Is he delusional or am I?

[Annie]

I've been spending time with this guy, we are in our mid-20's(I posted before about him running hot and cold). At any rate, this past week we spent every minute of every day togther, it was almost too intense for *me*. He even followed me to lunch one day even though he wan't eating anything.

 

Friday we went to a party, I got really drunk and upset because he wasn't paying much attention to me, and after a little smooching he pulled away and I asked him what was going on.

 

The gist of our conversation is that despite following me around the school all day, asking me several times to go out for drinks, have dinner, have lunch, have coffee, etc., kissing me and then continuing to follow me around the school and asking me to do stuff all week, his intention was never that we are "dating" and he doesn't see how I could have assumed as much. And he said he *did* consider that everyone at school would assume we were dating but that I should have known better since we never talked about it.

 

Furthermore, he mentioned his ex-girlfriend(in another city) whom he broke up with in January. They were together five years and he said they broke up because it was like a loveless marriage and he is afraid of that happening again. He said he is attracted to me but just "wants to be friends" because he doesn't know what he wants(which I had already figured out for myself) and it "wouldn't be right" to be anything more at this point.

 

I got out of control angry about the whole misunderstanding, though, and said some very ugly things, like "I don't want to be your friend" which I apologized for to his answering machine on Saturday. I wasn't at home when he called me back, but he said all the right things like he was sorry about the whole situation, everything he said was "truthful" and he hopes we can "salvage the friendship" but he would understand if we can't hang out as much as we have been.

 

Friday he said I am his favorite person at school, he is very fond of me, I have a great smile and he loves spending time with me. Now, could that mean that he considers me possible future dating material, once he figures things out, or is he trying to soften the blow? This is really the question I would like some input on. Does anyone think I have a chance here? Should I just ask him or would that be overkill? I could just say I don't remember exactly what was said and just want to make sure I know where I stand.

 

Either way, I'm going to remain friends with him, but knowing I was't categorically rejected as a possible romantic interest would make me happy.

 

Thanks!!!

[Totally Confused]

When a woman says to a guy, "I don't want a serious relationship," she's actually saying, "I want a serious relationship - and now." She says it to protect herself, knowing men are afraid of committment. When a man says, "I don't want a serious relationship, " he means "I don't want a serious relationship. He means it. Listen to what he's told you.

 

1. He very fond of you.

 

2. He wants to be friends with you and your friendship is very important.

 

3. He's confused. He just got out of a 5 yr. and doesn't just want to jump into another one.

 

The guy has already given you your answer. Don't read into or around it. It's exactly what he's said. Do Not confront him again - total overkill. Now, if he makes passes at you or gets touchy, feely with you, it's because physically he desires you, but emotionally he doesn't. If he doesn't desire you emotionally, you are the only one who is going to suffer. If you don't hear what he's telling you, then when he does make passes or slightly leads you on, you are going to end up blaming and hating him, the friendship will be ruined and you're the one who will end up hurt. Don't follow his actions, listen to what he's saying. You are dealing with a classic rebound case. Guys rebound from anywhere from 6 mo. to 2 yrs. when they get out of a long relationship, whether they are in love or not. If you pressure this man into feeling for you, he'll never make a decision. Let it go. Be his casual friend. If you can't let go of your feelings for him, then you must never ever let him know, until he is ready to come to you. Men always have to come to the conclusion on their own, it's a control thing. I can't promise he'll come around, but if you don't act too buddy, buddy and best friendy with him, you'll have a better chance. If he looks at you too much as a friend, that's all you'll ever be. You have to keep that womanly, mystique type image about yourself to him. For now, it's going to be headgames, until you put a stop to it. That too will turn him on to you. If he tries to touch you and kiss you, say "Stop it" "Don't do that. I don't want that from you. I can't, Please can we be friends." Saying stuff like that will definitely attract him to you and make him want you more. Try it, you'll see I'm right and he'll be shocked and confused. Watch his reaction and don't be afraid you'll lose him if you do it. What's the old saying "They want what they can't have." He knows you want him, so he pulls away. When you're confused, indifferent, and you pull back, he wants you again." Look at the pattern. There's one there. But remember above all, he is still rebounding and it's not you. I hope things work out and I hope you find somebody who's more available. There's nothing worse than liking a guy who isn't available emotionally.

[happy girl]

I think you should just be friends and put an end to the physical relationship until he knows what it is he wants. Getting over such a long relationship is probably hard for him, so give him some time and try not to take his actions too personally.

I've been spending time with this guy, we are in our mid-20's(I posted before about him running hot and cold). At any rate, this past week we spent every minute of every day togther, it was almost too intense for *me*. He even followed me to lunch one day even though he wan't eating anything. Friday we went to a party, I got really drunk and upset because he wasn't paying much attention to me, and after a little smooching he pulled away and I asked him what was going on. The gist of our conversation is that despite following me around the school all day, asking me several times to go out for drinks, have dinner, have lunch, have coffee, etc., kissing me and then continuing to follow me around the school and asking me to do stuff all week, his intention was never that we are "dating" and he doesn't see how I could have assumed as much. And he said he *did* consider that everyone at school would assume we were dating but that I should have known better since we never talked about it. Furthermore, he mentioned his ex-girlfriend(in another city) whom he broke up with in January. They were together five years and he said they broke up because it was like a loveless marriage and he is afraid of that happening again. He said he is attracted to me but just "wants to be friends" because he doesn't know what he wants(which I had already figured out for myself) and it "wouldn't be right" to be anything more at this point. I got out of control angry about the whole misunderstanding, though, and said some very ugly things, like "I don't want to be your friend" which I apologized for to his answering machine on Saturday. I wasn't at home when he called me back, but he said all the right things like he was sorry about the whole situation, everything he said was "truthful" and he hopes we can "salvage the friendship" but he would understand if we can't hang out as much as we have been. Friday he said I am his favorite person at school, he is very fond of me, I have a great smile and he loves spending time with me. Now, could that mean that he considers me possible future dating material, once he figures things out, or is he trying to soften the blow? This is really the question I would like some input on. Does anyone think I have a chance here? Should I just ask him or would that be overkill? I could just say I don't remember exactly what was said and just want to make sure I know where I stand.

 

Either way, I'm going to remain friends with him, but knowing I was't categorically rejected as a possible romantic interest would make me happy. Thanks!!!