bunny25k Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 hi, im new to this. i found this site to be pretty helpful in dealing with my own breakup. a lot of good advice in here. well, here's my story.... it's pretty long. my bf of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 months ago. we lived together and saw each other everyday for most of the 4.5 years. we had a lot of fun times. we were even trying to have a baby. after an ectopic pregnancy in 2002, i haven't been able to get pregnant. my depression caused a big strain in our relationship. i love him and i know that he wants a baby of his own one day and i couldn't do that for him. i started to think that maybe someone else is better suited for him b/c we were both very unhappy together towards the end of the relationship but couldn't really figure out what was causing it. my ex tried his best to show me that he loved me until one day he told me he tried but he can't love me the way i wanted to be loved. i don't even know how i wanted to be loved. every sweet gesture he did seemed not enough. i didn't trust that he truly loves me. i constantly wanted more proof. i just couldn't get myself to be the jolly person i was when we first got together. i mean sometimes i am fed up with myself. i understand that no one wants to come home everyday to a crying annoying person, that's why he left. the day we broke up he said that it was for the better. it's been 3 months and during the first couple months, i did every stupid thing possible trying to get back together just to be rejected even harsher each time. he said that if he needs to ignore me in order for me to move on, he will do that. i said no, don't do that, we wont have this conversation anymore. at the same time, he really wants to stay friends and offers to give me money every month b/c money was something i depended on him for. he tells me that he doesn't want me to struggle and let him know if i need money. im not a gold-digger, when we were together, we both agreed for me to quit my job and go back to school so that i can make more money in the future. i will graduate in 2/2008. i go to school full time and i work one day a week. thats y i had to depend on him a lot for money. im very dedicated to school, never miss a day and i bring home A's btw. anyways, i refused his help and even though im struggling right now i don't want him to know. sometimes i can't even buy lunch b/c im so broke. i have to dig around for coins trying to make a dollar to go to mcdonalds. i would work more but then ill lose my financial aid from school. should i just accept his money? a part of me wants to but a bigger part of me can't take it. neways, im getting off the subject. i just find it really hard to understand y he is still being so nice to me. he extended our cell phone contract for two more years when we could of just cancelled it. if he really wanted me out of his life, y would he do that? he also knows that i have access to viewing every phone call he makes if we continued the contract. is he waiting for me to change into a happier person with a career b4 we can work on our relationship again? maybe he just can't see me getting over my depression while together? i can't ask him these questions b/c i promised not to talk about our relationship again. also im having a difficult time being just friends but the thought of never talking to him again makes me feel like i can't breathe. i need some advice. i stay busy with work and school, i even joined a bowling league. i've made new friends, i don't have $$$ to go out that much, but i still go out to do things that doesn't cost a lot, i go jogging, i go to the beach, etc.... i still can't get over wanting him by my side and not being able to talk to him everyday. will we be together again? only time can tell. huh? patience. but what r the chances? im 27 and he's 28 btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 14, 2006 Author Share Posted August 14, 2006 it's me again, no one has replied, maybe it was too long and boring to read. neways, i just thought id share with everyone what i have decided to do. after reading my post again, i felt silly. but here it goes. i am letting go of the idea of trying to reconcile this relationship and i finally feel at peace inside. the schemes of NC or LC or whatever with hopes of the ex coming back is too much torture for me. i love him and i know that i will always love him, he will never be replaced. however that doesn't mean he has to live his life with me. if he can find happiness, i truly will feel happy for him. im letting him fly and it feels good. im actually finally doing something for him that will make him happy. as for me, i am starting to appreciate myself more. i have school to finish and a very bright future ahead of me. it's about time i rely on myself for my own happiness, that way i will always have control over my emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
jgaz3124 Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Good for you!!! That is great to hear and believe me I know how hard it is to let go. It takes tremendous strenght and you can be proud to know that you have it with in you to do this. This not only shows that you love him ( because you are letting him fly and giving him the space that he needs. ) but it also shows that you have enough love for yourself. He will see this and respect you even more for this. It hurts like hell but it is the most unselfish act when you can just let someone go. Good luck and let us know how you are doing along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 15, 2006 Author Share Posted August 15, 2006 it was, indeed, very hard to let go. at first, my thoughts were, i have to fight for this love, do everything that i can to make him realize it too. but ultimately, i accepted it. this is something i have no control over. i am no longer scheming. just live and let live. feels a lot better. thanx for the reply and i will certainly keep everyone posted. Link to post Share on other sites
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 it's me again, no one has replied, maybe it was too long and boring to read. neways, i just thought id share with everyone what i have decided to do. after reading my post again, i felt silly. but here it goes. i am letting go of the idea of trying to reconcile this relationship and i finally feel at peace inside. the schemes of NC or LC or whatever with hopes of the ex coming back is too much torture for me. i love him and i know that i will always love him, he will never be replaced. however that doesn't mean he has to live his life with me. if he can find happiness, i truly will feel happy for him. im letting him fly and it feels good. im actually finally doing something for him that will make him happy. as for me, i am starting to appreciate myself more. i have school to finish and a very bright future ahead of me. it's about time i rely on myself for my own happiness, that way i will always have control over my emotions. This is a beautiful post. I am glad you came around and figured it out yourself. Good luck with school. Btw, costs less to just buy bread and filling and take own lunch to school than MacDonalds and other fast foods. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 thanks for the advice. i have been thinking a lot lately on how to budget my finances. buy more fruits and veggies, and making sandwiches for lunch is a good idea. as for the ex situation, we talked yesterday. it was pleasant. we are trying to form a friendship that we can both deal with. a part of me wants to just walk away from that idea too and i am honestly not in it trying to reconcile. im curious as to what type of friendship this will become. is it gonna be one where we are best friends, one where we don't talk for a while then just call for updates on each others' lives, or maybe we might end up never ever talking again...i would really hate to see that happen after all we've been through, but it is a possibility. i know i tend to think too much. redirecting my energy somewhere else. gotta go Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 well once again i made my ex very unhappy last night. i told him that we can't be friends. and ended with goodbye forever. i feel bad cause i think it would have been better if i could just do NC and not have that conversation at all. the main thing i wanted to do was let go completely. and i couldnt even end things without having it feel bitter. that is what his last memory of me will be... me, drunk, saying that i don't know how we can be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Bunny... Same thing happened to me last week. After almost a year of trying to be friends with the ex, I just couldn't do it anymore. She decided to tell me she was dating a mutual friend of ours that I always suspected liked her. I finally told her that we can't be friends. I did what was best for me. Sometimes, you just have to let go... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 im facing another dilemma... his b-day is coming up.. should i ignore the day, since i did say goodbye forever. its really hard for me to be so harsh. i bought him a card weeks ago, should i give it to him? in the card i wrote, please make me happy by finding happiness and i will do the same for you. i will always love you, as friend...a friend that needs no words, no way to speak (martina mcbride) i know that you care about me and i wont take that away from you. just know that even though we wont hear from each other on special occasions, you know where my heart is. i know that my feelings will never go away and i dont want to hurt us anymore. happy 28th take care please guest: what was her response? im sorry that u have to go through this too, it really sux. but i know it will get better. this is the only way to really let go. i know that if i see him happy, i will be able to move on. i think being friends just drags things on and it hurts both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 me again. i think i am going to ignore the day. its harsh, but whats the point. its already over. i thought about a simple text msg. but now i dont see the point in that as well. already know how that will go. i'll text happy b-day, and he'll reply thanx and that would be it. im moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 i wouldn't ignore his bday. After all you shared together, you also shared a friendship right? And even a friend would drop a card or text. I wouldn't express any emotions in it though, just mention that you are hoping he is doing well and wish the best for him. That can also erase that last bitter memory you had w/ him. It will show him that you were just upset, and that in the end you still care for him as a friends at least. It puts you in a better light. And the simplicity of the bday wish will show that you are not asking for anything more and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 *sigh...u r right, i should say something. i don't want to taint our relationship even further by hurting him on his bday. after all, he was never a bad bf. i just have to accept that sometimes people's feelings change. and deep down i know i will regret it if i ignored that day. thanx. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Ha... that's coincidental Bunny... I was the GUEST that wrote about my similar situation with my ex. My ex's b-day is coming up in a few days too. You know what? I'm not calling, writing, e-mailing... NOTHING! We are no longer together, and I already said my goodbye forever too. Let it go. You guys are no longer together. He knows how you feel. It's just an excuse to call. I'm with ya on this one... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 ahhhh... i cant decide. although we are over, i still care how he may take it if i ignored his bday. hopefully, he knows how i feel without words and also ignoring his bday will send the message that it is definitely finally over, relationship/friendship and all. i just feel guilty that i cant be his friend and that im hurting someone i love even though i was the dumpee. does that make any sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 It totally makes sense, but TRUST ME, TRUST ME, TRUST ME... I was in the same predicament. My ex has begged to be friends for the year we've been broken up. You know what, being nice got me NOWHERE! I know it matters to you what he may think of you, as it bothered me what my ex thought of me, but it didn't do me any good. I used to feel guilty to that I was hurting her becuase I love her... but she broke up with me, and I have to now do what's best for me. Now, I don't care one bit. It's over, and wishing him a happy birthday will do nothing for you, and that's all that matters. He knows how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunny25k Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 i cracked. i feel ok about it though, cuz i didn't like how i ended things. i just told him that i do want to still be his friend in the future one day but not now, i need time to make sure i want nothing more and to heal. who knows when that time will come.....now i dont feel guilty and he can be happy too. Link to post Share on other sites
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