry at myself for believing he was coming around.

 

My date last night was incredible. He could not have been more loving from the minute I saw him. I felt something - something stronger than I have ever felt with him. And in the wee hours of the morning, we laid in bed holding one another and he told me that this is really working out for us this time and how happy he is. We were wound tight together all night and morning. I was glowing. Then it all crashed down around me!

 

I mentioned something about the weekend as we were driving this morning. He told me that the FWB will be coming to visit this weekend along with some other friends. My face fell, I told him I couldn't believe it - that I had no idea she was still in his life. And suddenly he is saying that he never told me she wasn't and wanted to know if this was going to cause an issue between us? He said that he and I weren't really supposed to be together anyway, that we sort of just fell into this. What the hell happened to the sweet sweet guy from last night???

 

I barely spoke to him on the drive home. He said it didn't mean he was going to have sex with her. But hell, he has one ex girlfriend staying at his house, he is sleeping with me, and now he has this FWB coming for the weekend? What the hell kind of man did I fall in love with? He tried to kiss me when I left. I turned my head. He said he would call me later today from work to talk. I ignored him.

 

I wrote him a text message when I got home. "Forget it. I have no reason to be angry or upset. U never made me any promises. I just need 2 let go of the emotional connection. Thx for last night".

 

He wrote: "Thank you. It's not a competition. Those who wish 2 spend time in my life without adding stress and pressure to the load are welcome to!! I always enjoy the time we spend 2gether!!"

 

I wrote: "Thx - use a condom, I will too. Thx for last night."

 

I just feel like I need to make a choice with him. I can be friends with him or I can have sex with him, but not both. So fine if he wants to have sex with me, I will use him for that too.

[Mollyanna]

i am so freaking pissed off right now that I don't know what to do - but the **** is about to hit the fan. I told our friend what happened and she said that is it - she is going to spit in his face tonight for what he did to me. she said she is cutting him out of her life - that she is tired of what he is doing to his life and she wants no part of it in her life anymore. OMG