OmG what have I done? psycho me

[Jaded-Arie]

I mean...

 

What the heck can I do!?!?!?!?!!?

 

I have "no interests" none, how can I make myself be interested in things I'm not????????

 

I don't care for collecting rocks, stamps, painting, surfing, decorating, clay, flowers, running marathons, building computers, crafts, clubbing, dancing, or whatever it is that people get "interested" in.

 

And I think work sucks!!!

 

Ok, if I think of something I'm really interested in I think of dik. All I see is a dik.

 

And that's "it."

 

So I think I should just die and that's all.

 

I have no future and nobody will ever want me this way.

 

Ariadne

 

I am sorry but I am not gonna come cake in hand to join your pity party. People that have interests did not just stumble upon them, they went there and PERSUED them. You never get anything in life just sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself, now, before you get excited, no, you cannot get an ex back by persuing as you have no say when it comes to an individual's free will. Switch off the computer and go take a walk and not to meet someone new, for yourself. Find out who you are and I'm sure if you sat still long enough, you would find that you do have interests other than dik.

 

I do think that it was a little bit mean of your mother to say what she said to you.

 

Here's my take on this, you seem to NEED men (any man) to make you feel alive. Now if you do not seek some kind of help with that, you will be very unhappy for a very long time. NEEDING anyone can destroy a person as people do come and go out of our lives.

 

I read somewhere that you were seeing a therapist as well, how is that going? I hope it is going well and that you are still seeing the therapist. I feel that your problem hasn't much to do with your ex you are inlove with that left, but your problem runs deeper.

 

You really seem like an intelligent lady who is hurting or has been hurt alot before, and not only by men. I sincerely do hope you continue with the therapist and come right.

 

For the moment, ditch FWB, (try) to ditch Denver Guy Obsession, hell!!!! switch off your computer and throw it out the window and try living and reconnecting with Ariadne. Finding a job will be a great start. Very few people love to work but we have to.

 

Keep well Sis.

[Mollyanna]

Hey,

 

Where are you?

 

Ariadne

Looks like I missed a nice discussion. Wish I could have been a part of it. I was out of town all day with my friend. We went to meet this Internet guy she met on MySpace and some of his friends. OK, so all of his friends were too young or were attached. But I still had fun. I learned something last night. Even the good guys just want someone hot. I liked the guy she met. REALLY liked him. I'm jealous. He and I had a lot in common and talked and talked and laughed. He was playhitting and pushing me and semi-flirting, I think. But she threw her "sex" at him and there they were sitting on the couch with his hand on her leg. From what I know about him and what I know about her, this relationship will go no where. He is not into drugs at all, and she is. She is a big flirt and big partier. He just had problems with a previous girlfriend who drank too much, so he had to let her go.

 

OK OK I am REALLY jealous. He seemed more my type than her's. I am happy for her that she met a really nice guy though. I told her to not screw this up and stop with the drugs.

 

I'm just sad because why would someone like that even look at me, when they can look at her? I have seriously seriously got to get in shape. No one is going to get to know my personality if they can't get past the outside wrapping. And it is ugly wrapping.

[Mollyanna]

Ariadne: Getting interested in something isn't easy for me right now either. I flit from one thing to another. But who said we have to concentrate on just one hobby? What is wrong with having multiple "obsessions" so we don't get burnt out.

 

As for the volunteer idea, I like it. I have driven past Habitat for Humanity a few times this weekend and they have a sign up saying "Volunteers Needed". I have helped with that once with some co-workers and I did enjoy it. It was hard work, but rewarding. And if I get to pound nails again, that will help with some of my pent-up anxiety I think. Plus, hard works means burning of calories. So yes, the volunteer work will be for myself too. I just wish we would build a house for me! I need one too!

 

Ariadne, did you EVER have interests you like or is this depression talking? Do you have a psychiatric diagnosis yet?

[Ariadne]

Good morning,

 

Well, thanks so much on your comments on my situation.

 

People that have interests did not just stumble upon them, they went there and PERSUED them.

 

Oh, I'm quite willing to pursue anything that I'm interested in. I kind of work that way, but I don't get excited by say, clay. Is more like... ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

 

So that's how I feel about those things.

 

I do like to decorate though, like putting tiles and work around the house type of things. But I can't do any of that in the apartment.

 

Here's my take on this, you seem to NEED men (any man) to make you feel alive.

 

Well, I just like sex a lot. See, that I like.

 

NEEDING anyone can destroy a person as people do come and go out of our lives.

 

Yeah, I get pretty sad when people leave my life forever, and I have a few cases like that. My best friend from work was the one I took vacations with, we went on a cruise together, we went to Mexico together, we went clubbing, and she was also my boss and got me fired

 

I haven't seen her ever since...

 

I read somewhere that you were seeing a therapist as well, how is that going?

 

Well, she was giving me these sort of homework assignments to find a job, but I haven't done any of that after the fwb dumped me. I'll see her on Tuesday and tell her I didn't do jack.

 

You really seem like an intelligent lady who is hurting or has been hurt alot before, and not only by men.

 

Thank you.

 

For the moment, ditch FWB, (try) to ditch Denver Guy Obsession, hell!!!! switch off your computer and throw it out the window and try living and reconnecting with Ariadne.

 

I do go for walks in the park, I rollerskate too. Sometimes I do day trips like the other day I just on a whim went to some botanical gardens, or I'd go to the beach for a walk.

 

But those things are considered to be lame, unless is not a hobby or some.

 

Finding a job will be a great start. Very few people love to work but we have to.

 

Yeah, I don't either.

 

Well, thanks a lot, keep well you too,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I was getting worried for you.

 

Even the good guys just want someone hot. I liked the guy she met. REALLY liked him. I'm jealous.

 

Yeah, good guys, ugly guys, guys that suck, all of them it seems.

 

And that's good that you liked another guy. That's a good symptom. That means you are not as in love as you think with D.

 

From what I know about him and what I know about her, this relationship will go no where.

 

Yeah, I get feelings like that about some people too. But they don't seem to mind.

 

I'm just sad because why would someone like that even look at me, when they can look at her?

 

That's what my mom tells me all the time. I'm "always" fat for her. No matter what I weigh. She expects me to be in top model shape. And according to her that's the sole reason why I never meet anyone.

 

I have seriously seriously got to get in shape. No one is going to get to know my personality if they can't get past the outside wrapping. And it is ugly wrapping.

 

Yeah, that's what I think too. That I can't even attempt dating or putting a profile unless I look like Paris Hilton skinny. Because guys that's all they care about. (And then I have the being lame problem, at least you don't have that one).

 

Hugs,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Ariadne, did you EVER have interests you like or is this depression talking? Do you have a psychiatric diagnosis yet?

 

Nah, never had interests like that. I don't even care for friends or family either. Say, when I go back to my home town, my mother gets shocked that I never call a single friend from highschool, cousins or anything like that.

 

I just drink coffee.

 

But I don't feel depressed, and if you were to meet me I'm quite upbeat. People in general like me a lot in person. Is just that I isolate.

 

And about the psychiatric diagnosis, I stay very far away from those people. Eeek.

 

Later,

 

Ariadne

[Mollyanna]

well, maybe you can find a goal and work towards it. Like you said you like to decorate/home improvement type stuff. If you get a job and make some money, you can buy a fixer-up house and make it nice and then sell it. then maybe that could become your career? or just your hobby.

 

I've decided I am going back to school for a graduate degree. Although I have no idea what for yet. So now I search for my true-calling. It is keeping me occupied contemplating my career. If I am busy with that, maybe I won't have time for love. Love will have to chase me down.

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

You are clever.

 

Like you said you like to decorate/home improvement type stuff. If you get a job and make some money, you can buy a fixer-up house and make it nice and then sell it.

 

That is something I really gave some thought. Is just that any average house in LA is about half a million dollars and up.

 

But! I know of someone that bought a pre-fabricated house shipped from Kansas for 50K. A 3 bedroom house, 2 bathrooms, fireplace and really cute.

 

So I thought of buying a lot somewhere and putting that. I'd really like to have some land and not live in this cave. I even thought of how I'd improve it by adding a porch with a balcony, and tiles everywhere.

 

So yeee!!!!! You discovered one interest I have.

 

But yes, have to get the job first.

 

I've decided I am going back to school for a graduate degree.

 

That's another thing I considered. I took the GRE test even but I failed the essay part (I had no idea what to say) so I didn't take it again because it was expensive.

 

So now I search for my true-calling. It is keeping me occupied contemplating my career. If I am busy with that, maybe I won't have time for love. Love will have to chase me down.

 

Well, I think that'd be a great idea. Good luck with that.

 

Ariadne

[crazy_grl]

Ariadne, why are you trying to convince us that you have no interests?? You've mentioned a lot of things that sound like interests to me.

 

I do like to decorate though, like putting tiles and work around the house type of things. But I can't do any of that in the apartment.

 

If you can't do modifications to your apartment, you can always just research and read about home decorating. Go to stores and look at furniture and things and make plans for decorating. You can decorate your apartment without making drastic changes. You can even help other people decorate their homes. They buy all the stuff and you help with the design. I'd love for someone to help me decorate.

 

Also, with houses being so ridiculously expensive around here, you can buy condos and townhouses that are less expensive but allow you to make any modifications you want. That's one of my plans for the next year or so.

 

I just drink coffee.

 

If you like coffee, there are a lot of different flavors and types of coffee you can try. You can even make it your own activity by doing something like trying the coffee at every coffee shop within 10 miles or trying every drink on the starbucks menu. (Though I like the coffee shop thing better, because it seems mless commercialized and more soulful.) Those may sound kind of weird, but they're just examples of how you can think of something to do to add a bit of a new experience to your everyday life. If you don't like those, you can think of something that's more suited to you.

 

I do go for walks in the park, I rollerskate too. Sometimes I do day trips like the other day I just on a whim went to some botanical gardens, or I'd go to the beach for a walk.

 

But those things are considered to be lame, unless is not a hobby or some.

 

That's the wrong attitude to have. Some people might consider those things lame, but who the heck cares? If those are the things you like to do, own them. Everyone has some interest that another person is going to think is lame. I love sci-fi and I occasionally go to sci fi conventions. I know there's plenty of people who think it's super dorky, but I really don't care. (and I'm willing to bet I could convince some of those people to come to a convention with me... assuming that I even wanted them there.)

 

If someone judges you negatively for your interests, then that person isn't someone you should want to be around anyway. Stop worrying about whether other people think you're lame, because doing that's what's really making you lame.

 

BTW, one of the hottest and most fun guys I know proudly proclaims that rollerskating is one of his favorite things to do. And his excitement for it makes me want to do it too. Also, walks in the park is a nice interest. I enjoy that too, and I like feeding the ducks in the park near my house.

 

Now stop pretending you have no interests. We've all already found out that you do, although we had to pry the information from you. You're not uninteresting, so stop trying act like you are. If you stop trying to hide your interests, people will fun you much more interesting.

[Jaded-Arie]

Ariadne

 

Why not take a course in interior design/decorating, then you can do that for money. I know its a bit long term thing, as in you have to study, but you are not just trying to do things to pass time and forget above Denver Dude, but because you want to feel better about yourself.

 

 

By the way, I know I'm new here but I have been reading this thread and you and Mollyanna are so sweet, I just have this feeling to protect you from the 'big bad world'

[Ariadne]

Awwwwww.............................

 

You guys are so nice!!!!!

 

Is like I can't believe it!

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

Ariadne, why are you trying to convince us that you have no interests?? You've mentioned a lot of things that sound like interests to me.

 

Well, the discussion came about with the fwb dumping me because I "didn't have a life"

 

And it seemed like whatever it is that I like to do, didn't count as having a life...just like my mother said, of course he'd be bored of me because I had nothing to talk about because I didn't do anything.

 

So I was left with wondering...

 

I was kind of venting here I'd say, I guess people get excited if they meet a girl that say, has a collection of rocks, or knows about frogs, or whatever it is because "she has interests".

 

So, that was more or less the question, I have none of those.

 

I don't think I suck, but it sounded like I'd never get a date because of that. (?)

 

About decorating my apartment, there is no more room for more decorations here...I have a gazillion knick knacks. And all the furniture that I need.

 

I was talking more about building a deck, or tiling up a patio, or installing a skylight, things like that I enjoy but not in here. I can't even paint the walls. But I'm very good for those things.

 

Also, with houses being so ridiculously expensive around here, you can buy condos and townhouses

 

Well, I'm not thrilled about those because what I'd really like to have is a big patio. But that's just a dream I have.

 

About the coffee thing I'll have to give you a hug. You are so cute.

 

If someone judges you negatively for your interests, then that person isn't someone you should want to be around anyway.

 

Yeah, but then I'm just "weird Ariadne" sigh... People think I'm crazy enough as it is.

 

You're not uninteresting, so stop trying act like you are.

 

Thank you again for taking your time to respond, you sound like a wonderful person crazy_grl.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey again,

 

Why not take a course in interior design/decorating, then you can do that for money. I know its a bit long term thing, as in you have to study

 

Well, I think I manage ok with the decorating. But not like I care to study that.

 

By the way, I know I'm new here but I have been reading this thread and you and Mollyanna are so sweet, I just have this feeling to protect you from the 'big bad world'

 

Awww.... you guys made my day today.

 

Thank you, you sound like a very sweet lady yourself,

 

Ariadne

[AriaIncognito]

Hehe I just went rollerskating this past weekend. Bought new skates and everything. It's a lot of fun and it's a hobby I picked up (well, re-picked up) a few years ago.

 

There are a lot of good ideas on here, and people are right, we do need to fill our lives with things that interest US and make US happy. And that doesn't mean another person. Another person is something that should add to our lives, but we shouldn't require their existence to be happy (I know, I need to learn this too, I know it, sometimes, it's just hard to deal with when youre sad, i know). If you're interested in something, who cares what anyone else thinks of it? As long as it makes you happy. I've got a band that i've followed for going on 7 years now, seen over 100 shows, and well, while some people think that's the most assinine thing ever, it's also given me my current best friends. Without that hobby, i'd not have opened the doors to those new friendships. Heck, without LoveShack, I'd not have opened the doors to new friendships I now have. Hobbies are what you make of them, not what others think of them. Most likely, if you get into something, you'll meet others doing it, and obviously you already have common ground to start from. If you prefer more solitary hobbies, that's great too, just as long as they are for you.

 

Anyway, I've babbled enough. But please listen to others on the thread, they've got some good points. You definitely have things that interest you, you just seem to want to push them aside for some reason. I realize the pain is common to you and you might even feel less like yourself if it were to someday leave, but more than likely, you'd be even happier once you let it go realizing it didn't define who you are..

 

Jennifer

[Mollyanna]

By the way, I know I'm new here but I have been reading this thread and you and Mollyanna are so sweet, I just have this feeling to protect you from the 'big bad world'

awww.... that is so Sweet of YOU. Thank You. Look, Ariadne - we aren't too uninteresting - we have readers!

 

Ariadne: You know that I understand you. The issue with interests and hobbies is one of my own. I want a passion for something. I want something that makes me special. I wish I could be a musician, an artist, a dancer - something I could dedicate myself to every day and become a stand-out in. I am competitive by nature so unfortunately I do not participate in many activities that I am not going to shine in. For example, I used to play volleyball in HS and in college. A few years ago I tried out for a spot on a travellingn team and found that I am now only average and it upset me. (I didn't even return for the second round of tryouts even though I was invited.) I was embarassed I had let my skill go to waste. But instead of practicing and getting better, I deemed myself too old and quit. I hate that about myself.

 

If anyone has an idea of something I could do that I could become fabulous at - starting at age 33 - I would love to know what it is. I would love to compete at something again. Maybe that would stop me from chasing these emotionally unavailable men as my challenge in life.

[Touche]

"If anyone has an idea of something I could do that I could become fabulous at - starting at age 33 - I would love to know what it is."

 

How about becoming fabulous at being YOU? Yes, be the best good girl you can be AND the best bad girl too.

[Mollyanna]

"If anyone has an idea of something I could do that I could become fabulous at - starting at age 33 - I would love to know what it is."

 

How about becoming fabulous at being YOU? Yes, be the best good girl you can be AND the best bad girl too.

 

I don't know who that is. I feel like I have no real identity anymore.

[Touche]

I know what you mean. You're RIGHT at the threshold of becoming the woman you will become. You're right at that age when you're shedding your "twenties" identity which also encompasses adolescence.

 

You will come in to your own soon. You're beginning the process just by questioning the things that you just accepted about yourself previously.

 

Those of us who are in our 40's can tell you that we're far from the people we used to be in our 20's and early 30's.

 

Good luck in YOUR metamorphosis!

[Mollyanna]

I know what you mean. You're RIGHT at the threshold of becoming the woman you will become. You're right at that age when you're shedding your "twenties" identity which also encompasses adolescence.

 

You will come in to your own soon. You're beginning the process just by questioning the things that you just accepted about yourself previously.

 

Those of us who are in our 40's can tell you that we're far from the people we used to be in our 20's and early 30's.

 

Good luck in YOUR metamorphosis!

 

I read your first 2 sentences and burst into tears. I don't know why. It was touching and scary and .... I just can't describe it. Thank you!

[Touche]

Gosh Molly, I didn't mean to make you burst into tears! Sheesh! And then you thank me for it!

 

Anyway, you're welcome. Look, change IS scary but it can also be exciting. Believe me, I know. I'm going through a lot of changes myself now...call it a mid-life crisis if you want.

 

But you'll get through this crazy time and one day you'll even look back on it and laugh at this period in your life. No, really you will!

 

And in the meantime know that you have friends on here to help you through this transition.

 

Count me in as one of them Molly, ok?

[Mollyanna]

Gosh Molly, I didn't mean to make you burst into tears! Sheesh! And then you thank me for it!

 

Anyway, you're welcome. Look, change IS scary but it can also be exciting. Believe me, I know. I'm going through a lot of changes myself now...call it a mid-life crisis if you want.

 

But you'll get through this crazy time and one day you'll even look back on it and laugh at this period in your life. No, really you will!

 

And in the meantime know that you have friends on here to help you through this transition.

 

Count me in as one of them Molly, ok?

 

 

Thank you so much, I would be honored to have you in my life. I guess I cried because you gave me hope. I had hope that I will not always be this screwed up, that eventually I may grow out of it.

[Touche]

Thank you so much, I would be honored to have you in my life. I guess I cried because you gave me hope. I had hope that I will not always be this screwed up, that eventually I may grow out of it.

 

Wow, Molly. I'm so deeply touched that I could give someone HOPE...give YOU hope. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for telling me that.

 

I don't think you're screwed up now at all though. You're not a flakey little girl. You're looking within yourself and you're questioning things. A screwed up person doesn't do that. They just continue on in their ignorance. They just keep doing what they've been doing.

 

Yes, you're in the process of growing as a woman. I see the signs having been where you are now.

 

Now think about this...When people talk about a 25 year old female what do they usually say? They would describe her as a 25 year old GIRL. But what about a 35 year old? A 35 year old female is usually described as a 35 year old WOMAN..you're on your way to being the woman you want to be.

 

Don't forget that, Molly. We don't stay the same. We really don't. We usually, well MOST of us, get BETTER!

 

Haven't you ever heard the phrase "Life begins at 40"? Well, you don't have to wait that long. For me life began a little earlier than that..around your age. I went back to college around that time and then met my husband a couple of years later.

 

But the point of that saying is that life doesn't END when you reach an older age, it BEGINS...your REAL LIFE begins when you've gone through all the shyt you've already gone through now.

 

You've paid your dues...or you're almost done paying your dues.

 

You just wait and see.

 

Just keep honing your skills, expect more out of your relationships AND of yourself and just become the best Molly you can be...and you'll see.

 

You won't "outgrow" anything as you said...but instead you will grow INTO the woman you were meant to be.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Look, Ariadne - we aren't too uninteresting - we have readers!

 

Yyyeah... but why do I feel this is like a freak show?

 

I want a passion for something. I want something that makes me special. I wish I could be a musician, an artist, a dancer - something I could dedicate myself to every day and become a stand-out in.

 

Well, I'd settle for a purpose.

 

I am competitive by nature so unfortunately I do not participate in many activities that I am not going to shine in.

 

In that we are not the same...Competition freaks me out and makes me want to run away. I get very stressed. Is not because I feel incompetent is just that I hate it.

 

For example, I used to play volleyball in HS and in college.

 

Hey, me too In HS. But I just did bench

 

If anyone has an idea of something I could do that I could become fabulous at - starting at age 33

 

Nope, not me.

 

Well, later, I'm getting out of this house, I'm going to lame rollerskate.

 

Ariadne

[Touche]

No, Ariadne. This is not a freak show. This isn't why so many of us come back repeatedly to read this thread.

 

The reason is that so many of us can relate to both of you. Whether we're going through what you both are now or whether we've already gone through it.

 

This a popular thread for the very OPPOSITE reason than what you've stated. You described it as a "freak show." Not at all. The reason it's popular is because of what I've said. We can all relate!

 

I hope that makes you feel better. I hope that makes you see that many of us have been in the same boat. Many of us have thought we have no interests, no passions, no life left in us and that we'll be alone for the rest of our lives.

 

And some of us realize and know that, for most of us, this is only a TEMPORARY state.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

The reason it's popular is because of what I've said. We can all relate!

 

Oh, well, that's good to know.

 

You said we were driving you crazy so I thought I was frustrating the heck out of people giving me advice.

 

But yes, I can imagine it being in the coping forum it makes sense,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi guys,

 

Well!

 

I went rollerskating and next thing I know this grandpa guy is chasing me in a bike and trying to make talk.

 

Since I'm friendly and all I talked to him, about the skates or whatever.

 

And then... he asked me out on a date.

 

Me: But you are "really old"

 

He: (Shocked) You think I'm too old for you?

 

Me: Yeah...

 

He: How old do you think I am?

 

Me: Like 70

 

He: "That" old?

 

Me: Yeahh... How old are you?

 

He: 62. How old are "you"?

 

Me: 39. I'm old too! (counting with the fingers)

 

He: 23 years difference...

 

Me: Yeah. That's old.

 

He: So, you want to give an old guy a chance? I'm in good shape...

 

-----

 

Well, yadda yadda, I told him that I'd give him one chance just to talk to him and gave him the number.

 

Yeah yeah yeah... I'm desperate... I take "anything"

 

And I suck so much maybe even grandpa is not going to call. Whatever.

 

Sigh... mennn....

 

Ariadne