Lack of respect in society, or just me?

[konfuzd]

So, I had plans to hang out with a friend last night. We had made the plans a couple weeks ago. In the meantime, he had other plans come up. Not a big deal, other than the fact that he never let me in on it until I called to arrange for us to meet up last night.

 

I had talked to him several times within the last 2 weeks, and nothing was ever mentioned, so I just assumed we were still on. I came home from work, showered and got ready to go, then when I called to make arrangements, he told me he couldn't make it.

 

Just recently, I had called another friend of mine to help with a minor home improvement job. I offered to take him for dinner and drinks afterwards as a thank you, and he said he would be over later that evening. I got everything prepped and ready to go, and he never showed. I tried calling him, but he didn't answer his phone, turns out he went out for drinks with a friend instead and never bothered to call me.

 

Things like this seem to be happening to me on a regular basis. I just find it rude and disrespectful. Is this a trend for other people, or do I just have really sh*tty "friends"? How do I go about meeting people who I can depend on?

[Tony T]

I've had the same problem for a long time. It's more than a trend...it's the way a great many people think and live these days. They do what they want to do when they want to do it and to hell with everybody else.

 

Even businesspeople don't show up to give estimates, to make deliveries or come to do work they have scheduled...sometimes even after comfirming. It's really nuts.

 

The only advice I can give you from this end is to get used to it.

[Taressa]

Hi konfuszd,

 

Just wondering: are these male friends single, available, middle aged perhaps? And are you single, perhaps embracing the idea of more than friendship with them? Sometimes I think our male friends are incredibly lonely but are more afraid of an innocent fun evening turning into a dating relationship than they are spending yet another night drinking beer with "safe" friends.

 

I think nothing scares male friends more than a lonely female friend.

 

My biggest concern is that by continuing to accept their frequent cancellations you're not giving them the message that you're a valuable person. It's your consistent returns that signals them it's okay to keep cancelling last minute.

 

I'm not sitting in judgement... I'm in that same boat with you. It's a battle to choose between lonely nights or the slight humiliaton and huge disappointment of those cancellations. I gave up and got a dog instead.

[konfuzd]

Thank you both for your replies.

It's more than a trend...it's the way a great many people think and live these days. They do what they want to do when they want to do it and to hell with everybody else.

 

It's such a shame. I was raised to treat others the way you would like to be treated in return, but I guess that idealism has been lost.

 

are these male friends single, available, middle aged perhaps? And are you single, perhaps embracing the idea of more than friendship with them?

 

I have had a very plutonic friendship with the guy from last night. He is 36 and single, and I am 25. There has really been no sort of sexual tension between us as far as I can tell. I have spent the night at his house (I live about an hour away) and I have stayed on the hide-a-bed couch. He has always been very respectful to me, and I never expected this from him. I let him know that I thought it was pretty rude, and all he had to do was call. He just gave the "sorry, I've been busy" excuse.... That really doesn't cut it with me.

 

The other guy is 22, also single. He did express his interest in me over a year ago, but I ended up turning him down because I wasn't really comfortable being with a younger guy who still lives at home with his parents as well as other differences in how we view relationships. We decided to maintain a friendship. I think there are some residual feelings on his part. He called me 2 days after the incident. and I told him that I would find someone else to help me with the job because I was pretty upset that he just left me hanging, but he insisted that he come over and make good on his word, and we ended up getting the job done. I've only talked to him briefly since, we haven't made any plans though.