what can i do to improve my life

[123456]

Ever since my gf broke up with me, my life has been worse and worse.

 

To give u guys some background info, shes 18 and im 19. She is the love of my life. She broke up with me a few days before our 2 year anniversary. Its been maybe 3-4 months after our breakup.

 

To start off, a mere few hours after she broke up with me, a found out from outside sources that she became friends with this guy: the person i hate most in this world. Halfway into our relationship, this guy (my former friend) betrayed me by telling her lies about me cheating on her cause he liked her. He continued fabricating more lies for a few months, but me and my gf managed to stay together...although he severely damaged our relationship. We both promised eachother to never speak to him again, and confirmed that we both hate him. As mentioned before, she became friends with the guy again and its been tormenting me ever since.

 

For a long time, she lied and hid her friendship from me. Many times, i found out they hung out (with groups of friends), and she claimed he was invited by someone else. Im not sure if they hung out alone just yet. She recently confirmed that they are indeed friends. I know its possible thats she was cheating on me with him all along, but she still claims that they're just friends (its also important to note that she didnt start being friends with him til after we broke up). But even the mere fact that they're friends hurts me cause of what he did to me (and our relationship) in the past.

 

Despite all that, i cant help but love her. Since our relationship was on-and-off after the betrayal incident, we promised eachother that we would wait til we're happy with our lives before trying again...and im completely ok with waiting. We occationally talk via email or instant messenger, and recently we had one phone convo. BUT i just cant stand the fact that shes still friends with the guy, despite the fact that she knows how much i hate him.

 

Ive done all the possible things to try to get over her. Ive done the periods of NC, going out more, etc etc. None of it seems to work.

 

When i go out, it doesnt seem fun anymore. When i try new things, it doesnt spark my interest. After the initial betrayal incident, i lost more and more of my friends cause they seem to side with the guy rather than me. In different ways, my other friends seem to betray me too due to their support for the guy. In fact, i really dont have friends anymore. I spend 1 day a week hangin out with the same two remaining dull friends, and the rest of the week im at home. I really have no desire to make new friends cause i can no longer trust anybody, and im afraid of new people ruining my life even further. I cant sleep, and i started smoking in hopes of easing my pain even tho i know how bad it is for my health. Im so unhappy with my life that brief moments of talking to her seems like the only method to stir up some happiness, despite the fact that it gets me so mad that shes friends with the guy.

 

Ive come to realize that although i can have moments of happiness in my life, i cannot STAY happy. I feel like only she could permanently bring back happiness into my life.

 

Since we're no longer gf and bf, i really dont have any power to tell her not to hang out with that guy. But im thinking of making one final risk. Im going to propose an ultimatum that she either ends her friendship, or i stop waiting for her (and tell her i dont want to talk anymore). This way, i could potentially end their friendship (and regain some happiness), or start NC and maybe give her a reason to come back.

 

I know she still loves me, and i know she doesnt want to let me go. At the same time, im not sure if she would be willing to end her friendship for me.

 

Ive read through this forum many times and understand the benefits of NC. But its still so painful to do. My ultimatum could simply backfire and she may never come back. Thats why im so confused about whether i should make the ultimatum or not. I also know thats its unhealthy for me to continue this relationship, but my current life without her seems even more tormenting. And i cant even imagine being with someone else rite now.

 

I want to return to my old lifestyle...full of happiness, love, friends, excitement, etc.

 

Is this risky ultimatum a good idea? If not, how do i regain happiness in my life?

[HokeyReligions]

She's not the love of your life - that is still ahead of you. Stop trying to control her or get her back into your life. Your life does't revolve around her - hang out with your friends and the gaps will fill in eventually. Don't expect too much of yourself so fast. Threatening to move on with your life if she doesn't end this friendship is an act of control and does no good.

 

If she comes around again in a few years then you can rethink if you want her to be part of your life - chances are that by then you will have moved on to another love - or are over her and don't want her in your life. Step outside your own comfort zone and you'll find that it can be pretty good.